And it was the worst thing I could have done. The worst part? I was such a fucked up mess that if I went home tonight and she was there waiting for me, I would likely do more.
"So I did. Strictly platonic, don't marry some other guy/I might die kisses. Do those really even count?" I said, my pulse climbing as I waited to hear her answer.
Why the fuck did I say some other guy, like I wanted her to marry me instead?
"Well they did to me. Everything that's happened over the last two days… I don't do stuff like that. You're not just anyone," she said and I could have cried, because it was everything I wanted to hear and everything I didn't.
"You know what? I met my dad at the precinct and he wants to have dinner. I might just crash at his place," I said, hating every word.
I could feel her hopes dash despite her not saying a word, but I couldn't be around her right now.
"Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Sure. Tomorrow."
With that, I ended the call and changed my destination to a nearby motel. Once I got into the room, I stripped down to my undies and got into bed. I was ready for sleep to take me. Instead, on instinct, I checked my phone one more time.
Stacy: You up?
Scott: It's not even nine. Of course I'm up.
Stacy: Kenny met some chick at the crime scene. I give it six weeks, tops.
I smiled at this.
Scott: Kenny needs better friends than us. I say they go the distance. Same bet as last time?
Stacy: Too easy. You're on.
Stacy: Since when are you such a romantic?
Since losing her became possible. Since she said that she might walk out of my life.
Scott: Honestly? Since I won you in a poker game. I thought I was very valiant.
Stacy: Fuck off. You did NOT win me.
I smiled again. I knew that would get her going.
Scott: Stace?
Stacy: Yeah Scott?
Scott: Don't stop talking to me.
I was lying in a cold, empty bed while she was probably sitting on my couch, just in case I came home. Waiting for me. I was pathetic.
The next ding of my phone brought with it a photo. It showed the red lace bra I'd put on for her just a few hours ago neatly tucked away in my sock drawer. I shook my head and cracked yet another smile.
Stacy: Why is there a picture of me crumpled up in your sock drawer?
I wondered if she had guessed the answer and was just asking to get a rise out of me. If yes, what did she think about me jacking off to thoughts and photos of her?
Scott: Stay the fuck out of my shit.
Scott: Miss you, Stace.
She sent another photo. This time she was sitting on my bed, legs crossed, wearing my favorite tshirt (which just so happened to be hers too) and not much else.
Stacy: Smells like you.
Scott: What did I say about staying out of my shit?
Stacy: Come home and stop me.
Knowing she was indeed waiting for me, I almost did go home. The most primal parts of my mind took control in a way I was unaccustomed to and I could almost feel my dick sinking into her warm, tight, little pussy.
It's not that I don't objectively find women attractive. I just struggle to enjoy fucking them. I'm not the kind of guy who lies awake thinking of getting his dick wet. Obviously, that does not go over well for a 21st century man claiming to be straight. That's why when it comes up, I do my part and get it over with. Pretty sure Jeff fucked up the joys of sex for me. Over the last two days though, all that changed. Thinking of fucking her became my curse. Ever since I kissed her, she had me hard all the fucking time.
But what if I make her feel good beyond her wildest dreams, only to feel nothing at all for her afterwards? What if things ended just like with everyone else?
Snapping me out of my brooding, my phone dinged again. She had sent a video. I pressed play.
"Hi Scottie," she said, shuffling away from the phone to get onto my bed. "Miss you so much. I'll be here when you get home. Bring coffee. And food because we both know I can't cook to save my life. Have a good night," she said, blowing a kiss into the camera as she jumped up and down on my bed.
I must have watched it on a loop for hours in between texting her. Not just because I was thinking with my dick again, trying to figure out how transparent that shirt actually was or because I noticed her cute bikini cut panties with little red hearts on them. It was her voice that reeled me in. It filled the room and lit up my world.
We texted until she finally wore me down and got me to talk about my biggest taboo topic: my father. She knew that he was FBI. I told her that's how I got out, but I knew she could sense there was more going on. I didn't mention my dad often, but when I did it was never in a good way.
As soon as she gave me an opening, I changed the subject. We texted some more until I passed out from sheer exhaustion. As my eyes closed, the last thing I saw was the door I had been watching all night, trying not to fixate on just how hard it was not to go home to her.
"To Scott working for Vogue, bitches," I said with a proud beam, as we held our coffee cups in the air. I was so excited for him when I first heard the news that I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. I had done the same thing thousands of other times when he made progress in his career as a photographer. This was the first time I needed space to recover and get my pulse under control. Things were definitely different now. I found myself wondering if I should be here, waiting for him like this. It's not like I really had a choice, what with me not having a place to stay anymore, but it was more than that. I stayed because I wanted to know that he was okay after seeing his father. "I still don't know if I'm going to do it," he said, deep in thought about the call he got on his way home this morning. "It's nice to be considered, but a fashion magazine is not really my thing.""It's Vogue. The Vogue. All I heard was that my roommate has a stable job. To no more paying t
"Luca sent me. This is for you. Well, all of it is," said Jenny, handing me an envelope, before spreading her arm out towards the room filled with roses. "He can't take a hint," said Scott. I heard him take a deep breath. If Scott wasn't seeing red before, he certainly was now. He snatched the envelope out of my hands. I snatched it back. "Don't be a jerk," I said, not wanting him to get even more ticked off by whatever was in the envelope. "Well? Aren't you going to open it?" Jenny asked, slicing the tension between Scott and I with her voice. "Yes Stace, open it," Scott insisted. "Maybe later. We should get to packing," I said, not wanting to add fuel to the fire. "It's the deed to the apartment," said an excited Jenny, clapping her hands together. "And an invitation to Don Cattaneo's wake."My fingers fumbled over each other as I opened the envelope, needing to see it to believe it. Sure enough, inside I found the deed to my apartment and an invitation to the wake. Buying me
"Are you going to shut that down?" Kenny asked, his gaze going to the bar where Scott and Jenny were getting the second round. Her hand was on his arm and she was batting her eyelashes and laughing her ass off. His back was to me, so I couldn't see what he was doing and they were too far away to hear. Just the same, it was pissing me off. The conclusions my mind was drawing was so out there that he might as well have been making out with her. "Shut what down?" I said, pretending not to see as rage brought with it shallow breaths. "He wouldn't do anything. Not with your sister," Kenny tried to reassure me. Him putting it out there nearly made me throw the glass in my hand across the room. "I don't fucking care. They're adults. Adults can fuck whoever they want," I yelled, raising the glass to my lips, then slamming it back down on the table when I found it empty. "Dammit, how hard is it to buy a couple of drinks?" I looked back to the bar to see what the hold up was. Jenny had s
I made it just in time to hear Scott slap Kenny's back and say, "Kenny's an idiot. He accidentally deleted your number and now he's agonizing over it.""I wouldn't say agonizing," said Kenny. "He would, he's in agony, because he really likes you. Despite his clumsy fingers, Kenny really is the best. If you're into it, would you mind giving him your number again? I'll save it myself this time," Scott finished. We all held our breaths for the five seconds it took Marlene to say, "Sure.""Yes," Kenny yelled, pumping his fists into the air. "I mean that's cool," he said, turning into a plank. "Please don't change your mind."Coming in with the save once again, Scott said, "He's not cool, but he's cute" and then held out Kenny's phone to Marlene, who took it with a smile. Kenny saying I was in love with Scott went round and round in my head as I watched this play out, all my anger instantly evaporating. This was the Scott women fell for. Confident, a little goofy, crazy hot and so down
Five days, six hours and fifty three minutes. That's how long it had been since I last saw either Scott or Jenny. But this wasn't the time to think about that. I was about to surround myself with my old life and then some. Don Angelo would no doubt be coming out for this thing too. I remembered the day my mom and Jenny left home like it was just yesterday. My mother, Collette, was from a wealthy family. She ran away at a young age to be Don Angelo's wife. An event she would regret very early into her marriage. Unlike me, my mother was indifferent to what Don Angelo did for a living. If anything, she probably even liked it. The danger, the risk, the money. All of it appealed to her. Ultimately what broke my parent's marriage was the mistresses Don Angelo had. By the time the affairs started, my mother's whole life was Don Angelo. She fell into a deep depression, slitting her wrists when I was ten. "If you want to die so badly, it can be arranged," Don Angelo thundered, pulling a gun
"You are wise to try and trick me instead of threatening me. I'll give you that. But using my family to do it? Bad move. No man controls what I do or don't do. Not you, not Don Angelo, not even Scott. Whom I will fuck if I so choose. Never make the mistake of thinking you are any different to me than Don Angelo. I did Cattaneo's books for the last seven years. What can I say? Daddy was a show off. If I can feed my own father to the wolves, I can just as easily do it to you," I finished in a huff. "Did you just threaten a don in his own home?" Luca asked, his voice dangerously low. "I don't make threats, I make promises. If you wanted me dead, I would be, but like I said, you're just another Don Angelo. If you want to keep entertaining delusions of us riding off into the sunset together, that's your prerogative, but don't ever, ever come after me using my family again," I said, rising to my feet. "Always a pleasure, Luca."It took effort to walk away in a straight line. My hands shoo
I started at Vogue two days ago. I wouldn't be surprised if they fired me, with the way I was performing, just going through the motions. No matter where or when I looked, Stacy wasn't at her usual hang outs. I don't know when she moved, but the super said her apartment was empty now. Finally, for the first time since she left that bar, I knew where she was going to be. Don Cattaneo's wake was today. She was probably there already. "What? Just say it and get it over with, Ken. It's bad enough that one of my best friends won't even answer a text, much less see me. Don't give me the silent treatment too, for the love of God," I begged as Kenny walked into the kitchen that morning, still looking at me like I killed his dog. I probably looked like shit. I couldn't eat or sleep. Between getting up to shower and going to work every day, I didn't even have the energy to shave."Okay, fine. What the fuck was that with Jenny the other night? How could you do that in front of Stacy? What the
I knew hiking wasn't what she had in mind, but I couldn't think of anywhere else I wanted to take her. If she didn't want to do this, she certainly wasn't saying so. "This mountain has been my mistress and my archnemesis for months," I said, making small talk. "One of these days I'm going to—" "Take the perfect picture. I know," she said, surprising me. "What do you mean you know?" I asked. "I've been here before, a few times. I've watched you try and take the perfect photo. You want to capture the sunrise, but you've hated every picture you've taken up until now," she said, matter of factly. "Far be it for me to think you are so presumptuous, but did you follow me up here?" I asked, surprised once again. When she nodded, my mind was blown. Stacy Kendrick following me anywhere sounded crazy to me. "Why didn't you ever come out and say hi? Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't want to seem like a stalker who is obsessed with you," she said, her voice lighter. "Don't get the wrong
I knew hiking wasn't what she had in mind, but I couldn't think of anywhere else I wanted to take her. If she didn't want to do this, she certainly wasn't saying so. "This mountain has been my mistress and my archnemesis for months," I said, making small talk. "One of these days I'm going to—" "Take the perfect picture. I know," she said, surprising me. "What do you mean you know?" I asked. "I've been here before, a few times. I've watched you try and take the perfect photo. You want to capture the sunrise, but you've hated every picture you've taken up until now," she said, matter of factly. "Far be it for me to think you are so presumptuous, but did you follow me up here?" I asked, surprised once again. When she nodded, my mind was blown. Stacy Kendrick following me anywhere sounded crazy to me. "Why didn't you ever come out and say hi? Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't want to seem like a stalker who is obsessed with you," she said, her voice lighter. "Don't get the wrong
I started at Vogue two days ago. I wouldn't be surprised if they fired me, with the way I was performing, just going through the motions. No matter where or when I looked, Stacy wasn't at her usual hang outs. I don't know when she moved, but the super said her apartment was empty now. Finally, for the first time since she left that bar, I knew where she was going to be. Don Cattaneo's wake was today. She was probably there already. "What? Just say it and get it over with, Ken. It's bad enough that one of my best friends won't even answer a text, much less see me. Don't give me the silent treatment too, for the love of God," I begged as Kenny walked into the kitchen that morning, still looking at me like I killed his dog. I probably looked like shit. I couldn't eat or sleep. Between getting up to shower and going to work every day, I didn't even have the energy to shave."Okay, fine. What the fuck was that with Jenny the other night? How could you do that in front of Stacy? What the
"You are wise to try and trick me instead of threatening me. I'll give you that. But using my family to do it? Bad move. No man controls what I do or don't do. Not you, not Don Angelo, not even Scott. Whom I will fuck if I so choose. Never make the mistake of thinking you are any different to me than Don Angelo. I did Cattaneo's books for the last seven years. What can I say? Daddy was a show off. If I can feed my own father to the wolves, I can just as easily do it to you," I finished in a huff. "Did you just threaten a don in his own home?" Luca asked, his voice dangerously low. "I don't make threats, I make promises. If you wanted me dead, I would be, but like I said, you're just another Don Angelo. If you want to keep entertaining delusions of us riding off into the sunset together, that's your prerogative, but don't ever, ever come after me using my family again," I said, rising to my feet. "Always a pleasure, Luca."It took effort to walk away in a straight line. My hands shoo
Five days, six hours and fifty three minutes. That's how long it had been since I last saw either Scott or Jenny. But this wasn't the time to think about that. I was about to surround myself with my old life and then some. Don Angelo would no doubt be coming out for this thing too. I remembered the day my mom and Jenny left home like it was just yesterday. My mother, Collette, was from a wealthy family. She ran away at a young age to be Don Angelo's wife. An event she would regret very early into her marriage. Unlike me, my mother was indifferent to what Don Angelo did for a living. If anything, she probably even liked it. The danger, the risk, the money. All of it appealed to her. Ultimately what broke my parent's marriage was the mistresses Don Angelo had. By the time the affairs started, my mother's whole life was Don Angelo. She fell into a deep depression, slitting her wrists when I was ten. "If you want to die so badly, it can be arranged," Don Angelo thundered, pulling a gun
I made it just in time to hear Scott slap Kenny's back and say, "Kenny's an idiot. He accidentally deleted your number and now he's agonizing over it.""I wouldn't say agonizing," said Kenny. "He would, he's in agony, because he really likes you. Despite his clumsy fingers, Kenny really is the best. If you're into it, would you mind giving him your number again? I'll save it myself this time," Scott finished. We all held our breaths for the five seconds it took Marlene to say, "Sure.""Yes," Kenny yelled, pumping his fists into the air. "I mean that's cool," he said, turning into a plank. "Please don't change your mind."Coming in with the save once again, Scott said, "He's not cool, but he's cute" and then held out Kenny's phone to Marlene, who took it with a smile. Kenny saying I was in love with Scott went round and round in my head as I watched this play out, all my anger instantly evaporating. This was the Scott women fell for. Confident, a little goofy, crazy hot and so down
"Are you going to shut that down?" Kenny asked, his gaze going to the bar where Scott and Jenny were getting the second round. Her hand was on his arm and she was batting her eyelashes and laughing her ass off. His back was to me, so I couldn't see what he was doing and they were too far away to hear. Just the same, it was pissing me off. The conclusions my mind was drawing was so out there that he might as well have been making out with her. "Shut what down?" I said, pretending not to see as rage brought with it shallow breaths. "He wouldn't do anything. Not with your sister," Kenny tried to reassure me. Him putting it out there nearly made me throw the glass in my hand across the room. "I don't fucking care. They're adults. Adults can fuck whoever they want," I yelled, raising the glass to my lips, then slamming it back down on the table when I found it empty. "Dammit, how hard is it to buy a couple of drinks?" I looked back to the bar to see what the hold up was. Jenny had s
"Luca sent me. This is for you. Well, all of it is," said Jenny, handing me an envelope, before spreading her arm out towards the room filled with roses. "He can't take a hint," said Scott. I heard him take a deep breath. If Scott wasn't seeing red before, he certainly was now. He snatched the envelope out of my hands. I snatched it back. "Don't be a jerk," I said, not wanting him to get even more ticked off by whatever was in the envelope. "Well? Aren't you going to open it?" Jenny asked, slicing the tension between Scott and I with her voice. "Yes Stace, open it," Scott insisted. "Maybe later. We should get to packing," I said, not wanting to add fuel to the fire. "It's the deed to the apartment," said an excited Jenny, clapping her hands together. "And an invitation to Don Cattaneo's wake."My fingers fumbled over each other as I opened the envelope, needing to see it to believe it. Sure enough, inside I found the deed to my apartment and an invitation to the wake. Buying me
"To Scott working for Vogue, bitches," I said with a proud beam, as we held our coffee cups in the air. I was so excited for him when I first heard the news that I threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. I had done the same thing thousands of other times when he made progress in his career as a photographer. This was the first time I needed space to recover and get my pulse under control. Things were definitely different now. I found myself wondering if I should be here, waiting for him like this. It's not like I really had a choice, what with me not having a place to stay anymore, but it was more than that. I stayed because I wanted to know that he was okay after seeing his father. "I still don't know if I'm going to do it," he said, deep in thought about the call he got on his way home this morning. "It's nice to be considered, but a fashion magazine is not really my thing.""It's Vogue. The Vogue. All I heard was that my roommate has a stable job. To no more paying t
And it was the worst thing I could have done. The worst part? I was such a fucked up mess that if I went home tonight and she was there waiting for me, I would likely do more. "So I did. Strictly platonic, don't marry some other guy/I might die kisses. Do those really even count?" I said, my pulse climbing as I waited to hear her answer. Why the fuck did I say some other guy, like I wanted her to marry me instead? "Well they did to me. Everything that's happened over the last two days… I don't do stuff like that. You're not just anyone," she said and I could have cried, because it was everything I wanted to hear and everything I didn't. "You know what? I met my dad at the precinct and he wants to have dinner. I might just crash at his place," I said, hating every word. I could feel her hopes dash despite her not saying a word, but I couldn't be around her right now. "Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?" "Sure. Tomorrow." With that, I ended the call and changed my destina