Unsteady Walls (6)

{Jax's POV}

All things considered, I actually hadn't given much thought to my potential mate before this school year. I had so much going on between therapy, education, training, and helping out at home, my future mate was the last thing on my mind.

I knew it was popular to fantasize about your potential mate, do think about all the coming sensations and the unimaginable connection with another person. And since my future mate would be Luna, there would also be the hope of a strong, kind, loyal, and trustworthy partner.

But I never had the time nor energy to think about these things, and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to care. That is, until I encountered Rose this school year. Suddenly everything was different. And it was scary and confusing and slightly heartbreaking.

I had spent so much time hating Rose, so much time making her life hell, that we both couldn't stand each other. Only now, I couldn't even bring myself to hate her the same way. Now, I wanted to be near her. And the feelings were not reciprocated. She still loathed me. And she had every right to all things considered.

I wasn't sure if I could handle classes today. I considered asking the teachers if I could be excused and make up a lie about something Alpha related. But in the end, I was too concerned about my academic status and stuck it out.

Despite my public spiky personality, I never missed a day of school and I never missed a homework assignment. I always got excellent grades and exceeded most academic expectations for this pack. I had an agreement with all teachers to simply keep that all quiet however, because I didn't want others knowing how seriously I took school.

My family, especially Pat, however, knew all this. And they encouraged me to be proud of myself and my achievements, but I just didn't want anybody to make a big deal out of it. I often tutored Pat, even though he too was rather brilliant. It was mostly to spend extra time with him.

I took a seat as far away from Lily as possible, trying to avoid any confrontation with her, especially after what she witnessed this morning. I wasn't ready to talk yet. But I could feel her staring at me.

When class was over she started making her way over to me but I rushed out trying to avoid her. I had almost forgotten that Rose was in my second class. Now there was a person I was not ready to face quite yet.

I faltered and hesitated next to the door. She was already in there, I could smell her. Her scent made my thoughts feel jumbled. Another student, Dave, stood in front of me. “Hey, you going in or not?” He asked me, pulling me from my reverie.

I nodded and braced myself, walking in. There were only two seats open, I was the last person to walk in besides Dave. And of course, Dave took a seat further from Rose. Why, why did the only open seat have to be the one behind Rose again?

I felt paralyzed as she turned and looked straight at me. She had a look on her face, and she too looked around coming to the same realization that I had. If I didn't want to make a scene, I was going to have to sit behind her.

I could hear her groan quietly and she turned in to her desk. The bell rang just as the teacher walked in. “Jax, are you going to sit down, please?” I nodded and quickly sat down, trying to lean away from her despite my body screaming to get closer.

On the outside, I'm sure it just looked like I was leaning back and relaxing. But inside, it was a tug of war. I grit my teeth as my heart pounded. If it was like this before my birthday when the mate connection was truly formed, I could only imagine what it could possibly be like after my birthday.

And then, her birthday was two long months after mine, in November. Two long months of me feeling that mate connection, and her feeling nothing but negativity towards me. Thinking about this my heart felt like it was cracking. And surely she would reject me. How could she ever love me after the way I've treated her all these years?

And how could I love her after the way I've felt, after all these years. Even with therapy. I once again fought against the sensation of tears welling up in my eyes.

The bell ringing startled me, I hadn't even realized how much time had passed, I was so deep in thought. I avoided looking at Rose as I tried to hurry away, yet in my haste I bumped into Rose. Of all people, of any single person it could have been that I bumped into, it had to be Rose.

That feeling of electricity coursed through my body again as I involuntarily gasped. She dropped the composition notebook she was carrying and looked up at me furiously. I quickly picked up the notebook shoving it at her. “Wait I swear it was an accident I didn't do that on purpose.” I quickly tried to explain.

At my words her expression went from that of anger to one of confusion. She apprehensively took the notebook from my outstretched hand and looked at me with another expression, this one far more indiscernible.

I had to fight the urge to touch her, my heart pounding fiercely. Once again, I felt too paralyzed to move. I was not ready to be so close to her again so soon after this morning, yet I couldn't help that I craved it, too. And she wasn't moving either.

“What was that this morning?” She asked quietly.

I looked her in the eye, I wasn't sure how to respond without revealing that we were mates. I pursed my lips and shook my head. “Not right now Rose.” I finally answered softly, before finally getting the strength to walk away and get to my next class moments before the bell rang. I silently hoped she wasn't late to her own class.

This class was quite uneventful, a nice chance to try to reset and regain some of myself back. It felt like it ended too soon, knowing what was to come next. I paused outside of the next class. She wasn't there yet. I never got to a class before her. I wondered what was taking her so long as I could smell her approaching.

I panicked, I didn't want it to seem as if I was waiting for her. I hurried into the class and took a seat quickly, and her and Lily walked in together, talking quietly. They both shot me furtive glances, sitting together not too close to me.

As I struggled to focus I found myself staring at her again. Suddenly I heard my name. It was the teacher. I jumped in surprise, looking over at him. He had repeated himself and I answered his question. I could feel her watching me. I didn't usually get called on.

When class finally ended, instead of heading to the cafeteria I hurried up to the library. I figured it'd be easier to skip lunch today than deal with being near them again. After a while Pat came in and sat down next to me.

“Are you okay?” He asked me quietly, concern coating his voice.

“After second period I accidentally bumped into Rose and we had this weird long moment, almost like a stalemate. I've been trying all day to avoid her and Lily. Which, by the way, is much harder than you would think.”

We sat there for the rest of the lunch period talking quietly until the bell rang. I head off to my class, thinking about and dreading free period at the end of the day. Again I sat far away from Lily and we kept to ourselves today. My next two classes were completely uneventful and I almost felt normal. Almost.

I moved slowly to my last class of the day, worrying about how it would go. Pat would be there, but so would Rose. Would Pat be enough to keep me centered?

There was suddenly a commotion behind me, and I turned to see what was happening. One of the other seniors was causing a scene. He was mad about something, and I wasn't sure what. And he was yelling at Lily, who was getting angrier and angrier the more he yelled.

I rapidly stepped between the two. “What is happening? Who started this, and for what reason?” My voice was commanding and stern.

The guy, his name was Henry, started. “She's full of shit. We were in gym and we were doing laps and I heard her make a comment that she could easily take on anyone in the class and win. I called her out and challenged her to a fight after school but she's too chicken to follow through!”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I didn't accept your challenge because you aren't worth my time, not because I'm scared of you.”

I held back a laugh. “I'm almost absolutely certain Lily could decimate you without even breaking a sweat. Now apologize to her immediately for being such a doorknob and then walk away.”

Henry looked baffled, but he was too terrified to challenge my authority. He begrudgingly apologized to Lily, though it clearly was insincere, and walked away.

Lily also looked baffled. She looked at me and I looked right back at her, holding her gaze silently for a moment. Finally I smirked, imagining Lily fighting Henry and easily winning. I knew she was strong and capable, and Henry was just simply average.

“At least try to stay out of trouble.” I commented before walking away to head into free period.

I walked in and found Pat immediately. I sat down next to him and started telling him about the drama in the hall when Rose walked in. I stiffened, my words stopping before I could even get into the story with him.

Rose looked directly at me. And then she sat down at the desk in front of Pat, diagonal from me. She turned to face me. “News travels fast sometimes. I heard about what happened with Lily just a few minutes ago. And I heard you not only got involved, but that you even defended her and complimented her.” She said matter of factly.

I simply shrugged, trying my hardest to appear calm. “I'm the future Alpha. It's my business to intervene when I see a problem. And it's not like I was wrong. I'm sure you and Lily both, individually, could take on Henry. Easily.”

Rose arched a brow at my comment. “Excuse me, did you just compliment me?” She sounded incredulous.

I smirked and crossed my arms. “Hey, don't think too much about it.” I winked and leaned back. This was the first time I had ever enjoyed talking to Rose.

“Well, thank you, anyway.” She turned back to face her desk and pulled out a sketchbook and began working in it. I resisted the temptation to look over her shoulder to see what she was working on.

Me and Pat began talking about random things, like ocean life and delving into the creatures of the deep. We got pretty invested in the conversation and hadn't noticed that Rose had turned to watch us talk until the bell rang. That was when I looked over and noticed her watching us.

Startled, I stared at her as Pat stood up. “What?” I asked, legitimately confused.

“I'm just surprised about the subject matter.” She replied before standing up, gathering her things, and walking away.

I looked over at Pat. “Was that a little too smart for my public persona?” I asked in slight embarrassment. He laughed and pat me on the back.

“Hey man, maybe, but it was a fun conversation. And come on, it's not like you're going to be in school much longer. This is your last school year. So what if you let a little bit of yourself show once in a while?”

I thought about his words and while he was right, I still felt uncomfortable. I preferred to be seem as a dumb jock type of person. It was easier for me to be stupid. In second grade I got picked on by some other kids when I was able to answer all the teacher's questions and never got anything wrong. It was so difficult to handle for me that I began pretending to be dumb and kids mostly left me alone.

“Hey, let's go. I want to stop at the store and grab a few things.” I told Pat as we gathered our stuff up.

“Is it okay if I stop at my locker first? You know where that is...” He trailed off, looking hesitant.

“Yeah man, just meet me at the car. Don't even worry about me right now. I'm feeling okay right now.” I walked off to my own locker before heading out to the car. Which I had completely forgotten I had parked next to Rose.

I got into the car and looked at Rose's car. It was small and black, but seemed to be in great condition. Next to it was a motorcycle, it looked sleek and shiny and well taken care of as well. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes.

My body stiffened as I smelled her approaching. I didn't open my eyes, slightly afraid to. And it was then that I heard Pat get into the car.

“They were talking about you, by the way.” Pat commented. “Would you like to know what they were saying?”

I considered it. “Maybe later. Let's go.” I opened my eyes, sat up, turned on the car, made sure nobody was behind me, and pulled away.