C H A P T E R 5 - Sam.

Of course, I should have known that my bravery would be a fleeting thing. 

By the time that I managed to get to the Alphas' bedroom door, I had already chickened out of doing what I was supposed to be doing. Just because I was still standing here, and I wasn't going back downstairs, did not mean that there was still some kind of magical chance that I would open the door and go inside. Maybe I would. At least, that was what I was telling myself. Maybe I was braver than I thought I was, and I just needed a moment more before I would be able to do what I needed to do. 

I took a final, deep breath, telling myself that it was going to be now or never. I couldn't just stand here and talk to myself, and try to convince myself that this wasn't necessary. Because it was. I doubted that I would have come all the way up the stairs, risking being caught by my father, just for something that wasn't necessary. 

And for a moment, it was as if time slowed down, the door that I was standing in front of, opening as if it was something from a movie scene. My heart felt like it stopped beating, a strange sound filling my ears as I realised what was about to happen. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to be forced to speak to hiim, because he had now opened the door and found me here. There was no escaping from him. And what made me feel all the more worse, as the fact that he ws smirking at me. 

It was like he had known that I would be here, that it would onlu have been a matter of time before I came to him in any case. It was something that did not make me feel very good about myself but even so, I realised that I couldn't do anything about it. All that I could hope for, was that I would be able to get past whatever the two of us were going to talk about and I just needed to hope that it passed by fast. If he tried to drag this entire encounter out, then I did not think that I would be able to manage with dealing with it. 

I had come here, prepared to do one thing, and I still hadn't been entirely prepared for it. And now, my entire process plan was being thrown out of the door, like it was childs' play. I didn't like the way that it left me feeling, and I was going to make sure that this Alpha didn't like the way that I left him feeling when we were done here. 

"I wish that I could say that I'm surprised to see you here, but in all hnesty, I'm not. I knew that you wouldn't be able to stay away." 

I stared at him, certain of the fact that my disbelief was showing on my features. Was he honestly going to do this? Of all the things that he could have said, out of all of the personas that he could have adapted, it was going to be this one? The one that was only going to upset me more? So be it. I would deal with it. It wasn't going to be pleasant, but as I seemed to be ceaselessly reminding myself, I did not have a choice in the matter. 

"If I were you, I would be careful about what I say -" 

"Why? Because you are scared that your father overhears us?" 

Without even daring to think about the consequences of my actions, I shoved past him, making sure that I got into his room before he could try and do anything to keep me from doing so. This convesation was going to be a private one. I refused to pretend that this was no big deal, because it as. This was a horrible situation that I found myself in, and there was a part of me that wished that I had never gone looking for my mother in the first place. Perhaps then there would have been less chance of me finding myself in this situation. 

"Close the door." 

I didn't want to repeat myself. I didn't want to have to resort to begging him, because it was not a part of my plan. No matter what I tried to tell myself, I could not seem to shake off the way that I was feeling. 

"And since when am I the one who takes orders from you?" 

There was an edge to his voice, and I had to admit that he had a reason for feeling this way. After all, I was in no position to be giving him orders. He was the only one who was entitled to giving anyone orders, but the reason why I wasn't feeling the effects of it, was because he was not my Alpha. I hadn't been accepted into his pack yet, and that was why I hadn't picked up on the fact that he was an Alpha in the first place. 

If I had known, I definitely wouldn't have done what I had done. 

"I do not wish for this conversation to be heard. I think that the two of us are long past the point of merely being respectful towards one another." 

To my surprise, he closed the door - but he slammed it shut. And I could tell by the way that he was looking at me, that he had done it on purpose. So, even though I had managed to make my way up here without being found, there was now no guarantee that I wouldn't find myself caught out when I went back downstairs. I needed to start thinking about what my excuse would be if my father found me here. It would have to be a good one. 

"Why are you here?" 

"I am here to talk about what happened-" 

"Do you mean the fact that you disrespected me in front of your father, or the fact that we fucked?" 

I found myself clenching my jaw, feeling the anger that I was barely supressing, start to boil over. Was he seriously going to do this? I wished that I had been able to see more of his character during the short amount of time that I had been with him in the club. I wished that I had looked past his attractiveness, that I had seen through the front that he had put up. 

"Both." 

It pained me to speak to him, to answer his question. As a matter of fact, his question hadn't even needed an answer in the first place, and the fact that he had waited for one, proved to me that he was as determined to make this difficult for me, as I had been determined to get him off my back. Which one of us would prove to be more willful than the other? Which one of us would emerge as the victor here? 

I had to take a moment to remind myself that there was nothing wrong here. And if there was something wrong, then it was not even remotely as bad as it could be and I needed to remind myself of that. He could have instantly taken the chance to tell my father that we had fucked, and he hadn't, which gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, he was as ashamed as all of this as I was. It would definitely serve as a good explanation for it. 

"Well, then, start talking. You are the one who came here." 

I took a deep breath, taking a moment to gather my courage. I did not want to make a fool of myself now, not when we were just about to get started. I felt like my mind was not my own, like my thoughts belonged to someone else, but there was nothing that I could do about it, not right now. I just needed to keep pushing forward and hope for the best. That was it. It was all there was to it. 

"I would like to start off by apologising for what happened earlier this evening. I did not mean to offend you with what I did, and I do not wish to have it impact my father negatively. He came here to be the best Beta he could be, and I do not want to ruin that for him." 

There was a moment in which he looked at me while I was talking that made me wonder whether or not I had somehow managed to gain his respect. I knew that it was an unlikely possibility, but it was a possibility nonetheless. The only way that we would know, would be if we were to see the way that he reacted to me during the rest of the conversation. 

"The only thing that will negatively impact your father, is his own decisions - the same way that your decisions will negatively impact you." 

I clenched my jaw, feeling my head tilt to the side of it's own accord. What was going on with him? Could he not just accept that the conversation was not supposed to go in that direction? We were not supposed to turn this into an argument, despite the fact that it would be one of the easiest things in the world to do. 

"And what is that supposed to mean?" 

It felt like I had started grinding my teeth, like I was ready to let go of the thread that I was holding onto in order to keep my temper in check. It felt like I was constantly coming back to this point, like I was taking one step forward and two steps back, consistently. It was not fair. Not even in the slightest. 

"It means that despite your apology, I do not plan to forget what happened this evening - on both accounts." 

This was the final thread, and without allowing myself to hesitate, I walked right up to him, uncaring towards the fact that it would not be proper. I also did not care about the consequences. After all, if he was going to hold something against me, then I would make sure that I gave him something to hold against me - because tripping him, was not nearly enough to deserve this treatment. I could do so much worse... 

"Listen up. Just because you are the Alpha of this pack, and you seem to think that your shit does not stink, does not mean that you're going to strut around of your high horse and treat me like I commited some kind of crime. We came here early - so what? Could you imagine if we had been late?" 

Silence. 

Radio silence. 

He was looking down at me, his eyes connected with mine in a manner that was rather bold, but I did not care. In that moment, all that I could feel, was the adrenaline pumping through my veins like steroids. It might not be the smartest thing to do, but I definitely planned to continue standing my ground against him. I was going to use this opportunity to say everything else that I needed to say to him as well. After all, if he was stunned enough, then I might just be able to get in the last word. 

"And as for that other matter that we need to discuss - I do not wish to speak about it again, or to think about it. I do not wish to have it thrown in my face at a later stage, and I can promise you that if my father were ever to find out about it, you're going to wish that it never happened." 

I was so furious that I found myself poking a finger into his chest, the action so natural and unconscious that I had not dared to think that he might not like it. And he didn't, because before I knew it, he had his hands wrapped around either one of my wrists, pinning them behind my back. This action caused my body to press flush against him, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to brush off the heat that spread through my body as embarressment. 

Maybe I should have worn shorter pajamas... 

A thinner shirt... 

Why was he still having this affect on me? For goodness sake, I was infuriated with him, but even so, I felt like I could have a repeat of what had happened in the club. And if I had to make a guess, I would say that I wasn't the only one who felt this way... 

"If I were you, I would start watching my mouth, Samantha. You're going to burn your tongue."