Aira
There were excitement and joy everywhere, emotions and feelings occupying every ounce of air but I felt the void inside of me.
My mother would peep at me every now and then, her eyes moistening with painful happiness each time.
Dad would often brush his hand on my hair, smiling at me vividly.
And my brother would care for me like never before. He wouldn't fight, he wouldn't argue but just yield to my desire easily.
He was ready to give me anything but of course he couldn't give me what I really longed for.
Tears whirled in my eyes but I bit them bitterly, with the smile on my lips only widening.
I got up, excusing myself politely.
Being with people, seeing their rejoiced faces, soothed me. It basically hurdled me with the external thoughts, worldly affairs that I had given up lately but at the same time, it suffocated me because somewhere I blamed them for the heartbreak I was going through.
But being alone couldn't be my option. It only homed my silent cries, my shattered will, my heart that was morphing into nothingness and the fading memories my life depended on.
Solitary nourished nightmares that were gradually decorating the path of my life.I sighed, looking at myself in the mirror. I appeared lost in the wilderness of the world.
My face glowed like any other bride to be, it was fair, speckless with the perfect shade of pink; thanks to Mumma. But my eyes screamed of the tsunami and turmoil I felt within.
It didn't matter though, he wasn't there to read, to understand what I was going through. He wasn't there to pacify me as much as I wasn't there to be with him. And for the rest of the mob, I was a flawless actor.
I took kohl, applying it finely on my eyes followed by an eyeliner and mascara. And a bit of nude lip balm did work for my lips.
"Aira, you are height! Last minute delay is your habit. Why is your makeup kit still out?" She shrieked with panic.
I gave her a stare. It was just a few items that I kept in my handbag. I rolled my eyes, knowing I couldn't do anything.
My luggage was long packed and ready. I could see four huge bags settled on the bed, holding anything and everything a bride could ever need.
" Mrs Sharma." Dad piped in, gathering her attention. " Stop scolding her and care to explain why aren't you ready? We have a flight next hour."
I passed a smirk to Papa and Ma went inside without a word.
I knew why she was so worked up and vulnerable. It was simple, her daughter was getting married and she didn't know how to manage her haphazard emotions along with the numerous responsibilities.
My phone rang, breaking the scene.
" Hello, to the soon gonna be the bride." A vigilant voice broke through the phone, making me smile. Her voice was a evidence of how cheered up she was.
" Hello." I casually replied, collecting my last stuff.
" Come on, show me some excitement. You always wanted to marry, right?" She giggled.
" Please, don't start that. I'm in no mood." I answered curtly.
" Oops." She spoke lazily, pausing for a second. " Tell me, what if I bring my new boyfriend along?"
I laughed. " I'd throw you two out of the hotel."
" How rude? Just look at him once, and I dare if you could keep your eyes off him." She challenged me smugly.
" He is the demigod." She took a breath seductively.
" Are you drunk again Miss Esha?" I inquired, doubting her rightfully.
" Ah." She hissed. " Mood kharab karti hai." She continued in her American desi accent. " Why so shaki always? I'm well sober."
" You call me only when either you are drunk or when you get ditched!" I chuckled. I was being too brusque and I knew.
" Mean." She ignored the rest of my shit. She was my best friend after all. " Let me send you his picture."
"No." I almost shouted. I wasn't interested honestly. Our choices were completely different if she was north than I was south. We were bipolar.
" I don't wanna see. Don't forget I haven't seen any of your boyfriends for the last two years. You change them every month."
" Okay, stay shitty. You don't deserve a best friend like me. Tell me what fucked your ass?"
If only I could tell.
" I'm sorry. Everybody is too delighted and pumped up and that's annoying." I half lied.
" Oh, I so much miss the irritation. Thank you for marrying Aira."
" Welcome."
" Okay, I gotta go. My flight is ready. I'll be there soon babyyyyy..take care, love you."
" Esha? I'm sorry and I love you too, so much." I said hurriedly and she hung up laughing.
I took my handbag, walking out of the room but my phone rang again before I could take any countable steps.
I stole a glance at it and my heart fluttered. It felt ripped but badly happy. It was almost after two days that he had called.
"Asher?" My voice could crack, had I said more.
" Hii." His throat sounded thick and troubled.
" You haven't taken any medicine?"
" Don't feel like." He responded, feebly.
I could picture his deep, excruciated eyes; I could feel how hurt his heart was.
" Aira Di, don't waste time. We gotta click some pictures. You are home for the last time. Next time you'd be married. Come soon please, please jaldi.." My cousin, Ridhima called for me urgently, breaking my trance.
" Go." He told me with a straight intention.
" Sorry." Was all I said and the call ended.
I felt like crying.
I felt broken and lost.
I felt the desperate need of him..
AiraWith each step I took towards the palace, I found myself more drowned into the wedding feels.The floral decorations were perfect and neat with the fairy lights giving it the best spark. The lake that walked along, could steal anybody's heart. It was calm yet alive in its own way and the moon light lit it amazingly.Everybody was ethically dressed, their attire itself giving major festive vibes. I walked with my hands folded into a 'namaste' as I bowed to most people I came across. I didn't know any of them but they were supposed to be my in-laws's relatives.
AiraNobody in the world knew what was more difficult, whether what I was doing or what Asher was doing.Constantly smiling, obeying my family, helping them out to arrange and carry different events for my wedding wasn't easy at all when his heart was terribly breaking in the process.But Asher wasn't complaining. He was doing all of that with full dedication, perhaps with the hope that somehow the tables would turn and he'd make us win.But I knew, it was impossible.It was ironical how my father and brother bonded so well with Asher and yet they wouldn't choose him as my life partner ever.No matter how perfect Asher was for me, but his religion shaded it all. A Muslim could never be with a Brahmin.I often wondered what could really break me in my happening, happy, little living and life gave me its answer f
AiraI was full of memories; good-bad, healing-wounding memories.The thoughts were so clear that I could picture every detail of my blood-shot, teary eyes. I could hear every echo of my cry or the words that choked me upon my own throat.I remembered pleading my mother for justice. I begged her for mercy, I begged her for Asher but she didn't budge a little.I told her I didn't want to marry Virat. I told her how much I loved Asher to be without him and all I got was a loud thunder of anger and resistance.I had never witnessed her more nervy or enraged than that day ever. She was a woman to win battles with patience and calm but that day she didn't have any to offer.Her face was fuming red, her eyes terribly covered with layers of wrath.She d
AiraIt was all good. I often used to hang out with Asher's mother. She loved my company and she called me her saviour in the foreign, rushed lifestyle of Sydney but it was all until one day Asher told her about us. She had come to Australia during Christmas. I remember we had a fantastic weekend that year but it soon died when Asher revealed about us.She stopped talking to me since that day. The only limited, precise conversations we had after that were about how she wanted me to maintain distance with Asher or how both of our lives would ruin if we continue to go along. Series of conflicts and arguments continued for a year or two and eventually we were left with nothing but to gi
EshaLaughing was easy but feeling it from within, letting it make your heart genuinely happy was difficult.My little world shattered seeing Virat in front of me. Never in the deadliest of my nightmares I thought we'd meet again and never like this. A sharp pain seeped through my blood, ripping my heart completely as the colourful and the best memories I ever had sailed before my eyes. Airport. Beaches. Photography. Dance clubs. Whisky, wine, vodka. Night conversations. Silly arguments. Never ending long drives. Suddenly, I could feel them all as if it was just yesterday when they made me feel amazingly alive.
AiraFor a change I had opted for a dress. It was a black, floral printed midi dress. It made me feel uniquely comfortable or probably it was just the transformation from suits and kurtis that made me feel different. Looking out of the window I concluded Udaipur was more beautiful than what I thought it to be. The palace we were staying at was nothing but purely gorgeous, the lakes were serene and pacifying and the hills and the plateau only added to the glory. It was a nice and affordable place for vacation I thought, turning towards my right.I expected Asher but it was Virat. Immediately the truth dawned upon me and
AiraI was lost in the vestiges of the breakfast. I had never been taken to a morning date. The idea itself looked so boring and revolting but today was absolutely pleasant. It broke my assumed prejudices. He wasn't bad either. Virat was a good man to be with, sheer fun. He was caring, but in his own way. He wouldn't lift the world for you to show that, but rather treat you with realistic chivalry without openly revealing it.He wasn't the one who'd ever let the fun, the carefreeness to die. He treasured it. He loved enjoying. But at the same time, he knew how to be honest. Subtly honest.He had the charm to engage anybody through his expressive features, they were in a perfect rhythm with his thoughts.My eyes rend
AiraThe day was really hectic. Everything had happened, from Asher to Virat without any prior warning. I was completely drained to even feel myself but I had no time to spare, to rest. There was much more to come. A casual, ordinary family dinner was arranged for today, before the heavy wedding rituals which were starting from tomorrow. But it wasn't a mere evening for me, I was supposed to be the most pleasant and happy woman present out there. I sat on the bed with a sigh, staring at the footwears lying in front of me. I was wearing a pista green anarkali and I was confused about how to carry it.
Time is the most powerful weapon, it waits for none, it spares none. It just changes; everything you like, everything you do not like.When the night has comeAnd the land is darkAnd the moon is the only light we'll seeNo I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraidJust as long as you stand, stand by meI couldn't help but admire my baby in my lap, twinkling its tiny eyes in sleep, opening its small mouth big to yawn so full. He scrunched his face in desperation to tell me he had enough, with tears ready to spill out of his eyes
Seven Years LaterSydney was not new for me, neither was the accent nor the buildings. It was all familiar yet distant in its own way.But what mattered was that it no more had the power to stir anything within me.I thought coming back to Australia would make me giddy and weird, I thought it would whirl the records of souvenirs I had. But it didn't.I was okay with all of it, I was composed, in fact I was happy.I wasn't someone who would credit time for healing me, I'd rather say I did it myself.Or better.What broke me years back was what mend me at the last. If love broke me then, then love mend me again as well.Life was never smooth and easy after that, sometimes dying seemed better but ultimately it all fell in place.Eventually, he made everything right again.
I cuddled a little more with myself as a cold, fresh gush of wind ran across me.I gazed at the river, rippling and hitting against its bank, quiet and lost.I wasn't upset anymore, the anger had dissolved, the tears had dried up but I was still far from peace and comfort.A part of my heart felt torn and rusted but there was no one I could certainly blame other than my own self.It was sad how he had been behaving lately, so rude and changed and how he had to lie for her and not meet me but her but it all came like a lesson to me.It seemed it was my deeds returning to me, some karma doing it's part, making me go through the sufferings I inflicted upon him, punishing me and washing my sins.I felt so dirty, mean and s
"I hate you too." I scrunched my eyes, immediately regretting the words profusely."Aira?" I quietly whispered, turning around but she had walked a distance and it didn't seem she would look back any soon.I felt like a douchebag, a piece of shit for having behaved so impulsively, for having hurt her for something so trivial and so insignificant.I wanted to stop her and apologise instantly but I could gather no courage to peer into her hurt eyes or to hear her accusing tone or to talk to her at all."Virat?"I threw her hand away from mine."Virat I'm?"
I had no clue what was so wrong and upsetting about the argument that he didn't bother to wake me up and drop a bye before going or simply leave a note saying that we were okay and he loved me.It wasn't for the first time that we were discussing the prospects of shifting back to India, it's wasn't new that we both had conflicting opinions, we were both rather into a conversation that we were habitual about and that was why I couldn't wrap my head around his abrupt demeanour.I wasn't the one who generally took his boiling words seriously but I did feel hurt when he told me that I was all free to leave him.I knew he didn't meant that but somewhere I also knew that it must be a thought in the back of his mind that rolled out with hi
"Hello?" I greeted him and a smiled broke through his tired face."Hey." He groggily replied, giving me a side hug. "Didn't sleep?""Nah." I wrapped the shawl around myself more properly. "Couldn't without you. Was reading.""I don't want my kid to be a nerd." He chuckled lightly as I followed him upstairs into the bedroom."Reading is so much more than what you think of it." I took out clothes for him as he freshened up. "How was the dinner by the way?""Good." He replied briefly, changing his shirt.
I took the support of the wall to stand still, its ice-cold surface giving me goosebumps.I inhaled and exhaled heavily, calming my nerves. My eyes were barely open but still I could spot Virat stand in front of me with a scowl and a confused expression on his face.He was always all comfortable taking care of me at all times during the day but he hated my midnight problems." Are you?" I cut him off, pushing him away and retching one more time into the commode. I heaved, an exasperated grunt escaping my lips.
I still dream that I'd wake up, with you in my arms and all of this being nothing but a nightmare.I still wish it to happen somehow, with any magic or miracle it requires. I swear I'd give my everything to wake up like that. I had no clue where we fell weak Aira. I still couldn't believe that our love wasn't enough for us?How could our families be so cruel and selfish Aira?
I was fully aware that I was lost and numb.I only hoped that the people around weren't talking about anything that involved my participation or at least required it.The only thing that occupied me was how my head spun, how hot my skin was and how I felt giddy and empty in my stomach."It was heck of a money, isn't it Aira?" George burst my bubble, pronouncing my name incorrectly as usual." Yeah." I feigned a chuckle not even bothering to know what deal they were discussing about.It was lunch and I was in my manager's room along with a few other colleagues of mine.I had no clue how I had come here after attending a hectic meeting on all my own because right now I didn't even have the power to listen or speak up