Chapter 6

Marzanna's Point of View

"Rub down, like I taught you. From the crook of her shoulders to the back of her body," Ben instructed. Calm tone. Just another night for him. 

Although I knew full and well this was the first and only wolf that hadn't tried to bite his arm off whilst trying to help. 

Shiva wouldn't dare. 

My tender hands ran along the path he told me to stroke. Felt her supple fur beneath my fingers. Swore I could feel my heart plummet when her heart sputtered.

Her last two births had been troublesome. With Ben at my side, we produced healthy pups but Shiva barely made it out alive. Refused to eat or drink a single morsel for nearly a week afterward. All of the pups were hand-fed.

I had milked every damned drop of their milk from another wolf mother. Ensured to keep them warm at night. None of them stayed with her. Remained in my rooms for the next three months. 

"Her heart..." I sputtered as I stroked down again. 

It was fluttering wildly beneath me. Her breathing was laborious. Heartbeat weak.

Ben cursed.

"I told you she might not survive another litter, Marzanna. You did not listen." 

His tone was horrendous, at best. Treasonous at worst. If it was anyone else, there was no doubt my guards would have had his head by now.

"I did all I could to isolate her in heat, Ben. You know I did. But her mate..."

Her mate couldn't leave her be. Refused to be separated from her at any cost. 

I had to heal him several times before deciding to just leave them be. Shiva would fall pregnant again because of that decision.

And I might lose her because of it.

I was a goddess, yes, but I did not command death in the way that one of my sisters did. Aibell had those talents but in ways that none of us truly understood. The girl was always so jittery. Fleeting encounters with her had been the norm since we got to this world.

Ben's eyes turned to me. His glasses sat on the tip of his nose. "I know you did. I truly do. But this time it might be..."

He didn't want to finish his sentence. Didn't dare utter it into existence.

I cannot lose Shiva. She was the first wolf that I loved deeply. 

Even her mind was silent from me tonight. Still as the large lake not far from here. 

She was in tremendous pain and I knew it.

"How many pups?" I asked and traced her stomach with my hands again. Pressed down a bit more than the last time.

A low growl rumbled from her chest. Head whipped up as she howled in pain.

Not that far off in the distance, a similar cry echoed up. Bastian. He heard his mate's cries of pain and reassured her he was there. He would wait for her. 

"Five. The largest she had had..." He trailed off into silence and I looked over at him.

His hands were behind her. Fingers pressed into her birth canal. He was testing to see how far the first pup was. How long it would take for it to come out.

Several of my priestesses stood watch. Waited in silence for me to tell them what to do. They were here for when the pups were born. Needed to clean them up if Shiva couldn't gather her strength enough to do it herself.

"One is coming," Ben whispered just as Shiva's breath hitched. 

Whimpers broke her lips. Body nearly curled in on itself from the pain.

Beneath my fingers, I could feel her muscles contract. Become stiff and hard as she pushed.

Finally, the first pup was out after she strained another three times. 

Ben broke the sack around it. Handed it to me so that I could present her with her new baby. But she barely lifted her head. Barely noticed the new baby in front of her before her body curled in on itself again.

Another one was already on the way.

"I need one of you to take the pup. Clean it up. Prepare some milk." I instructed without looking up. Knew that one of my maidens would jump into action without hesitation.

Moments later, the new pup was taken from me whilst another one came into this world. This time, Ben didn't hand it to me. Instead, another priestess hopped forward and grabbed the tiny thing from him.

We carried on this way with the next two. Passed them along to be cleaned and fed.

It was the last one that worried me. That pained me.

Shiva was silent. Her breathing had gone shallow. The head was breaching but she refused to push. Whimpered whenever I tried to push the baby down. Pushed it out of her body.

"Come on, girl. One more. One more. You can do this. Afterward, I'll bring you the freshest lamb I can find. Please..." I pleaded, stroking her side with renewed vigor.

More whimpers clawed at my ears. 

Her heart rate was dropping significantly. Plummetted into the ground whilst mine forced itself into my throat.

"The pup... It won't make it if she doesn't push. I can cut her but-"

My head whipped in Ben's direction. Horror spasmed over my face. Terror wasn't close behind.

"You will not cut into her. She will make it. She will get the pup out." I insisted and looked back at her. My beautiful girl. With her kind eyes and shitty humor. 

The only thing I truly loved in this world were my animals. 

Shiva's thoughts were still her own. My mind remained silent as I stared at her. Hands hovered above her mid-section. There was no way I would push her again. Causing her so much pain wouldn't do.

'If he can get the pup out...' Finally, her tender voice slipped into my mind.

I blinked. Looked into her eyes.

"I will not harm you. That is a strong no." I reminded her with a stern look.

What looked like a smile passed her lips.

'You are too kind for this world. It is my time. Let my pup live.' She said again and I felt my heart crack.

"We need to make a decision now if we hope to get the pup out alive!" Ben screamed at me and I grit my teeth.

'Please.' It was a whispered request. One last prayer to the goddess of spring.

"I don't want to lose you," I replied, tears already welling in my eyes.

But her mind had been made up. She was going to die here tonight but if Ben cut into her, at least the pup would survive. Have a fighting chance at a life that their mother wanted so desperately for it.

Pain and hope mingled in my chest in a frightening dance as I realized there were no other options left. None that I could even fathom.

"Save the pup." I instructed Ben and I saw him scramble for his tools within a second.

Slowly, I rose to my feet. Let my hands trail Shiva's body from head to tail. Savored her softness. the contours of her body that I had cuddled up to on many a cold and lonely night. 

A soft caress enveloped my mind from her. Her way of thanking me without pushing herself over the edge before her pup was born.

I was going to have to tell Bastian. See the look on his face as his heart broke for his mate. See him snarl and growl and howl at the loss of her. His one and only love.

The same way my heart broke for Gerovit still.

Moving around, I sat down in front of her. Laid her head on my lap. Both my hands settled on either side of her face. Thumbs drew lazy circles over her cheeks.

Behind her, Ben was preparing his instruments. Checked and double-checked. 

"You are loved. You are cared for. You have blessed me." I whispered and peppered her face with kisses. 

Her heart rate had slowed to a crawl. Breathing became a shallow mess. 

All my insides twisted in on themselves.

Ben finally cut into her and Shiva growled in pain. It turned into a whimper. Her leg clawed at the earth.

My heart sank deeper. Something in my soul snapped. 

"You are loved. You are cared for. You have blessed me. You are loved. You are cared for. You have blessed me." I carried on the mantra. Repeated it until I was sure my throat was going to cave in on itself.

Then her heart stopped and the earth bottomed out beneath me. Fell into tatters.

Ben got the puppy from her. But I was still focused on my friend. On the only reason I enjoyed this world. My light. What was I going to love now that she was gone? Nothing would fill her void. Her presence.

"It isn't breathing," Ben said and my head whipped up at him.

Horror coated my features. Terror sank into me.

There was no time to mourn. To process.

I moved out from beneath Shiva just as Ben started blowing air into the pup's lungs. Pressed two fingers into the fragile ribs to try and revive the heart.

Moments turned into minutes as I watched in mute shock Ben trying to rescue the small thing.

It was much smaller than the rest. About half their size. The runt of the litter.

And it deserved a chance to live.

"Give it to me," I whispered and extended a hand. 

It took Ben another moment or two to register the words. To hand over the small body.

Warm. So warm. Like its mother.

I wasn't going to let it die. Not when Shiva had given her everything for it to be born. 

I was a goddess. 

I was a goddess.

I. Was. A. Goddess.

Magic surged into my veins. Flooded me entirely. Fully. Burned every muscle in my body from keeping it contained long enough to have enough.

All of my focus darted to my hands. To the small life in them.

And then I let it go with one mighty cry of anger.