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Letting Go
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2024-09-05 18:54:21Related chapters
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Reality Settling In
"W-whatt?" I stutter. I take a step forward, Zane takes another back. I stare at him, sheer disbelief written clearly on my face. I am so stunned, I actually can't think straight. It feels like the earth is swaying beneath my feet. I can't find my centre of gravity. My fingers tremble when I bring them up to part my hair out of my face. Zane looks at me with a pained expression on his face like he hates that he has to do this now but I asked for it. I pestered him to tell me what was wrong. Except this wasn't what I wanted to hear. No, this wasn't what I ever expected to hear from him. "Zane?" I say his name like a question when he doesn't say anything in reply for too long. I take a small step forward, he doesn't move away this time around. He is looking down, hands on his hips, he still has on his clothes from last night, fitted pant trousers and a white round necked top that is crumpled from my manhandling and his sleep. I wonder if he even realises that he is still putting on his
Last Updated : 2024-09-05Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Choosing To Let Go
"I have to protect you even if it kills me. I should have let you go when you wanted us to have a break that night. I acted selfishly, holding onto you. And I know you said I shouldn't, but it is all I can say. I am sorry, Alex. I love you enough to want the best for you even if it tears me apart. You are young. You are promising. And you have incredible potential. I would hate to see all that go to waste because I just couldn't do the right thing. I want to be able to face Daisy without any weak or vulnerable points she can leverage on. I know she won't hurt Luna so we are equal on that end. I have to let you go. It kills me to. But it is what I have to do. It is the only way to protect you. I hope you can look back one day and understand my point of view and forgive me. I love you, Alex and I know you love me too but I am old enough to know that love is not enough." Zane exhales after his long monologue. He exhales like he is letting out all the air in his lungs to make room for me.
Last Updated : 2024-09-09Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Alex Can't Take It
I throw up in the car. The driver, who is thankfully a woman turns around, sees me retching miserably and she stops the car. I am a mess. There are tears in my eyes, down my face, snot in my nose, and the thought of what just happened made my empty stomach turn over and suddenly I am leaning to the side, retching bile water and nothing else. My stomach heaves and it hurts so bad, I think I might die. "Hello dear, are you good back there?" The woman asks. She sounds motherly. She is middle aged and dressed fashionably. Probably younger than my mother. She has light makeup on and her mood has been upbeat since the beginning of the ride."No." I whisper weakly. I don't know why I say it. I don't know why I admit it to this stranger but the confirmation slips out of me. I am not okay. I feel like shit. I don't know what to do. Everything hurts. I feel the heartache in my belly. In my knees. In my head. Everywhere. "What is wrong? Should I take you to the hospital? The college one is les
Last Updated : 2024-09-09Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Opening Up To Maggie
I stare at her blankly. Of course she comes to that conclusion. First she picks me up from that neighborhood with its middle class family residential area air, and I start crying in her car, throwing up and looking like shit, talking about being heartbroken by a man that tells me I am young and would find someone else. Her maternal instincts kick in and she is jumping to conclusions. "Sorry ma'am, please can we start the ride? I have to get to my exam hall in twenty minutes." I say, still avoiding her eyes. When she simply turns around and starts the car without another word, I exhale in relief. The ride continues in awkward silence. I do my best to clean up the throw up on her seats, and I look at the app for tipping options. I open my messenger and Maggie has left me a ton of messages. My eyes blur at the sight of them, I shake my head to discourage the tears. The car stops and I look up, we are right in front of the department building. I glance at my phone, I have about fifteen
Last Updated : 2024-09-09Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] A Real Moment With Daisy
Zane POV:It is Friday night when Daisy messages me that she is bringing Luna over for her weekend stay at my place. I almost ask her not to, I want to lie to her that I wasn't around. I didn't want to see her yet. I was still wallowing in my misery, in the past three days since Alex left here with a piece of my heart, I have drank more than I have ever drunk all my life. Things went up a notch of intensity when I realised I could order the booze alongside the pizza. It just went downhill from there and I have been alternating between waking up, hurting, drinking to go back to sleep and then waking up again, the circle is wretched, I feel like a teenager going through his first heartbreak. I have a full face of beard when I drag myself to the bathroom to clean up. This is the cursed aspect of being an adult. A parent. Your heart could be shredding to pieces, your life could feel like a nightmare, everything could be hurting, and you have to push all that aside and plaster a smile on
Last Updated : 2024-09-09Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Daisy Is a Shocker
"Alex and I are no longer together." I say. We are in her car. It is quiet. I know Luna would probably rush out to come ask me why I didn't leave her anything in a few minutes so I want to salvage the short time before she interrupts us to have this conversation with Daisy.I know I vowed never to do this again with Daisy. To never put myself in this position where I have to reason with her and she holds all the power. But it is fair to give her this chance. One last chance. She turns to look at me. I see her face and look in her eyes for the first time in a long while and I notice that she looks tired. I don't know much about Daisy's life apart from me but I know her job as a pediatrician can be exhausting. Coupled with caring for a child for five days a week, it must be tough. I don't know if she is dating. I realise I know nothing about her life. I don't know her. Then I remember Shane. I remember all he said. And I have to swallow the anger rising within me. "What does that have
Last Updated : 2024-09-09Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Foul-Mouthed Daisy
"You know, for such a fancy successful writer like you pride yourself to be, you don't have the best memory. Or maybe that is just your sick way of deflecting and recreating the truth that suits you. Poor Zane who ended up with a stranger for a wife." Daisy's hateful tone and glare doesn't distract me from the harsh sarcasm of her words and the fragment of my truth that she is hinting at as being a lie. The truth."What do you mean, Daisy? What are you talking about?" I ask, confused and unsure but still kind of glad that she is talking, at least. I have had to deal with her silence for too long. It is less haunting. "You neglected me!" Her outburst is sudden and it takes me by surprise. The car is too small for us both. The intensity behind her hateful attention is stiffling. Some parts of me is scared. Daisy's face has morphed from the slightly tired one I noticed earlier to an angry unfamiliar one now. Like she has finally pulled back the mask she has worn for so long with me. I d
Last Updated : 2024-10-21Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Unforgiving Daisy
"What does that mean, Daisy? Why won't you see or at least appreciate the effort I am putting in for our child's sake? Why would you want to make her life more complicated for nothing? What is all this for?" My anger and frustration simmers to the surface."It means I don't need your fucking apology. Not now. Not ever." Daisy turns to me and I am taken aback by the weakened look in her eyes. She is no longer scowling coldly and I don't know if I am seeing things, but her usually fierce eyes appear wet. I am so taken aback that I stare at her for a second too long and the moment gets broken when she angrily looks away, out the window again. "Daisy..." I start but she stops me with her palm raised up in my face. "Don't apologise, Zane. That half assed attempt is more infuriating than anything else you have ever done. Just. Don't." She says, her face is still turned away from me but her voice has gotten a semblance of strength, any traces of emotions is wiped clean off. "Okay." I say
Last Updated : 2024-10-21
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Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] It's All Worth It.
He gives his charming smile and nods, "Hello to you too, Madeleine." He says good-naturedly. The audience is still cheering and clapping. Someone uses the teleprompter to ask for silence, and it still takes a few seconds for the studio to go quiet so Madeleine can continue. They love him. My heart fills with pride. And love, too. I am so grateful that we are past that dark phase in his life two years ago where it felt like he was losing everything, and it was my fault. "Let's get right into this book!" Madeleine says, and the audience erupts with cheering and applause again. But it is quickly controlled. "First off, I want to talk about the process. It is very rare to see projects like this. I know of authors coming together to write biographies or translating books. But actually writing together? That is new and different. Alex, I want to know what the writing process was like for you. Orion is already quite established and experienced, but this was your debut!" Madeleine asks me.
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Turning Lemon Into Lemonade
"I have no idea." I say, truthfully. I really don't. I have still not come to terms with the thought that I am not going to return to the college for the new session. Since Zane is not going back, it makes no sense for me to. That is how it works now. That is how it will be from now on. "Okay. We can put a pin on that for now, then. Back to my offer, what do you think, Alex?" Zane squeezes my knee with one hand, his eyes stay on the traffic ahead, as he navigates the car. I recognise this highway and where it leads. He is driving us to the cabin. His cabin. Our cabin. My heart is so full, I can barely breath. "You want me to co-write a book with you?" I ask him again, just to be sure I am not in a dream. Just to be sure that this is real. The sound of his laughter reassures me. It is real. I am going to be an author! "Yes, Alex. I want to work with you on a book that is going to be more successful than all the books I have ever released." He says as he pulls into the countryside, i
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Zane Opens Up To Alex
Alex POV::"Oh my God! What do you mean?" My voice comes out as a really loud scream that is very uncharacteristic of me, Zane just smiles, he takes my hand and leads the way out of the hallway, I follow him still confused but feeling a swirl of excitement ramp up in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought. I can't even begin to fathom it! "Come, let's go before you summon the whole department." He says and I laugh but the laughter bleeds off my face as soon as we step out of the department and there are a lot of people around and they all stop to stare at us as if we were stars in a movie and the director yelled for everyone to stare at us. I blush under the scrutiny. I didn't expect this much people to be out and about but I guess most people are already resuming. I think it is only my class that is resuming a week later, the rest of the department are resuming this week. I try to pull my hand from Zane's grip, he doesn't let go, he looks down at me with a questioning look in hi
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Zane Makes An Announcement
Zane Orion POV::"We were just trying to determine how this scandal started. If you get what I mean." Mrs. Tyrell tells me, she sounds like she would rather be anywhere else, but Mrs. Manson looks exactly the opposite, I understand she wants to be rid of me and sent that announcement of my job termination to the press. I understand that as vice president of the college, she can't afford the fallout from the scandal, so she must do what is in the best interests of the college, but this is going too far. They are still trying to pin everything on Alex. They want a different story. "I thought the panel was referencing the interview. You should already have your answers to that." I say, holding Mrs. Manson's narrowed gaze. Alex squeezes my hand under the desk, I interpret it as her being nervous. I have missed her so God damned much, it is unreal. Sitting beside her, I keep taking full lungful of her scent. She smells just as I remember, the nostalgia of us together at my cabin, naked
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Zane Is Here
"These feelings, you didn't consider them inappropriate seeing as he was your Professor and a respected member of this faculty?" Mrs. Tyrell asks when the rest of the room remains silent. "No, I didn't." I say, deciding to be truthful and straight to the point."Did you act on these feelings first?" They are trying to determine if I should be the one to place most of the blame on. So it becomes a case of a student seducing her lecturer and they can get Zane back since he is obviously more valuable than I am in terms of who contributes more to the college. I didn't come here to be crucified so I wouldn't give them that satisfaction. It is becoming clearer to me that I definitely wouldn't be allowed to finish my degree here. I nursed a pipe dream, hoping that I could do anything about this case that has now spiralled into something more than me. "I can't answer that as I can't say. I don't know who acted first. It was mutual and consensual from the beginning." I tell them, the confid
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] Alex Makes A Bold Move
Do I even want to continue schooling here? I don't know. I have not been able to really think about the impact of this situation and what it meant for my interests. I came to this school because of Zane, if he is not going to be here, do I want to stay? I mean, I have to think about myself and what would work best for me, but I can't help thinking about him too, I can't help it. He was summoned too and he promised me he would show up after they were done with me, I can't wait to see him. Though it would feel weird meeting again in this department after everything that has happened, but I look forward to it regardless. I missed him so much. "You said you chose this college solely because professor Orion taught here?" Mrs. Tyrell asks, she is obviously going to be the one doing all the questioning while the others sit in, I can feel their sharp gazes trained on me, I can't bring myself to look at any of them, I keep my eyes set on a spot above their heads. "Yes, I did. It was the tru
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] The Panel Meeting
"I told you to be careful because you are young, Alex. He is almost twice your age. I told you that he had more life experiences you can only dream of. This relationship, it isn't fair on you. You probably can't see it now but you are getting the short end of the stick. I can't watch you spend your youth like this, Alex. This is the time of your life to be young and free and unburdened, you can't spend it dating a man with a kid and a mad ex wife." It is one thing we have come to agree on. That Daisy is insane. She didn't hesitate to believe me after I told her about how Daisy was stalking me and being weird. "Mom, I am young, but I am not naive. I matured almost ten years above my age after we lost dad. I am not a kid. I am not going to spend my 'youth' being free and unburdened as you put it because it would never happen for me. I am already burdened, Mom. I understand your worries and I am sorry that I have disappointed you or that I am not going to listen to you, but it is someth
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] A Gleam Of Hope?
"How did you know where she is? Did her family home location get leaked online?" My heart is racing so hard, I can barely breath. I can't follow all else that Madeleine said, I can't get past the part about her getting an interview with Alex. The last time we talked, we didn't agree on talking with the press. My dumb strategy was waiting out the outrage. I know that it would eventually fizzle out. I didn't mind being the worst hit. As long as Alex was safe and shielded."Is that the only thing you heard me say?" Madeleine leans forward, intense eyes narrowed in interest. "No, her location wasn't leaked, Orion. I found her because I was interested, it takes little to find someone these days." She says, leaning back, arms crossed over her chest. "Why were you interested?" I will get back to the interview bit but there was something about Madeleine's presence in this cabin that felt different. We are friends but we hardly get involved with eachother's lives. She has made it clear that
Her Feral Professor [ Your Professor Shouldn't Taste You] The Journalist
"You look like shit." Madeleine pushes past me and the half open door to make her way inside the dark living room. "What are you doing here?" I ask, reluctantly turning on the lights, knowing I look exactly like shit as she said. Madeleine is more than an acquaintance, I would say we have a friendship of sorts. We have kept in touch over the years since my debut, she invited me to her wedding three years ago. She is a wildly interesting woman with a diverse group of friends. Artists and writers and everyone in between. She is also three years older than me. There might be some kind of maternal undertone to our relationship, but it isn't weird. I like her. We work really well together, she is always the first person my books are sent to for a review. And it is a mutually beneficial relationship that has held grounds for years now. All this doesn't explain to me why she is here. She is not the kind of journalist to chase after scandalous stories like the one I am currently involved w
