Between Wanting & Letting Go

I don't know why I do it but I straddle him on the couch, he doesn't react immediately, instead his body relaxes but he doesn't hold me, I lean down and place my lips on his exposed neck, I kiss him on his Adam apple and then he reacts, he reaches a hand up and pulls me away from him. I feel like the ache in my heart could actually kill me.

"Trust me. Just go. We will talk after your exam." He says weakly. His eyes are closed and my myriad of emotions come to a sharp focus and it is just anger and annoyance at this new side to the man I love with all my heart. He is not making it easy for me, acting like I am disturbing him.

"You always demand that I don't ever pull away from you for any reason but you are doing the same thing to me right now." I say as I get off his legs. Shame, anger and hurt making my eyes go blurry in the dull light of his living room.

"You keep asking me to go because of my exam tomorrow but you are failing to realise one important thing, and that is the fact