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Chapter 21
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Heathens Chapter 22
MordechaiI found her in her room. I’d run in, seeing her passed out on the floor as the dog barked relentlessly. I hadn’t been the only one to hear though, but I had been the only one Ellie saw when she opened her eyes again. “Take her back to where you have her,” Mr. Locke had told me as he stared at his daughter laid out on the couch in his office. “I don’t want people to see her like this.” We turned to look at Ellie, who laid on the couch with her mother. Ellie hadn’t woken up again, but her head rested on Mrs. Locke’s lap as she brushed out some of the knots Ellie had given herself in her panic attack. I’d come when I heard screaming, but I didn’t make it to her room in time. She collapsed floor, with Dandelion barking at her to wake up. I wanted to take her to the hospital, but her father had ordered me to carry her into his office. “She might have hit her head,” I told Locke. “It’s been an hour and she hasn’t woken up.” “That’s just how she is,” the man said. “She has thes
Heathens Chapter 23
Ellie“The very last thing I want to do is go to some party,” I said for the first time in my life. “Tell them I’m sick. Say I’m on the floor puking and I can’t get up.” Mordechai wouldn’t have it, and he went on with picking a suit from his closet. He pointed to the four choices on the bed and told me I had to pick one. I wanted to take that as a good sign, that he wanted my opinion on how he looked.“None of them,” I said. “Be naked.” “I don’t think your parents would like that.” “My mom would love it. Be careful though. My dad might murder you if he thinks she’s interested.” Too soon for jokes like that, because the both of us flinched at it. If I didn’t make jokes, then it would kill me, so I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. He already knew my brain didn’t work right. He’d peeled me up from the floor of my bedroom two times at this point. “Pick a suit,” Mordechai said, more sternly this time. I smiled, wiggling my eyebrows. “Bossy? I like bossy. Give me another order.” “
Heathens Chapter 24
Mordechai“Every choice you make is bad,” Ellie said to me. “Why would I put pants on just to go to a place I don’t want to be?” I did my very best to not stare at her legs in that moment. Ellie had taken to sleeping in nothing but a stolen shirt from my closet. She’d marched in there and taken it with such confidence that I didn’t have the ability to stop her. I had been too stunned to do much of anything. Same as when I’d walked out into the living room to see her sleeping on her stomach, sweater hiked up to her hips and ass just… there to stare at. I ignored it to make breakfast, but what a tense morning. Now, Ellie sat on the couch with a blanket half over one leg, making sure I knew she had nothing on more than that sweater and her underwear. Her casualness might have been the thing to kill me. She sat there, totally fine while I desperately tried to hold myself back with the thinnest thread. I thought she would have liked that. “You have to go back eventually,” I reminded her
Heathens Chapter 25
EllieStepping into my house felt like entering a tomb, cold from the abandonment of a century or two. Like the walls were made of stone, covered in spiderwebs made from creatures long since dead. I did not belong. But I did. “Do you want to go to your room?” Mordechai asked me when the door closed behind us. Two guards had shut it, both had guns at their sides. “Not sure I want to see it,” I said in a breath. “It’s empty and weird.” “But different. You wanted different.” And I still wanted different. As soon as Dandelion found us, I changed my mind on the room. I walked in silence with Mordechai, and my mind could only picture what I knew my room to look like. Everything had changed. Not a single picture remained, I had a new rug, most of my books would be gone—donated to the school library—and the bed had a new frame. I hadn’t picked it out and my parents hadn’t commented on my panic attack or breakdown at all. They didn’t so much as lift an eyebrow at the bedroom, and neither
Heathens Chapter 26
MordechaiEvery moment seemed to get worse than the last. Even spending hours with her mother didn’t seem to do much in the way of easing the tension in her shoulders or the pain in her eyes. I couldn’t do anything about it. No one could do a thing about it. I hated that. If it could be fixed, I would find a way to do that for her. I would end it all, so she didn’t have to feel so hopelessly hurt. “I hate even wearing these clothes,” Ellie said when we got back home. “Who died to pay for this dress?” She gathered the fabric of the skirt up into her fist, staring with contempt. “I would offer you something else to wear, but—” “Thanks!” she said, already on her way to my room. I rolled my eyes, following her. I felt the betraying smile on my face. I didn’t bother hiding it. I found her halfway in my closet, her dress dropped to the floor and circling her feet. She stood there, rummaging in her bra and panties like it was nothing. I knew I wasn’t supposed to look, but my eyes kept dr
Heathens Chapter 27
EllieTaking a picture to send Grace still felt awful, but I did it so everything would run smoothly. Mordechai didn’t appear offended. It was the smart thing to do and he could admit that. It probably helped that I didn’t actually think he would up and murder me, even if his boss made the call. I took my time showering after I sent the picture along. I felt all the dirtier every time I did it. I ended up sitting in the tub, letting the water hit me until it turned cold. If I left the shower, then I would have to face my life again. In the bathroom, I could take a break and pretend that I didn’t have a man who wanted me dead, and that could still just be my father.Wrapped up in a towel, I sat on the counter of the bathroom and stared at the wall. I got dry without even having to do a thing. My hair too. It hung in messy clumps that I knew I had to brush out. I had a hard time trying to find the point. Naked, I fixed my hair until it at least didn’t have tangles. I made myself get d
Heathens Chapter 28
Mordechai“It’s pretty fuckin’ stupid how much my thighs hurt,” Ellie complained. She wiggled around on the bed, grabbing her leg and pulling it up to stretch. “Do you have to be so big?” “No, I can try and little up for you if you want. No problem.” She stuck her tongue out at me, then winced when she switched legs. I told her we could try out other positions. No skin off my nose. She’d insisted she liked it on top of me, making it pointless to try other things. I did not agree. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done it three times in a day,” I commented, adding a line to the sketch I had in front of me. Ellie stopped to glower at me like I’d suggested we eat a live kitten. “You take that back right now. I may be in absolute agony, but I have no regrets. Every part of me hurts, but that’s just proof I got rocked and I can live with it.” “I feel bad. Where’s the proof I got rocked too?” She smirked. “You have a post got-some glow about you. I mean, I assume. You look happier than usual,
Heathens Chapter 29
EllieI hoped to god standing my ground and not looking weak did it for him. I didn’t feel very strong, no matter what I said. My bones itched for me to grab that wine glass and down the whole thing in one go, but I resisted. I needed my wits about me for this, and I knew it would only taste like failure. I heard my father in my head, telling me to drink. I saw him pouring me wine with dinner when the conversation would get to be a little too much for him. I saw the look in his eyes when he figured out I’d started drinking without him, and how he pretended not to notice how often I smelled like alcohol. “Are you planning on telling your father we met today?” Urie asked me. He set his glass of wine down and I tried not to stare at it. “Should I?” I asked. “That’s up to you. I’m sure you know our relationship is a little contentious at best. He might be angry to find out that we shared a meal together.” Ah. I needed to turn up the dad hate. “I think he would be very, very upset. Whi
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Heathens Chapter 36
Mordechai“It’s fucking c-c-c-cold! No one said it would be this cold!” I hissed, teeth chattering as I wrapped Ellie in another sweater. “Why are we outside? We should do this inside. We have fire there. We have warmth.” Ellie rolled her eyes, perfectly happy to sit on our porch with blankets and sweaters and several pairs of socks. “We just have to do the first present, then we can go in. Come on, sunset is pretty.” I sat down in my chair and tried to warm myself up. The wind against the ocean didn’t help, as it blew misty air against us. When it did, Ellie would close her eyes and inhale that smell of the sea. Of the stone on the mountains and the moss that grew on it. It was very, very beautiful, but cold on a Christmas Eve night. “You have to go first,” I said, picking up the present I had under the small tree Ellie had put on the porch. I needed two hands to lift it up. We’d saved the good stuff for the morning.“Dandelion should go first,” Ellie insisted, plucking a squeak t
Heathens Chapter 35
EllieIt hadn’t been much of a goodbye. We couldn’t be seen by anyone but my mother and father, who drove us to a private plane hangar. We didn’t meet the pilot, we didn’t have anyone to help us. We were given a ton of cash to get us from the airport to the new house, the dog, a bag each, and we were told everything would be waiting for us at the house. I had a map, notes, and not much else. My mother hugged me for ten minutes, not saying a word. She promised to write and maybe come visit some time. That could take years and we all knew it. I could be a mother. I could be a much older woman. I could never see them again. “Thank you,” I had said to my father in those final moments. He looked at me, this man, this monster, and he put his hand against my cheek. “I don’t want you to think I’m evil, Ellie. I love you and your mother more than anything else in this world. Even myself.” My eyes burned, “I believe you,” I’d said, honest in that moment. I could change my mind later. In a d
Heathens Chapter 34
MordechaiEllie wouldn’t stop picking at her nails. She sat on the edge of her tub, bloodstained and shaking like she had been for over an hour. Her mother desperately tried to get that blood out of her hair. Our clothes had been taken and replaced, and I hadn’t asked what would be done with them. The house had been empty when we returned to the Locke estate. Only Alex, Locke, Ellie and I walked through the doors, and Mrs. Locke waited for us in Ellie’s room. “I told you I would make it right,” Locke said to his daughter, watching her distant eyes. “Everything is going to be okay. It’s always okay for us.” I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d seen. I’d been in the middle of some brawls in my time, but not an outright slaughter. It had only been the man named Alex. Locke had walked backwards, pushing through the door to hide in the hallway while his man did everything. I didn’t even have time to fire off a shot before I pulled Ellie to the floor. Alex kicked Jonathan under the chin
Heathens Chapter 33
EllieI held the phone in my hand, standing in the darkness of my bathroom as if that silence would somehow lead me to an answer. I found none. I had my father waiting for me and no idea what he would do. The fact that he let me leave to pee almost felt like a shock. He would start to wonder where I was soon enough. It felt like I stood at the edge of a cliff as a pack of wolves advanced on me. Either I could let them tear me to pieces, or I could leap to the rocks below. I lost either way, but at least with the rocks, it felt like my choice. But I didn’t want to fucking die. I didn’t want to lose. I wanted my happy ending with Mordechai, and I wanted it not to feel like too much to ask for. When I stepped out, three of my dad’s men stood there waiting for me. Alex waited front and center, staring at me like he thought I would run. That alone made me want to do it. Surely something better could have been waiting for me outside of this house. “Elle,” he said, gesturing back the way
Heathens Chapter 32
MordechaiI thought if I sat there long enough, surely my insides would begin to implode. I would get a kind, merciful death that would free me. But every time I thought I would finally die, I would open my eyes again and see the desk, the guards, the way I had no choices. I could live if I wanted. Jonathan would have chosen that. Kill the girl and back to business as usual. I had decided long ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. If this man truly understood that, he would end my life. “I think the wisest thing we can do is get her here,” Jonathan said to me. “and handle everything somewhere safe.” “I can go get her,” I said automatically. If I could only get out of the room, then I could find Ellie and warn her. Better yet, I could grab her and run. How far would we have gotten? I would put her safety above all else, but if we could be together at the end of this… I needed that. I needed her. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without her. How would I fade back to n
Heathens Chapter 31
EllieI kept my eyes on the driver the whole time, half thinking the guy would try to kill me. I’d seen him before though. One of my dad’s guys, so he probably didn’t have plans to swerve into a tree and take us both out. I almost wanted him to. At least I could rest that way. The drive felt longer than normal, though I knew we went down the same path as Mordechai brought me a few times before. I stared at the empty seat next to me, wishing so badly he sat there. I pictured him taking my hand so I would know everything would be fine. A day would come where things didn’t hurt like this. It might have been some wishful thinking. Gravel crunched under the tires, alerting me that my time had run out. I should have texted Mordechai so he could say something to me that would relax my heart. I knew those words didn’t really exist though. I needed to make myself calm down. My dad just wanted to see me. Trying to look at his face might have been though. Trying to deal with the fact that I ha
Heathens Chapter 30
MordechaiIt felt like sitting at the bottom of a mountain and waiting for the lava to come cover me. I could see the blazing red pouring down the side, inching closer and closer to me with every passing moment. It would come burn me any moment, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t run. Maybe I should have. Where would I go if I ran? I couldn’t picture a place that would appeal to me. It all looked dull in my head, as it always did. Nothing had that spark that people got. That little bump in their heartbeat at the idea of escaping somewhere better. Nothing could compare to this apartment, because I woke up with Ellie beside me in the mornings. I’d known this whole time it wouldn’t last. But you couldn’t survive lava when it found you at the bottom of the mountain. I couldn’t sit on the couch and wait for Ellie to come back. It would have sent me running for that lava just to get it over with. Instead, I kept myself busy with making the bed, cleaning the counters, and making everything neat
Heathens Chapter 29
EllieI hoped to god standing my ground and not looking weak did it for him. I didn’t feel very strong, no matter what I said. My bones itched for me to grab that wine glass and down the whole thing in one go, but I resisted. I needed my wits about me for this, and I knew it would only taste like failure. I heard my father in my head, telling me to drink. I saw him pouring me wine with dinner when the conversation would get to be a little too much for him. I saw the look in his eyes when he figured out I’d started drinking without him, and how he pretended not to notice how often I smelled like alcohol. “Are you planning on telling your father we met today?” Urie asked me. He set his glass of wine down and I tried not to stare at it. “Should I?” I asked. “That’s up to you. I’m sure you know our relationship is a little contentious at best. He might be angry to find out that we shared a meal together.” Ah. I needed to turn up the dad hate. “I think he would be very, very upset. Whi
Heathens Chapter 28
Mordechai“It’s pretty fuckin’ stupid how much my thighs hurt,” Ellie complained. She wiggled around on the bed, grabbing her leg and pulling it up to stretch. “Do you have to be so big?” “No, I can try and little up for you if you want. No problem.” She stuck her tongue out at me, then winced when she switched legs. I told her we could try out other positions. No skin off my nose. She’d insisted she liked it on top of me, making it pointless to try other things. I did not agree. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done it three times in a day,” I commented, adding a line to the sketch I had in front of me. Ellie stopped to glower at me like I’d suggested we eat a live kitten. “You take that back right now. I may be in absolute agony, but I have no regrets. Every part of me hurts, but that’s just proof I got rocked and I can live with it.” “I feel bad. Where’s the proof I got rocked too?” She smirked. “You have a post got-some glow about you. I mean, I assume. You look happier than usual,
