MordechaiI thought if I sat there long enough, surely my insides would begin to implode. I would get a kind, merciful death that would free me. But every time I thought I would finally die, I would open my eyes again and see the desk, the guards, the way I had no choices. I could live if I wanted. Jonathan would have chosen that. Kill the girl and back to business as usual. I had decided long ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. If this man truly understood that, he would end my life. “I think the wisest thing we can do is get her here,” Jonathan said to me. “and handle everything somewhere safe.” “I can go get her,” I said automatically. If I could only get out of the room, then I could find Ellie and warn her. Better yet, I could grab her and run. How far would we have gotten? I would put her safety above all else, but if we could be together at the end of this… I needed that. I needed her. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without her. How would I fade back to n
EllieI held the phone in my hand, standing in the darkness of my bathroom as if that silence would somehow lead me to an answer. I found none. I had my father waiting for me and no idea what he would do. The fact that he let me leave to pee almost felt like a shock. He would start to wonder where I was soon enough. It felt like I stood at the edge of a cliff as a pack of wolves advanced on me. Either I could let them tear me to pieces, or I could leap to the rocks below. I lost either way, but at least with the rocks, it felt like my choice. But I didn’t want to fucking die. I didn’t want to lose. I wanted my happy ending with Mordechai, and I wanted it not to feel like too much to ask for. When I stepped out, three of my dad’s men stood there waiting for me. Alex waited front and center, staring at me like he thought I would run. That alone made me want to do it. Surely something better could have been waiting for me outside of this house. “Elle,” he said, gesturing back the way
MordechaiEllie wouldn’t stop picking at her nails. She sat on the edge of her tub, bloodstained and shaking like she had been for over an hour. Her mother desperately tried to get that blood out of her hair. Our clothes had been taken and replaced, and I hadn’t asked what would be done with them. The house had been empty when we returned to the Locke estate. Only Alex, Locke, Ellie and I walked through the doors, and Mrs. Locke waited for us in Ellie’s room. “I told you I would make it right,” Locke said to his daughter, watching her distant eyes. “Everything is going to be okay. It’s always okay for us.” I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d seen. I’d been in the middle of some brawls in my time, but not an outright slaughter. It had only been the man named Alex. Locke had walked backwards, pushing through the door to hide in the hallway while his man did everything. I didn’t even have time to fire off a shot before I pulled Ellie to the floor. Alex kicked Jonathan under the chin
EllieIt hadn’t been much of a goodbye. We couldn’t be seen by anyone but my mother and father, who drove us to a private plane hangar. We didn’t meet the pilot, we didn’t have anyone to help us. We were given a ton of cash to get us from the airport to the new house, the dog, a bag each, and we were told everything would be waiting for us at the house. I had a map, notes, and not much else. My mother hugged me for ten minutes, not saying a word. She promised to write and maybe come visit some time. That could take years and we all knew it. I could be a mother. I could be a much older woman. I could never see them again. “Thank you,” I had said to my father in those final moments. He looked at me, this man, this monster, and he put his hand against my cheek. “I don’t want you to think I’m evil, Ellie. I love you and your mother more than anything else in this world. Even myself.” My eyes burned, “I believe you,” I’d said, honest in that moment. I could change my mind later. In a d
Mordechai“It’s fucking c-c-c-cold! No one said it would be this cold!” I hissed, teeth chattering as I wrapped Ellie in another sweater. “Why are we outside? We should do this inside. We have fire there. We have warmth.” Ellie rolled her eyes, perfectly happy to sit on our porch with blankets and sweaters and several pairs of socks. “We just have to do the first present, then we can go in. Come on, sunset is pretty.” I sat down in my chair and tried to warm myself up. The wind against the ocean didn’t help, as it blew misty air against us. When it did, Ellie would close her eyes and inhale that smell of the sea. Of the stone on the mountains and the moss that grew on it. It was very, very beautiful, but cold on a Christmas Eve night. “You have to go first,” I said, picking up the present I had under the small tree Ellie had put on the porch. I needed two hands to lift it up. We’d saved the good stuff for the morning.“Dandelion should go first,” Ellie insisted, plucking a squeak t
EllieI pressed my ear to the door, resting my hands flat against the heavy, massive oak that my mother had picked out herself. Daddy hadn’t had a single objection, just happy to make her happy. I could clearly remember sitting on the floor at five, watching people come in and hand carve the scene depicted on the wood. A fleet of angels slaughtering a band of heretics. It always made me smile.I couldn’t hear a thing other than some banging and mumbles, along with a sigh that I knew belonged to my father.“Daddy?” I called again.“Just a minute, Ellie,” he said through the door. “Bobby is cleaning up.”“I don’t mind a mess.”“You’d mind this one,” he muttered almost too low for me to hear. “Just wait.”I sighed, backing up and crossing my arms. As always, I carefully stepped only on the red patches on the long runner that stretched across our endless hallway—also picked out by Mom. I didn’t worry about my boots ruining anything, but I liked to think I had more luck on my side if I kep
Mordechai“One day, I swear that I’ll stand over the graves of every single Locke left on this planet,” Jonathan sighed, tapping a pen on his desk. “I’m tired of this. I’m really, really tired.”I had nothing to say in response. Truthfully, he didn’t want me to respond. He wanted to get out all of his anger in a long, frustrated rant. I stood there, listening to every word and looking him in the eye so he knew I listened. Even if I didn’t listen, it would have been enough to be present as he ranted.Jonathan didn’t let up, breaking several things against the wall in the office in his home. So far, glass littered the carpet. Eventually a maid would come clean it up.The police had only just left the house after two hours of questioning about half a dozen people, including me. I knew nothing. I made it very clear that I hadn’t seen a thing, I hadn’t been at the docks, and asking me more questions wouldn’t get them anywhere. Thankfully, Jonathan knew how to get the police off his back. O
EllieAfter ten minutes, my arm got too tired to keep brushing my hair. I finished up, shaking my hand out and wincing at the pain. My hair shined in the early morning sun from my window. My German Shepard, Dandelion, got off my bed to follow me and check out the chirping birds.I pulled the curtains and the windows open, letting fresh air in. I loved few things more than early fall at dawn. I smelled damp leaves that had fallen from the rows of trees outside. When I leaned out my window, I could see the whole west side of the estate. That included the tennis courts, one of the pools, and the apple grove that my great, great grandmother had started from one single tree.Careful to step on every other flower tile in my bathroom, I went to the closet section to pick out something to wear. I thought I could wear something that would remind Dad of his mom for this special breakfast. I picked out short overalls and a plaid shirt to go under it. She always gardened. I had the smattering of
Mordechai“It’s fucking c-c-c-cold! No one said it would be this cold!” I hissed, teeth chattering as I wrapped Ellie in another sweater. “Why are we outside? We should do this inside. We have fire there. We have warmth.” Ellie rolled her eyes, perfectly happy to sit on our porch with blankets and sweaters and several pairs of socks. “We just have to do the first present, then we can go in. Come on, sunset is pretty.” I sat down in my chair and tried to warm myself up. The wind against the ocean didn’t help, as it blew misty air against us. When it did, Ellie would close her eyes and inhale that smell of the sea. Of the stone on the mountains and the moss that grew on it. It was very, very beautiful, but cold on a Christmas Eve night. “You have to go first,” I said, picking up the present I had under the small tree Ellie had put on the porch. I needed two hands to lift it up. We’d saved the good stuff for the morning.“Dandelion should go first,” Ellie insisted, plucking a squeak t
EllieIt hadn’t been much of a goodbye. We couldn’t be seen by anyone but my mother and father, who drove us to a private plane hangar. We didn’t meet the pilot, we didn’t have anyone to help us. We were given a ton of cash to get us from the airport to the new house, the dog, a bag each, and we were told everything would be waiting for us at the house. I had a map, notes, and not much else. My mother hugged me for ten minutes, not saying a word. She promised to write and maybe come visit some time. That could take years and we all knew it. I could be a mother. I could be a much older woman. I could never see them again. “Thank you,” I had said to my father in those final moments. He looked at me, this man, this monster, and he put his hand against my cheek. “I don’t want you to think I’m evil, Ellie. I love you and your mother more than anything else in this world. Even myself.” My eyes burned, “I believe you,” I’d said, honest in that moment. I could change my mind later. In a d
MordechaiEllie wouldn’t stop picking at her nails. She sat on the edge of her tub, bloodstained and shaking like she had been for over an hour. Her mother desperately tried to get that blood out of her hair. Our clothes had been taken and replaced, and I hadn’t asked what would be done with them. The house had been empty when we returned to the Locke estate. Only Alex, Locke, Ellie and I walked through the doors, and Mrs. Locke waited for us in Ellie’s room. “I told you I would make it right,” Locke said to his daughter, watching her distant eyes. “Everything is going to be okay. It’s always okay for us.” I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d seen. I’d been in the middle of some brawls in my time, but not an outright slaughter. It had only been the man named Alex. Locke had walked backwards, pushing through the door to hide in the hallway while his man did everything. I didn’t even have time to fire off a shot before I pulled Ellie to the floor. Alex kicked Jonathan under the chin
EllieI held the phone in my hand, standing in the darkness of my bathroom as if that silence would somehow lead me to an answer. I found none. I had my father waiting for me and no idea what he would do. The fact that he let me leave to pee almost felt like a shock. He would start to wonder where I was soon enough. It felt like I stood at the edge of a cliff as a pack of wolves advanced on me. Either I could let them tear me to pieces, or I could leap to the rocks below. I lost either way, but at least with the rocks, it felt like my choice. But I didn’t want to fucking die. I didn’t want to lose. I wanted my happy ending with Mordechai, and I wanted it not to feel like too much to ask for. When I stepped out, three of my dad’s men stood there waiting for me. Alex waited front and center, staring at me like he thought I would run. That alone made me want to do it. Surely something better could have been waiting for me outside of this house. “Elle,” he said, gesturing back the way
MordechaiI thought if I sat there long enough, surely my insides would begin to implode. I would get a kind, merciful death that would free me. But every time I thought I would finally die, I would open my eyes again and see the desk, the guards, the way I had no choices. I could live if I wanted. Jonathan would have chosen that. Kill the girl and back to business as usual. I had decided long ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. If this man truly understood that, he would end my life. “I think the wisest thing we can do is get her here,” Jonathan said to me. “and handle everything somewhere safe.” “I can go get her,” I said automatically. If I could only get out of the room, then I could find Ellie and warn her. Better yet, I could grab her and run. How far would we have gotten? I would put her safety above all else, but if we could be together at the end of this… I needed that. I needed her. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without her. How would I fade back to n
EllieI kept my eyes on the driver the whole time, half thinking the guy would try to kill me. I’d seen him before though. One of my dad’s guys, so he probably didn’t have plans to swerve into a tree and take us both out. I almost wanted him to. At least I could rest that way. The drive felt longer than normal, though I knew we went down the same path as Mordechai brought me a few times before. I stared at the empty seat next to me, wishing so badly he sat there. I pictured him taking my hand so I would know everything would be fine. A day would come where things didn’t hurt like this. It might have been some wishful thinking. Gravel crunched under the tires, alerting me that my time had run out. I should have texted Mordechai so he could say something to me that would relax my heart. I knew those words didn’t really exist though. I needed to make myself calm down. My dad just wanted to see me. Trying to look at his face might have been though. Trying to deal with the fact that I ha
MordechaiIt felt like sitting at the bottom of a mountain and waiting for the lava to come cover me. I could see the blazing red pouring down the side, inching closer and closer to me with every passing moment. It would come burn me any moment, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t run. Maybe I should have. Where would I go if I ran? I couldn’t picture a place that would appeal to me. It all looked dull in my head, as it always did. Nothing had that spark that people got. That little bump in their heartbeat at the idea of escaping somewhere better. Nothing could compare to this apartment, because I woke up with Ellie beside me in the mornings. I’d known this whole time it wouldn’t last. But you couldn’t survive lava when it found you at the bottom of the mountain. I couldn’t sit on the couch and wait for Ellie to come back. It would have sent me running for that lava just to get it over with. Instead, I kept myself busy with making the bed, cleaning the counters, and making everything neat
EllieI hoped to god standing my ground and not looking weak did it for him. I didn’t feel very strong, no matter what I said. My bones itched for me to grab that wine glass and down the whole thing in one go, but I resisted. I needed my wits about me for this, and I knew it would only taste like failure. I heard my father in my head, telling me to drink. I saw him pouring me wine with dinner when the conversation would get to be a little too much for him. I saw the look in his eyes when he figured out I’d started drinking without him, and how he pretended not to notice how often I smelled like alcohol. “Are you planning on telling your father we met today?” Urie asked me. He set his glass of wine down and I tried not to stare at it. “Should I?” I asked. “That’s up to you. I’m sure you know our relationship is a little contentious at best. He might be angry to find out that we shared a meal together.” Ah. I needed to turn up the dad hate. “I think he would be very, very upset. Whi
Mordechai“It’s pretty fuckin’ stupid how much my thighs hurt,” Ellie complained. She wiggled around on the bed, grabbing her leg and pulling it up to stretch. “Do you have to be so big?” “No, I can try and little up for you if you want. No problem.” She stuck her tongue out at me, then winced when she switched legs. I told her we could try out other positions. No skin off my nose. She’d insisted she liked it on top of me, making it pointless to try other things. I did not agree. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done it three times in a day,” I commented, adding a line to the sketch I had in front of me. Ellie stopped to glower at me like I’d suggested we eat a live kitten. “You take that back right now. I may be in absolute agony, but I have no regrets. Every part of me hurts, but that’s just proof I got rocked and I can live with it.” “I feel bad. Where’s the proof I got rocked too?” She smirked. “You have a post got-some glow about you. I mean, I assume. You look happier than usual,