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Chapter 15
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Heathens Chapter 16
MordechaiI cleaned when I woke up, but I had to do it quietly. Strange, waiting up at four in the morning because I couldn’t stay asleep. I dreamt about her. When I woke up, it left my hands shaking. I couldn’t get back to sleep, and I knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want more of it. In my mind, it had been soft. The dream—the whole fucking dream—had been her and I sitting together. She had a dress on, sitting on a big pillow on the floor, sipping tea as she read a book. I sat across from her, with my back at the wall as I sketched. We would look up at each other when we thought the other wouldn’t notice. More often than not, we would catch each other. My heart thudded when I thought about the smile on her face. I hoped it would at least be so kind as to destroy me in an act of mercy. It didn’t, making me feel peace instead. I got up and I left all those thoughts on the mattress. I looked back at it as if I would see one last picture of the dream. I saw a messy bed, wi
Heathens Chapter 17
EllieJerk. If he hadn’t lied to me, then I could have confided in him all the awful, twisty things in my guts that threatened to tear me apart. I couldn’t very well do that with him lying to me. It probably would have made me stupid. For all I knew, he had that phone for innocent reasons. Or, as innocent as a secret phone could be. He might have gotten the fake one when he got hired on by us, intent on keeping his private life in secret. I could understand that. Either I had no justification for the anger, or I needed to be afraid. I stared at the phone in my hand, sitting in the darkness of the living room. I’d been in my jammies for hours, and Mordechai had been sleeping since ten. The phone had a lock and needed a thumbprint to unlock it. When I peeked into his room, I saw that his hand hung over the edge of the bed. I could trust him, and assume he had the phone to keep us out of his life. A reasonable desire. But my instincts told me something different. I’d noticed things abo
Heathens Chapter 18
MordechaiBefore dawn, I sent a message to Jonathan with the update he wanted. I made it fast, as I had nothing to say. I didn’t give him the location or anything. If he wanted to find out, he could discover it anyway. I lived in a place where everyone ignored what they saw, based on a universal understanding that it was best for everyone if we stayed out of each other’s business. Ellie was still asleep by the time the sun came up, and after I finished cleaning, and cooking, and when the clock clicked over to eight. I walked over to the couch, checking to see if she faked it. Nope.I sat at the table with a project I’d decided to start. A fictional map from a book I had read a few weeks ago. I drew it from memory, and I knew I had the details right. I didn’t know why I made it. I just wanted to do it. I took great care in each line and dot, stroke and swipe. I sketched out the map, my mind twisted up with how I’d woken up this morning. My bed had smelled like Ellie. I started thinki
Heathens Chapter 19
EllieThe lightbulb burned out on my third flip of the switch. I cursed under my breath, knowing I would have to either tell Mordechai, or let it go. If I left it for him, he might have had some questions and it would have led to more talking. We could only talk so much before I finally snapped. I had enough wrong with me that I could have a whole conversation with a man about how he might have to kill me later on, so clearly, I didn’t know how the hell to behave. Also, there was the bit about him holding me against a wall and dry humping the fuck out of me. But I had to deal with a broken light.“Mordechai?” I called before I took a sip of my very Irish coffee. “A bulb in the bathroom is out.” It only took seconds before he showed up from his bedroom. Without saying a word, he grabbed a bulb from the hallway closet, changed the old one, and then walked out again. Ah, okay. He could press his dick against me for five very pleasant minutes, but he drew the line at looking me in the ey
Heathens Chapter 20
MordechaiThe fact that she thought I could somehow remove myself from the situation almost made me laugh. I might have been able to if there was anything about this whole ordeal. Like I could walk in, quit, and everything would be fine. She could run to Locke and tell him everything—supposedly leaving me out—and saving my life while ruining all the ones around me. If Locke found out Jonathan really and honestly wanted Ellie dead, Locke would start a war. Ellie didn’t seem to believe that of her father. I found it odd how she could discuss the very real fact that her father would have people killed, but didn’t seem to be able to reconcile the words with reality. Like it all seemed to be an abstract concept some part of her didn’t fully believe yet. Ellie would be safe at home waiting for me. I dressed like normal, putting on a suit and ignoring the fact that something about it felt strange now. I didn’t like walking out of the apartment and having Ellie see me like that. It didn’t he
Heathens Chapter 21
Ellie“He wants you to play me like a fiddle,” I said, shaking my head. “No, it’s not that.” “You told him I was a mentally ill dumbass—which is true—but now he wants you to work me into a smooth lather.” “We already knew he wasn’t a very kind man,” he said, zooming down the highway. “I should tell you something you might have already guessed. That man, the one with the gun.” My stomach dropped out from under me, but yeah, I already knew it had been more than what my father said. It would have been insane otherwise. “Was he supposed to kill me?” I didn’t know why I bothered asking. I was too soft. Too fragile to hear something so tragic. “No. Traumatize you. He found a very desperate man and promised his family a lot of money if he killed himself in front of you. That’s what Jonathan does. He finds what you want, and he offers it to you, so long as he gets what he wants in return. It’s how he got my dad. It’s how he got me. It’s how he got everyone.” I hoped it killed him one da
Heathens Chapter 22
MordechaiI found her in her room. I’d run in, seeing her passed out on the floor as the dog barked relentlessly. I hadn’t been the only one to hear though, but I had been the only one Ellie saw when she opened her eyes again. “Take her back to where you have her,” Mr. Locke had told me as he stared at his daughter laid out on the couch in his office. “I don’t want people to see her like this.” We turned to look at Ellie, who laid on the couch with her mother. Ellie hadn’t woken up again, but her head rested on Mrs. Locke’s lap as she brushed out some of the knots Ellie had given herself in her panic attack. I’d come when I heard screaming, but I didn’t make it to her room in time. She collapsed floor, with Dandelion barking at her to wake up. I wanted to take her to the hospital, but her father had ordered me to carry her into his office. “She might have hit her head,” I told Locke. “It’s been an hour and she hasn’t woken up.” “That’s just how she is,” the man said. “She has thes
Heathens Chapter 23
Ellie“The very last thing I want to do is go to some party,” I said for the first time in my life. “Tell them I’m sick. Say I’m on the floor puking and I can’t get up.” Mordechai wouldn’t have it, and he went on with picking a suit from his closet. He pointed to the four choices on the bed and told me I had to pick one. I wanted to take that as a good sign, that he wanted my opinion on how he looked.“None of them,” I said. “Be naked.” “I don’t think your parents would like that.” “My mom would love it. Be careful though. My dad might murder you if he thinks she’s interested.” Too soon for jokes like that, because the both of us flinched at it. If I didn’t make jokes, then it would kill me, so I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. He already knew my brain didn’t work right. He’d peeled me up from the floor of my bedroom two times at this point. “Pick a suit,” Mordechai said, more sternly this time. I smiled, wiggling my eyebrows. “Bossy? I like bossy. Give me another order.” “
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Heathens Chapter 36
Mordechai“It’s fucking c-c-c-cold! No one said it would be this cold!” I hissed, teeth chattering as I wrapped Ellie in another sweater. “Why are we outside? We should do this inside. We have fire there. We have warmth.” Ellie rolled her eyes, perfectly happy to sit on our porch with blankets and sweaters and several pairs of socks. “We just have to do the first present, then we can go in. Come on, sunset is pretty.” I sat down in my chair and tried to warm myself up. The wind against the ocean didn’t help, as it blew misty air against us. When it did, Ellie would close her eyes and inhale that smell of the sea. Of the stone on the mountains and the moss that grew on it. It was very, very beautiful, but cold on a Christmas Eve night. “You have to go first,” I said, picking up the present I had under the small tree Ellie had put on the porch. I needed two hands to lift it up. We’d saved the good stuff for the morning.“Dandelion should go first,” Ellie insisted, plucking a squeak t
Heathens Chapter 35
EllieIt hadn’t been much of a goodbye. We couldn’t be seen by anyone but my mother and father, who drove us to a private plane hangar. We didn’t meet the pilot, we didn’t have anyone to help us. We were given a ton of cash to get us from the airport to the new house, the dog, a bag each, and we were told everything would be waiting for us at the house. I had a map, notes, and not much else. My mother hugged me for ten minutes, not saying a word. She promised to write and maybe come visit some time. That could take years and we all knew it. I could be a mother. I could be a much older woman. I could never see them again. “Thank you,” I had said to my father in those final moments. He looked at me, this man, this monster, and he put his hand against my cheek. “I don’t want you to think I’m evil, Ellie. I love you and your mother more than anything else in this world. Even myself.” My eyes burned, “I believe you,” I’d said, honest in that moment. I could change my mind later. In a d
Heathens Chapter 34
MordechaiEllie wouldn’t stop picking at her nails. She sat on the edge of her tub, bloodstained and shaking like she had been for over an hour. Her mother desperately tried to get that blood out of her hair. Our clothes had been taken and replaced, and I hadn’t asked what would be done with them. The house had been empty when we returned to the Locke estate. Only Alex, Locke, Ellie and I walked through the doors, and Mrs. Locke waited for us in Ellie’s room. “I told you I would make it right,” Locke said to his daughter, watching her distant eyes. “Everything is going to be okay. It’s always okay for us.” I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d seen. I’d been in the middle of some brawls in my time, but not an outright slaughter. It had only been the man named Alex. Locke had walked backwards, pushing through the door to hide in the hallway while his man did everything. I didn’t even have time to fire off a shot before I pulled Ellie to the floor. Alex kicked Jonathan under the chin
Heathens Chapter 33
EllieI held the phone in my hand, standing in the darkness of my bathroom as if that silence would somehow lead me to an answer. I found none. I had my father waiting for me and no idea what he would do. The fact that he let me leave to pee almost felt like a shock. He would start to wonder where I was soon enough. It felt like I stood at the edge of a cliff as a pack of wolves advanced on me. Either I could let them tear me to pieces, or I could leap to the rocks below. I lost either way, but at least with the rocks, it felt like my choice. But I didn’t want to fucking die. I didn’t want to lose. I wanted my happy ending with Mordechai, and I wanted it not to feel like too much to ask for. When I stepped out, three of my dad’s men stood there waiting for me. Alex waited front and center, staring at me like he thought I would run. That alone made me want to do it. Surely something better could have been waiting for me outside of this house. “Elle,” he said, gesturing back the way
Heathens Chapter 32
MordechaiI thought if I sat there long enough, surely my insides would begin to implode. I would get a kind, merciful death that would free me. But every time I thought I would finally die, I would open my eyes again and see the desk, the guards, the way I had no choices. I could live if I wanted. Jonathan would have chosen that. Kill the girl and back to business as usual. I had decided long ago that I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. If this man truly understood that, he would end my life. “I think the wisest thing we can do is get her here,” Jonathan said to me. “and handle everything somewhere safe.” “I can go get her,” I said automatically. If I could only get out of the room, then I could find Ellie and warn her. Better yet, I could grab her and run. How far would we have gotten? I would put her safety above all else, but if we could be together at the end of this… I needed that. I needed her. I didn’t know how to go on with my life without her. How would I fade back to n
Heathens Chapter 31
EllieI kept my eyes on the driver the whole time, half thinking the guy would try to kill me. I’d seen him before though. One of my dad’s guys, so he probably didn’t have plans to swerve into a tree and take us both out. I almost wanted him to. At least I could rest that way. The drive felt longer than normal, though I knew we went down the same path as Mordechai brought me a few times before. I stared at the empty seat next to me, wishing so badly he sat there. I pictured him taking my hand so I would know everything would be fine. A day would come where things didn’t hurt like this. It might have been some wishful thinking. Gravel crunched under the tires, alerting me that my time had run out. I should have texted Mordechai so he could say something to me that would relax my heart. I knew those words didn’t really exist though. I needed to make myself calm down. My dad just wanted to see me. Trying to look at his face might have been though. Trying to deal with the fact that I ha
Heathens Chapter 30
MordechaiIt felt like sitting at the bottom of a mountain and waiting for the lava to come cover me. I could see the blazing red pouring down the side, inching closer and closer to me with every passing moment. It would come burn me any moment, but I didn’t get up. I didn’t run. Maybe I should have. Where would I go if I ran? I couldn’t picture a place that would appeal to me. It all looked dull in my head, as it always did. Nothing had that spark that people got. That little bump in their heartbeat at the idea of escaping somewhere better. Nothing could compare to this apartment, because I woke up with Ellie beside me in the mornings. I’d known this whole time it wouldn’t last. But you couldn’t survive lava when it found you at the bottom of the mountain. I couldn’t sit on the couch and wait for Ellie to come back. It would have sent me running for that lava just to get it over with. Instead, I kept myself busy with making the bed, cleaning the counters, and making everything neat
Heathens Chapter 29
EllieI hoped to god standing my ground and not looking weak did it for him. I didn’t feel very strong, no matter what I said. My bones itched for me to grab that wine glass and down the whole thing in one go, but I resisted. I needed my wits about me for this, and I knew it would only taste like failure. I heard my father in my head, telling me to drink. I saw him pouring me wine with dinner when the conversation would get to be a little too much for him. I saw the look in his eyes when he figured out I’d started drinking without him, and how he pretended not to notice how often I smelled like alcohol. “Are you planning on telling your father we met today?” Urie asked me. He set his glass of wine down and I tried not to stare at it. “Should I?” I asked. “That’s up to you. I’m sure you know our relationship is a little contentious at best. He might be angry to find out that we shared a meal together.” Ah. I needed to turn up the dad hate. “I think he would be very, very upset. Whi
Heathens Chapter 28
Mordechai“It’s pretty fuckin’ stupid how much my thighs hurt,” Ellie complained. She wiggled around on the bed, grabbing her leg and pulling it up to stretch. “Do you have to be so big?” “No, I can try and little up for you if you want. No problem.” She stuck her tongue out at me, then winced when she switched legs. I told her we could try out other positions. No skin off my nose. She’d insisted she liked it on top of me, making it pointless to try other things. I did not agree. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done it three times in a day,” I commented, adding a line to the sketch I had in front of me. Ellie stopped to glower at me like I’d suggested we eat a live kitten. “You take that back right now. I may be in absolute agony, but I have no regrets. Every part of me hurts, but that’s just proof I got rocked and I can live with it.” “I feel bad. Where’s the proof I got rocked too?” She smirked. “You have a post got-some glow about you. I mean, I assume. You look happier than usual,
