chapter 4

JACQUELINE

If there was a way to dig my own grave and remain there forever, I would have jumped at the chance at this moment. It had been hours since I arrived at work, but I still couldn't stop thinking about what happened at the coffee shop. I had just kept cursing at myself the entire time. And I wanted to blame someone. It would make me feel better. But there was no one to blame but myself. It might have been easier had it been a dare from either of my best friends, but no, I had decided to play the bad bitch today. What had I been thinking, kissing a total stranger?

I groaned, rubbing my head as I leaned back in my chair. Work was quite dull today. Usually, the clinic was up and running. But Fridays were generally dull here, so it didn't come as much of a surprise. I was about to check my phone for any new messages when I saw someone approach me. 

"Jacqueline, hey!" 

I gave a small smile. "Hi, Rob."

Rob was a vet doctor. He worked full time in a different section of the clinic. He was the first to welcome me when I started working here. He was just your regular nice guy; kind and sweet. I also suspected that he had a crush on me, but I refused to acknowledge it. Mostly because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. It would really not help to encourage him. So I stayed neutral as best as I could. 

"I haven't seen you all day. You come into work late? How was your day?"

I mentally cringed at the memory of this morning. I faked a smile. "Um, it was great. Nothing interesting. Yours?"

"Same, same," Rob said, grinning. I nodded, checking the time on the computer. Finally, it was time to leave. As I packed up my stuff and stood, I looked up to see Rob standing awkwardly. "Um, Jacqueline, I was going to ask you something."

My heart sank. No. Not today. Was he about to ask me out? Please, no. I had already had enough for today. There's only so much I can take. Knowing there was no way around it, I smiled brightly. "Sure yeah, what is it?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to leave work together today. There's this nice place a few blocks away. You need to try their frozen yogurt. What do you say?"

This was it. The moment I absolutely dreaded. I should've known it would come sooner or later. But I didn't expect it today. Now I had to find a way to politely turn him down. I bit my lip. 

"Uhh, that's great, Rob. But I'm gonna have to take a rain check. I have something to take care of today. And I still have to go see my dad too. So…yeah. But you go ahead and enjoy the frozen yogurt. You can tell me how it is later," I smiled. "Alright then. I'll see you later." Before he could say anything, I had all but sped off. 

I pulled my hair back in a ponytail to keep it away from my face as the evening breeze blew in my face. I crossed the busy streets headed down a familiar road. I had walked down this street so many times that I could find my way with my eyes closed. It hurt me to think about it this way, but this place was sort of dad's home now. 

After a few minutes of walking, I stood in front of Saint Paul Hospital. Taking a deep breath, I walked in. The receptionist, Carrie, was at her usual place at the front desk. She grinned and waved as soon as she saw me. "Wow, you're early today."

"Yep," I smiled. "I finished up earlier than usual. How's work?"

After we had exchanged pleasantries, I made my way to ward C3. I had been spending fourteen hours a week in ward C3 for months now. And it broke my heart everytime. What I would give to get back from work to see Dad seated in his favorite couch once again. I swallowed back the lump in my throat. I needed to be cheerful when I saw him. He was going through a lot already. I didn't want him to see me crying.

Making an effort to smile, I pushed the door open and walked in. The urge to break down suddenly filled my chest as I saw him hooked to a bunch of beeping machines. No matter how much I saw it, it still hurt each time. I could never get used to seeing him look so frail and thin. 

"Hey, Pop" I greeted, moving closer to the bed and plopping down next to him. He slowly turned to face me, smiling. He liked it when I called him Pop. "How are you feeling today?"

He chuckled slowly, and I could see the effort it took to do that. I could feel my eyes welling up but I held it back. "Same as always, dear. What about you? How was work?"

His voice was a little hoarse so I had to lean down to be able to hear him. "Work was fine, Dad. Boring, as always." 

He chuckled again. 

Dad had been diagnosed with a serious heart condition a few months ago. He had been putting off the visit to the hospital, waving the symptoms off as unserious. I had been worried as well, but I was too engrossed in work to push him to do it. And since he said it was nothing, I didn't think it was that bad. 

One night, after a long shift at work, I had come home to see my father sprawled on the floor of the living room. I had never been so scared in my life. But I held myself together, enlisted the help of a neighbor, and rushed him to the hospital. The doctor said it was a close call. Any later and he might not have made it. It was then we discovered his heart condition. All attempts to treat it proved futile, and it all came down to a heart transplant. There was the only way to keep my father alive. But it was a very expensive process, and I could not afford it right now. We had never been rich. I couldn't imagine how I could get that amount of money. 

But I tried my best. I started working two jobs in hopes that I would raise the money. So far, I hadn't made much. But I wasn't giving up easily. The more time I wasted, the more he weakened. The doctors said he was slowly dying, and it hurt me that I couldn't do more. But I would keep trying. Dad was all I had. And I'd be damned if I let him go just like that. 

I slipped off my shoes and scooted closer to him on the bed. And smiling, I began to tell him about the latest happenings in my life.