Sweetheart it’s just your hormones

Laughter bubbled in my throat when her words registered in my head. “Hannah, what on earth would I need this for? Put it away before someone walks in and assumes the same thing.” I dropped the packet on the bench between us like it had burned my hand.

“I’m not kidding Myra. I know you wish I am, but I’m not. You’ve been sick for nearly a month, you stopped eating mango flavored chips even though they’re your second favorite food in the whole world, and your body, it’s changing…”

“Jesus Christ Hannah, slow down with the sex talk. I’m not pregnant, okay? I can’t be. We’ve used protection every time we had sex.”

“Every time?”

“Yes!” I yelled and rose from the bench. The last thing both of us wanted was a child. I had an experience being raised in a dysfunctional family, and I would not do that to a kid. Plus my career had just started, what part of my life would a kid fit in. Pierce…well Pierce was Pierce. If he could be as cold and inconsiderate as he was to me, there was no doubt what would happen to a child I had with him. We were careful. Very careful…except at the premier of Gossip And Dreams, where he had bent me over in his private booth and fucked me senseless.

I froze. No. it happened one time. That wasn’t enough. Even as I argued, I knew I was wrong. It dawned on me that I could not recall my last period. Hadn’t even thought of the thing since I was so busy with work.

“You don’t look too confident.” Hannah said sympathetically and stretched the box out for me again. “Just get it over with. I might be wrong and this will be some funny misunderstanding to look back on.”

“Or you could be right, and I’ll be hot water.”

“Only one way to find out.”

She nudged me toward the bathroom after I had taken the packet reluctantly.

When I was locked securely in one of the stalls, with Hannah guarding my stall. I peed on the first one and waited for it to react.

“What’s happening in there Myra, I hope you don’t plan on pouring water on the kit!”

Now why hadn’t I thought of that? “I’m just waiting for the results to come in.” I yelled back through the door.

“Its five minutes it should be done by now.”

“Chill for chrissakes” I muttered under my breath and got up from the toilet seat to look at it in the sink.

“What does it say…Myra? What does the test say?” she wriggled the handle of the door.

“Give me a minute Hannah, it’s faulty-let me try it again.” I squeaked.

“Oh Myra.” She sighed, but waited till I repeated the test again, and again, and one more time for good measure.

“You can’t spend the rest of your day in there; you have to come out at some point.”

I opened the door, looking white as a sheet.

“It was one time, Hannah.” I said, walking past her in a daze. I was really pregnant. “We’ve always been safe.” Was this some kind of punishment from the universe?

“Shit like this happens all the time babe, don’t beat yourself up about it. And hey! If Pierce accepts the pregnancy, your life will be on easy street. Look how much traffic Your career has gotten in two years. People want you to sign a contract while you’re working and that’s just from being a rumored girlfriend. A baby mama…”

“Hannah, I swear sometimes you are the devil’s advocate.”

“I’m just speaking from a manager’s perspective.” She shrugged.

“From a kid’s perspective it would be hell. A father that will hate them and their mum, A mum who won’t have time for them either, plus, I can’t use a kid as leverage to forward my career, that’s low.” I scrunched my nose up.

“Yeah, Sarah's level of low.”

We sat in silent while I mulled my next decision.

“I don’t know what to do, Hannah. I can’t be pregnant.” I said, fear creeping into my voice. “I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a child, I have my mum and sister to care for, this’ll be an extra mouth to feed. How do I keep it a secret from Pierce?”

“Relax love, don’t you want to tell him?”

“I would rather not see his face now after those pictures with that woman. You see the resemblance, don’t you? He’s not going to want me or my child now that she’s back.” my voice lowered to a whisper, “what if he asks me to get rid of it?”

“Don’t let your mind fly Myra, For all we know she could be a family friend or long lost cousin or something-“

“That cousin looked like she wanted to bone him.”

“I think you should tell him.” She continued, ignoring my comment. “But for now, go for an actual test, determine how far along you are with the pregnancy and the health of the baby. I would come with you for moral support, but I need to speak with Lindsay and her team, and I don’t want you delaying this any further.”

“That’s okay. I’ll let you know how it goes” I said quietly. All I could think of was the fact that I had a mini Pierce growing in me. Hannah wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

“You got this.”

* * *

It did not feel like I had anything when I was spread out on the table, getting a physical exam from my gynecologist. Or when she told me that I would get the gestational age of my baby the following week when they compile my blood test and ultrasound. There was no ‘oh you’re not pregnant’ or ‘sweetheart, it’s just your hormones.’ No,I was really carrying a child. Pierce’s child.

As I walked out of the OB-GYN I fired a call to Hannah. She picked on the first ring.

“So?”

“The results will be in by next week, I was told I would get a call when they’re ready.”

“How are you feeling?” she sounded like she was having a meal.

“Nervous…confused…” I would have added more words to describe my mushy feelings, but the words died in my mouth when I spotted Pierce a few steps away, with a blonde woman clinging to his hand as a doctor spoke to them.