Sweetheart it’s just your hormones

Laughter bubbled in my throat when her words registered in my head. “Hannah, what on earth would I need this for? Put it away before someone walks in and assumes the same thing.” I dropped the packet on the bench between us like it had burned my hand.

“I’m not kidding Myra. I know you wish I am, but I’m not. You’ve been sick for nearly a month, you stopped eating mango flavored chips even though they’re your second favorite food in the whole world, and your body, it’s changing…”

“Jesus Christ Hannah, slow down with the sex talk. I’m not pregnant, okay? I can’t be. We’ve used protection every time we had sex.”

“Every time?”

“Yes!” I yelled and moved further away from her. The last thing both of us wanted was a child. I had an experience being raised in a dysfunctional family, and I would not do that to a kid. Plus my career had just started, what part of my life would a kid fit in. Pierce…well Pierce was Pierce. A kid out of wedlock was not up on his bingo cards. We were careful. Very careful.

Except… at the premier of Gossip And Dreams, he had bent me over in his private booth and fucked me senseless.

I froze. No. it happened one time. That wasn’t enough. Even as I argued, I knew I was wrong. It dawned on me that I could not recall my last period. Hadn’t even thought of the thing since I was so busy with work.

“You don’t look too confident.” Hannah said sympathetically and stretched the box out for me again. “Just get it over with. I might be wrong and this will be some funny misunderstanding to look back on.”

“Or you could be right, and I’ll be hot water.”

“Only one way to find out.”

She nudged me toward the bathroom after I had taken the packet reluctantly.

When I was locked securely in one of the stalls, with Hannah guarding my stall. I peed on the first one and waited for it to react.

“What’s happening in there Myra, I hope you don’t plan on pouring water on the kit!”

Now why hadn’t I thought of that? “I’m just waiting for the results to come in.” I yelled back through the door.

“Its five minutes, it should be done by now.”

“Chill for chrissakes” I muttered under my breath and got up from the toilet seat to look at it in the sink. Two red lines glared back from the strip.

“What does it say…Myra? What does the test say?” she wriggled the handle of the door.

“Give me a minute Hannah, it’s faulty-let me try it again.” I squeaked.

“Oh Myra.” She sighed, but waited till I repeated the test again, and again, and one more time for good measure. They all came back the same. Positive.

“You can’t spend the rest of your day in there; you have to come out at some point.”

I opened the door, looking white as a sheet.

“It was one time, Hannah.” I said, walking past her in a daze. I was really pregnant. “We’ve always been safe.” Was this some kind of punishment from the universe?

“Shit like this happens all the time babe, don’t beat yourself up about it. And hey! If Pierce accepts the pregnancy, your life will be on easy street. Look how much traffic your career has gotten in two years. The rumors about you two gave more popularity to gossip and dreams-and I’m sure you’ve enjoyed the times you spent with him.”

I stopped pacing, thinking about how he helped save my mother, even though he didn’t know. He just handed me money after I asked, no questions about what I wanted it for. That was how it had always been. He didn’t know me. He never asked questions about my life outside of work, that was all there ever was to our relationship and now I was pregnant.

“Hannah, he doesn’t want a child.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Look at the man!”

She pulled me down onto the bench beside her while my mind raced. If I learnt about this child that morning I would feel differently right now. If SHE didn’t enter the picture I would have a strong believe that somehow Pierce and I would work things out, that I could convince him to accept the child-to see me as more than a secret affair. Her arrival filled me with so much doubt now.

“I don’t know what to do, Hannah. I can’t be pregnant.” I said, fear creeping into my voice. “I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a child, I have my mum and sister to care for, this’ll be an extra mouth to feed. How do I keep it a secret from Pierce?”

“Relax love. You’re serious about not telling him?”

“I-I can’t.” Not yet. Not till I was sure that he still wanted me in his life. My voice lowered to a whisper, “what if he asks me to get rid of it?”

“Don’t let your mind fly Myra, I think you should tell him. But for now, go for an actual test, determine how far along you are with the pregnancy and the health of the baby, deal with that problem first. I would come with you for moral support, but I need to speak with Lindsay and her team, and I don’t want you delaying this any further.”

She said as she stroked my arm.

“That’s okay. I’ll let you know how it goes” I said quietly. All I could think of was the fact that I had a mini Pierce growing in me.

Hannah wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “You got this.”

* * *

It did not feel like I had anything when I was spread out on the table, getting a physical exam from my gynecologist. Or when she told me that I would get the gestational age of my baby the following week when they compile my blood test and ultrasound. There was no ‘oh you’re not pregnant’ or ‘sweetheart, it’s just your hormones.’ No,I was really carrying a child. Pierce’s child.

While my doctor spoke to me, I could not help the excitement that bubbled deep within my chest. I was pregnant! I had a little one growing in my tummy and it was mine. Correction, mine and Pierce’s. I imagined a world where he would be excited to hear the news. Where he would plant kisses all over my face and spin me around. A child could be a good thing…Maybe it was the catalyst Pierce needed to see that he loved me.

The doctor returned my dazed smile, and told me congratulations before he led me out of his office.

As I walked out of the OB-GYN I fired a call to Hannah. She picked on the first ring.

“So?”

“The results will be in by next week, I was told I would get a call when they’re ready.”

“How are you feeling?” she sounded like she was having a meal.

“Scared…confused…bursting with joy?” I would have added more words to describe my mushy feelings, but the words died in my mouth when I spotted Pierce a few steps away, with a blonde woman clinging to his hand as a doctor spoke to them.