Glass figurine

My fingers hovered over my screen after I typed his name out. Saying goodbye to Pierce was not an easy feat to accomplish, yet this was the only way to go.

Or am I supposed to ask him for an explanation? Begging him to not leave me? Just to further humiliate myself?

I couldn't fool myself anymore. 

I wished I could wave a hand and make everything right for the three of us. I placed my hand on my flat stomach and sighed.

I hated myself for all the times I let myself dream of a perfect life with Pierce. The life we could have with the child I was carrying if only he gave us a chance. Maybe it was best if we didn’t end things. I could wait for him to show up, we would talk it out and come to an agreement. I could not erase Pierce from my life completely. Even if I tried, and with the baby, and my finances…why did things have to get so complicated?

I had to be brave. If not for me, then for the child I carried. They deserved to have a life filled with love and staying with Pierce would create a rift in its life.

With shaky fingers I typed out the rest of my text and hit send before I gave myself a chance to overanalyze or change my mind about ending things, and then I blocked his line.

It felt like I was mourning the loss of a family member as I hurriedly shoved my clothes into suitcases stopping a few times as my sobs wracked my body. But even when all ai felt like was curling into a ball and letting my emotions loose, I kept on with my task. I did not want Pierce or his PA showing up at the apartment before I had time to leave.

A majority of my clothes were fanciful dresses and designer shoes that he had gifted me throughout the time we were together. Now when I looked at dresses that he peeled off me, after shows, I felt nothing but heartbreak.

I picked up the glass figurine he had gotten me from Paris, portraying a blonde woman with clothes flying in the wind

When he had given me the six inch statue, he told me that it had reminded him of me. My heart had soared at the thoughtful gift when he had given it to me all those months ago. Now I realized that when he said it reminded him of me, it wasn’t really me. It was Tami.

I placed it gingerly on the entry table when I was ready to leave. He could give it to the real owner, Tami. Along with the apartment. I wanted to get away from it. From everything that reminded me of romantic cuddles on the nights he overstayed, or compliments thrown out at random, the sex…I needed EVERYTHING concerning Pierce erased from my life

It was ironic that the memories I was now trying to get away from were the things that gave me hope that Pierce and I could be better, become something more.

In my blind love and naivety, I overlooked the fact that we only ever met intimately in this apartment. I had never been to his real home, nor did I know anything about his personal life other than the scraps he would throw me.

All this time the focus had been keeping me a secret. The rumors flew but that was all they were. Even though I was sure my mind was made up, I hesitated at the doorway waiting. For what? For Pierce to pop out of the elevator and order me me in after declaring love to me or… atleast tell me that I still mattered. But I knew he wasn’t coming. Tami had him wrapped around her finger.

I shut the door with a final thud, the sound chipping further at my heart.

* * *

I was shaken out of my numb state by the cab driver.

“We’ve reached ma’am” he said, sounding irritated. I looked outside to find the stairs that led to the small apartment my family called home. I thanked him after he helped me get my things out of his car, and paid him, adding a generous tip.

As I made my way up to them, children with a ball ran past me, pets chased each other and there were sounds of people carrying out various activities around the apartment. Some things never changed.

I paused briefly before I knocked on the door.

Lily answered , brightening when she saw it was me. The warm hug that enveloped me, made me feel safer. Loved.

“Hey little sis” I said fondly, into her hair. It reeked of medicine and cleaning products. I began to feel guilt for not visiting often. The money I sent did not make up for my presence.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her brows furrowing as she took in my face.

“I think I’m coming down with a cold.” I lied, forcing a smile into my weary-looking face. I followed quietly behind her into the kitchen and dumped my bags.

“Don’t be mad at me.” she started, putting on her best regretful face. I did not look forward to whatever she was going to say but at least I was sitting. “We had a hike in rent a while back, and I didn’t want to tell you about it, because I didn’t want you to worry too much. So things aren’t as rosy as I made you believe.“

“So what you’re saying is, you’re back to living hand to mouth again?” I rubbed my eyes wearily. “You should have told me, Lily. I would have sent more money or something..

“I didn’t want you stressing about us. Mom did not want me telling you either. You should not be stuck constantly worrying about our well being” She defended.

“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve said. It’s not for you to decide what I worry about or not.” And mom wasn’t the best person to follow advice from, given her state.

I led the way to mom’s room but found her asleep, with her nurse, Samantha by the bed, reading a book.

“Myra!” She whisper-yelled when she spotted me, and rose gingerly from her seat to join us. We all strolled back to the kitchen.

“How is she doing?”

“Could be better honestly. Her episodes are getting more frequent.” She glanced at Lily. “I already told Lily that I think it would be good, if she was moved to a long term facility.”

Lily huffed, “You promised you wouldn’t mention that, she just came home! Look Myra, mum is perfectly fine where she is, she just needs better meds.”

“Every time we’ve upgraded her meds, her body adapts to it shortly after, and then she gets even worse. She would do better in a hospice.”

This time I could not help but side with Lily and her fears. “Her care won’t be personal in a hospice, she’ll just be one of the heads out of many.” I argued.

“not to mention they won’t be able to notice the changes that we do, they don’t know her well enough.” Lily continued.

Samantha sighed then grabbed onto my hand and pulled me to her, “I promise you, your mother will be well cared for, and this isn’t just about her, it’s about your sister. She’s holed up in here all the time, don’t you want the burden of taking care of your mum to be lifted from her shoulders?”

I glanced at Lily who was now staring daggers at Sam. For all her feistiness, she couldn’t hurt a fly even if she tried. It pained me to think her entire life was wrapped around our mother.

I sighed, resigned. “Okay, we’ll do it.

“Myra!”

“Not a word from you, I’m still mad you kept all this away from me.”

She chewed on her lips, guilt written across her face. “There’s actually more.” Oh God “He’s getting out of jail next month.”

The words forced me back into the past: his menacing glare. The suffocating presence, silent sobs. My hands over my sister’s eyes to hide her from his yellow toothed smile as he pummeled our mother.

My chest constricted and the urge to run filled me. I stayed frozen in my seat though. Having a crazed fear that any sudden movement would summon him.

Sam left the room, before I was able to speak.

“How did you know?”

“We got a call from their correctional facility, and they said he would be getting out next month on good behavior.”

“Can’t they tell it’s just an act, that man is a narcissistic son of a bitch, he could hurt us, Lily.” I explained like she didn’t already know. if the prison could get our home number, so could he. And if he found out about what we did…

“We have to move.” I said urgently. We needed money. I had enough money saved to cover my mother’s medical bills for a few months if things didn’t go haywire but It would take a miracle to solve all our problems at this rate.

As I watched my sister chew on her nail, I wondered if I had made a mistake by leaving Pierce. Life was going to be a whole lot difficult without his support.

But I knew there was no turning back.