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I DON'T DESERVE HIM

Author: Gigi
last update Last Updated: 2025-03-09 19:05:05

HU:

I should’ve never come to this stupid get-together after what happened between Ginger and me. But what excuse could I possibly give Caspian? Oh, I had sex with your girlfriend, so I won’t make it. Fuck. I’m screwed, and I knew it the second Ginger walked through that door.

It’s unlike me to think about a girl twice. I’ve got enough life problems without adding her to the list. But she’s everywhere in my mind. For the past twenty-four hours, I’ve barely thought about my father—just Ginger. Her beautiful face. Her perfect body.

“Fuck,” I sigh, running a hand through my hair as I pull open the back door and step onto the soft grass, the cool night air hitting my skin.

I thought maybe I’d get over this weird feeling twisting in my chest, but every time I see her, it flares up like wildfire. Watching Caspian’s arm slung around her like she belongs to him… Wait, she does belong to him. But that only makes the strange energy coursing through my veins worse, urging me to rip his fucking h
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  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   FEELINGS FOR ME

    Ginger’s POV:I remain on Caspian’s body, and he keeps caressing me gently, making me feel even worse. The room is cool with the fans on, but I can hardly breathe. When I can no longer take it, I let out a forced breath and stand up.“Are you okay?” he asks, and I nod with a smile.“I was thinking we could do something—maybe watch a movie,” I say, and he nods.“That would be great. I should get some snacks downstairs.” He starts to leave, but I quickly reach for his arms.I need an excuse to leave, and this is my chance.“Why don’t you pick out the movies while I grab the snacks?” I ask, and he nods. I push myself out of bed quickly and head out of the room.Once in the corridor, I pause with my back against the door to catch my breath. This is one hell of a rollercoaster, and it’s making me lose my mind. The only upside is that I haven’t thought of my dad. My body is too busy processing these stupid feelings for a boy who doesn’t giv

    Last Updated : 2025-03-10

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   KISS AND RUN

    HU:Last night was literally one of the worst for me. I could barely sleep after I opened my big mouth. How can I sleep when Ginger is walking around with the thought that I have feelings for her? Yes, I do, but she isn’t supposed to know—not like this. In fact, never. Caspian would end my life if he knew, and I’m not ready to lose years of friendship.The entire night, I watched her window like a police guard on patrol. She doesn’t want me around, and I know it’s wrong to even think about sneaking in at midnight, but a part of me wants to.**The buzz of my alarm pulls me awake, letting me know I finally got some sleep. The first thing I do as I stand is look out the window. Hers is still shut—she is really standing on business. I let out a sigh, then quickly dress for school, rushing downstairs to have my breakfast before the entire family makes it to the dining room.“Leaving so early?” Mother asks

    Last Updated : 2025-03-11

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   CAPTAIN

    HU: I am about to turn around and leave like I didn’t see them, but Caspian yells out my name. “Hu, my man!” I curse under my breath and plant a smile on my face, walking up to him. He extends his hand, and I shake it before he pulls me close, our shoulders brushing. “You’ve been scarce and quiet these days. What’s up?” he asks, and I fight hard not to meet Ginger’s gaze. “Nothing. I’m cool. Just on the low,” I reply, but my chest tightens when I see Ruby walking toward us. I don’t know what she’s going to do, but I know it won’t be good. Running isn’t an option, so I stay still, hoping she won’t open her big mouth. “Hey, guys,” she greets with the biggest grin, then turns to Ginger. “Hi.” Her tone is too friendly. It’s not go

    Last Updated : 2025-03-11

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   ON THE ICE

    HU:The rink falls silent, and I immediately regret my action. Worse, I have no explanation to give Caspian for why I yelled at him that way. All eyes shift to me, but my focus stays locked on Caspian. His brows shoot up, and Ginger stiffens in his arms. A second passes, then another, before he tilts his head and lets out a chuckle.“Damn, Hu. I didn’t know I was disrupting a dictatorship.” He tries to make a lighthearted joke, and I immediately understand that he thinks I’m having one of my episodes, but this isn’t it.Some students murmur as my grip tightens around my hockey stick, my jaw aching from how hard I’m clenching it.“As I was saying!” I raise my voice, further solidifying his suspicions. The rink falls silent again. “We’re starting with drills. Speed laps first. If you can’t keep up, don’t bother showing up next time!”Caspian shakes his head at me, silently

    Last Updated : 2025-03-12

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   COACH HU

    HU:As I make my rounds on the rink, I spot Ruby skating toward me, and I let out a sigh. When she gets close enough, I come to a stop.“What on earth has been going on?” she demands, a frown forming on my face as I stare at her.“I have no idea what you are talking about.”She scoffs at my response, folding her arms. She nearly trips, but I instinctively reach out and grab her hand.“Oh, please do not save me. Your hands have already been on her!” she growls, and I release her with another sigh.“Are you serious right now? She was about to fall, and—”“You yelled at Caspian because of her, and I know that.”I stop speaking as she cuts me off. For a moment, there is silence between us.“You claimed you had no feelings for her, but you are just a liar. Worse still, you are not even trying to hide it. People have already noticed because I heard the gir

    Last Updated : 2025-03-13

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   EVERYTHING HE WANTS

    GINGER: Shock is an understatement for what I feel right now. It’s like the universe is conspiring against me, determined to make me suffer. I could have trained with Caspian, but somehow, fate decided against it. The coach continues speaking while I remain frozen, Caspian stroking my hand in reassurance. Meanwhile, he is assigned to some random girl. “Hey, loosen up,” Caspian whispers in my ear to calm me. I glance up at him, my breath caught in my throat. “Hu is my best friend,” he continues. “I promise, you’re in excellent hands. He can be tough, and yeah, he has his issues, but not everything is his fault. Deep down, he’s a good guy.” I force a smile and nod, even though my stomach is churning. If only Caspian knew that Hu’s outburst earlie

    Last Updated : 2025-03-13

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   MOMMY RAGE

    GINGER: Saturday arrives like a gust of wind, which means it is my first practice with Hu. The moment I wake up, I glance out the window and notice his curtains are drawn shut. Just as I am about to turn away, the curtains shift slightly, making my heart race as I instinctively duck down. “Okay, I’ve got this,” I whisper to myself, taking a deep breath. My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I reach for it. A message from Caspian lights up the screen, easing the tension in my chest a little. “I know the arena is in your estate, but I’ll be around in thirty minutes to see you off.” Warmth spreads through my chest as I read his text. He really is as thoughtful as Hana always says. But just as the feeling settles, another notification drops down, this time from Hu. “You have an hour to meet me at the arena.” I roll my eyes before typing a quick response to Caspian. “See you later, babe.” With that, I grab a towel and head to the shower, trying to focus on Caspian rather than h

    Last Updated : 2025-03-13

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   PRACTICE

    Ginger: “Great, you two have already met,” I say, trying to sound casual. I know my mom is just being friendly, but the way they’re sitting together so comfortably—like they’ve known each other forever feels unsettling. “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Orbblood. I hope I get to try that soup you mentioned next time,” Caspian says as he stands, flashing her a charming smile. My face twists in disgust as I head for the door. “Good luck, honey!” my mom calls after me, but I don’t respond. I step outside, and Caspian follows. Reaching his car, I yank the door open and slide in, shutting it behind me. He gets in after me, turning to face me. “Did I do something wrong?” “Yes! Bonding with my mom!” I blurt out, crossing my arms. His brows knit together. “You call that bonding?” “You tell me! You two were already talking about soup, and it had barely been five minutes! Five min—” Before I can finish, he presses his lips against mine, silencing me. The warmth of his touch melts my fr

    Last Updated : 2025-03-13

Latest chapter

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   LIKE OLD TIMES

    GINGER:It’s been two weeks since my last encounter with Hu. Hearing him confirm his love for me was needed, but even at that, I do not know what to do with it. I am certain he is my one true mate, but he seems like he is in his head, and he hasn’t for once tried to make a move on me.Our learning period has been platonic, even on the days my mum is away, and we have the chance to make out, or even go deeper than that — he just sits there, listening to me teach him. I am proud of him for his progress since then, and knowing his concentration only stems from being taught by me makes me feel special for holding such an important place in his heart, but then the thoughts of wanting more slip into my mind now and then.I do not want to spoil anything, so I stay back, watching his relationship with Caspian blossom again. Caspian, on the other hand, has become closer to me, and it is safe to say

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   I MEANT EVERYTHING

    GINGER:It is the first day of school after the match, and the halls are silent with praise for me. No one is giving me a disgusted look, and the people who hate me so much have their lips shut as I walk down the hallway.The feeling is great, I must admit, but there are more pressing issues. I get to my locker, put my stuff away, take out the things I need, and then shut it just in time to see Hu walking towards the classroom halls. I go after him.“Hu!” I call out, and he comes to a halt without turning to face me. I make my way to his front, standing before him, and even now, he has his face down. He is making this more difficult for both of us, and I wish he would just speak to me, but it doesn’t look like he will be doing that anytime soon.“Is everything okay?” I question, and he glances up at me with his expression neutral.“Yes, everything is

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   JUST FRIENDS

    Ginger:The arena is a frenzy of cheers, clapping, and blurry bodies moving in celebration, but all I can think about is Hu. My eyes dart from face to face as I search the crowd, my heart pounding louder than the echo of the victory horn. Seeing him fall scared the shit out of me, but then he stood up like nothing happened. I know he’s probably hurt, and I feel the need to be there for him—like he’s always been there for me.“Excuse me—sorry!” I murmur, weaving through fans waving the Shadow Pelt flag, looking for that familiar, stubborn face. He’ll say he doesn’t need help, and he’s probably somewhere trying to soothe his pain.I don’t see him anywhere near the bench or the sidelines. Not even among the players being lifted and hugged. My chest tightens as I try to keep my feelings in check. I shouldn’t panic. This is Hu, who doesn’t give a shit about m

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   LANDSLIDE VICTORY

    Hu:Coach Greg’s voice slices through the locker room as he marches in, blowing his whistle multiple times, clapping his hands to get the rowdy locker room to come to a halt. I know the girls did well yesterday, but the fact we won’t have a shot at the finals if we fail is where the pressure is. We are the only shot needed to save face for our pack. Although we have never lost to any team, there is still need for preparation.“Hu!” He shoots me a commanding look, and I jog up to him, standing beside him. Then he faces the rest of the team.“I don’t care how good the Blue Shadow boys are. I don’t care if they’ve got players with ice for blood. We are Shadow Pelt!” he growls, pacing in front of us. “Yesterday, they took victory from our girls, and it is our duty to protect them, so we must restore their dignity!”Every guy in the team stands straighter, and I can see the raw burn of revenge in their eyes. Well, it is mostly because some boys have taken a liking to the girls. The team is

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   SHE WANTS YOU

    GINGER:Ginger’s breath comes in ragged gasps as she rushes down the hallway, her vision blurred with unshed tears. The echo of the crowd’s cheers for the Blue Shadow Pack rings in her ears, each sound amplifying the shame tightening in her chest. She cost them the game. She fell at the most critical moment.She doesn’t stop until she reaches the empty corridor leading to the locker rooms, but heavy footsteps pound behind her, gaining on her fast.“Ginger!” Hu calls out, but she doesn’t slow down.She clenches her fists, trying to ignore him, but within seconds, he is beside her. His longer strides close the distance between them, and before she can pull away, his hand curls gently around her wrist, forcing her to stop.“Leave me alone, Hu,” she whispers, her voice cracking.He doesn’t let go. “Why are you beating yourself up?”

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   FEMALE HOCKEY

    GINGER:The locker room is buzzing with high energy as we prepare for the match against the Blue Shadow Pack. Everyone is talking over one another, debating who should go on the field first. I sit on the edge of the bench, tying my skates, trying to block out the noise. Then I see a pair of familiar shoes walking toward me, stopping inches away.Ruby speaks before I can look up. “She shouldn’t play.” Her tone is laced with disgust. “She’s too fat, and she’ll slow us down and make us lose.”My fingers freeze over my laces as I lift my head to see her standing with her hands on her waist.Silence falls for a brief second before a few girls start giggling, while others shift uncomfortably. My chest tightens as heat rises to my face, and I will myself to look unaffected, but my nails dig into my palm.“Ruby might be right,” someone says

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   BUSTED

    GINGER:I push the door open, my body still damp from the pool, Hu’s oversized shirt clinging to me. My heart sinks the moment I step inside and find Janet’s side of the bed empty. Worse, my property is all over the place. My clothes are on the ground, and they are wet.A shaky breath escapes me as I scan the room. I walk over to one of my shirts, lifting it off the ground, watching as water drips from it. Tears well up in my eyes, and I try so hard to ground myself, but they keep falling. I know I hurt someone, but this is too much karma for my sins. A choked sob slips out, and suddenly, I sink onto the cold floor, pulling my knees to my chest.I try to breathe, but it feels like I’m suffocating. Like the walls are closing in. And then it happens before I can stop it. The darkness I dread envelops me, pulling me under like quicksand, dragging me back to a place I never want to be.The room fades, and it is just me, standing with my father, watching him p

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   LIFE GUARD

    GINGER:“Hey! Stop!” I call out to Janet as she catwalks away toward the pool exit.I cannot believe I bought into her nerdy girl nonsense because, looking at her now, I can barely see that. She is the typical mean girl—the ones who spend their entire lives investing in heavy skincare, starving themselves to have an enviable build. She is… Ruby!“Hey! Stop!” I try again, pushing myself against the edge of the pool, but she only laughs, tilting her head.“Why?” she taunts. Then she pauses, a smile curling on her lips as we hear the voices of approaching students. “You better stay in there because I doubt anyone wants to see your mom tits.” She glares at my bra. “I cannot believe those boys are fighting over this. Ew.”I suck in a shaky breath, trying to hold myself together. “Don’t do this, please. It isn’t fair.&r

  • HOCKEY ALPHA'S FORBIDDEN AFFAIR   EVIL JANET

    GINGER:Janet and I swim around for a while, splashing each other and floating lazily in the cool water. The sun shines down on us, warming my skin despite the chill of the pool. It’s peaceful having just the two of us here, and a part of me dreads that this will soon end when the other students arrive.Janet swims closer, resting her arms on the edge of the pool. “You know,” she starts, her voice softer than before, “I just want to say… I’m really sorry for everything. The bullying, the rumors, all of it. You don’t deserve that.”Hearing her say this doesn’t make me feel better about myself, because a part of me feels like I deserve it. I hurt Caspian, and this is probably my karma.I shake my head at her.“I know I can’t change what’s happened,” she continues, “but I just want you to know that I’m here for you,

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