GOD 03

• Glimpse of Death•

Nag umpisa ang klase na blangko ang aking isipan. Hell, I'm on the outer space again.

First day of school, kaunti palang ang ginagawa, normally teachers would just introduce themselves and check the attendance, may iba namang nag iwan nalang ng activities at agad nang umaalis. Others would tackle pero napupunta rin sa kuwentuhan. Daily Life of a student, to act as if they're listening and learning.

Nakakainip man matuto, pero hindi na'ko nagrereklamo, some teachers tackle their own life story, that's one of the reasons I hate school, probably learning too. I don't even know the reason why I'm still here, enrolled. One of the reasons maybe is to still experience what normal people do and to explore life. Minsan ay napapatawa nalang ako sa sarili. Funny how I tried to be like them.

I'm just contented on what I know and have. That's the short term for tamad mag-aral, which is me. Kontento ako sa meron ako, pero hindi sa pagiging ako. Being me is tiresome, I may not get bullied anymore but I know someone out there hates my guts.

The bell rang, Lunch time. Ginalaw ko ang leeg ko, at sabay na inayos ang pagkalugay ng buhok.

"Hi! Sabay na tayo" oh! I forgot katabi ko parin nga naman ang babae, the woman whose eyes is very familiar, that it makes me gasped air, and be suffocated.

I tried to play deaf. Such an ungrateful act, Libitina. Nag isip ako ng paraan para makaiwas sa kanya.

I continue avoiding her, but she was so persisitent, that it makes my gut irritated. Hindi ba niya ramdam na ayaw ko makipag-usap? I'm not even close to her, not a friend or some acquaintance, just classmate.

"Ikaw ha napaka snob mo, friends na tayo ngayon. I'm Charmeine Erelah" I am not sure on what should I do, but in the end i accepted her handshake. Para tumigil na siya. She maybe irritating but her name pefectly compliments herself- charming.

Napakagaling kong umacting. I should be nomitated to some award show and win it all. Ayaw kong makipag plastikan, but to her, I think I should do it.

Her eyes is really uncomfortable, kahit anong pag-iwas ko ay bumabalik balik pa rin.

Mas lumapad ang ngiti niya na nagpasimangot sa'kin.

"Libitina Morana" I said casually, saying my name, should make her stop being close at sticking with me.

"Wow! Ang cool nang name mo" her smile speak it all, she's full of joy and energy.

I smiled a little, I still know how to appreciate thou. "Thanks"

"Pupunta ka sa Cafeteria?"

I shake my head stating a no. I will never go to crowded places, and I never like going to. Crowded places are one of my hated and scariest places to go to, I could see hundreds of deaths in just glimpse.

I remember one time when I turn at the age of nine, the maids brought me to the Amusement park, I was happy for a few seconds but looking at everyone's smiling faces and joyful eye froze me like ice. They were dying and being killed, paulit ulit iyon na nagplay sa isip ko. I can feel their pain and agony. Sobra sobra silang nasasaktan at nahihirapan. Their eyes were screaming from death, running ang beheade.

Ilang beses ko nang nakita si kamatayan sa iba't ibang tao. Holding his deadly and sharp scythe, I would pass out if his infront of me. My thought of what ifs; What if people can see death too? Will they accept their death? and obliged to the grim reaper's scythe?

It must scare them and fight to their strangled faith. Mahirap kalabanin ang kamatayan, he's always there waiting for the hourglass sands fall onto its last grain.

I get up and went outside, pilit kong kinakalimutan ang nakaraan na tuloy tuloy ang paghabol sa'kin. Sumunod naman si Charmeine dala ang kanyang bag. This girl! Hindi ba pwedeng maghanap siya ng ibang kaibigan? I am not comfortable na may nakabuntot sakin.

I stop for a moment, pakiramdam ko ay may taimting nagmamasid sa bawat galaw ko. Eyes fixated on me, waiting for the moment I fall. Tsk. How unfortunate for you, I'm careful. I breath out and smirk.

I walked faster until i reach the rooftop.

When i was still on my lower year dito ako madalas tumambay, kumain at magpahinga.

The rooftop is my safe haven here in school. Walang ibang estudyante ang gumagawi rito, at kung meron man hindi nagtatagal sapagkat natatakot.

Rumors circulate around the school saying that this rooftop is hunted by dark spirits.

I don't know if i'll believe it, but there's an 80% chance that the rumors are true. Ako nga hindi makapaniwala sa sarili, 'yon pa kaya.

I mean, there is a much bigger dimension, where the aliens, unknown living creatures and some supernatural beings live. Malaki ang mundo at hindi pa nasusuyod ang buong bahagi nito. Yan ang paniniwala ko.

I even believe in Parallel Universe. Whoo knows if there is someone who look like me but face a different challenge.

Charmeine sat infront of me, ginaya ang way ng pagkakaupo ko, Indian sit. There is no chair nor tables here.

Inilapag niya ang kanyang pink lunch box sa harap ko.

I stared at her for a couple of seconds. Confuse at the same time bothered.

"Hindi mo dinala ang bag mo at baka nagugutom kana" my lips parted. I don't bring lunchbox. Wala ring halos laman ang bag ko. That's just some students’ props. Funny how I would skip class and failed some test on my lower year yet, I managed to pass. Hindi rin naman ako bobo, sadyang tamad lang ako. I hate studying and attending boring classes.

"I'm your only friend kaya wag kang mahiya" mahiya? as if I will. She already claimed that we're friends, this girl really has a huge gut.

It's just, I'm not comfortable around her, something inside me is screaming not to be friends with her. I sighed and started to eat, gutom na rin ako kaya i'll just accept this blessing. I do want to have friends, pero ayaw kong maulit ang dati.

"Mabuti nalang at marami ang pagkain na nadala ko, naparami kasi ang luto ni mama at ..." I waited for her to continue but when i look at her face, pulang pula na iyon. This girl... she looks embarrassed.

Is a tomato face still normal? She needs a doctor appointment. I should book one for her.

"hehe secret lang natin to ah, dapat kay Yael yang kinakain mo, yung kaklase natin na maputi at gwapo kaso hindi ko na nabigay kasi marami palang naghanda ng pagkain para sa kanya, yung galing sa restaurant at mamahalin pa" her voice was coated with sadness.

"Why would you give him food? Namumulubi na ba siya at kayo pa ang maghahanda ng pagkain niya?" my brows furrowed as i eat the rice with adobo. Delicious! I'm salivating.

"hindi naman, gusto ko lang mapansin niya" I don't understand them, if I will like someone, I’ll just like him. That's all.

I just nodded and continued to eat. Bahala sila sa buhay nila.

Charmeine was the girl earlier inside the jeep who proclaimed na sa kanya raw si Yael. I don't even know this Yael guy. He must be so attractive dahilan na maraming babae ang nagpapahanda sa kanya ng pagkain.

"Thank you for the food, it was good." it rhymed! as I finished munching the last portion of meat I look again at her eyes. Dali dali akong uminom ng tubig at tumayo na. I shouldn't have look at its kung hindi ko naman pala kayang isipin ang mangyayari.

Like the same scenario but much worse. Through the passing years, my so-called ability to take a glimpse of people's death evolve or improve. Nang makita ko ang kamatayan ni Astra ay ang mga taong malapit palang ang kamatayan ang nakikita ko- their near death, but now I can see their death even for the next 20 years or more. It's getting much worse and I loathe myself for that. If I could just remove my eyes, maybe this curse will be gone too. Seeing someone in their deathbed torments me.

Charmeine is not done yet, mabagal siyang kumain at minsa'y nabubulunan pa.

My hair was blown by the wind. I am drowning in deep thoughts when Charmeine announced that she's done eating.

Tinulungan ko na rin siyang magligpit.

"You go first, cr lang ako" hindi ko na inantay ang sagot niya at umalis na.

I washed my face with cold water, pilit na inaalis ang nasa isipan. Pinilig pilig ko rin ang ulo ko.

Remember your words Libitina, stick to it! I nodded at my own reflection and went outside.

Papasok na sana ako ng classroom ng dumapo ang aking tingin sa berdeng mata. His eyes is alluring, that once you look at it your already his captive.

I blink and return my gaze.

Weird.

His eyes are familiar. Na para bang nakita ko na iyon dati.

Matang pawang nakasabay ko magmasid sa kalawakan.

That very green eyes, full of hope yet sadness overpower, making it soulless and empty.