Chapter 8.1 - Valentina

An hour and a half later, Isaac and I are joined at the hip, chatting about literally anything that comes to our minds. I know my pupils are dilated to the point where my eyes are nearly black and that I'm talking way too much, but I'm having more fun with him than I thought I would. And he is funny.

I see Isabella plopped down on a couch looking lost, so I excuse myself and go over to her to see if she's okay.

"Are you okay?" I ask, getting a déjà vu as I sit down. I look at the city behind her for a moment. The sun hasn't come out yet but it's not going to be long, and I love how a lot of lights are still turned on throughout the city that never sleeps.

"I'm just super drunk." She whines, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I want to go back to the hotel."

"I have the room key."

"Do you want to come with?"

I look outside where Isaac is waiting for me on a loveseat. "In thirty minutes?"

She smiles, but there's sadness in her eyes. "Okay."

"What happened?" I ask, knowing better than to just stand up and leave.

"I just don't understand why he can't see it."

"Who? See what?"

She points to the place across the room at the bar where Matteo and Vinnie are talking.

"Matteo?" I ask.

She looks disgusted. "Ew, no."

"Vinnie?"

She nods.

"What? Can't see what?"

She shrugs. "That they all just want his money and attention. They don't care about him, and he just cares about all the wrong people."

I look at her watching him as she talks, and it suddenly makes sense. At some point I suspected that she might be in love with Matteo, because she always talked about how better off everyone was without Allison and Sophia with a hint of jealousy in her voice.

But it had been Vinnie all along. I would've never guessed, even though it makes sense now.

"Does he know you like him?"

She looks up at me. "Of course not. And he never will, okay?"

I frown. "I think that's a bad idea."

"Never telling him?"

"Yes. Maybe he feels the same."

"If we were meant to be we would've been by now." she says and leans back into the couch. I look out at the city below us. I can see the Hudson River and I wonder how many people get to see what I'm seeing right now.

"So, you seem to be getting along well with Isaac." She changes the subject.

"Yes, but-"

"Stop with the excuses, Valentina! I feel like you're trying to find excuses not to enjoy the attention of a cute guy who isn't an asshole."

"I think you should listen to your own advice."

"I've never told anyone that before, you know. It feels good getting it out. Do you think I'm crazy?"

I look at her in awe. "What? Why would I think you're crazy? I think falling for your best friend is the most beautiful thing in the world."

"If it's reciprocated, that is."

"You won't know if it is until you tell him."

"But the friendship-"

I stand up. "I feel like you're trying to find excuses not to enjoy the love of a guy who isn't an asshole." I say, trying to mimic her Italian accent.

"He is kind of an asshole though." Isabella says, smiling. "Okay, I'll wait thirty minutes."

I kiss her on the cheek before I hurry back outside, feeling excited to talk to Isaac. I know it's most likely from the drugs, but I haven't had this much fun talking to a guy in a long time.

Someone starts rolling joints at some point, which makes everyone outside join into one big group therapy session as the sun slowly comes out. I look at Isaac's profile while he talks to one of the guys in our group.

For a moment, I wonder whether Matteo even likes having people over all the time and if he doesn't sometimes wish to just go to sleep, but then I focus on Isaac again. His hand is on my thigh under my dress, just resting there, and part of me wants him to put it even higher, to kiss me, to do anything.

I need to talk to Isabella.

"Finally." Isabella gets up from the couch where she was just talking to Matteo.

"Uhh. I think I want to stay a little longer."

"It's fine, I'll just order an Uber." Isabella waves it off. "You decided you're interested?"

Matteo looks up at me and I shrug. "Maybe? I haven't figured it out yet."

Isabella grabs my arm. "Okay, I'm going to be direct. You need new dick. I know you're on your self-discovery journey and whatever, but it's okay to be horny and it's okay to hook up with that hot guy you've had a crush on since middle school. If I were you, I would do it."

I cross my arms. "Oh, would you really?"

Isabella flips me off before she announces her departure.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she yells at me as she walks away.

Twenty minutes later, more people leave, so I go back inside with Isaac to sit on the couch. I keep asking myself whether I want to stay, go to his place, go home, or just see where this goes. I'm in the middle of telling him about a time I missed a flight to Spain whilst being in the airport, when he suddenly kisses me.

His kisses are more aggressive than I would like but his hands are soft and slow and he's making me feel comfortable, so I go along with it.

Reality sinks in while I straddle him on the couch. I stare out at the sun coming up over the city and realize that I'm in a random apartment with a guy I had a crush on five years ago but has always seemed unattainable.

I break off the kiss to look around – everyone's gone and I'm way too horny to stop now.

"What do you want to do?" he asks, lips buried into my neck.

Honestly? Have sex.

"Are there any empty rooms?" I choose to ask instead, but he understands and is up for it.

"Marco isn't here today, so yes."

I stand up and he keeps me from stumbling on my heels. It's now or never. "Let's go."

He kisses me as soon as I say the words, with a force that surprises me but also turns me on, so I let him guide me to the bedroom he was speaking of.

It doesn't last as long as I would have liked, and fifteen minutes later he's already asleep on the other side of the bed, leaving me horny and lonely.

Scrolling on my phone puts me to sleep for a few hours until the sun wakes me up at 2pm.

It's too hot under the covers and Isaac is still asleep so I get out of bed as quietly as possible, wrapping the blanket around me. I cover a naked Isaac with another blanket before I make my way towards the kitchen.

"Coffee." I say to myself and look at the coffee machine on the counter. My father uses the same one but I can't find capsules, so coffee in a pot it is. I think I've only done coffee in a pot a couple of times before, but I know you have to put the coffee in first and then let the water boil.

Holding up the blanket around my body while also making coffee seems to be harder than I thought. The fact that I've only slept two hours and didn't take my makeup off makes me even more uncomfortable.

I hear someone walking down the hall in my direction and panic because I can't recognize the steps. Matteo appears from around the corner, and before I can even explain myself because he looks surprised, Isaac also makes an appearance. With a towel around his waist. Great.

We all say hello to each other, and I turn around to focus on the coffee, letting the two of them fill the silence.

"I need to go, I have an appointment today." Isaac says and looks at me. "I'll text you." He winks and walks away in the direction of the bedrooms.

Matteo and I both watch him walk away, and I don't look at him when he turns to face me.

"What?" I ask, feeling as if he's trying to say something.

"How was it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Isaac, I mean."

I cross my arms over my chest, gripping harder into the blanket. "It was okay."

He smiles. "I never thought he had it in him."

"What do you mean?"

Matteo shrugs. "I didn't think he'd sleep around."

I frown. "I don't sleep around either."

"I didn't say you were. I was just saying that he's softer than most guys, and I didn't think he'd actually make a move."

Well, if I'm completely honest with myself, that explains the average sex - the type of sex I had with Jamie towards the end of our relationship. Sex just for the sake of having sex. For the sake of the guy having an orgasm before he goes to sleep. Boring.

But still, it felt good to have that feeling of someone inside you after a long time of doing it yourself.

"Well, you know him better than I do." I say, turning around to check on the coffee.

"Did you do drugs?"

"Don't I always?" I sarcasrically reply, not really joking.

It isn't something I am proud of, but every time I'm in the city I end up doing bad things and feeling guilty the next day. But then it all goes away, and I crave yet another dopamine rush because nothing else does it for me anymore. I feel like I've watched all the movies and shows there are to watch, and I haven't read since I left Italy last summer.

I realize I zoned out when Matteo walks over to the window and opens it to let some fresh air in.

"So?" he asks, leaning against the counter. I look at him confused.

"So what?"

"Did you do drugs?"

"Haven't I already answered that question?"

"I meant with him."

---

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