Chapter 8.2 - Valentina

"You didn't specify. And yes, we did. Molly."

Matteo raises his eyebrows and looks at the boiling coffee. "Hm." He pauses. "I never would've thought he does drugs."

I roll my eyes at him. "Everybody does drugs."

"In theory, yes, but I think 'drugs are everywhere' would be more accurate. I just thought Isaac was always judgemental about this stuff because he plays football."

"Looks like you're the judgemental one, hm?"

I turn off the stove and push the pot away from the heated circle.

"Like you didn't judge him at first for being a football player."

I blink at him with an innocent look on my face. "No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Are you trying to prove a point here?"

Matteo lifts his hands up in defense. "If you're trying to lecture me, then at least I have to make sure you're right." He smirks, using my own arguments against me.

Okay, so he's an idiot. And this conversation doesn't make any sense. I take a good look at him and realize that he's also hungover and probably hasn't slept much from the drugs.

"My Uber's going to be here any minute. Thanks man." Isaac says and comes into the kitchen, fully dressed in his clothes from last night. He goes over to shake Matteo's hand and then kisses my temple.

Raisa enters the kitchen in Matteo's shirt and nothing else, smiling from ear to ear. She spots Matteo and I on the other side of the kitchen, turned towards each other, and her smile falters.

"Good morning."

I take a step back and fight the urge to roll my eyes. Honestly, chill. I know the reason I get annoyed when I see her feeling threatened by my presence is because I see my old self on her. A jealous person who went out of her way to prove her fears right.

Isaac says goodbye to her as well and the three of us look at each other as the front door closes shut. Raisa is looking at me in a knowing way, and her eyes are urging me to tell her what happened.

"Valentinaaa." She incredulously says and places a hand on her hip. "Tell me everything."

I shrug. "It was okay."

"He lasted ten minutes huh?"

I turn around and look for some coffee mugs, trying to think of a polite answer. I don't want to tell them it was average and mildly satisfying because it had nothing to do with Isaac and by now I know Raisa has a big mouth.

Matteo is also here, and I still haven't figured out whether I trust him yet. I know he's overheard some of my conversations with Isabella (maybe he wasn't even listening) and never once said anything about it. Mostly, he probably just doesn't care. I take out three coffee mugs and place them on the island counter, facing Raisa again.

"No, it wasn't that. It was nothing out of the ordinary, that's all. It was nice."

"Hm." Raisa trails off, looking at Matteo. "Do you have any spare clothes? My dress is...stained."

"First door on the right is my closet." Matteo tells her.

"I'm going to go take a shower. You want to join me?"

I look down at the coffee mugs, feeling embarrassed for some reason. Maybe for her, maybe for being here and feeling extra, and maybe for Matteo as well.

"No, I showered when I woke up." Matteo bluntly replies.

I don't look at Raisa's face as she says 'okay'.

"You could be nicer to her, you know." I tell him after I make sure she's out of earshot.

"Why would I be nicer than my usual self?"

I can't give him an answer, so I settle for pouring coffee into the mugs.

"You have to pour a little cold water over it, so the grounds go down." Matteo says and I understand maybe half of what he just told me.

"What?"

"The coffee, when you make it in a pot. If you don't want coffee grounds in the mug, you must pour cold water over it while it's still hot."

I notice that my blanket begins to slip so I set the pot down and grab it with both hands. My phone buzzes on the table and I check to see that Isaac just texted me he got home.

"Isaac texted me."

Who else is there to talk to about this anyway?

"Already?"

"Yes."

"He lives close by."

"Do you think it's a good or a bad sign?"

Matteo takes one of the filled coffee mugs and goes to sit down on a highchair by the island counter. "A sign for what?"

I watch him take out a pack of cigarettes and an ashtray from one of the drawers. "I don't know? For how my relationship with him is going to develop."

He shakes his head as he lights his cigarette. "You women think men think too much."

I raise my eyebrows. "How so?"

"You had sex and now you expect something between you to change."

"Something does change."

"No, it doesn't."

"We've seen each other naked, and orgasm. Well, in his case." I ironically add, getting a sudden urge to defend my opinion and becoming vengeful. "It's like a barrier to intimacy."

"For you, but for us, it's a way to release an urge."

Okay, we're getting way too theoretical here.

"I'm not saying we're something more because we had sex, I'm asking you if you think he thinks we're something more. Everybody says he's soft and I'm not looking for any relationship, but I had fun with him. And I don't want him to get clingy because he'll give me the ick, but if he gets too distant, I'll eventually regret it when I get bored."

It sounds selfish saying it out loud, but it's how I feel and I'm not sure Matteo understands anyway.

"I think you're overthinking it. Badly." He concludes and takes the first sip of his coffee, already halfway through his cigarette.

Don't you just love the European breakfast?

"Can I have a cigarette?" I ask and he holds the pack out to me.

I walk closer until I'm standing at the table next to him, one hand holding my mug and the other holding the blanket. He places the cigarette in my mouth because both my hands are occupied and lights it up.

"Thanks."

The coffee is a 5 out of 10 but it's the only coffee we have in this apartment, and I can't be bothered to wait for an order right now. I just need coffee.

"I know I overthink, but I do it less often now. I used to do it with my ex-boyfriend when I was younger."

"You should just see where it goes. Go with the flow."

Going with the flow is what all of my almost-friends-with-benefits have said to me when I tried to at least make a connection with them before we had sex, which always lead to nowhere. I feel sorry for Raisa. She probably heard the line from him too, but under different circumstances.

"Well, that's what I'm trying to do, but he texted me right after he got home. I don't want to have to talk to him." I whine, and I realize I'm being childish.

But it's one of those mornings when you wake up after having made plans while drunk and not wanting to follow through the next morning.

"Then don't." he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't want to be mean."

He laughs at that.

"What?"

"Saying no doesn't make you mean. It just saves you both time and effort."

We each smoke another cigarette in comfortable silence, me standing up and looking out the window at the city and him on his phone. Raisa eventually joins us, fully dressed in some of Matteo's clothes, saying she threw her dress in the washing machine.

"I'm going to go." I say, making a face at the coffee. It was horrible.

"Do you have milk and sugar?" Raisa asks.

"The coffee sucks." I warn her before I go back to my room to get dressed.

On the way to the hotel, I realize that even though the coffee was one of the worst I've ever drank, Matteo never complained.

***

Two days later, the first Covid case is announced in New York.

A month later, the world goes into lockdown, and everyone who can flies back to their home countries, because the entire university moves online.

Our dad tells us about the lockdown before it even happens, so he gets Adrik, Raisa, Aleksi and I on a plane back to Moscow.

***

The first few weeks of lockdown weren't bad but being in the same space as my family for so long without variety throughout the day can get frustrating. Isaac texts me every day, either something completely random or by sending me memes. He's also in Moscow, but due to lockdowns and everyone being on edge about spreading the virus, saying no to a date that could theoretically be possible (if you had a lot of money you could basically make the virus disappear) would not be considered mean.

However, I found myself enjoying the time I spent talking to Isaac, and soon enough Adrik was asking me who I was texting and why I was smiling. This went on until two months later, when they finally announced re-openings in New York and Isabella calls me.

"We have a problem."

"Elaborate."

"Vinnie and Pia's birthday bash in Ibiza is canceled for now. They said the whole island is closed down."

"I guess it makes sense. So where's the problem?"

"Pia is really sad about not getting a birthday this year." She says, and her tone lets me know that Pia is also there, listening in. I knew Isabella wasn't the type to whine about parties in the midst of a global pandemic, so I looked around my room for inspiration. Everything was pale pink and creamy soft, relaxing. All I can think of is suggesting that we postpone it or find another location.

"Postpone it for a month?" Isabella asks, putting words in my mouth so Pia could hear it for herself. Why she's calling me out of all people, I'll never know. "Alright, I'll see you then, hopefully."

She hangs up and texts me a few minutes later that Pia is being annoying about not doing something for her birthday and that her father said Spain should reopen in June. Plus, we had exams in two weeks, and nobody was prepared for anything because online courses were shit. The fact that it had rained non-stop for the past few days and it didn't look like it was going to stop didn't help with anyone's mood.

***

Four days before the Business Psychology exam, Matteo calls me.

"Hello?" I answer, happy to get a break from forcing myself to study.

"Come to Italy and let's take the exam together."

I drop my pen. "Excuse me?"

"The exam, on Thursday. It's at two."

"Why would I ever even consider doing that?"

"I can't pass this. I haven't even downloaded Zoom yet."

"It's an online exam. You can cheat you know."

"I wouldn't even know where to look, Valentina!"

"How is that my problem?" I provoke him, simply because I'm bored, and his desperation amuses me.

"I'll be very happy and relieved if I pass this exam."

"You know that's not a good enough reason for me to even think of flying to Italy during a pandemic."

I stand up from my desk and start walking around the room.

"Okay, let me try again. The flight is only four hours and I'll send the best private jet I can find to pick you up at nine on Thursday."

"Try again."

"You know the weather in Moscow is shit and lockdown sucks, and it's twenty-four degrees here and my room has a sea view."

I look out my window. The sky is gray and I can't even see the sun, and everything is muddy and wet.

"Did you actually g****e the weather in Moscow?"

"Yes, because I knew you wouldn't agree if you didn't get something out of it."

"I haven't agreed yet."

I hear him sighing at the other end. "Don't make me beg. At least leave me my dignity."

"Fine. I'll send you the address of the airport where you can land and you'll pick me up at one so I can be on time."

"Okay."

"Okay."

---

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