Chapter 004

“Why now of all years?” Sarah asked herself, staring at the test result in her hands as she stood in the middle of the hospital reception. Tears streamed down her face, some followed the cheeks lines to her mouth with some dropping on the paper.

She rushed out of Harold’s home and refused his offer to drop her off at the hospital, unable to believe he was telling her the truth, and since the pregnancy test was free, she stopped by the nearest hospital to confirm what she had fervently prayed against.

What will happen next? How would she explain to the world what was going on in her life? Would she go back to Charles to inform him about the pregnancy?

“What’s wrong?” Chloe, a nurse asked, her voice layered with conversation as she placed her hand on Sarah’s shoulder.

Chloe gave Sarah the test result, smiling and judging by Sarah’s appearance, she already guessed her age and expected Sarah would be excited, but her reaction was the complete opposite of what she foresaw. “What’s wrong?”

Sarah wiped her eyes and shook her head, forcing a smile onto her face. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She lied.

Chloe shook her head in opposition. “No, you can’t tell me that. Aren’t those tears in your eyes?” She spoke calmly and placed her other hand on Sarah’s shoulder. “Pregnancy isn’t a disease. Shouldn’t you be excited about it? You’re a grownup. Why are you crying?”

She looked into Sarah’s face and guessed. “Or… are you a divorcee afraid of being a single mother?”

Sarah’s brows raised, surprised. Chloe’s guess was almost true, but she didn’t expect she would be so blunt about it. She quickly wore an insincere smile and shook her head. “No… that’s not it. I-”

Chloe brightened her smile to make it look more consoling. “Don’t worry. I can understand how embarrassing it is to admit to that, but don’t worry, I’ll do my best to help you,” she said, giving Sarah no space to speak her mind. “Delivery is free. All you just have to do is come for a checkup regularly,”

“And as for the baby’s stuff, I’ll put in good words for you, so others can contribute to you at the weekly antenatal. Just make sure you’re punctual.”

“Don’t you think you talk too much?” A voice intervened.

Sarah glanced backward, and seeing Sarah, she veered around and ran to her with open arms. “Sandra…” she called in a shaky voice and tears instantly flooded out of her eyes. “What am I supposed to do now?”

Sarah foresaw herself breaking down if the test result was true, so she messaged Sandra earlier since she was the only one she confided in, and would give her his shoulder to lean and cry on anytime.

“The result is positive. What should I do, Sandra?”

Sandra placed her hand on Sarah’s head and slowly pushed Sarah’s head until it relaxed on her shoulder. “First, I need you to stop crying. I think that’s the first step out of all this,” she let out.

She rounded her left arm around Sarah’s body, patting her back with the right. “There’s always a reason for everything. So, calm yourself, girl. I know it is worth crying over, but it shouldn’t be in a public place. People are watching,” she persuaded. “Babies are a blessing, so we’re keeping it and you won’t go back to that brat. Okay?”

Sarah nodded, unable to say a word with uncontrollable tears rolling out of her eyes, wetting Sandra’s shoulder.

Sandra slipped Sarah’s head from her shoulder and lightly held it in her hands, looking straight into her eyes. “Remember, no matter what happens, no matter what life throws at you, no matter what phase of life you find yourself, I’ll always be there for you,”

She filled her lips with an appeasing beam, proceeding with a low, yet assuring voice that made Sarah feel at peace a little. “I get your back and for no reason will I ever abandon you to face your problem alone; not even for a second except I die, and even if I do, I’ll watch you from heaven.”

Her last line brought a smile to Sarah’s face. “None of us are dying.”

Sandra joggled her head. She released Sarah’s head and hugged her tightly. “I won’t persuade you to stop crying; I know all your struggles to keep the happiness you thought you’d found,” she said, trying to cheer her up.

“Girl, to the memories of wasted efforts, struggle, time, and anguish, cry all you want. Holding tears causes the heart incurable disease. Cry if needed, but know the right time to stop. Okay?”

Sarah nodded and forced herself to smile, thinking she had enough of the tears, but she couldn’t help more rolling out of her eyes.

“Told you to cry all you want. I’ll give you time to roll on the floor once we get home. I won’t mind.” Sandra let out.

Sarah sniffed. “Why me? Why me, Sandra? Why do I have to always battle pain and betrayal from those I choose to love? Is happiness too much to ask for?” She poured.

Sandra shook her head. “No,” she answered in simplicity. “It’s just that those that betrayed and caused you pain didn’t deserve you,”

“Remember, you’re a strong lady who’s always sacrificed a lot, all in the name of love. You deserve whatever happiness that comes your way. All you’ve to do is heal and move on and I believe who deserves you’ll crosses paths with you is worthy of you. Soon.” Sarah encouraged.

“I did already.”

A cute, yet manly voice came from the entrance direction.

Sarah lifted her eyebrows and staring at the figure with a few steps away from her, her face withered. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for you.” Harold responded in a cool tone.

His presence pissed Sarah off more, and her eyeballs turned red in irritation. “Why are you stalking?”

“I’m not stalking you; I followed you.” He responded.

“And who says you can follow me around?” She questioned.

“My mind,” he uttered. “My mind is worried about you and I can’t take it off you for a second. I followed my mind to follow you here.”

His words and tone were meant to appease her, but it added to her pain and made her mind boil in rage.

She exhaled softly, having the urge to yell at him. But they were in public, so she wouldn’t want to do that.

“Harold,” she called. She paused for a second and breathed out softly. “If you want to know, I’m in pain,”

She slowly nodded, saying, “yes, I am. I mean, I’ve always been,”

“But you know what? Your presence won’t ease it. No matter how you try, it can never be. It will rather fuel it,” she voiced out, her sob-tinged voice warbling. “Don’t you get it, Harold? All I want is freeing my mind from all that causes it pain, which you are one of,”

“I want you out of my life. I don’t want to see you anywhere near me. Please, stay away. Far away. Didn’t I tell you to never let us cross paths again?”

 “I want to take my heart away from all that causes me sorrow, and I want you far from me because you’re one of those. Go away from me. I told you that earlier, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” Harold gave an immediate response. His voice was low because of the pain steaming his heart at the moment, feeling guilty and blaming himself for Sarah’s situation.

It all started from him. It was all his fault, and he hated himself for that.

“You don’t want to cross paths with me again, but I want to, Sarah. I didn’t agree; I only agree I would watch you from a distance and that’s only if you’re happy,” he said. Tears were beneath his eyebrows, struggling to find their way out, but he acted strong.

He didn’t want to repeat the same mistake of showing his interest, which was the root of everything in the past.

“I can’t stand watching from afar when you’re sad. I couldn’t resist coming closer if I see you in pain. I wouldn’t come closer if you weren’t crying,”

A drop of tear fell from his eyes. “What could I do when your tears are already a sword that pierces my heart?”

Sarah scoffed. “Who cares?” She uttered. She elevated her shoulder, adding, “Your pains or sorrow have nothing to with me anymore. All I’m after now is to survive…”

She took a step forward and pointed her finger into her widened eyes. “Look into my eyes, what did you see?” She threw a question and since he wouldn’t have a response, she proceeded. “Those are pains, sacrifice, and betrayal, Harold. And right now. I care less about every other thing that doesn’t involve my well-being. All I’ll chase after is my happiness.”

Sandra took a step forward. “Calm down, Sarah…” she tried persuading Sarah. She had been watching because she knew about everything that had happened between them in the past, so she didn’t want to intervene yet because she felt the conversation was necessary.

“I think you should calm yourself now, Sarah.” Sandra let out, stretching out her hand to reach out for Sarah’s arm.

Sarah didn’t allow Sandra’s hand to reach for her. “Leave me alone, please,” Sarah directed her words to Sandra. “You aren’t ignorant of all I am saying, do you?”

Sarah turned to Harold, snickering. “Mr. Man, no matter how cool you want to portray yourself, I’m not stupid to fall for it again. I once fell, but what ended it? Didn’t I drown in the pool of pains you called love?”

She sighed and lowered her voice. “If I must repeat it thousands of times before you get it, I will. Read my lips, Harold. I don’t want to see you again. The happiness you once took away from me no longer lies in your hand,” she expressed.

“Harold, being with you offered nothing but pains; one worse than what I’m battling now, and nothing will change. It never did. And if there’s anything I wish for right now, it’s for you to disappear,”

She widened her eyes, questioning. “Is that hard to do? Hun?”

“Yes, Sarah. It’s easier said for you, but to me, it’s the hardest to do,” Harold spoke out. “If you want me to stay away or even disappear from the world, I will do it. But the question is… will that really make you happy?”

He locked eyes with her. “If it will, I won’t mind the ground opening up and swallowing right away. But if your happiness isn’t guaranteed after I disappear, I’m sorry, I can’t leave you alone again. Until I see you dwelling in happiness again, I’m not distancing myself,”

“Until I return what I stole from you, we’re in this together.”

Sarah crossed her hands over her chest. “If I may ask, Harold, what’s that thing you stole from me?” She asked, maintaining an intensive gaze in his eyes.

“Your happiness… your smile that shined brightly, your joyous laughter that echoes in my head until this present moment,” he listed, his voice getting low after every word. “I stole many I can’t even list, Sarah,”

“I took away every part of you that brightened my life, then. All that created the most precious part of my memory that I can’t take my mind off every second. Everything that makes you my most precious human,”

Tears rolled out of his eyes as he put his palms together and rubbed them. “Please, just give me a second chance to prove myself. Grant me access to your heart again and I’ll make you the happiest person you deserve to be,”

“All I want is a chance to return what I owe. To rebuild what used to be between us and strengthen it more than it was. You once drowned and I’m back to take you out of it. I’ll make sure you’re happy with me forever. I’ll make you feel safe,”

He took another step closer with an almost non-existent gap between them. “You’re my angel. Let’s get back together. Let’s plan our future without the interference of anyone. Let’s row our boat and decide our destination by ourselves.”

His voice was so cool and soothing that Sarah couldn’t say a word or make any move. Instead, she fixed her eyes on his lips as his words penetrated through her ears, and sank in the depth of her heart.

“Please, Sarah. Just open your heart to me again and you won’t regret it. This time, it will be for better or worse. I can give up everything. All I can think of is being with you.”

He lengthened his hand to grab hers, but she pushed him back.

“Find another lady to tell your lies. I just hope it won’t take long before she figures out how deadly a person as calm as you can be,” she cut him off from saying another word. “between you and me, it’s late.”

Harold nodded. “Yes,” he agreed. “I know it’s late. I agree,”

He took a step forward, attempting to touch her as he twittered his head. “But Sarah, it’s not too late. We can still work things out.”

His statement made her mind boil in another version of rage and she lost control of her hand until she landed a slap on his cheek and his face slightly turned to the left.

She ground her teeth. “Shut it! Shut your mouth, Harold!” She yelled. She didn’t want to raise her voice because she was in the hospital, but she couldn’t help it. “Just stop!”

The slap was painful, but it was nothing compared to the one in his mind so he didn’t even bother to rub it to relieve him. Instead, he faced Sarah, ready to speak again. “I am-”

Having no interest in whatever might come out of his mouth next, Sarah hissed. She grabbed Sandra’s hand and walked out of his sight, taking her step in a fast stride, her thudding footsteps screaming rage.

Harold slowly turned around, and after watching Sarah pace out of the hospital. He ran his upper teeth over the lower ones and banged his fist on the chair beside him. “Fuck!” He yelled, ignoring all the attention shifted to him.

He scratched his head roughly and bit his lower lips. “Sarah, I want you and I won’t give up. Never,” he stated. “For you, I’m ready to be at a war with whoever wants to be a hindrance. I’ll make sure no one, not even that old witch, stops me,”

He loosened his shirt button and, with his eyes fixed on the entrance, he exhaled softly. “Just wait and in every way, I’ll give reasons to love me again.”