Jude is waiting outside the bathroom when I get out. I ignore him and walk right past him, but he rushes ahead of me and blocks my path.
I glare up at him.
“I’m really sorry, that was dickish of me.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath. “I’m fucking this up already, aren’t I?”
I move my eyes from him and stare at the wall next to him. I don’t want to spend the night mad. I really don’t.
We obviously need to talk about stuff–we jumped in too eagerly. Just because we slept together last night doesn’t mean we should get back together.
It was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, and maybe that’s all it was meant to be. If we had done this the right way, we wouldn’t be all over the place not even a day into the relationship.
I look back at him. He looks like he feels real shitty, so I’ll let it be.
He was jealous. I get jealous too. But it’d be great if he didn’t say hurtful things while at it.
“Let’s go look for the others,” I say, sticking my hands in my jacket pockets. We’ll talk, but not here.
His eyebrows pull together. “Say something, please.”
“We’ll talk when we get back,” I tell him and step past him.
He grabs my arm. “Jo–”
I push his hand away. I’m trying my best to not get even more pissed, but he is making it really difficult. “What do you want me to say?” I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. “You want me to say something that’ll make you feel better about the fact that you called me a slut?”
He swallows and clenches his jaw.
“You got what you wanted,” I tell him. “This is no longer fun for me, and I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here.”
When I turn around to walk away again, he doesn’t stop me.
A tear slips as I get back to the main part of the house and I wipe it away angrily. This is fucking great. Private island parties are great until you want to get away and you don’t have a boat you can just hop on.
I go outside and don’t even look towards the bar. If I don’t find Simon anywhere else, maybe I’ll just find a quiet corner and hide until it’s time to leave.
I find my sister first. She is talking to a tall bald guy, giggling at every second word he says. I think she has forgotten all about Leo.
Our eyes meet for a second but then she pretends she hasn’t seen me. Works for me too. We might not get into fights like we used to when we were younger, but we aren’t exactly buddies. Our relationship is lucid at best. It sure helps that we are not stuck in the same house all year long.
Simon’s laughter draws my attention. I follow the sound to a table a group of people are playing beer pong at. I see him, getting ready to throw a ball. Everybody is looking at him in anticipation.
He throws the ball and it lands right into the cup on the other side. The other side’s cups are almost gone. Cheers erupt. Simon turns to the girl standing next to him and they wrap their arms around each other and do a victory dance.
He is having fun. I feel like I’ll infect him with my moodiness if I go anywhere near him.
I’m quite the life of the party, huh?
I don’t think I’m ever going to another party again. I turn around, weighing my options. The bar is a no-go zone. So is the pool–I have no intention of ending up in the water.
I look straight ahead, towards the ocean. The beach. If I walk far enough, I’ll leave the party crowd behind. Find a quiet spot. Wallow in self pity.
“Jo?”
I look up at Isaac. He gives me a small smile and holds out a cocktail glass to me. “Here, for you.”
I look at the drink, and then at him. I don’t know if I want to drink anything. I’m already feeling pathetic. I’ll feel even more pathetic if I drink.
“You were so excited to be here, and now you look like you wish you could fly across the ocean and back to the hotel.”
I stare at the ground.
“So, you two are back together?” he asks.
I look at him. “Yeah.” I nibble on my lip. “But…maybe we shouldn’t be.”
He nudges the drink towards me. “I think you need a drink. It’s quite light, I promise.”
I release a shuddering breath and take it. What the hell. “Thank you, Isaac.”’
He nods. “Do you want me to introduce you to some of the other guys? Maybe you’ll like Jack. He’s chill, and he won’t hit on you.”
I take a deep breath. Jack is the cute drummer. Not as flashy as Ashton or Adam, but definitely a heart-charmer. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just keep the barrier intact. It’s better that way.”
“The barrier?”
I nod. “You know, like the fourth wall, but for fans and celebrities. I don’t want to ruin the magic. The mystique.”
I don’t know why I never thought about it like that before. Right now, I just know I would like to keep on enjoying Tuesday Night’s music without cringing every time I hear it because it reminds me of how much I humiliated myself when I met the members. Or how awkward I was.
I already feel better thinking like that. I take a sip of the drink. It’s fruity and smooth, with only a hint of alcohol. “Wow, this is nice,” I say, smiling up at Isaac. Nice is an understatement. I could get used to something that tastes like this. “Thank you.”
“Actually, it’s from Adam. He made it for you.”
“What?” I mutter.
“He felt bad for making you uncomfortable.”
“He didn’t,” I mumble. Anybody else would have carried on that conversation better than I did. I don’t think anyone can make me as uncomfortable as my own awkwardness does.
Did I really think I could come here and have fun? Look at everyone else, they are in their element. This is what they love doing, and they are cool enough to hang out with popular pop stars.
Me? If my head hadn’t been in the clouds at the prospect of meeting the band, I would have been happy enough to remain at the hotel, like Jude wanted.
Fuck, now I’m feeling shitty again.
“Is Ben around?” I ask, changing the subject.
Isaac shakes his head. “He has his own thing with his band.”
“Oh.”
Ben’s band has grown increasingly popular over the past three years. And Isaac is the lucky bastard who got to tour with his boyfriend’s band for the best part of this year.
Between me and him and Simon, he’s the only one whose love life is looking up.
His relationship with Ben had quite the rocky start. Or non-start, really.
They ended up in bed together two months after meeting, and then Isaac avoided Ben for eight months. Isaac was celibate that entire time, doing his best to keep from falling into bed with bad boys and looking for a nice guy he could have a serious relationship with.
And Ben, well, he just happened to be the poster child for ‘bad boy’.
Anyway, it so happened that Ben couldn’t get our good boy here out of his system after that one night. He made one last attempt to reach out to him after our last semester, and, well…here we are.
They have been in a perfectly happy relationship for the last two years.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks. “You and Jude.”
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I take another sip of my cocktail. Every new sip feels more refreshing than the last. Looks like Adam isn’t just good with the guitar. Was he a bartender in his past life or something?
“Whenever you are ready, then,” he says. I’m glad he doesn’t push. And I also know I can talk to him. Maybe I will, when I’ve figured out exactly what’s going on between me and Jude.
“You should go have fun,” I tell him. “You know it’s never a good idea to stick with me at a party. All I do is suck the life out of it.”
“No, you don’t,” he lies.
“Isaac? Isaac!”
We both turn at the same time at Simon’s urgent voice. He is jogging towards us, his eyes on the other side of the compound. Which is why he trips and almost bumps into my drink.
He catches himself, and then he is standing beside Isaac, placing his hands on his shoulders and turning his body towards the side his eyes were stuck at.
“Do you know her?” Simon asks.
“Who?” Isaac asks, sounding confused.
“The girl with the blue hair and fishnet stockings.”
My eyes scan the area near the bar. The blue hair makes it easy to spot Simon’s target.
“What about her?” Isaac asks.
Simon looks at him with wide eyes. “Do you know who she is?”
“Yeah. That’s Keri. She is part of the crew.”
Simon lets go of him and before we know it, he’s beelining for the bar. “I need a drink,” he says, waving at us.
“Oh fuck no,” Isaac whispers as we watch Simon deliberately bump into the girl. She turns to him, he says something, she says something, and then she pats him on the shoulder and laughs.
“What is it?” I ask, because Isaac’s reaction tells me he doesn’t think Simon was smooth at all.
Isaac shakes his head, as if he already knows how this is going to go–in a not-so-good way. “He better start looking elsewhere real quick.”
“Is she taken?”
“No, but…she isn’t available either.”
“I’m sure he’ll move on to the next one once he finds that out,” I say.
“Yeah,” Isaac mumbles.
Simon is still not doing serious relationships. So I know no matter how many hearts are in his eyes while he looks at blue-haired girl, it’s just a temporary thing.
He’ll probably not remember her by tomorrow.
Isaac goes back to his friends after I assure him I’ll be okay. When we part, I go down to the beach. I take a deep breath and then release it once I get far away from the activity. The air is cool and salty. After a few drags, I feel better. I look back towards the mansion, a knot forming in my stomach. Fine, Jude was an ass. But does it have to be like this? I don’t enjoy being mad at him, and I don’t want this night to keep on this way. I’ve waited so long for this to waste the time we have together like this.He looked really contrite and he regretted the words as soon as he said them. He didn’t say sorry only to placate me or to get back on my good side. He really meant it. I know him–it’s all I’ve been doing the past couple of years, getting to know him on a level I never did when hearts were crowding my eyes and dopamine pumping through my veins–and I know he was being sincere.Now I feel horrible for making such a big deal out of this. How can we make this work if every li
On New Year’s day, Jude and I are on the road, heading for his grandparents’. This is the first time I’ll be spending any time around Jude’s family. Over the years, he has gotten quite close with mine. Whenever he is back home, he has to come by at least once. But I’ve never been to his house. And here I am, going to spend two days and nights with his extended family.“How are they?” I ask as we get closer to our destination. We passed the last town about ten minutes ago and there’s nothing out here but forest and farmland. I’ve rolled my window down to enjoy the fresh countryside breeze on my face.“My family?” he asks, looking away from the mostly empty road for a second and at me. “I have no idea. Though I have to warn you, I remember one of my cousins to be a pain in the ass. He got along with Jared when we were younger.”I arch an eyebrow. “Birds of a feather?”Jude’s older brother bullied him when they were younger.Jude nods.“Maybe he has changed,” I say. “I mean, look at you
A lot more people arrive in the evening. When we sit down for dinner, every spot at the sixteen seater dining table is filled. There are so many and that’s a good thing–no one pays any attention to me beyond the initial introduction. Other than Ron, of course. He has been throwing nasty glares my way all night, as if he’s planning my murder in his head.I’m sitting near one end of the table, with Jude on my right and Janet on my left. Jade and Jared ended up on the other side of the table, with one of their first cousins sitting between them.The aunt sitting at the head of the table right next to Janet is quite conversational. She is the main driver of the conversation, asking about everyone’s family and work. I’m guessing she is in her mid sixties.She has engaged almost all of her nephews and nieces when she finally turns her attention to Jade. “Jade, that’s a beautiful ring you’ve got right there.”Everybody’s attention turns to Jade. Jade looks down at her ring and then smiles a
Jude’s grandfather is laid to rest in the family graveyard, next to Jude’s grandmother. The service is done by two o’clock. There’s quite a crowd, with more relatives having arrived earlier today. We go back to the house afterwards, where a lot of refreshments are waiting. The mood today is a lot more subdued than the one last night when everyone was catching up. One of Jude’s older male cousins gets his attention when we get to the house, and I go to get something to eat by myself. I load a couple of sandwiches and some strawberries on a platter, then grab a bottle of water and look around the room. There’s a lot of sitting area inside the house and more in the back. But both places are swimming with people, so I head for the one place I’m sure is deserted–the front of the house. There’s a swing chair on the porch and I settle there, placing my bottle of water beside me and my platter on my lap.I was right, it’s quiet and deserted out here. It’s just me and the beautiful view. I
An hour into the drive, the weather takes a turn for the worse. Coupled with the unfamiliar route, it becomes risky to keep going.When we come to the next town, we stop at the first hotel we find. It also looks like the only hotel around–it’s a very small town.While handing us our keys, the receptionist apologetically informs us that the heating system is out of order. My teeth chatter just hearing that. When Jude and I get to our room, I get rid of my shoes and burrow beneath the duvet right away. I hold my hands towards him. “Come on, give me some warmth.”He chuckles, taking his time to place our bags on the table. “Are you going to sleep in your dress?” he asks as he opens my bag.I nod. “I’m good.” I don’t like the idea of getting from under the duvet and exposing myself to the frigid air in the room. Jude’s hand emerges with a nightdress from my bag and comes to the bed. He reaches for the duvet and pulls it away. “Here.”I sit up begrudgingly and get out of my dress. I put
After three long hours on the road, Jude brings the car to a stop outside a five-storey apartment building. It’s a modern building with a cubic architectural design and balconies with glass balustrades.“Is this where you live?” I ask. He still hasn’t told me anything about what he wants to show me. “No. Come on,” he says, opening his door.I get out of the car and we head towards the entrance. We go into the building and to a lift lobby. When we get inside the elevator, he presses the button for the fourth floor.When we get out of the elevator, he turns to a door on the left and punches a code into the keypad outside. “You said you don’t live here, how do you know the code?”He gives me a secret smile and then pushes the door open. He holds it open and gestures to me. “After you.”I walk into the apartment and he comes in after me. In the entryway, there’s a door to the left and what looks like a closet to the right. I move farther inside and come to a spacious living room. It’s f
Sometimes my brain is like an automatic printer and usually I don’t mind but right now I hate it. The moment his words register, it prints supporting images like it already has cache. It does. From my ever reliable imagination. My gut turns into molten liquid from the heat of his gaze. He can tell what I’m thinking, can’t he? I know he could also tell it was what I was thinking during my little performance with his thumb. “You want it, don’t you?” he asks in a low voice that slithers over my skin like a sinful caress. I swallow and scramble for words to say. I want to be honest with him, but I’m not ready for that.He brings a hand to my face and runs his fingertips from my temple to the corner of my mouth. “Does the thought of my cock moving in your mouth the way it does in your pussy make you hot?”My sensitive core clenches and my first instinct is to press my thighs together but I’ve got one leg over his hip.I bite my lip and nod.He blinks, as if he can’t believe his eyes. I
I was wrong.Simon is obsessed with that girl from Tuesday Night’s party. I’m sitting opposite him, sucking the life out of my chocolate milkshake while he narrates how from the moment he saw her, he knew she was the one.Now, Simon is not the kind of guy to talk about ‘the one’.Romance? It’s all unicorns and bullshit to him. When he talks about a girl like this, it’s because he wants to sleep with her. Or because he slept with her. As I understand, Keri–I’d already forgotten her name–hasn’t put out yet. And with the stars I can see in his eyes, that’s not why he still hasn’t forgotten her name after a full week. “Is she single?” I ask him. Isaac said she isn’t taken, but he also said she isn’t available. It would be such a bummer if Simon’s first venture into the land of flowers and hearts after so long ended in heartbreak.He rubs the back of his neck. “I think so.”I lift an eyebrow. “You think so?”He shrugs. “I haven’t asked.”“Wait.” I release my straw and focus on him. “I