5. It's Just a Temporary Thing

Jude is waiting outside the bathroom when I get out. I ignore him and walk right past him, but he rushes ahead of me and blocks my path.

I glare up at him.

“I’m really sorry, that was dickish of me.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and blows out a breath. “I’m fucking this up already, aren’t I?”

I move my eyes from him and stare at the wall next to him. I don’t want to spend the night mad. I really don’t. 

We obviously need to talk about stuff–we jumped in too eagerly. Just because we slept together last night doesn’t mean we should get back together. 

It was a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, and maybe that’s all it was meant to be. If we had done this the right way, we wouldn’t be all over the place not even a day into the relationship.

I look back at him. He looks like he feels real shitty, so I’ll let it be.

He was jealous. I get jealous too. But it’d be great if he didn’t say hurtful things while at it.

“Let’s go look for the others,” I say, sticking my hands in my jacket pockets. We’ll talk, but not here.

His eyebrows pull together. “Say something, please.”

“We’ll talk when we get back,” I tell him and step past him. 

He grabs my arm. “Jo–”

I push his hand away. I’m trying my best to not get even more pissed, but he is making it really difficult. “What do you want me to say?” I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. “You want me to say something that’ll make you feel better about the fact that you called me a slut?”

He swallows and clenches his jaw.

“You got what you wanted,” I tell him. “This is no longer fun for me, and I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here.”

When I turn around to walk away again, he doesn’t stop me. 

A tear slips as I get back to the main part of the house and I wipe it away angrily. This is fucking great. Private island parties are great until you want to get away and you don’t have a boat you can just hop on.

I go outside and don’t even look towards the bar. If I don’t find Simon anywhere else, maybe I’ll just find a quiet corner and hide until it’s time to leave. 

I find my sister first. She is talking to a tall bald guy, giggling at every second word he says. I think she has forgotten all about Leo. 

Our eyes meet for a second but then she pretends she hasn’t seen me. Works for me too. We might not get into fights like we used to when we were younger, but we aren’t exactly buddies. Our relationship is lucid at best. It sure helps that we are not stuck in the same house all year long.

Simon’s laughter draws my attention. I follow the sound to a table a group of people are playing beer pong at. I see him, getting ready to throw a ball. Everybody is looking at him in anticipation. 

He throws the ball and it lands right into the cup on the other side. The other side’s cups are almost gone. Cheers erupt. Simon turns to the girl standing next to him and they wrap their arms around each other and do a victory dance.

He is having fun. I feel like I’ll infect him with my moodiness if I go anywhere near him.

I’m quite the life of the party, huh?

I don’t think I’m ever going to another party again. I turn around, weighing my options. The bar is a no-go zone. So is the pool–I have no intention of ending up in the water. 

I look straight ahead, towards the ocean. The beach. If I walk far enough, I’ll leave the party crowd behind. Find a quiet spot. Wallow in self pity.

“Jo?”

I look up at Isaac. He gives me a small smile and holds out a cocktail glass to me. “Here, for you.”

I look at the drink, and then at him. I don’t know if I want to drink anything. I’m already feeling pathetic. I’ll feel even more pathetic if I drink.

“You were so excited to be here, and now you look like you wish you could fly across the ocean and back to the hotel.”

I stare at the ground.

“So, you two are back together?” he asks. 

I look at him. “Yeah.” I nibble on my lip. “But…maybe we shouldn’t be.”

He nudges the drink towards me. “I think you need a drink. It’s quite light, I promise.”

I release a shuddering breath and take it. What the hell. “Thank you, Isaac.”’

He nods. “Do you want me to introduce you to some of the other guys? Maybe you’ll like Jack. He’s chill, and he won’t hit on you.”

I take a deep breath. Jack is the cute drummer. Not as flashy as Ashton or Adam, but definitely a heart-charmer. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just keep the barrier intact. It’s better that way.”

“The barrier?”

I nod. “You know, like the fourth wall, but for fans and celebrities. I don’t want to ruin the magic. The mystique.”

I don’t know why I never thought about it like that before. Right now, I just know I would like to keep on enjoying Tuesday Night’s music without cringing every time I hear it because it reminds me of how much I humiliated myself when I met the members. Or how awkward I was.

I already feel better thinking like that. I take a sip of the drink. It’s fruity and smooth, with only a hint of alcohol. “Wow, this is nice,” I say, smiling up at Isaac. Nice is an understatement. I could get used to something that tastes like this. “Thank you.”

“Actually, it’s from Adam. He made it for you.”

“What?” I mutter.

“He felt bad for making you uncomfortable.”

“He didn’t,” I mumble. Anybody else would have carried on that conversation better than I did. I don’t think anyone can make me as uncomfortable as my own awkwardness does.

Did I really think I could come here and have fun? Look at everyone else, they are in their element. This is what they love doing, and they are cool enough to hang out with popular pop stars. 

Me? If my head hadn’t been in the clouds at the prospect of meeting the band, I would have been happy enough to remain at the hotel, like Jude wanted.

Fuck, now I’m feeling shitty again.

“Is Ben around?” I ask, changing the subject. 

Isaac shakes his head. “He has his own thing with his band.”

“Oh.” 

Ben’s band has grown increasingly popular over the past three years. And Isaac is the lucky bastard who got to tour with his boyfriend’s band for the best part of this year. 

Between me and him and Simon, he’s the only one whose love life is looking up. 

His relationship with Ben had quite the rocky start. Or non-start, really. 

They ended up in bed together two months after meeting, and then Isaac avoided Ben for eight months. Isaac was celibate that entire time, doing his best to keep from falling into bed with bad boys and looking for a nice guy he could have a serious relationship with.

And Ben, well, he just happened to be the poster child for ‘bad boy’.

Anyway, it so happened that Ben couldn’t get our good boy here out of his system after that one night. He made one last attempt to reach out to him after our last semester, and, well…here we are.

They have been in a perfectly happy relationship for the last two years.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks. “You and Jude.”

I shake my head. “There’s nothing to talk about.” I take another sip of my cocktail. Every new sip feels more refreshing than the last. Looks like Adam isn’t just good with the guitar. Was he a bartender in his past life or something?

“Whenever you are ready, then,” he says. I’m glad he doesn’t push. And I also know I can talk to him. Maybe I will, when I’ve figured out exactly what’s going on between me and Jude.

“You should go have fun,” I tell him. “You know it’s never a good idea to stick with me at a party. All I do is suck the life out of it.”

“No, you don’t,” he lies.

“Isaac? Isaac!”

We both turn at the same time at Simon’s urgent voice. He is jogging towards us, his eyes on the other side of the compound. Which is why he trips and almost bumps into my drink. 

He catches himself, and then he is standing beside Isaac, placing his hands on his shoulders and turning his body towards the side his eyes were stuck at.

“Do you know her?” Simon asks.

“Who?” Isaac asks, sounding confused.

“The girl with the blue hair and fishnet stockings.”

My eyes scan the area near the bar. The blue hair makes it easy to spot Simon’s target.

“What about her?” Isaac asks.

Simon looks at him with wide eyes. “Do you know who she is?”

“Yeah. That’s Keri. She is part of the crew.”

Simon lets go of him and before we know it, he’s beelining for the bar. “I need a drink,” he says, waving at us.

“Oh fuck no,” Isaac whispers as we watch Simon deliberately bump into the girl. She turns to him, he says something, she says something, and then she pats him on the shoulder and laughs.

“What is it?” I ask, because Isaac’s reaction tells me he doesn’t think Simon was smooth at all.

Isaac shakes his head, as if he already knows how this is going to go–in a not-so-good way. “He better start looking elsewhere real quick.”

“Is she taken?”

“No, but…she isn’t available either.”

“I’m sure he’ll move on to the next one once he finds that out,” I say. 

“Yeah,” Isaac mumbles. 

Simon is still not doing serious relationships. So I know no matter how many hearts are in his eyes while he looks at blue-haired girl, it’s just a temporary thing. 

He’ll probably not remember her by tomorrow.