Chapter 4

I hate to admit it, but Raven is right, it is awkward not having a boyfriend. By the end of the day, Pierce and Raven are kind of official so it is just me and Henry, and I am sure Henry is going to get a girlfriend soon.

Cory sits on the luxurious couch at Pierce's house, absently twirling a lock of Paige's hair in his hand. Paige's head is in his lap, her long tan legs spread out on the couch, she is reading a novel. Raven is in the kitchen, already thinking of herself as Mrs Son and fetching our snacks. I sit at the breakfast table with both my homework and Pierce's history homework spread before me. Pierce sits opposite me, his homework is a lot more than mine because he is taking extra classes, all of them advanced. Henry has excused himself on pretext of lacrosse practice, but I have a feeling he is avoiding me.

"Homework on the first day of school? AP classes are the freaking worst," Paige comments, turning a page.

"Why do you even take them?" Raven asks as she places a bowl of crisps in front of us.

Pierce shrugs, "To please my dad, I guess."

Raven eyes turn to me, "and you?"

I realize that everyone is waiting for me to say something,even Pierce.

"Er, for college? Melly says it would look good on the application."

Raven snorts, "Really? Your mother is dead, that's all the sob story you need to get yourself into any college."

"Not if her grades are not good though," Paige defends.

"Her grades are good enough in  though, 4.7 GPA junior year, if I am not wrong," Cory said.

I feel.really uncomfortable being discussed like this.  I want to correct Cory and tell him my GPA was 4.5 last year, but I don't. How could I explain to them that I had a lot more to prove than they did? The whiteness of their skin gave them an extra layer of protection that wasn't accorded to me even though I had a white dad. I had to prove myself over and over again to be taken seriously. I had scored the highest mark in my English class last year, and yet, the teacher had the nerve to say that I could not speak English very well simply because of my accent, which was an English accent.

"Normal classes are boring. There are some hot seniors in AP," Pierce says with a wink at me.

I feel a rush of gratitude at him as Raven begins to question him on the seniors and all the attention shifts from me.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to speak to him, the real him. I walk from the homework table and take my Pierce phone with me to sit on the couch next to Cory and Paige.

Sky: Hey.

His reply comes immediately.

Pierce: Hey Sky! Guess what I am doing?

Sky: Homework?

Pierce: Nope.

Sky: What?

Pierce: Masturbating!

Involuntary, my head snaps up quickly to look at him and I find him staring right at me.

My first thought is that he knows. I think he has found out I am Sky and he is toying with me. But I notice that his eyes have a glazed look and his mouth is slightly open. His right hand is holding his phone but his left hand is...

Oh.

It is right under the table. Gross. No one seems to have noticed it, not even Raven, who is petting his hair.

Sky: Eew! Gross. Why would you do that?

Pierce: Why wouldn't I?

Sky: No. 1, it's gross, no. 2 it's gross. no. 3, it's gross.

I steal a glance at him and see him smile a little at my reply.

Pierce: Don't be a prude. It actually feels really nice, especially when the girl you like is right in front of you and you are imagining it's her hand.

Sky: You mean Raven? You are doing it with her right in front of you?

Pierce: Yep. She is right here but she is not the one I am imagining.

Sky: What the hell? Who else is there?

Pierce: My friends: Paige, Cory and some other girl.

I feel a stab at chest at being referred to is some other girl. We are not that close, but I thought we were friends enough to warrant a name mention.

Sky: So you are imagining Paige who is your best friend's girlfriend?

Pierce: Wait? How do you know Paige and Cory are dating?

I felt panic rise as I tried to remember who was Sky and who was Araya. He had told me about Paige and that he had a crush on her, but he had never said anything when they got together...shit. In fact this is the only time he had mentioned them since they started dating.

Sky: I saw a status update on Paige's F******k page.

I lie quickly. It was the first time that I had let the line between Sky and Araya blur, and I don't like it.

Pierce: Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot to tell you.

I look at him again and find both his hands back to holding his phone. Oops! I guess I have ruined the mood.

Sky: Are you still at it? If you are you need to stop.

Pierce: I have stopped it Sky, but you already knew that didn't you?

Sky: What do you mean?

Pierce: Well, sometimes,I get the feeling that you are right here with me, watching me.

Sky: For someone so smart, you sure are stupid sometimes. You know I am not there. Gotta go, talk later.

I go back to the table and continue with the homework, not daring to look up at Pierce, but our legs occasionally touch under the table, and it sends a shiver up my spine every time.

I am the only one in the group who doesn't have a car. I don't mind it so much, except that everyone is now driving and talking about it and I am not.  Even though Pierce's home isn't far from my home, Raven offers to give me a ride back home. Raven thinks the reason I don't have a car is because we are too poor. Since we live in a not so fancy apartment, I can't blame her for thinking that. I am probably the richest of the group, but I will die before I let them know that. I don't have a car simply because I don't want one, but if I wanted, I could afford several on my own without even dad's help. If you happen to put my dad's fortune in the equation, I will probably be the richest seventeen year old  within ten miles.

I try to refuse the offer for a lift, but Paige insists I accept.

"I promised your dad that I will get you home by seven and you can't get there my seven if you walk," Paige says.

I feel a flair of anger at her promising my dad things about me behind my back, but I know she only does it because she cares.

"I would drop you but I have to go over at Cory's for dinner and I..."

"That's okay Paige, I will walk her home and explain to her dad why she is late," Pierce says

Everyone stares at him.

He shrugs, "What? It makes sense for me to walk her home than for Raven to drive her, I mean, Raven's home is on the other side."

I feel the tension between Raven and Pierce and I decide to intervene, "That's okay Pierce, thank you, but I would prefer the ride to the walk.

So that is how Raven and end up alone in her car with no Paige as my safety net.

"You turned down Henry, didn't you?" Raven asks as she navigates her way towards our apartment building.

"I..."

She looks at me in the side mirror, "You what?"

I shrink at her barbed words, "I am not..."

"Don't tell me the I am not allowed to date until I am nineteen bullshit, I know it's not true."

"I didn't think he liked me."

"He asked you, didn't he?"

"Yes, but..."

Raven smiles a knowing smile, "You like someone else?"

"No!" I say vehemently, determined not to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has what I want most.

"Then what?"

"I just don't think I am ready for dating."

"Well, you better be ready by homecoming, because if you don't have a date by then, Paige and I are not going to be saddled down by you anymore."

"Did Paige say that?"

"Yes. She told me to tell you that."

I know it is a lie, and yet, I can't help but imagine what it would be like not having Paige for a friend. Apart from her, I don't have anyone else. The guys would stop hanging out with me if she stops and Raven would be happy to get rid of me. I will walk the hallways alone, eat lunch alone, get bullied.

"Well?" Raven is parked in front of the building, but she is not unlocking the car doors, she is giving me a scrutinizing look, waiting for a reply.

"Am sorry Raven, I am just not into dating right now."

"Are you a lesbian? Because you can tell me if you are."

"What? No. It's not that. I am just not ready."

"You know what I think? I think you are one of those light skinned black girls who think they are too beautiful for their own race."

Tears prick my eyes and I struggle to hold them at bay.

"I would never..."

"That's what you all say but once you start to discover yourself, you look in the mirror and go like, 'I am too pretty, I deserve white.'"

I am now fed up by her racist attitude, "Let me out, I need to go."

"Not until you agree to give Henry a chance."

"Raven, if you don't let me out of this car right now, I am going to beat the crap out of you," I say quietly. I mean every word of it too. She must sense it, because she moves to unlock the door without another word.

I step out of the car and bang it right behind me. Once out of the car, I lean closer to her window, then deliberately, I gather a gob of saliva and spit it in her face.