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Kabanata 13
Huling Na-update:
2022-05-08 14:30:50
Kaugnay na kabanata
For the Unloved Kabanata 14
Bata palang ako, alam ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano kasakit ang maiwan— iwanan. Ikaw ba naman iwan ng mga magulang mo sa murang edad dahil hindi na nila alam kung paano ka buhayin? Alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam. Pero dahil sa mga kumupkop sa akin, nawala ang sakit ng nakaraan. They filled me with love that they think I deserved. Maswerte pa rin ako.Hindi. Napakaswerte ko."Wala naman akong pakialam...""Totoo ba 'yang sinasabi mo, Ramona?" Tinignan ako ni Maria ng puno nang pagdududa. Napayuko ako. Pilit hinahanap ang tamang salita."Oo naman. Ayos nga iyon, tumigil na siya. Wala nang mang-gugulo sa buhay ko."Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong tapikin sa balikat. Dahil nga nakakatanda si Maria sa akin, madalas niya akong payuhan sa buhay at kahit mas matanda siya sa akin, hindi niya man lang ako hinayaang tawagin siyang ate. Ayaw niya nun. Tumatanda daw siya tignan."That's right. Focus on yourself, on what you want. He is just a temptation. "Tumango ako. Hindi na nagprotesta pa,
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-09For the Unloved Kabanata 15
Bata palang ako, alam ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano kasakit ang maiwan— iwanan. Ikaw ba naman iwan ng mga magulang mo sa murang edad dahil hindi na nila alam kung paano ka buhayin? Alam na alam ko ang pakiramdam. Pero dahil sa mga kumupkop sa akin, nawala ang sakit ng nakaraan. They filled me with love that they think I deserved. Maswerte pa rin ako.Hindi. Napakaswerte ko."Wala naman akong pakialam...""Totoo ba 'yang sinasabi mo, Ramona?" Tinignan ako ni Maria ng puno nang pagdududa. Napayuko ako. Pilit hinahanap ang tamang salita."Oo naman. Ayos nga iyon, tumigil na siya. Wala nang mang-gugulo sa buhay ko."Nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong tapikin sa balikat. Dahil nga nakakatanda si Maria sa akin, madalas niya akong payuhan sa buhay at kahit mas matanda siya sa akin, hindi niya man lang ako hinayaang tawagin siyang ate. Ayaw niya nun. Tumatanda daw siya tignan."That's right. Focus on yourself, on what you want. He is just a temptation. "Tumango ako. Hindi na nagprotesta pa,
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 16
People always ask me what I want out of life like it’s a simple question with a simple answer. It isn’t. Or at least it doesn’t feel like it is.Because I just want too many things that contradict each other. I want so much that my real answer would overwhelm them.I guess that I just want so badly to be happy.I want to smile to myself. I want to smile at myself. I want to be somebody that is worth loving. I want to love myself.I want to be a person who is calm. I don’t want to over-react to the irrelevant nuisances in life, and I never want to let them distract me. I want to be motivated and ambitious and accomplished.I want to be honest. But not in the way that’s mean or brutal or harsh. I just want to be genuine and real. But I also always want to be understanding and compassionate, and I never want to be judgmental.I want to be the person who is always laughing. I want to be the person with the laugh that makes you laugh. I want laughter to keep me alive.Pero grabe lang. Ang
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 17
Why does time seem to move faster when you're doing something enjoyable and slower when you're bored? This phenomenon has given rise to a popular saying you've probably heard many times before: time flies when you're having fun. Why does it do that?Psychologists who have studied this phenomenon have confirmed that people do indeed perceive time differently depending upon their mental state and the activities they're engaged in. If you think about it, it just makes common sense.When you're bored or doing something you'd rather not be doing, your mind is not occupied and it tends to wander. When it wanders, it often wanders toward the clock, as you think about how much time must pass until you're able to do something you'd rather be doing.On the other hand, when you're happily engaged in an activity you enjoy, your mind tends to be fully focused on the fun you're having. You don't worry as much about time passing, because you're enjoying the moment while it lasts.I wish I could st
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 18
Caring is not a crime. Getting attached easily is not a sign of a weakened heart.We should be proud of our vulnerability. After everything we have gone through, it would be easier for us to say screw love, screw forever, screw happily ever afters. But we have not done that. We are still wearing your heart on your sleeve. We are still taking risks for love.It takes strength to hand over a bruised heart. It takes strength to love again after being torn apart in the past. It takes strength to act clingy.If someone does not see the value in our clinginess, if someone is uncomfortable with how much attention we give them, you should march your heart in a different direction. Your soft heart is meant to be appreciated, not mocked.Never settle for someone who makes you feel weird about how much you care."Unang beses mo ba ito?" He asked in a low voice.Tumango ako. Nasa loob kami ngayon ng sinehan. Isang psychological-thriller ang pinili namin. Nakapagsine naman na ako pero kasama an
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 19
All my life, I've been searching where can I found the real happiness that I need in this life. Through searching together with different people and travelling in different places... I found it in the most unlikely places. Sometimes happiness stems from loss— from the transformative power of letting go. "Pinatawad mo na ba ang mga magulang mo?" tanong ni Aquilino sa akin habang naghihintay kami ng aming order.Mas lalong napapadalas ang pagkikita namin. Nakahanap ako ng kaibigan sa kaniya, iyong tipo ng kaibigan na wala akong ikinahihiya. Ikinakahiyang i-kwento ang buhay ko, mga nangyari sa araw ko, mga kinaiinisan at kung anu-ano pa. Hindi ko alam na magiging ganito ako kasaya dahil sa kaniya. "Oo naman napatawad ko na sila." Sagot ko rito. Letting go of people who make us feel unworthy, relationships that are no longer benefiting us, feelings of self-doubt, unrealistic expectations that are controlling our lives, regrets, mistakes, and anything and everything else that is slowi
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 20
I don’t need someone who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, who will stand by my side and never waver, who will be perfect in every single way, even when life gets messy.I don’t need someone who will promise to always say the right things, who will never make mistakes, who will bite his tongue when weI don’t need an ‘ideal’ love, the ‘relationship goals,’ the kind of connection that you only see in fairy tales. I don’t need something that looks pretty for the rest of the world but lacks substance.When it comes down to it, all I want is someone who’s real.He doesn’t have to be my knight in shining armor. He doesn’t have to be dressed in the finest clothes or adorned with the fancy things. He doesn’t have to look a certain way, or hold a certain job, or be a certain status. He doesn’t have to always speak with caution and care. He doesn’t always have to put me first. He doesn’t need to buy expensive things or take me on lavish dates just to keep my attention.He just has t
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10For the Unloved Kabanata 21
How can I even begin to find myself when I didn't realize I was lost in the first place?I believe the most crucial test of all is the one where we have to find the courage and strength to look for ourselves again and again, because we're always changing. Fear is a significant factor in the way we lose ourselves, more so fear of the unknown. By definition, the unknown is not yet known, but we let it control us. Perhaps the question you should ask is, "How can I be okay again?" Seeing as we're humans, we will lose ourselves many times. It's the game of life, the luck of the draw, the "only time will tell" bull that we always hear. "Gusto mo pa bang magmadre?" tanong nito sa aking mas lalong nagpagulo ng sistema ko.Despite the fact that I grew up with sisters and loved them deeply, admired their lifestyles, and thought them to be the happiest people I knew, the prospect of joining the convent made my heart race with fear. Becoming a Catholic nun is a lengthy process that requires bo
Huling Na-update : 2022-05-10
Pinakabagong kabanata
For the Unloved Wakas
It's sometimes simpler to harden your heart and chose wrath. It's far easier to block those who have injured you or violated your affection and trust. Sometimes we believe there is no other option; that healing begins with distance and their absence; that in order to live your life, you must expel the toxins and agony they imparted; yet we do so by employing their techniques.We sometimes choose to be angry. We choose to react and get enraged; it is this wrath that we use as an explanation for our actions. We rationalize our retaliatory actions by recalling the actions of our rivals.I can never completely let go as long as I linger on my own misery and self-pity. Who am I to say you don't deserve my forgiveness when it's human to make mistakes? I've made errors in the past that I'd like people to forgive me for. I'm letting go of my ego by forgiving him. It indicates I've accepted the misery you've inflicted on me. It implies I no longer see you as the person who wrecked my life.
For the Unloved Kabanata 49
Bumalik ulit ang kaba sa aking dibdib. Pagkapasok namin sa loob ay hindi ko makita si Aquilino dahil pinapalibutan ito ng mga katulad ng nasa labas, ay mga businessman din. Dito ko talaga nakita at napaghalintulad na mga circle of friends niya ay mga negosyante na din na katulad niya.Sabay-sabay silang napatingin sa pagpasok naming dalawa ni Akihiro. Nakahawak ng mahigpit ang anak ko sa aking kamay. Parang pusang naninibago sa lugar at nangingilala pa ng paligid.Gumilid ang mga nakapalibot na lalaki sa amin para mabigyang daan at tuluyan nang masulyapan si Aquilino. Halos maiyak ako nang makita ko siyang nakaupo sa kama, humihinga, mayroon nang malay. Hindi na katulad noong mga nakaraang araw na hindi man lang gumalaw ang kamay nito!Blangko at hindi ko mabasa ang itsura niya. Bago pa man ako tuluyang makapagbigay ng reaksyon ay tumakbo nang mabilis ang anak ko papunta sa kama ng Papa Aquilino niya. Gulat na gulat pa rin sa mga nangyayari, ang mga nakapaligid ay napanganga nang matu
For the Unloved Kabanata 48
Siyempre, hindi ako mag-isang pumunta sa ospital. Dahil ilang araw ding hindi nagkita ang mag-ama ay nagpumilit talaga si Akihiro na sumama. Umiiyak na ito nang papaalis na ako ng mansion. Hindi ko sana pasasamahin dahil natatakot akong makakuha ito ng sakit dahil ospital ang pupuntahan namin. Mahina pa naman ang resistensya nito. Pero dahil nagpupumilit ito at hindi na matigil sa kakaiyak, isinama ko nalang para wala nang masyadong iisipin. Hindi kasi makontrol at kahit na mga katulong na sa mansion ay hindi siya mapatahan. Gustong-gusto niya daw makita ang Papa niya. "I really miss my Papa..." saad nito nang nasa sasakyan na kami patungo sa ospital na kung saan nandoon ang Papa niya. Fifteen minutes away lang ito sa village. "Ako rin, anak." saad ko dito. Ngayong ganito ang nangyari, napagtanto hindi talaga permanente ang ating buhay dito sa mundo. Hindi natin alam kung kailan ang huli, hindi natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari bukas, dapat, ipakita at iparamdam natin sa mga ta
For the Unloved Kabanata 47
Everything has gone swimmingly for the past several weeks that we have been in Manila with Aquilino's parents. Aquilino became preoccupied with his work, and Akihiro seldom cries when he had to leave the house for work. He also attends a neighborhood kindergarten school. Every Monday to Wednesday, I attend a review center nearby to Aquilino's workplace. Everything is going well. Now, I only have a month to review for my board examination."Love," Aquilino peek out the door as it opened slightly. I'm scanning my review book. Kanina pa ako ditong abala at tuwing kakain lang ako lalabas. Araw ng linggo, walang trabaho si Aquilino. Unti-unti na ring nakakabalik sa normal ang estado ng kumpaniya nila at kapag ganitong araw, palagi dapat silang may Papa and Akihiro time. Hinahayaan ko lang ang mag-ama sa kung ano ang gustong gawin ng mga ito. Kapag weekdays kasi ay maaga umaalis si Aquilino at kapag uuwi naman ay medyo late na. Marami kasing inaasikaso sa kumpaniya nila. Bumabawi naman
For the Unloved Kabanata 46
"Let us go to our room so we can start making Akihiro's sibling, Ramona."That's what Aquilino stated as soon as he stood up from his seat. We had just finished our meal. I quickly glared at him. His parents laughed at his naughtiness. Hindi na talaga matigil ang panghaharot nito sa akin! Mas nakakabuwelo pa ito at mas lalo pa talaga akong inaasar. Hindi pa kami nakakaisang araw dito ganito na itong si Aquilino. Baka kapag talagang natuluyan at hindi na ako nakapagtimpi at baka naman umuwi ako sa probinsyang buntis na naman!Ayoko ng ganoon! Hindi pa talaga kami tuluyang naaayos, may problema pang kinakaharap si Aquilino, hindi pa tuluyang bumabalik ang ala-ala niya... masyadong kumplikado pa ang lahat. "Just slow down, son. You've just returned from a trip!" his Daddy commented. Napahilot nalang ako sa aking sintido. Hindi pa rin tumatayo sa kinauupuan. Nahihiya na ako sa mga magulang nito. "I'm just kidding, Dad." he answered to his Father. He was looking at me and waiting for me
For the Unloved Kabanata 45
Leaving.Just hearing that term makes me want to cry. Just thinking that I will leave them tomorrow tears stream down my cheeks. They are neither happy nor sad tears. They are tears from every emotion I've ever felt or created in this place. They're tears of regret for not being able to remain. I'm wishing I didn't have to go. I wish I had more alternatives."Bakit hindi ka pa natutulog at pumapasok sa loob, Ramona?" nagulat ako nang biglang nagsalita mula sa aking likod si Sr. Si. Natawa siya nang makitang nagimbal ang katawan ko sa pagkakagulat nang dumating at nagsalita siya. "Kape pa more," natatawang sabi nito nang maupo ito sa tabi ko. Parehas kaming napatingin sa kawalan. "Bukas na ang alis niyo, no? Nakapaghanda na ba kayo ng mga dadalhin niyo?""Tapos na po..." sagot ko rito. Kahapon pa kami nag-impake nila Aquilino. Hindi naman marami ang dinala namin. Kailangan na kasi talaga naming makaalis. Hindi na raw maganda ang lagay ng kumpaniya nila. Lumalaki na raw ang nawawalang
For the Unloved Kabanata 44
Kinaumagahan, dahan-dahan akong bumangon sa kama. Mga bandang alaso tres na ako nakatulog nang itulak ko nang dahan-dahan si Aquilino para doon naman yumakap kay Akihiro. Hindi kasi ako mapakali na hindi ito abot-kamay, kung hindi naman ay may nakaagapay sa gilid na pwede niyang yakapin.Baka mahulog ito. Nangangamba ako na baka kapag nahulog ito ay makatama ang ulo niya sa sahig. Nagkatrauma na ako dail noong baby pa ito, muntik itong mahulog sa kama. Dala na rin ng post-partum, noong unang dalawang buwan kasi ni Akihiro ay hindi ko ito pinapansin at ayaw na ayaw ko itong nakikita. Mabuti nalang at mabilis na nakarespondedang mga madre. Kaunti nalang daw ay mahuhulog na ito. Kung hindi siguro naagapa, walang malaming na Akihiro ngayon. Kung hindi din iyon nangyari, baka hanggang ngayon, malayo ang loob ko sa anak ko.Iyon ang nagbukas ng isip ko para pahalagahan si Akihiro dahil ito lang ang pamilya mayroon ako.Magkayakap ang mag-ama nang iwan ko. Inayos ko pa ang kumot nilang dal
For the Unloved Kabanata 43
One of the most challenging difficulties we might face in life is realizing how little time we frequently have to spend in some of life's greatest moments. It's at times like this that you wish your train was delayed, or that his grin might last just a little longer, or that he would reconsider going after all.We cannot keep people for longer than we are meant to have them. Maybe they are ours for years or maybe we were only lucky enough to know them for just a few, quick moments. Whatever the case and whoever they are, just know that the length of a moment does not dictate its value in your life. You can meet someone once and remember them forever, or you can spend years with someone who will eventually become nothing more than a distant, foggy memory.Love will often come to you in the unlikeliest of times, and if you spend that time dreaming of what it could be, you will miss out on all that you already have.But if we never tried, we would have never experienced all of the beauti
For the Unloved Kabanata 42
"This is my school, Papa!" iminuwestra ni Akihiro ang kanilang paaralan sa kaniyang Papa. Pagkababa namin ng kotse ay agad na hinagilap ni Akihiro ang kamay ng kaniyang Papa at naunang maglakad. Tinginan kaagad ang mga tao nang bumaba kami sa sasakyan. Hindi ko iyon pinansin. "We play there with my friends every break time and PE time, Papa!" tinuro pa ni Akihiro sa Papa niya ang playground na madalas nga nilang paglaruan ng mga kaibigan niya. Tuwing susunduin ko ito at wala sa classroom nito ay madalas ko siyang matagpuan doon."Alam mo na kung saan hahanapin ang anak mo kapag susunduin mo ito," natatawa kong sabi kay Aquilino. "Iyon kung hindi ka pa babalik sa Maynila para sa trabaho mo." dagdag ko pa. Pila ang mga estudyante at mga magulang sa may gate. Nasa huli kami bago tuluyang makapasok sa may mismong gate ng paaralan. Dahil nasa unahan ang mag-ama at nasa likod nila ako, nilingon ako ni Aquilino nang nakanguso. Hindi nagustuhan ang huling sinabi ko. "Ayan ka na naman s
