4 years ago:
It's been a long journey over the last 7 years. Me and Oliver spent our 21st birthday at home on leave. We got back a few days before our birthday, and we spent most of the time slumming it at home.
Only to be re-deployed 2 months later to Japan on a mission that took 9 months, but when we got home, we were reassigned to the same mission because the problem caused more problems and it wasn't done. It took another few months in the hot weather, but we managed to get ourselves to safety. We turned 24 last month and had just come back from base after our birthday for a few weeks before we were sent back to San Diego.
You never know when you're about to leave so they always prefer you to be back on base so you can leave the moment your captain tells you too.
Our younger sister, Sophia, has turned into such a sassy, clever young lady and has surprised everyone when she has a school project that asked her to write about the people who inspired her most.
She wrote about me and Oliver in the military, how we make her proud and scared because she always fears we won't come home, how independent we both are, and how the twin connection only made her wish she had a twin as well.
She also wrote about mom and dad and how well they have treated her when we aren't here, how they smile a lot even when she knows that mom cries at night and no one thinks she can hear it, but she can, and she always wishes to hold mom the way mom holds her when she's sad.
♾️
We're currently on our third and final deployment and heading to Africa. Our base is held at Camp lemonnier, situated central Africa and apparently it's our biggest destination and mission yet. Everything feels heavy and nothing feels right about this. We're 2 months into the deployment and have not seen what we officially came here for.
"Guys and Girls"
"Yes Captain" we all say in unison as we stand up straight.
"We have been assigned this classified mission, as you all very well know, but..."
"Sir," I say as I raise my hand.
"What is it, Hamilton?"
"Sir, we've been here for two months and nothing. I have a bad gut feeling about-"
"I know. No locals are saying anything. The moment we step foot into their turf, they all clear off"
As soon as our captain had finished, there's a loud crash somewhere further off the compound. Opening the gates, one of our helicopters is caught a light. There have been a fair few injuries and casualties while we have been here but no major casualties or deaths, which I'm thankful for. Me and Oliver have both spoken and agreed that this is our last mission and we will be retiring from the Military with our health and probably start something on the lines of outdoor training. I can't be an office person; it's too risky for my restless legs.
After our commanders, the captain and other forces around the compound told everyone to go back to the barracks, it led me to my brothers and his teams so we could sort through our stuff and make sure everything's ready and working incase we need to make a quick exit.
"So when we go home, what's the plan, bro?"
"Well, I spoke to dad and there are a lot of things we could do but I do have something to tell you. I got sent a photo and a letter from Leah"
"Oh-Er," I say, flicking through my weapons and checking each one is clean and loaded. Which they are. As always.
"She's nearly 2 and a half months pregnant," he says, grinning so widely it's a catchy feeling. I drop my stuff and pounce on Oliver, hugging him tightly to me. "Your... OH MY GOD! Olly! You're going to be a dad?"
"I am! God, I'm going to be a dad, Casey!" His excitement is short-lived when our Captain enters, shouting for everyone to gear up and head out of the Barracks.
All ready and ready to go, me, Jackie, Oliver, Tyler, Flynn and the rest of the crew make our way out. 20 minutes into the light walking and checking under bags, zipping through homes, and using a metal detector to detect any signs of explosives around which there weren't, thankfully we keep going only for an IED to hit right where we are.
Everyone calls out there names but I step around and another explosion hits just near the house where we're all standing, causing the house to collapse. This happens, trapping our men and launching me and a few others back.
The ringing in my ears keeps going, blood dripping from my head from where I have hit it somewhere.
"OLIVER!" I shout over the screams, hoping he isn't one of the men under anything and that he's probably just waking up from being knocked out.
"Cassi! I'm over here," he groans and my heart feels heavy. It feels like a heavy and painful weight is sitting on my chest.
"I'm here. Hey I'm here Let me shift all of this, bandage you up and send you back, okay. It will be just fine, okay"
"Not me. Don't save me; go get captain. I'm stuck."
I look over at Captain, who is out cold with a tonne of debris all over him.
"I can throw you in that helicopter and save you or I can loose you, which I won't do so shut the fuck up, okay, you, my other half. My soul and my life. You're going to be a dad, okay. Just bear with me," I tell him as I remove what I can and clean dust and sand off him before wrapping him up in antiseptic stuff and bandages the best I can with the supplies I can find.
"Come on, hold on to me," I shout over the sounds of guns going off. I find it hard to concentrate but I have to get him out of here and then save whoever else I can.
Oliver grips my shoulder as his screams echoed over everything else going on, His leg definitely broken and will probably need surgery but we have to keep going.
"Right, I'm going to grab whoever else I can and check on our team, okay. Keep breathing, Olly! I love you"
"I love you too, Casey! When you get back, we will head home and we will get a plaster on my leg, yeah," he says as he laughs at me while trying to cover up his pain.
"No time for jokes but I love the humour, bro" I head back and save our Captain, then Jackie, a guy named Flynn and another guy Named Luke. Luke is the one in the most critical condition.
"Casey, look behind you!" Oliver shouts and I pull my gun out and look directly behind me at the gun aiming for me. I don't even want to hit him, but with the extensive training I've had to carry a gun I fire it and it hits him in the middle of his head. I don't even think about the repercussions of my actions; I get on with what I need to do.
After getting them on the helicopter, I go to jump in when I feel a pinch in my neck and slowly my limbs go all heavy. My body feels heavy and weak but I vaguely hear Oliver's voice shouting. And then the helicopter goes out of site. I am out of site and I don't know where I am or where I am going.
-
My mouth feels as dry as the sahara desert when I go to move; I can't. I'm chained to something.
Looking down, I see I'm shackled to a metal chair on both arms and both legs."Good. You're awake," the voice beside me says. English words but an accent I don't recognise.
"Where am I?"
"Home. of course"
I look around and there's no light in here, just walls covered in cement and I can see rats running everywhere. My body aches so bad it feels as though I have been hit with a truck. Then I remember my brother and how they were going to safety. I don't even know the day or what time it is. Am I still in Africa? Am I really back home in America?
All Questions have no answers.
"This isn't my home"
"You have information that I want. That's why your here"
"I know nothing so let me go, okay. Let me go"
"Sorry. No it can't be done. If you don't give me what I need, then I'll make sure your beloved brother dies too"
"He's not here..."
"ah. Yes." He says in his bad English accent. "The helicopter that blew up. Sorry for your loss," he laughs in my face. I try to fight the restraints but it's not useful.
That information gets my pulse racing my heart beating and the sweat drips from my head onto my body, but I can't wipe at it.
"Fuck you, you fucking prick," I shout in his face, spitting on the floor near his feet.
My actions greet me with a slap across my face.
Son of a bitch!
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jabari Ada. I run all of this state and I would like to know what you were doing snooping in my territory"
I spit on the floor beside him again but I notice the blood in my mouth. Doing this earns me another slap to the face. The slap fucking hurt a lot, I will say.
6 months ago:Time lost me.Torture became a new thing. No food became normal. Minimal water was a thing, apparently.No one tells me what day it is; some days they leave me for what feels like days. The only light I ever get is a small, shitty lightbulb above my head. One mishap with that, and this place will probably go up in flames.Just what I need right now.I wonder if Oliver would have retired and become the father he always dreamed he would be. Living his life. I would prefer to just end this now. My mind is never going to get out of itself now, but whenever they come in, my screams are more grunts. They don't even give a shit anymore; they keep asking for information, but by now I can even remember if my left hand is still attached to my body or if my arse is still even working. I stink. I keep telling myself to grab a shower and then laughing inside my head at the thought of not being able to move. Some days they let me go, but as soon as the cuffs are off my hands and feet,
Weeks turned into months, and months turned into a year, which led to two years. Each passing day that they didn't find Casey was another day that life became harder for her family.Her mom fell ill with depression after they found out Oliver had died, and they went to identify the body. They then had a funeral at Arlington Cemetery, where they did the 21-Gun-Salute. An extremely hard day is made even worse when we don't know where Casey is. She never would have missed her brother's funeral. The captain of their team had been wheeled here and spoke about Oliver, his time in the military, and then Casey, how she saved not only her brother but four more of their people. A few of their friends who had joined with them came and paid respects.Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton didn't leave the grave until the next day. Sophia came home with their grandparents, and since then, it hasn't been the same. Everything they do, they do it with sadness in their bodies now.The once-happy family, who enjoyed B
It was a real shock to my system to see Max Kendal here. I didn't recognise his scent when he walked in, but then his voice was the one I recognised. His dog tried to locate where I was, but I couldn't remove my hands from my ears. My whole body hurts physically and mentally. It's my first night here, and it's also the first night off the drugs I've been on for years.They want to wean me off them, so I thought, Why not go cold turkey? Get it over with.When he left, I felt relieved. It's hard enough living with what the doctor said was survivors guilt, but I wish I wouldn't be here. I'd be more at peace if they had just killed me over there, but then my mom and dad. Do they blame me? That's one reason why I couldn't accept the doctors to call.What if they blamed me?What if they disowned me?What if... what if... what if...Everything leads back to what if this or what if that. There's no way I'll be able to go back, and I don't honestly think I want to anyway.I'm pulled away from
The days here are filled with endless amounts of nurses, blood being taken, night terrors in the day, which is bizarre, a lot of attempts to get me to go to therapy, attempts to talk, and it's driving me insane.I just want to feel something.Angry.Sad.Fear.Something. I don't even know how long I have actually been here, but I wrote down that I don't want anyone visiting apart from Max, and even he is limited to how many times he shows up. I haven't spoken to him yet, and I haven't spoken to anyone. I hear his voice speaking to someone down the hall."Katie, it's been nearly 2 months since she got here. Are you sure she's okay?""Max, you know the drill in this: you were once a military man yourself and converting back to a civilian life was hard for you who left with full bill of health and therapy to ease you into it. She's not been back in this life for a long time but hopefully she will one day"He grunts something, which makes me smile. He's always been a grumpy bastard, if
"Ahhh, so he is alive. It's been a few weeks, hasn't it, boss man?" Cody, who is my best friend and PA, says the moment I walk through the doorThe moment I step into a suit, I'm in work mode, unless I'm greeted with coffee and a best friend. I learned my lesson the hard way when I hired a female assistant who was only interested in being on an ex-military man's arm candy and climbing a ladder. She always wore tight clothes, which showed way too much, and she must have put on a whole bottle of perfume in a day.God, it was a lot."Sorry man. I didn't mean for it to happen for that long, but there were a few things I needed to do, that was all," I tell him as we step into my office."Doors closed. What's going on?""Just over 4 years ago, I retired from the Military...""Yeah, I know about that. Your time there and everything in between. What's going on, Kendal" I know he's asking, as a close friend and also a colleague, if I'm fit to do my work or if I need more time off or not, which
"What are you doing here?" I ask him as I look into his eyes. His eyes are on mine as well, but I can't look away."Because you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you up. There's a storm that's coming and it's supposed to be a huge storm as well. I will leave before it comes""You don't have to. I like you coming down""I like it too but you don't need me here; you're strong and witty enough to get by on your own. You have us all here, Cassi You really do and I'm not saying this because I feel sorry for you No no offence, and don't take it personally but I can't because I know you'd hate it. You and Oliver were to stubborn to admit defeat so don't do it, okay""You don't understand""I don't. And you'll open up when your ready to open up but can I just say one thing"I nod my head for him to continue but I can feel the anger dissipating the more he speaks. He never liked me when we were teenagers anyway so theres no harm in listening to his words."What would Olly want?""To be her
I keep visiting her.I keep going over any plan I can to help her get through this but the more I try, the more she closes the door on me and shuts herself away. I tried yesterday and she didn't even acknowledge me there so when I left, I took a flight to the nearest Airport near Arlington Cemetery, and I booked a motel room for a few nights. Visiting Oliver might help and hopefully I might get my answer here.I head over to the tombstone dressed in a suit and put down the roses I bought on the way here."Olly.I don't even know where to begin here. I bought you some flowers even though you'd probably want a beer, I pulled up here knowing I needed to speak to you and knowing it was an overdue situation.Casey isn't doing good, man. She's not happy without you here. Locking herself in her hospital room, she's been there for 3 months and refuses any treatment. Doctors keep telling her to try her therapy and try new things but she sits in the window and doesn't say a word. We were in th
"Casey, we've been on 3 therapy sessions and you've barely said much. You don't need to talk about your time away. You don't even need to tell me much but I want to know what your thinking"I managed to snag a new therapist. He's an older man, which sounds nice. Loves wearing sweaters and comfy clothes. We're in the seasons where it is a bit colder now. I have been here a fair few months so you'd expect me to be tip-top by now.Apparently not."Like what?""Anything. What are you so scared of here?""I'm not scared of anything," I tell him. It's a big, shitty lie that he can probably see straight through, but I don't want to tell him I feel unstable. I'm scared of people here, and every time I look outside, I'm relieved to find myself not chained to a chair. Not chained to a box. "What do you think about Oliver?""Of course I do." I snap. "What about him?"What the hell. I may as well start somewhere."I miss him. I wake up in sweats, feeling like he's talking to me. Blaming me. Tel
Epilogue5 years later:For the last five years, me and Casey have become stronger with each other, and we have also been able to get through some tough days and still come out happier as well.When she blurted out she was pregnant, I was so shocked, but the excitement cursing through my body had been beyond amazing! I didn't know how to express it if words weren't enough, which they weren't at the time.We celebrated the pregnancy news with our families over snacks and some drinks at the local pub near us.Casey gave birth 8 months later to a beautiful little girl who we named Daisy Kendal, and she is definitely the spitting image of her father with her mother's stubbornness on top of it all.A year later, we found out we were pregnant again, and we had a beautiful set of twins, whom we named Oliver and Maddy.Oliver is a mom's boy, but the moment his grandads get here, he's all man and no mom.Me and Casey got married a few months after we had Daisy, and she was a beautiful, hot mam
1 week ago:I'm sitting at my parent's house, panicking over what seems to be an exciting time for my mom. She still doesn't touch me as much and since that day I hugged her at the cemetery, she seems to be a little easier on things now."Mom, can you stop making me nervous""Yeah, well, if I'm going to be honest, it is nice to have some good news and have you told Max?""Do you think I would be panicking over here waiting for the drink to take its course if he knew about it?"If I'm going to cut to the chase, I'm late. I've never had a pregnancy scare before, and I'm sure that it will be negative because I don't believe Max even wants children, and I'm probably just stressed about next week. Surely it's just that."Have you Peed yet?" My mom asks through the door."Yes. I'm just waiting for the tests to do their magic"The moment I've said that, my mom opens the door and stands there waiting for me to tell her.The timer goes off and I hand her the stick. I can't look."Casey baby""
Last week, when we all got home, me and Max started looking at houses, and while he was at work, I drew out some plans for my bakery. The unit is already ready for me to start my work because somehow Max and my dad and his dad had already started when we got back, and I only found out at the weekend what was happening. its a big shop that can seat people inside and outside as well.The name is going to be Sin City. It's hopefully going to do well, and I think it's something I need to focus on as well. For it to be in the heart of California is great, and it will be noticeable too, so that's good.Sophia said she can do all the art online and make a profile specifically for orders and deliveries; she's happy to help, and my dad said he and Joel will be starting any renovations I want to do, but it will take time, which is fine.My therapist appointment yesterday was good, and I have started going on walks with Zeke and Max, which Dr. Manning is thrilled about. He was happy to see I got
A week before proposal-"Mr. Hamilton may I have a couple of minutes of your time please?"I stepped into the Hamilton home just like I normally do with my Mom and Dad's home. I walked straight through the door, hugged Mrs Hamilton, got a lecture for calling her Mrs Hamilton and not Jo or Joanna and then asked where Mr Hamilton was."Yes lad what's up?"It's been 4 weeks since I last saw Casey. She avoids my calls sometimes but I know it isn't personal. She needs time to heal and we have been speaking briefly when we have a spare few minutes but I miss seeing her beautiful face so even now, every Sunday I swing by here with Jake and Leah too, and we all have dinner here and then I go see my family as well."I have been thinking a lot recently and I have been pacing your driveway for a while now""I know. I've been finding it funny watching you on camera"I stop short of my next question when his laughter echoes over the room. It's a sight and sound I haven't heard for a while and it's
The flight was a lot for me-over 5 hours trapped in one space. I didn't think I'd be able to do it simply because the last time I was on a plane, I was heavily sedated, so I didn't know how I was through out the flight, but this one tested so many waters and it made me feel so sick.We get into the cars we have hired for a few days, and we drive to the hotel, which is a short distance from the cemetery.Finding closure and peace for Olivier and me is why I'm here, and maybe, just maybe, I can begin to feel a sense of relief that he is somewhere out there looking down on us all and is proud of the person Leah is now and the daughter he has never met, but she hears so much about her daddy and the people mom and dad have become, even though everyone misses him so much."Hey Angel, shall we have a steady walk up to the fields? Let pooch have a bit of a walk around and do what he needs to do?""Yes. Is it busy?""No, it's a very quiet town and the fields are a short distance as well. Every
"A few days after I last saw you, I read Oliver's letter. He knew I'd blame myself if he died; he knew I wouldn't be able to handle it but he told me some stuff I needed to hear. He basically gave me the kick in the ass I needed from beyond the grave in a way," she says, smiling sadly."I knew I needed to fight it; I knew I needed to face the challenges ahead but I was scared. I'm scared of my own shadow, Max, Days like today, when it was a lot and it was overwhelming, I got scared. I haven't been in this kind of environment for so long I forgot what it was like. When I got my tattoo, they kept me talking and told me how they all got into that business and how it made them feel. I felt safe in a place I had never been to before""I'm glad you felt safe there, Angel""When I took my top off, they didn't judge me; they didn't ask questions but I heard my mom's cries. It fucking hurt I didn't want her to see them I didn't want her to be disgusted by what I have felt disgusted by. I remem
I don't leave his bedroom because I know if I do, then I'd end up having a panic attack but when his mom steps in the door way of his room and bursts into tears, I can't help but stand still."Mom, don't cry; Jesus, she's just got here""Oh, shut up. Casey honey, it is so good to see you""Hello, Mrs Kendal," I say politely, even though I'm a bunch of nerves on the inside. When Mr Kendal steps forward, I take a step back instinctively."I'm sorry, sir"When Max puts a hand in his dad's shoulder and whispers something, he looks back to me and nods before walking out and following his wife down the hall."They aren't going to hurt you, Angel. I did the same thing when I returned home I called him sir way too much. It's a habit you can't break straight away but you're safe, okay. They know not to touch you and if you need to, we can take you home, okay"I shake my head because I didn't work my ass off for nothing. I didn't push myself so hard that I was sick most nights from exhaustion a
Every meeting is a pain in my backside, so when I got a notification that I had another meeting scheduled for 3:30, I was and could have lost my shit.When the receptionist, Paula, comes by at 3:25 to let me know my appointment is hers, I am prepared to cancel and tell them to go."Sir, she was very adamant about this meeting. I had to cancel your 4 o'clock meeting for this as she said it was urgent," she says as we walk from one end of the office to the other, and when I open my door, I literally drop my mug of coffee on the floor.Inside my office is Zeke, who wags his tail and then looks to his Owner, Casey, who iss currently sitting in the chairs opposite me."Sir, is everything okay?" Paula asks me as she looks to the woman in front of me. "I can call security if you need me to...?""No. Paula this is Casey. My Casey" I say, walking so fast, crossing my office to get to her and pulling her into a huge hug."Hello Maximus""Only my mother calls me that! But I'll let you off this o
I stand in the doorway, staring at the family member who is staring back at me.Maria steps next to me and starts speaking to me."They've been here for a while. I am waiting for you to come out. I think your dad has only just sat down""What do I say to them?""Whatever you want. Come on, let's have a walk over there"We have a steady walk over, and while I walk, I look around me. I've never actually seen anything out here, so now that I can, I see how beautiful it all is. The sun is shining over us, and ahead is a nugget picnic that my mom probably did. She was always good at making buffet meals for parties."Casey is a little worried about today's events. She's just come out of a very tough therapy session. Please understand that she may not want to have millions of questions thrown her way. Enjoy your meals, and Casey, your medications will be ready for when you get back into your room," Maria says as she bids my family farewell.Zeke is standing in front of me, watching their mov