We have come quite far in the short time we have been here, and I have learned a fair amount from the people we are grouped with. This is week 10 now. As I said, we learn a lot at boot camp. Just last week, we based our skills on teamwork and positivity.
We had a few shows on how to handle an injured soldier in combat and what to expect. We travelled and used our skills on each other, performing medical examinations and building our strength.
We have learned what our weaknesses are and have been tasked with overcoming the fears of those weaknesses. My weakness was a fear of falling from a great height, so our captain had me climb each rope to the top and slide back down again. Then I climbed boulders, and before I knew it, I was doing it without sweating or shaking like a leaf. Okay, it took about 4 weeks to accomplish that, but it was useful.
Many of the people here were afraid of something so I was glad I wasn't alone.
Over the last few weeks, I received another letter from Mom and Dad. I wrote back to Jake and my parents, and I'm yet to receive a letter, but I told them I probably won't write back due to us coming home in a couple of weeks time.
Another useful thing we have done in the last week was develop self-discipline and leadership skills. I passed the self-discipline test quite well, I put myself in a position where I needed to shut off my emotional state and focus on the present tasks and it worked out well, We were forced to lay in a line on the sand, just at the roughest part of the sea, and had to use our strength and endurance to keep our heads from going under the wave.
That was a lot harder than it had to be, and very bloody cold that's for sure but I think the leadership skills will remain a mystery. I'm no coward but I also don't feel ready to lead a group of us into a situation where something could potentially go wrong and I'm responsible.
During week 7, we were taught how to load, unload, and reload our weapons, how to quickly reload when in battle without stopping too long, and how to manhandle people when needed. Self-defence classes are apparently useful in case you are in a situation where your weapon is out of reach or is snatched away.
I was glad to have the opportunity to wrestle and let out some frustrations with some of our teammates. Tyler being the cockiest thought he was clever to grab me and pull me down but my instincts of fighting with Oliver caught up and I caught myself before falling and pulled him over my shoulder and tossed him onto the matts provided.
"Hey, you're deep in thought What's going on?"
"Hey Olly. And not much today; I'm sad we only have a few weeks left. Did you read Leah's letter?"
"Yeah. She sent us some stuff in a care package. Yours and a few letters are in your Barrack on your bunk"
"Oh brilliant! Where were you heading off to?"
"Cap wants everyone in the canteen"
"When?"
"Now. Come on, sissy"
With a grudge, I get up and head to the canteen with Oliver. It's already busy with our team and a few of the Sergeants, officers and then our Captain as well.
As usual, when we are all in the same place with higher ranks, we stand and salute out of respect and honour.
"Relax soldiers. It's a formal meeting to give you your letters and packages for how you have done, if you have made the cut, if you haven't made the cut what to expect and if you have made it through what you will need to do before you go home. Today you'll be asked a series of interview questions based on your time and reflections here. Don't be alarmed; it is mandatory for you all to do this, every station and base does it. Your time is slotted at the top of your papers and please note that you are to arrive on time If you do not arrive on time, we will send you home even if you have been accepted into the Military. On-time in battle is always early"
"Sir, yes, sir," we all say, standing to our full height and saluting each member passing by.
"This is the big moment, Sis"
"Oliver," I say quietly so he would shut up because my nerves won't be able to handle his jokey self.
"It's fine. Whatever happens, I will have your back just like you have mine, okay"
"What if you got in but I didn't?"
"Then...you send me care packages," he says as he winks at me. I don't understand how calm he is about all of this.
"Come on. Let's go and open our things and see what's what okay"
We head to a table that's got some of our new friends there; Jackie's there, and a guy named Tyler and a guy named Flynn are sitting there as well.
The others open there's and cheers erupt around the table. All three of them got in. That means there are only 9 spaces left. There are now 29 people here; seems how Cosgrove got kicked out of the camp early.
Idiot.
I opened my letter and read it all the way through. My smile dropped into a frown, and then I read the bottom.
Casey Hamilton:
Military status: Marine Corps Infantry
Number 71682
Training Status: Completed
Mission start date: 7th July
Location: Germany
Length of time: 6+ months
"Shit! Oh, my God!" I shout at our table.
Oliver hadn't opened his yet; he was waiting for me to say first what was happening, so I showed him the papers.
"YEAAAAH! Go girl! My twins got some skills"
"Wait...your twins?" Jackie asks as she takes a sip of her drink.
"Yeah," we say in unison as we laugh. People find it creepy.
"Oh my god, that is so..."
"Weird?" We say together again. It's a twin thing. When one of us is hurt, the other senses their mood. When one is annoyed so is the other and there is a lot of other weird stuff, like how we sleep. On our front, we have our right arm under the pillow and our left arm draped over our heads.
"Open yours, Olly" I'm eager to see if he's got in. I'm not nervous because he's also worked his ass off but I am also nervous because it means everything to me if he does get in.
"Here. You look for me. I can't do it."
I take his papers and scan what I need to scan.
Oliver Hamilton:
Military status: Marine Corps Infantry
Number 91628
Training status: Completed
Mission start date: 7th July
Location: Germany
Length of time: 6+ Months.
I frown down at his papers and Jackie takes them out of my hands and smiles so widely I can't not smile either.
"Bro! You've done it as well! We are officially going home, knowing what we are all coming back to," I say as I slap Oliver's back. He lets out a breath and laughs along with us.
2 weeks later, we have just gotten back to California. Our normal everyday clothes on, and a pair of sunglasses. Oliver's casual is jeans and a T-shirt with Nike trainers; for me, on the other hand, my dress code is a black pair of leggings, black boots, and a long vest top with an off-the-shoulder cardigan jumper.
"Are you ready to tell Mom and Dad we didn't get in?" I ask as we approach our normal, quiet neighbourhood.
"Yeah. Sad faces...go"
I can't help but chuckle when I approach the house, but I have learned to mask that smile when needed too, and so I do.
We go in the front door, drop our duffel bags, and brace ourselves for hugs and kisses from everyone here. Leah is quick to pounce on us both, hugging and strangling me at the same time, whereas she kisses Oliver.
I'm a third wheel in this case.
"Oh my god, my babies are home!"
"Momma!!" I cry as I run to her and my dad. I didn't think I'd be this emotional, but I am. Thank God today was the day my menstrual cycle started. I can use that as an excuse as to why I'm crying. Code Red is what my dad and brother call it.
After a lot of hugs, tears, and laughs, we manage to pile everyone out back and explain how it all went, the sessions and the times we would get up because our body clock got used to being awake at stupid hours, how we ate so much, and then they made us run it off.
"So, did you both get in?"
Me and Olly look at each other, and then Mom sighs.
"I'm sorry, guys... I'm sure you did your absolute best, and we are so proud of you for trying..."
"Mom," I say over her. I don't usually talk over her, but I can't keep it up in any way. I hand over my letter, and Olly hands his to Dad. They look a little puzzled, but then they see the mission date.
"OH GOSH! Oh my goodness..."
"Well done, champs! We're so proud of you"
I feel pride in myself on achieving 12 weeks of basic training. Next on the list is our first mission and I'm so nervous, to say the least.
Over the next two weeks, we have been with our family, visiting our friends, continuing our training and also finding time to recoup and destress. Before we knew it, we were on our way back to San Diego to join our friends who we also kept in touch with. Jackie FaceTimed me a lot and showed me some beautiful parts of Los Angeles, and she briefly met my mom when she got home from shopping.
"6 months is a long time, guys. I'm going to miss you so much" Mom's voice is laced with emotions I'm not prepared for.
"We will be home before you know it, momma"
"You better write to us. Keep yourself safe and please for goodness sake, put sunscreen on"
Me and Oliver laugh at her mom's protectiveness-about the sunscreen.
"Of all the things we have done in our 18 years, you are bothered about us not wearing sunscreen"
"Yes. I am. Anyway, I believe some people are waiting for you. Send us a list of what you want for your care packages"
After our emotional goodbyes, it was soon time to leave for our first mission. I'd like to think of it as a new beginning but that started nearly 4 months ago and it has gone by very fast.
"Come on, sis. Let's go"
-
"ATTENTION"
Standing with both feet together, my left hand approaches my left side and my right hand salutes our captain for him to continue with his speech.
"My name is Captain Harrison. As you all know from your training, you will see things in this mission that make you never forget it. Some are good, some are bad but you have trained for this. You know what to expect and what is expected of you."
"Sir, yes, sir," we all chorus together. I already feel the nerves kicking in. Oliver rests his arm on my shoulder as we all prepare to leave.
"Are you ready?" He asks me quietly while everyone else around us speaks quite loudly.
"I am. Everything happens for a reason and this is our reason. We got this"
Leading us into the chopper to head for the cargo plane we will be taking, we make leave for our first mission of many. On this one, the captain and sergeant have explained what it is and what is expected once we land.
The plane is a bumpy ride, and me and Jackie sit there listening to some music like everyone else but Tyler and Oliver are talking about something else in the quiet.
"What you two talking so quietly for?" I ask, eyeing them both.
"I was reading the reports and what to expect" Oliver says
"Yeah, like everyone has?"
"It's a mission to free the children from being sent to arranged marriages and to get the girls into schooling like the boys, however, Some specifics don't add up"
"Like what?"
"For starters, they have their own system for this; residents don't usually say anything, but we're here to change it all. They don't trust Americans so why are we being sent to try and change things for?"
"I don't know, okay, but it will be alright. We're a good bunch and I'm sure we can sort it in the timeframe they've set and then be back out again"
My response only seems to make him relax a little bit; I can still feel his tension like it was my own.
4 years ago:It's been a long journey over the last 7 years. Me and Oliver spent our 21st birthday at home on leave. We got back a few days before our birthday, and we spent most of the time slumming it at home.Only to be re-deployed 2 months later to Japan on a mission that took 9 months, but when we got home, we were reassigned to the same mission because the problem caused more problems and it wasn't done. It took another few months in the hot weather, but we managed to get ourselves to safety. We turned 24 last month and had just come back from base after our birthday for a few weeks before we were sent back to San Diego.You never know when you're about to leave so they always prefer you to be back on base so you can leave the moment your captain tells you too.Our younger sister, Sophia, has turned into such a sassy, clever young lady and has surprised everyone when she has a school project that asked her to write about the people who inspired her most.She wrote about me and O
6 months ago:Time lost me.Torture became a new thing. No food became normal. Minimal water was a thing, apparently.No one tells me what day it is; some days they leave me for what feels like days. The only light I ever get is a small, shitty lightbulb above my head. One mishap with that, and this place will probably go up in flames.Just what I need right now.I wonder if Oliver would have retired and become the father he always dreamed he would be. Living his life. I would prefer to just end this now. My mind is never going to get out of itself now, but whenever they come in, my screams are more grunts. They don't even give a shit anymore; they keep asking for information, but by now I can even remember if my left hand is still attached to my body or if my arse is still even working. I stink. I keep telling myself to grab a shower and then laughing inside my head at the thought of not being able to move. Some days they let me go, but as soon as the cuffs are off my hands and feet,
Weeks turned into months, and months turned into a year, which led to two years. Each passing day that they didn't find Casey was another day that life became harder for her family.Her mom fell ill with depression after they found out Oliver had died, and they went to identify the body. They then had a funeral at Arlington Cemetery, where they did the 21-Gun-Salute. An extremely hard day is made even worse when we don't know where Casey is. She never would have missed her brother's funeral. The captain of their team had been wheeled here and spoke about Oliver, his time in the military, and then Casey, how she saved not only her brother but four more of their people. A few of their friends who had joined with them came and paid respects.Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton didn't leave the grave until the next day. Sophia came home with their grandparents, and since then, it hasn't been the same. Everything they do, they do it with sadness in their bodies now.The once-happy family, who enjoyed B
It was a real shock to my system to see Max Kendal here. I didn't recognise his scent when he walked in, but then his voice was the one I recognised. His dog tried to locate where I was, but I couldn't remove my hands from my ears. My whole body hurts physically and mentally. It's my first night here, and it's also the first night off the drugs I've been on for years.They want to wean me off them, so I thought, Why not go cold turkey? Get it over with.When he left, I felt relieved. It's hard enough living with what the doctor said was survivors guilt, but I wish I wouldn't be here. I'd be more at peace if they had just killed me over there, but then my mom and dad. Do they blame me? That's one reason why I couldn't accept the doctors to call.What if they blamed me?What if they disowned me?What if... what if... what if...Everything leads back to what if this or what if that. There's no way I'll be able to go back, and I don't honestly think I want to anyway.I'm pulled away from
The days here are filled with endless amounts of nurses, blood being taken, night terrors in the day, which is bizarre, a lot of attempts to get me to go to therapy, attempts to talk, and it's driving me insane.I just want to feel something.Angry.Sad.Fear.Something. I don't even know how long I have actually been here, but I wrote down that I don't want anyone visiting apart from Max, and even he is limited to how many times he shows up. I haven't spoken to him yet, and I haven't spoken to anyone. I hear his voice speaking to someone down the hall."Katie, it's been nearly 2 months since she got here. Are you sure she's okay?""Max, you know the drill in this: you were once a military man yourself and converting back to a civilian life was hard for you who left with full bill of health and therapy to ease you into it. She's not been back in this life for a long time but hopefully she will one day"He grunts something, which makes me smile. He's always been a grumpy bastard, if
"Ahhh, so he is alive. It's been a few weeks, hasn't it, boss man?" Cody, who is my best friend and PA, says the moment I walk through the doorThe moment I step into a suit, I'm in work mode, unless I'm greeted with coffee and a best friend. I learned my lesson the hard way when I hired a female assistant who was only interested in being on an ex-military man's arm candy and climbing a ladder. She always wore tight clothes, which showed way too much, and she must have put on a whole bottle of perfume in a day.God, it was a lot."Sorry man. I didn't mean for it to happen for that long, but there were a few things I needed to do, that was all," I tell him as we step into my office."Doors closed. What's going on?""Just over 4 years ago, I retired from the Military...""Yeah, I know about that. Your time there and everything in between. What's going on, Kendal" I know he's asking, as a close friend and also a colleague, if I'm fit to do my work or if I need more time off or not, which
"What are you doing here?" I ask him as I look into his eyes. His eyes are on mine as well, but I can't look away."Because you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you up. There's a storm that's coming and it's supposed to be a huge storm as well. I will leave before it comes""You don't have to. I like you coming down""I like it too but you don't need me here; you're strong and witty enough to get by on your own. You have us all here, Cassi You really do and I'm not saying this because I feel sorry for you No no offence, and don't take it personally but I can't because I know you'd hate it. You and Oliver were to stubborn to admit defeat so don't do it, okay""You don't understand""I don't. And you'll open up when your ready to open up but can I just say one thing"I nod my head for him to continue but I can feel the anger dissipating the more he speaks. He never liked me when we were teenagers anyway so theres no harm in listening to his words."What would Olly want?""To be her
I keep visiting her.I keep going over any plan I can to help her get through this but the more I try, the more she closes the door on me and shuts herself away. I tried yesterday and she didn't even acknowledge me there so when I left, I took a flight to the nearest Airport near Arlington Cemetery, and I booked a motel room for a few nights. Visiting Oliver might help and hopefully I might get my answer here.I head over to the tombstone dressed in a suit and put down the roses I bought on the way here."Olly.I don't even know where to begin here. I bought you some flowers even though you'd probably want a beer, I pulled up here knowing I needed to speak to you and knowing it was an overdue situation.Casey isn't doing good, man. She's not happy without you here. Locking herself in her hospital room, she's been there for 3 months and refuses any treatment. Doctors keep telling her to try her therapy and try new things but she sits in the window and doesn't say a word. We were in th
Epilogue5 years later:For the last five years, me and Casey have become stronger with each other, and we have also been able to get through some tough days and still come out happier as well.When she blurted out she was pregnant, I was so shocked, but the excitement cursing through my body had been beyond amazing! I didn't know how to express it if words weren't enough, which they weren't at the time.We celebrated the pregnancy news with our families over snacks and some drinks at the local pub near us.Casey gave birth 8 months later to a beautiful little girl who we named Daisy Kendal, and she is definitely the spitting image of her father with her mother's stubbornness on top of it all.A year later, we found out we were pregnant again, and we had a beautiful set of twins, whom we named Oliver and Maddy.Oliver is a mom's boy, but the moment his grandads get here, he's all man and no mom.Me and Casey got married a few months after we had Daisy, and she was a beautiful, hot mam
1 week ago:I'm sitting at my parent's house, panicking over what seems to be an exciting time for my mom. She still doesn't touch me as much and since that day I hugged her at the cemetery, she seems to be a little easier on things now."Mom, can you stop making me nervous""Yeah, well, if I'm going to be honest, it is nice to have some good news and have you told Max?""Do you think I would be panicking over here waiting for the drink to take its course if he knew about it?"If I'm going to cut to the chase, I'm late. I've never had a pregnancy scare before, and I'm sure that it will be negative because I don't believe Max even wants children, and I'm probably just stressed about next week. Surely it's just that."Have you Peed yet?" My mom asks through the door."Yes. I'm just waiting for the tests to do their magic"The moment I've said that, my mom opens the door and stands there waiting for me to tell her.The timer goes off and I hand her the stick. I can't look."Casey baby""
Last week, when we all got home, me and Max started looking at houses, and while he was at work, I drew out some plans for my bakery. The unit is already ready for me to start my work because somehow Max and my dad and his dad had already started when we got back, and I only found out at the weekend what was happening. its a big shop that can seat people inside and outside as well.The name is going to be Sin City. It's hopefully going to do well, and I think it's something I need to focus on as well. For it to be in the heart of California is great, and it will be noticeable too, so that's good.Sophia said she can do all the art online and make a profile specifically for orders and deliveries; she's happy to help, and my dad said he and Joel will be starting any renovations I want to do, but it will take time, which is fine.My therapist appointment yesterday was good, and I have started going on walks with Zeke and Max, which Dr. Manning is thrilled about. He was happy to see I got
A week before proposal-"Mr. Hamilton may I have a couple of minutes of your time please?"I stepped into the Hamilton home just like I normally do with my Mom and Dad's home. I walked straight through the door, hugged Mrs Hamilton, got a lecture for calling her Mrs Hamilton and not Jo or Joanna and then asked where Mr Hamilton was."Yes lad what's up?"It's been 4 weeks since I last saw Casey. She avoids my calls sometimes but I know it isn't personal. She needs time to heal and we have been speaking briefly when we have a spare few minutes but I miss seeing her beautiful face so even now, every Sunday I swing by here with Jake and Leah too, and we all have dinner here and then I go see my family as well."I have been thinking a lot recently and I have been pacing your driveway for a while now""I know. I've been finding it funny watching you on camera"I stop short of my next question when his laughter echoes over the room. It's a sight and sound I haven't heard for a while and it's
The flight was a lot for me-over 5 hours trapped in one space. I didn't think I'd be able to do it simply because the last time I was on a plane, I was heavily sedated, so I didn't know how I was through out the flight, but this one tested so many waters and it made me feel so sick.We get into the cars we have hired for a few days, and we drive to the hotel, which is a short distance from the cemetery.Finding closure and peace for Olivier and me is why I'm here, and maybe, just maybe, I can begin to feel a sense of relief that he is somewhere out there looking down on us all and is proud of the person Leah is now and the daughter he has never met, but she hears so much about her daddy and the people mom and dad have become, even though everyone misses him so much."Hey Angel, shall we have a steady walk up to the fields? Let pooch have a bit of a walk around and do what he needs to do?""Yes. Is it busy?""No, it's a very quiet town and the fields are a short distance as well. Every
"A few days after I last saw you, I read Oliver's letter. He knew I'd blame myself if he died; he knew I wouldn't be able to handle it but he told me some stuff I needed to hear. He basically gave me the kick in the ass I needed from beyond the grave in a way," she says, smiling sadly."I knew I needed to fight it; I knew I needed to face the challenges ahead but I was scared. I'm scared of my own shadow, Max, Days like today, when it was a lot and it was overwhelming, I got scared. I haven't been in this kind of environment for so long I forgot what it was like. When I got my tattoo, they kept me talking and told me how they all got into that business and how it made them feel. I felt safe in a place I had never been to before""I'm glad you felt safe there, Angel""When I took my top off, they didn't judge me; they didn't ask questions but I heard my mom's cries. It fucking hurt I didn't want her to see them I didn't want her to be disgusted by what I have felt disgusted by. I remem
I don't leave his bedroom because I know if I do, then I'd end up having a panic attack but when his mom steps in the door way of his room and bursts into tears, I can't help but stand still."Mom, don't cry; Jesus, she's just got here""Oh, shut up. Casey honey, it is so good to see you""Hello, Mrs Kendal," I say politely, even though I'm a bunch of nerves on the inside. When Mr Kendal steps forward, I take a step back instinctively."I'm sorry, sir"When Max puts a hand in his dad's shoulder and whispers something, he looks back to me and nods before walking out and following his wife down the hall."They aren't going to hurt you, Angel. I did the same thing when I returned home I called him sir way too much. It's a habit you can't break straight away but you're safe, okay. They know not to touch you and if you need to, we can take you home, okay"I shake my head because I didn't work my ass off for nothing. I didn't push myself so hard that I was sick most nights from exhaustion a
Every meeting is a pain in my backside, so when I got a notification that I had another meeting scheduled for 3:30, I was and could have lost my shit.When the receptionist, Paula, comes by at 3:25 to let me know my appointment is hers, I am prepared to cancel and tell them to go."Sir, she was very adamant about this meeting. I had to cancel your 4 o'clock meeting for this as she said it was urgent," she says as we walk from one end of the office to the other, and when I open my door, I literally drop my mug of coffee on the floor.Inside my office is Zeke, who wags his tail and then looks to his Owner, Casey, who iss currently sitting in the chairs opposite me."Sir, is everything okay?" Paula asks me as she looks to the woman in front of me. "I can call security if you need me to...?""No. Paula this is Casey. My Casey" I say, walking so fast, crossing my office to get to her and pulling her into a huge hug."Hello Maximus""Only my mother calls me that! But I'll let you off this o
I stand in the doorway, staring at the family member who is staring back at me.Maria steps next to me and starts speaking to me."They've been here for a while. I am waiting for you to come out. I think your dad has only just sat down""What do I say to them?""Whatever you want. Come on, let's have a walk over there"We have a steady walk over, and while I walk, I look around me. I've never actually seen anything out here, so now that I can, I see how beautiful it all is. The sun is shining over us, and ahead is a nugget picnic that my mom probably did. She was always good at making buffet meals for parties."Casey is a little worried about today's events. She's just come out of a very tough therapy session. Please understand that she may not want to have millions of questions thrown her way. Enjoy your meals, and Casey, your medications will be ready for when you get back into your room," Maria says as she bids my family farewell.Zeke is standing in front of me, watching their mov