Chapter 6 - The right choice right now?

My Uber pulls up to the location Trevor sent me and I see him leaning on a short wall. I’m nowhere near him and I can already feel the tension radiate from his body. He’s fidgeting with his t-shirt. I can tell he’s nervous. I don’t get why he’s that nervous because this is not our first date.

I get out of the car and walk to him. I take a few steadying breaths as a sudden flood of anxiety hits me. I have a sneaky feeling his anxiety is rubbing off me. I hate feeling that way about him because I was looking forward to this date with him. The last one was a little fun; I was looking to having more fun with him.

“I spent all f last night trying to plan the perfect date.” Trevor says and I smile. “I was so nervous I came up with nothing.” He says looking at me blushing. As soon as the words leave his mouth it confirms my thoughts. I knew he was freaking out, it’s written all over his face.

“There’s no reason to be nervous. We’ve known each other for a long time and besides this is our second date. Don’t be nervous.” I say and he stares at me silent. I’m trying to put him at ease but by the look on his face I don’t think it’s working very well.

“I know it’s not cool to say this on a second date but…” He says looking at me closely. “I like you… a lot.” He says and my heart jumps into my throat. I feel hot all of a sudden. “And I want to make a good impression on you. I want you to like me too.” He says looking at me expectantly.

I take a few breaths trying to calm myself, so much for putting each other at ease. This conversation is taking a turn.  We are getting too deep too quickly.

 I need to get my heart to a regular pace. I need to come back to earth because I feel like I’m floating. I didn’t think he would be saying these things to me today. I’m still reeling from seeing Oliver and he’s hitting me with all this.

“I appreciate you telling me this.” I say taking a deep breath. I need to phrase this well, I don’t want to offend him in any way. I enjoy his company but he needs to hold back a little. “But I don’t think we should put pressure on ourselves.” I say and he smiles. “Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and go with the flow.” I say and he sighs.

“You’re right; I need to shake off the nerves.” He says shaking out his arms. He smiles a little and I smile back hoping he can relax. I want to have a relaxed and fun date. Is that too much to ask? 

“There’s no need to be perfect for me. I like you just the way you are.” I say and that makes him smile really hard.

“You like me?” He asks happy. “I like hearing that.” He says and I smile.

“Of ‘course I like you. I wouldn’t be spending time with you if I didn’t like you.” I say and he comes closer to me.

“I’m very happy to hear you say that.” He says taking my hand in his. His face comes even closer to mine. I feel my heart start going again. I can feel panic start to seep into my body. He’s looking at me like he wants to kiss me.

 I don’t want him to kiss me, not right now; I don’t think I’ll be ready to kiss him anytime soon.

“I think we should go see a movie or something.” I say and take a step back from him. “It sounds like fun.”  I say and he frowns. He smiles looking at my lips like he really wants kiss me.

“Do you want to go watch a movie?” He says taking a step back from me. “We can go to a movie.” He says disappointed. I guess he’s not interested in going to a movie.

“You don’t want to a movie?” I ask and he frowns a little. “We don’t have to go to a movie. We can just find a cool place to chill and talk.” I say and he smiles.

“I like the idea of chilling and talking.” He says and I smile.

“Let’s go get some Kfc, a blanket and a drink.” I say looking around, I’ trying to figure out where we can go buy a blanket.

“”Okay.” He says taking my hand in his and we start walking towards the mall. “We can go buy the blanket at the store next to the over there.” He says and I smile at him.

One hour later

“This is amazing. I think you should plan our dates from now on.” He says smiling at the view in front of us.  We are sitting in the most beautiful spot in the city. If I look to my left I can see my school, the right I can see the city center. And behind us there is the sound of the river. It’s so beautiful here.

“It really is beautiful here.” I say sighing in delight. “I can’t wait to see the sunset.” I say looking up at the sky. The sky is changing from blue and getting darker. And the sun is slowly going down. I love where I am right now, everything feels better. The chicken is tastier; the cool air feels so good on my skin.

“I’m glad my plan for a date didn’t work out. You can’t plan this much beauty.” He says smiling at me.

“Most of the time spontaneous dates are the best you’ll ever have.” I say and he nods in agreement.

“What’s the best date you’ve been on?” He asks taking a bite of the chicken.

“The best?” I ask looking at him thoughtfully. I don’t think I’ve had the best date yet. I’m still waiting on that one date that will make me smile for the rest of my life. “I don’t think I have ever been on The best date of my life. I can’t think of any.” I say and he smiles at me.

“I want to be the guy you have your best date with.” He says excitedly. I smile at the look on his face. He looks so determined right now. He looks like he’s planning the date already. I love how determined to make me happy, it’s intense but I appreciate him for it. I’ve never met anyone that is into me like this. It’s refreshing to be wanted for once.

“Do you have a great date you think about all the time?” I ask and he smiles happily.

“It was in first grade.” He says and I gasp in excitement. “I had a massive crush on this beautiful girl in my class.” He says blushing a little.

“That’s so cute, you asked a girl out in first grade?” I ask and he nods smiling.

“I was very brave in first grade. I wish I was still as brave as that little boy.” He says looking at me curiously.

“I think you’re still the same boy. You were brave and asked me out.” I say and he nods in appreciation. “So what happened on the date?” I ask sitting comfortably. I want to hear his cute story.

“I took her out on an ice cream date.” He says smiling. “I had to do so many chores at home to get the money to buy the ice cream for us.” He says proudly.

“Wow, so you had the whole thing planned out. That’s so cute.” I say excited.

“I’m always a man with a plan.” He says looking at me closely. “You’re so beautiful.” He says taking me by surprise. My brain instantly starts to compare this conversation I had with Oliver with this one. I can’t help but find similarities in every conversation I have with either of them.

“Thank you.” I say looking away. I wish I could just focus on the now. I hate that I have to struggle concentrating on the now. It’s a battle to keep Oliver out of my head.

Every word Trevor says goes through an analysis of how Oliver would have said it. I wonder what it would have felt like to be here in this moment with Oliver.

“Is it weird that I want to kiss you right now?” He asks making me look back at him. I didn’t expect him to say that either.

“I don’t know. Do you usually feel like kissing other girls on a second date?” I ask and he smiles staring at me. I look back at him wondering why I’m really on this date with him. I know I like him and I enjoy his company. But why am I really here? Am I here because I want friendship or I want to date him?

The idea of kissing him brings up so many questions. Do I want to be intimate with him like that? It feels like I would be crossing a line I won’t be able to get back to. I don’t want to lead him on when I’m not sure.

“I don’t think so.” He says and I raise my brows at him in question. That is not answer at all. How am I supposed t know what he finds wired? “What I do know though is that the feeling is much more intense with you.” He says looking at me intently.

“For what it’s worth I don’t think it’s weird.” I say and he nods. “I do think it’s early for a kiss though.” I say knowing very well that I’m creating a shield from him. I don’t want him to think that I gave him the go ahead to kiss me.

 Like I said, I am not ready.

“I know.” He says his voice low and gentle. “I can tell you’re still holding back. I can tell you’re still dealing with a few things, I know you need a little while to get used to being around me.” He says and I look at him curiously. Is he picking up on my hesitation? Am I making it too obvious?

“I appreciate you being so understanding.” I say and he smiles sweetly.

“I’m in this for the real deal. I’ll wait for you to get settled and comfortable in our relationship.” He says and I nod in agreement. I realize then that Trevor is a good guy. He doesn’t feel the need to pressure me into anything. He just lets me be.

I love that in a guy.

“Well thank you for chilling with me and having some surprisingly good chicken.” I say not really sure what to say. What do you say after a declaration like that?

“This is some really good chicken.” He says and we laugh.