“There he is.” My brother Felix exclaims excitedly as I walk through the kitchen backdoor. “I haven’t seen you in a minute. It’s weird because we live in the same house.” He adds opening his arms wide, asking for a hug. I look at him sideways because that’s very weird of him to want to hug me. I can’t remember the last time he and I embraced like that.
He’s standing at the stove looking at me like he doesn’t recognize me. It hasn’t really been that long has it? I close the door and walk to the stove. I’m sure I have a stunned look on my face too. I don’t know how to take this behavior. I would ask but I don’t want to make it even more awkward than it already is.
“I know you’re barely home these days.” I say going in for a hug. We embrace each other awkwardly. But neither of us pulls away, I don’t know what this is but I’ll go with it.
“It
It’s been 24 hours since Oliver showed up at my house and I’m still thinking about him. I saw him at school today but I stayed far away from him. We were doing that awkward thing where we don’t know what to say to each other.I know I should be in the moment, pay attention to Trevor who is sitting in front of me smiling happily. He surprised me with an after school coffee date, I appreciate him being spontaneous and all but Oliver is running circles in my brain. I can’t stop thinking about what he said.I can’t believe he’s jealous of me and Trevor. I never thought him capable of jealousy. I thought his heart was made of steal and black coal. I didn’t imagine he had normal, human emotions. Okay I’m being dramatic but you know what I mean. I didn’t think he thought of me that way.His reaction to me dating other people makes me curious, I wonder if Trevor feels the same way. I want to ask him but I don&r
“You never told me how the dinner with mom went.” I say turning onto my back so I can get more comfortable. I look up at my ceiling listen to Oliver breathing slowly on the other end of the receiver. We’ve been on the phone for the last half an hour. It seems we can talk to each other better when we’re not face to face.“It went alright. They want to meet you.” He says and I choke on my spit and start coughing. Who says something so serious so casually? Meeting someone’s parents is a big deal, he knows how I feel about this.“Are you okay?” I hear him say after a series of agonizing coughs. A lot of spit went down the wrong pipe. I wipe tears from my face and sit up. This boy is trying to be the end of me.“No I’m not okay. How can you say something like that without warning?” I say when my throat finally clears up. I almost died from my own saliva.&ldq
“You’re okay?” Ryo asks glancing at me from the driver’s. She looks so content holding that steering wheel. I can tell she loves doing these random trips. She looks so happy right now, I wish I felt the same way. I smile at her but I can feel my face fighting me. I don’t like this at all. I don’t like not having control.“Yeah. I’m okay.” I say stopping my body from moving uncomfortably in my seat. I’m lying with my mouth but my body is telling the truth. We’ve been on the road for about an hour now and I haven’t been able to calm down. I keep stopping myself from checking the GPS. I have this constant feeling of wanting to know. I want to know everything.I want to know where in the hell we’re headed. The fact that I’m not driving is not helping at all. Ryo is a great driver and I feel safe. I’m just not used to being the one in control. I hate that
“So you’re really doing this huh?” Marlene says coming to stand closely behind me. I can feel her leg touch mine and it everything in me not to move. I look at her over my shoulder and smile. “You must be desperate to get some. You look pathetic you know, following that girl around.” She says and I laugh. I look at the line in front of me and sigh. I guess I’m going to have to live through this tedious conversation.I’m in line to buy the most amazing fries in my city. I would leave her here and not have to suffer through this but I really want those fries.“What are you talking about?” I say turning around to look at her properly.“I’m talking about you and that girl.” She says looking up at me. She smiles batting her eyes at me. I stare at her waiting for the usual excitement when she looks at me like that to kick in but there’s nothing.“W
“Have you talked to you her?” Jameson asks staring at me. I place the fries on a table in front of him and shake my head. I just said I don’t know if I should call Ryo right now. I’m not brave enough to deal with her anger. I can’t imagine what she has to say after seeing me with Marlene. That was huge fuck up, why did I let her touch me like that?“I just said…” I say and he shakes his head too.“Well, you should text her or something. You can’t let this whole thing simmer. The longer you delay the more time you give her to think.” She says reaching for the fries. I watch him enjoy every bite, wishing I had the same excitement. I was looking forward to eating these but I’m not so excited anymore.“I’ll talk to her, I’m just thinking.” I say and he frowns.“Was it really that bad?” Jameson asks after a beat.“It was that
“Now that we’re warm are you ready to talk about what happened today?” I ask Ryo in the stillness. I know we talked about it but I a lot was left unsaid. I don’t want this to come back and bite me in the ass later on. I want us to deal with all of it.“I told you, I don’t have any control over who you spend your time with. You’re allowed to do whatever you want.” She says her voice soft and slow. It sounds like I woke her from sleep.“So what you saw meant nothing to you. You had no feeling towards it.” I say and she groans.“Of ‘course it meant something. I have feelings.” She says her voice getting a little harder now. She shifts her body slightly but she doesn’t move away from me. “All I’m saying is I can’t police you while I’m going on dates with someone else.” She says and all the jealousy I was trying to hide creeps up to the surface.&l
"Wait a minute you did what, with who?" Kelly says screaming into my ear. I move the phone from my ear as my eardrum rings. If she screams one more time it’s going to burst. I’ve been begging her to stop but I know she don’t think she can hear me. She’s too shocked to process anything I’m saying right now.She’s been making me repeat the same thing over and over for the past ten minutes. And then when I do try to tell her what happened in the car she starts screaming at me. So she doesn’t hear what I’m explaining. My nerves are shot because of what happened and she’s not making it any better. I was hoping to have a normal conversation with her. But it’s not possible right now. I was hoping she would help clear this fog in my brain.I should give her a few days to process this and then we can talk about it. It’s a shame I need someone to talk to right now. I need someone to help me make sens
"Wait a minute you did what, with who?" Kelly says, screaming into my ear. I move the phone from my ear as my eardrum rings."Why are you screaming?" I ask, closing my eyes. I still can't believe Oliver and I did that. My body is still buzzing. I've never done that with anyone. Why did I do it with him?."Why are you not screaming? This is huge, this is life changing." She says echoing my thoughts." I don't know how I feel about what happened. My body is on edge. I’m a little confused."It's normal to feel that way." Kelly says her voice laced with so much excitement. I wish I felt the same way but all I feel is confusion. I keep wondering what would have happened if his phone hadn't rung.."I don't know, I keep replaying the whole thing in my head." I say but I don't finish my thoughts. I want to say more but I'm embarrassed."Do you regret what happened?" Kelly asks, reading my thoughts. She knows me too well. I don't have to say the words for her to figure it out."I just feel lik