Chapter Four

Charlie

I swallow hard, pushing my heart back down into my chest. I’m still getting over a betrayal so deep it cut right down to my heart. Owen needs to be the farthest thing from my mind.

Though I know I never really got over him.

“Logan’s married?” My voice comes out steadier than I expected. “That’s a shock.”

Dean laughs. “Yeah, we weren’t sure if he’d ever settle down.” He looks at Archer for a millisecond before looking back at me. “Wes got remarried too. They just had a baby girl.”

“Oh wow. You all are doing so well.” I shuffle forward. There’s only one Dawson left to update me on, and thinking about him is making my heart start to hammer. I’m in an emotional headspace, that’s why thinking about Owen is making me dizzy.

It’s not because the feelings I swore were gone are slowly coming back like the walking dead. Haunting. Reaching for me. Surrounding me. Ready to pull me back down. The fall will feel amazing all over again.

But the crash…the crash will destroy me for good this time.

“Owen is single,” Dean deadpans, trying to sound casual, but he’s studying me as he speaks.

“I’m not surprised.” My throat tightens. “I hope he’s wised up some at least.”

Dean makes a face and laughs. “Just some.” His eyes go to my left hand, no doubt noticing the lack of a ring. Though, really, that doesn’t mean much. There are lots of reasons to have an engagement ring and not wear it…oh, who am I kidding?

Dean is leading the construction on Carly’s house. It’s going to get out sooner or later. And I’m banking on later.

“I heard you’re getting married,” Dean goes on.

Dammit.

Carly steps out of the bakery right before I have to answer. Thank fucking goodness.

“I got us cupcakes,” she says with a smile. “Now let’s go find a bottle of rosé to go with it.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Daddy, I hungry,” Emma says, looking at the box of cupcakes in Archer’s hand.

“It was really nice seeing you again,” I say and loop my arm through Carly’s. “Tell everyone I said hello.” I give a small wave and practically drag Carly away, not taking a breath until we’re a good block away.

“You didn’t tell me you hired the Dawsons to build your house.”

Carly cocks an eyebrow. “I didn’t think you’d care. And they’re pretty much the only reputable builders in the county.”

“True.”

“Why do you care?” she slowly asks, turning to look at me as we walk.

“I don’t. I just haven’t seen them in a while, and it caught me off guard.”

“And it has nothing to do with the fact you and Owen Dawson dated for what, seven or eight years? And how you thought you two were going to get married and start popping out babies the day you graduated?”

I glare at my sister. “That was years ago. Why would I care about any of those things anymore?”

Carly shrugs. “Oh, you wouldn’t. Not at all.”

“Can we get through the rest of the night without talking about my failed love life?”

“Hey,” she says softly. “I’m sorry. And yes, no talk about men the rest of the night.” We stop at a crosswalk. “But can I just say—”

“Nope.”

“You’re no fun.”

I let out a breath, resisting the urge to turn around and look at the bakery as if Owen will walk out of the doors next.

“You know you do need to talk about it though, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” I pull at the thin silver chain around my neck. “And I will. Just…just not yet. Because when I talk about Todd, I feel stupid, and I’m so tired of feeling stupid.”

“You’re far from stupid, Charlie.”

“Thanks,” I sigh. “Now let’s pig out on those cupcakes, get dinner, and then go out for drinks or something.”

“Oh, I’m totally up for drinks. We could go to Getaway after dinner.”

Face neutral. Shoulders relaxed. Voice level.

Just like I’m in a courtroom.

“Sure.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. It was always a nice place to hang out.”

“Have you been gone long enough to have forgotten who owns it?”

“It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been here.” In truth, it hasn’t. Todd and I came to visit last Christmas, and the year before that we had Thanksgiving dinner at my parents’. But the trips into town were always quick, going straight to my parents’ from the airport and then back again in a day or two.

There was no walking around town like this. No chances of running into anyone. Because even with Todd at my side and the big diamond lie on my finger, I was a little afraid of seeing Owen.

But it’s not because I still have feelings for him or anything.

Nope. That’s definitely not it at all.

*

“It’s almost sad.” Carly looks at her phone for a second before showing me the listing for her house that just went up. “But we are just busting at the seams in that place. Five people in a three-bedroom, one-bathroom house is a challenge. I am so tired of doing my makeup while someone is pooping.”

I laugh, reaching for my glass of red wine. We’re eating outside at one of Eastwood’s more upscale restaurants located on the main street that runs through the center of town. It’s a new place, having gone in only three years ago, and this is my first time here.

“It is sad to leave your first house. How are the kids handling it?”

“Matt is excited. Libby goes through phases of excitement and then being terrified we’re going to forget something when we move. I’ve assured her over and over we’ll double-check every closet and cabinet before we make the official move. And Jack doesn’t care about anything as long as someone is feeding him,” she laughs. “That kid is such a little chunk.”

“But he’s an adorable chunk.”

Carly smiles. “They’re good kids.”

“You and Justin are good parents.”

“We try.” She gives me a wink.

“Do you have a plan for the house picked out yet?”

“Of course!” She pulls out her phone and shows me the blueprints, excitedly talking about how she’s going to paint and decorate. It’s a welcome distraction, but I can’t keep my mind from wandering back to Owen and how things could’ve been different if we never broke up in the first place

“Oh shit,” Carly grumbles, reading the text that just came through on her phone.

“Everything okay?”

“Jack has a fever and is throwing up again. Poor kid can’t get over that virus.”

“Do you need to go home?”

“Nah.” She waves her hand in the air, making me so thankful for my sister. She’s a stay-at-home mom, totally devoted to her children, and loves them more than life itself. Just the fact that she’s willing to stay out with me when she’s got a sick baby at home means a lot.

“After dinner,” I start. “Go home. Jack will want his mama.”

“You sure you don’t mind?”

I shake my head. “Not at all. It was nice getting out of the house, but this is the first time in two weeks I’ve done more than listen to “Defying Gravity” on repeat while chugging a bottle of three-dollar wine, so I’m kinda tired.”

Carly presses her lips together, smiling with concern. It’s a strange look only she and our mother can pull off. “You’re still into Wicked? I almost forgot about that phase.”

“It’s a great play and the music is classic.”

“I’ll take your word for it. How many times did you go see it?”

“Four.” The first time was with Owen. Broadway is not his thing, but he knew how much I wanted to see it, so he surprised me with tickets.

“Did you go see shows a lot in New York?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t really have time.” And Todd never wanted to go with me. “Maybe we can go up to Chicago and see something together this summer.”

“I’d like that.”

We talk about Broadway shows and summer plans the rest of dinner. I get my leftovers boxed up to take home to no doubt eat later tonight when I wake up at two AM unable to fall back asleep. Carly drives me back to Mom and Dad’s, gives me a hug goodbye, and goes home to take care of Jack.

The house is quiet and empty when I step inside. Taking off my shoes, I go into the kitchen and put my leftovers in the fridge. Then I go upstairs and sink back into bed. Tulip pads into the room and jumps up on the bed next to me, letting me pet her for a minute before she bites my hand.

I flop back on my pillows, trying hard not to think. Not to feel. And then my phone rings. It’s Todd, and just when I’m about to end the call and block his number for good, I decide I should answer.

Because it’s time to face this shit.

Just seeing his name on my phone screen makes my heart skip a beat and anxiety to spread through me. All the food I ate at dinner threatens to come up. Swallowing hard, I grit my teeth and answer.

I don’t want to be angry anymore. Maybe talking to him will bring some sort of closure…or maybe it won’t. But I don’t know if I don’t pick up the phone.

“What do you want?”

“Charlie,” he breathes. “You answered.”

“Yeah. I did. So…what do you want?”

“I want you to hear me out.”

Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “There’s nothing to hear. You cheated on me. With someone I know. I was Gemma’s secret Santa at work last year and I spent way over the suggested budget because that’s what I do. I’m a nice person, giving good fucking gifts to people who don’t fucking deserve it.”

So much for closure.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

I wasn’t expecting an apology if I’m being honest. By saying he’s sorry, Todd is admitting guilt, and that’s not something I thought he’d do. “It’s nice to hear you say that, but it doesn’t change things.” I let my hand fall to the mattress, and I flop over on my side. My heart is heavy, but it’s not being weighed down by pain like before. It’s more like a deep sadness for what could have been, paired with the fact that I know it’s time to let it all go.

To move on with my life.

“We had issues even before the cheating, you know.” I never admitted that out loud to anyone, not even Todd.

“No one is perfect.”

“I’m well aware. Just…just…answer one question for me.”

“Of course.”

“Why did you delay the wedding the first time?”

A few seconds of silence pass by.

“Tell the truth,” I say. “It’s not like it’s going to change anything. We’re over, Todd, but I think we both know we were over long before this.”

“I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have.”

“Just say it.”

“I guess…I guess it was because I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to get married. It wasn’t you, it was…it was me. I didn’t want to settle down yet. Become a husband.”

“Then why did you propose?” I ask, though I could be asking myself a similar question: why did I say yes?

“I don’t know. I loved you then, Charlie. Just like I still do now.”

“Too bad it wasn’t enough.” My eyes fall shut and I’m suddenly hit with a new emotion. Am I actually happy he cheated? That this was the swift kick in the ass I needed to realize that I didn’t really want to get married either?

I thought about breaking things off for weeks before he proposed. We’d been fighting a lot, and I was homesick. But then he asked, and in that moment, I felt hope for us. If only I knew then what I know now.

“Can I see you?” he asks, and before he gives me a chance to answer, his phone call turns into FaceTiming. Whatever. Maybe if he looks at me as I say it, he’ll get it.

“Wow,” he says as soon as I come into view. “I almost forgot how beautiful you are.”

“Don’t do this, Todd.”

“I’m so lonely, Char.”

I cock an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?”

“I fucked up, okay? And I’m sorry. Come on, babe, come back to New York. Come home.”

“New York never felt like home,” I remind him. “And you used to get pissed at me for saying that, but it’s true.”

“I know…if I could take it all back, I would. I was an asshole. I see it now. But, babe…” He gets up and moves into the bedroom. Our bedroom. Minus the stuff that I took with me when I left, it looks the same, which isn’t quite as unnerving as I thought it would be.

“You look good,” he tries. “Have you gotten some sun?”

“Oh, loads of it.” He doesn’t need to know I holed up in my childhood bedroom, hiding from the sun like a vampire.

“You always looked good in blue.”

I respond with a roll of my eyes.

“And you know it drove me crazy when you curled your hair like that. I miss running my fingers through it, slipping my hand down the ends and down to your ass.” The blankets rustle. “Do you miss that too, babe?”

I stare at the screen of my phone for a few seconds, hoping to God what I think might be happening isn’t really happening.

“No.”

“We were good together.” He holds the phone back a little farther and yes…it is happening. His hand is in his pants and his lips part. Does he seriously think he can call me up and have phone sex like it’ll fix anything? “Don’t you miss it? The way you got me off…it was unlike anyone else.”

“You’re a fucking joke, Todd. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but it looks like you’re already doing that. We are over. Don’t call me again.” I end the call and immediately block his number.

Dropping my phone onto the bed, I close my eyes and lie back down, wanting to retreat under the covers and not deal with anything ever again.

“Fuck,” I grumble and sit up. I run my hands over my face and let out a breath. I just want to get back to normal, and I know that has to start with doing something—anything—other than lying in bed feeling sorry for myself.

Set to go grab my leftovers and eat them while I finally think about everything that happened, I go downstairs and stick the plastic to-go container in the microwave. Carly was right in saying I have to deal with this breakup sooner or later, and I can’t hide here forever, even though I’m certain Mom would happily let me crash here for the foreseeable future.

Life dishes out its fair share of rough patches. You can’t go around them. You have to go through them.