Chapter 1: Goodbye Old Life

I'm good at being invisible, but when you've lived your entire life in the shadows, it's the LAST thing you want to feel while you sit hiding like a peeping tom in the tree line drooling over a man you only WISH knew you existed!

I’ve always felt like an outsider. Only ever able to look, but never touch. How I wish that could change. I want to be SEEN, but sadly, my mother has made it very clear that could NEVER happen for me. No, I am destined to remain in the shadows if I ever want to have a life worth living.

‘ROBYN! WHERE ARE YOU? You need to hurry!’

My mother hurriedly mind-linked me from the comfort of our cozy yet worn and well weathered cottage tucked away in the Forest of the Okapi. 

Wolves of high rank, such as my mother and myself, can utilize mind-linking as a way to quickly communicate with one another across vast distances once we gain our wolves on our eighteenth birthday. We just have to mentally focus on the person we are trying to speak to in our mind. 

Typically this makes our human form feel like we have a pressure headache coming on. When we start to feel this pressure building up in our mind, it is a good indicator that someone is trying to speak to us and that’s when we will open our mind to listen for a mind-link. That pressure is alleviated, which lets the other person know that we are listening so that we can communicate with one another. It feels weird at first, but once you get used to it, it doesn’t bother you anymore. 

I was still getting used to her constantly in my head, now that I was eighteen.

I sat on the edge of the cottage property line gazing out into the open fields that lie just beyond the edge of the forest and the cottage property line marked by stones. My mother has made me walk and check the stones every day of my life. 

I have always thought this ritual was a waste of my time but my mom has always insisted, telling me with a serious tone, ‘Remember Robyn, these stones mustn't ever be out of place. They are the difference between life and death!’

I have never known why she has been so serious about these ugly, moss-covered white stones, but being she-wolves in this world isn’t easy and I know all too well that staying inside our pack borders means we are safe, so I’ve never questioned mom. I’ve always made sure to keep the stones in their place to keep our borders safe. I made a mental note to eventually ask my mom why the stones were so crucial to our border security, but now wasn’t the time to bicker with her about that.

Even with knowing that, it doesn’t stop me from feeling isolated and lonely. 

I knew I should respond to her mind-link, but I was enjoying my stolen moment too much to respond back to her immediately.

I was an only child and thus, never had anyone to play with, to share secrets with, or to have girl time with. I don’t have any friends. I have grown up and lived a life of solitude deep in the forest on the outskirts of the kingdom, in the Forest of the Okapi, with my mother and grandmother. No one has ever found our home, and no one has ever bothered us. 

It’s a peaceful life, but I still find myself wanting more.  

I feel like there is this huge world just beyond my reach full of excitement, LIFE, and adventure that I can’t wait to explore, if only I could leave my pack lands. 

One day. Maybe one day, it will be safe for me to leave these lands and go exploring. But that day isn't today!

That’s why I sat staring out the edge of the overgrown forest at the group of sweaty, hulking, and muscular men and wolves training in the open fields of Tyr, the kingdom that bordered our pack lands. It was my time away from everyone. My time to DREAM and to imagine the things that COULD BE…maybe one day.

I usually use this time to work on sharpening some spears, making some more arrows for my bow, or to take inventory of what is in my satchel that I have collected, and figure out what I still need before I could go back home. 

It was my one guilty pleasure that I looked forward to every day. I might not be able to speak or interact with anyone outside of my own pack, but I sure could look and drool over sexy muscle men from afar. And dream. Dream of a different life that I knew I would never have.

Some would argue that the kingdom of Tyr encompasses our pack lands since no one has ever seen us or met us, but we like it this way and it works for us, or so says my mother. 

It’s safe. 

They’ve kept to themselves; never venturing into the Forest of the Okapi, so there has never been a need either.

I could feel my mother niggling at the back of my mind with that familiar pressure growing in my mind, expecting a response from me still. I still hadn’t responded, and I wasn’t going to…yet.

“C’mon men! This is pathetic! I know you can do better than that!” The hulkingly large and muscular wolf of a man bellowed in the distance, obviously training some of his men. I groaned inwardly, fantasizing about touching his glistening abs and muscles. I never understood why I felt such an attraction to this man other than the obvious fact that he looked like a Greek god in the flesh! 

I had learned a while back that the guy’s name was Colt. I had overheard one of the men he was training shout his name one day and ever since, I have held a particular interest in him. My wolf, Zara, became obsessive over seeing him every day once she emerged on my eighteenth birthday. She couldn’t wait to lose herself in his enchanting deep sea blue eyes and dream of running our fingers through his scruffy short sandy brown hair each day that passed. And with each that did, my desire for him grew. Especially when sometimes, his eyes would seem like they were green. I was far up in the tree-line so I couldn’t ever really tell for sure.

I didn’t understand it. But I guess the Moon Goddess has a plan for us all. He was just an innocent man-crush. Something easy on the eyes to entertain me during the long and boring days of the hot summers and cold winters. 

Maybe one day he would visit me in my dreams where I could touch him and let him touch me in places that made me tingle all over. As if I even knew what to do with a man! 

Zara scoffed in my head at the thought, ‘Of course we would know what to do with that juicy piece of man-meat! Are you crazy, Robyn?! We just have to roll over and let him…’ 

‘OKAY ZARA! HUSH!’ Sometimes it was hard to settle her when he was around.

Colt looked determined to build up the largest and strongest fighting forces of all in the realm with the way he held himself and trained his men. I assumed he was his pack’s head Delta based on this and from what my mom had taught me about pack hierarchy. If I ever wanted to lead my pack again one day, I needed to know even the basics. 

Colt appeared out on the fields every. single. day. I always knew I could count on seeing him during my border checks. He is extremely dedicated to his men, disciplined and skilled. 

I am convinced that the only thing that might ever slow him down would be finding his mate! I knew he didn’t have a mate because he didn’t have a mate’s mark on his neck or chest, so he had to be waiting for her right? Some of the other men he trained liked to joke with him about that fact a lot too. 

I could tell it was a sensitive subject to him though based on the way he always responded to them. It was strange, if you asked me.

Colt turned and wiped the sweat off his forehead, “Alright everyone. Take five! Get some water and get ready for the next session. We will begin tracking tactics shortly!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Colt must have heard the crack and rustle of something. It’s the only reason to explain why he looked up to the tree-line in the distance that separated Tyr from the Forest of the Okapi at that moment and that’s when he saw me! 

Our eyes met. A subtle smirk formed on the corner of his mouth. It was enough to send tingled shivers down my spine and I panicked. 

It was only for a split second, but that’s all he would need to sight me and another moment to capture me, which was something I could never let happen. 

My breath caught in my throat! It felt like I was choking on air at that moment and I knew I had to move before I was dead.

In a flash, I turned on my heel and began to head back toward the safety of my cottage. Luckily, I am slim and fast. I can blend into the trees so well, that I’m sure Colt probably thought he was just seeing things and brushed it off. 

I knew I couldn’t ignore my mother’s pleading mind-links for too long.

I took a deep breath and sighed out loud as I thought to myself, So much for time to myself. Mom never let me be gone TOO long. This was just her latest way of rushing me back.

‘I'm on my way back. I just finished walking the borders to check the rocks.’ 

Dreamily, I took one more drooling glance at the men in the distance that I could always only ever admire from afar, but never touch up close. 

I know the risk of letting one get too close isn’t worth my life and my mother has assured me many times that I WILL die if I EVER let a man catch me. 

Allowing a man to see me, let alone get anywhere close to me would mean my death because they would turn me into a slave. 

Mom told me that the she-wolf population had been so low that great battles and wars were fought for ANY she-wolf known to reside within a pack. We were so sparse that Alpha’s had resorted to sharing their mate with other Alpha’s as a form of a peace treaty so that Alpha’s of neighboring packs could produce heirs. She said that was just brushing the surface and to top that off, Mom said that my father committed a horrible crime, according to the Alpha King; and because he was the Alpha of our pack, he died for his crime, leaving the pack lands to us. 

When I had asked mom what happened to the rest of our pack, she told me that the king took the pack away from us as another form of punishment for dad’s crimes against the crown. 

She was an alpha female and Luna by right, but only a Luna to me and the kind old witch that took us in when we lost almost everything and everyone we had ever loved and held so dear all those many years ago. 

I made a vow to myself a long time ago to prove myself worthy of being the Alpha of the Crescent Diamond pack to the Alpha King so that we could free our pack members from him so that they could finally return to their homes in our pack lands with us! My mother may have been too afraid to do it herself because she had me to think about, but I’m not afraid of the Alpha King and he would learn that I was someone to fear…one day! 

I would also have to wait for my mate because without him, how was I going to avoid all those crazy wolves willing to kill or start a war for a she-wolf they can breed with? 

The thought of ever finding my mate and being able to once again lead my pack seemed like a pipe dream, but I knew that one day…one day I would be able to mend what our king broke. 

‘Did you get the roots and flower petals for the potion? You know we need as much as you can find.’ Mom quickly inquired. She was always so impatient!

‘Yes, mom! I got all I could find. Did you give Oma her next dose of medicine? You know you can't be off on timing or’ ... I quickly began worrying over Oma, my grandmother, well…the only woman I have ever known as my grandmother. 

She was sick and dying and Mom and I really didn't know how much longer she had to live because well...she wasn't a wolf like us, she was a witch, and witches lived for thousands of years, unlike werewolves that could live for hundreds of years if we were blessed by the goddess. 

‘YES! Robyn, Oma had her medicine. She's resting right now, but hon...she doesn't look good. You need to hurry back with those ingredients!’ 

‘Okay, I'm almost there. See you in five minutes.’ 

I quickly responded to her as I raced back towards the cottage. 

When I made it back to the only place I have ever called home, I quickly emptied my satchel filled with the roots and herbs onto the old rickety kitchen table before washing my hands and hurrying into the antiquated living room to see Oma. 

As I started to walk towards the living room, Mom caught me by the arm. She was rushing into the kitchen, "Robyn! We need to make this batch NOW! Oma isn't going to make it much longer. I'm afraid she won't make it through the night!"

"WHAT?! But...but you said she had longer!" I looked frustrated and saddened at the news Mom was giving me. I wanted to tell Oma that I loved her and that I would miss her. I wanted to tell her so much, and yet, there was nothing more to tell. She had been in a deep sleep, barely hanging on for sometime now. She woke only once or twice to eat and relieve herself. I knew my chance to say Goodbye had long since passed. I was just too stubborn to realize it at the time.

"I know, but she's a witch! How am I supposed to know exactly how they live and die? She won't even tell us how old she really is! Just help me clean the herbs and roots and start breaking them down. We HAVE to make as much of the potion as we can. Without it, we won't survive once she is gone," Mom explained in a panic as she began moving a mixture off the stove and into the fridge to cool. She isn’t very tall, but her alpha aura makes her feel like Godzilla when she starts to panic and worry. 

I had just turned eighteen a few weeks ago, and upon meeting my wolf, Zara, we also discovered that I was a natural born female alpha too, just like mom. Not only was it unsafe for us because of who we were, but we would never be safe because of WHAT we were. Female Alpha’s have been extremely rare and highly sought after mates for centuries! We could guarantee our mate the strongest, most powerful heir that none could rival. ALL the pups we produced would be alpha blooded - guaranteed - if our mate was also an alpha.

I sadly sighed but turned around to begin to do the things Mom asked me to do. I desperately wanted to go and spend every last second I had with Oma, but I also knew that we had no idea how long we would be safe once Oma passed away. 

"Mom?"

"Yeah, sweetheart?" Mom didn't take her eyes off what she was doing to prepare another batch of liquid to go on the stove. Her coppery brown hair was frazzled and pulled back in a sloppy low ponytail with a few strands falling in her face when she looked up at me with those blue eyes that promised the world and all its love within their gaze.

"Why don’t we wait to do this after Oma passes? I really don't see why we have to do this NOW. I want to spend every last second I can with Oma." 

Mom took a deep breath in and exhaled loudly. I could sense there was something she hadn't told me that was important, "We can't because...well because Oma has been keeping us hidden all these years," She began before I interrupted her quickly.

"Yeah mom, I know that. Blah blah blah, you've told me about how she works hard to conceal our pack territory from everyone, but why can't we do this LATER?" I whined.

Mom grew irritated with my impatience, "BECAUSE SHE PUT A SPELL OVER THE COTTAGE ROBYN!"

"AND?"

I could tell she was frustrated and not explaining this clearly enough for me to understand why this was so important to do NOW. 

"WHEN SHE DIES...SO DOES HER MAGIC!" She exhaled quickly and finished with more calm in her voice, "We won't be hidden from the world anymore Robyn. We won't be safe anymore. I don't know how long we will have but one thing I do know is that once that spell fails, THEY will know we are here and they will come for us!" 

She looked dead serious as fear exuded from her. She was showing me her true emotions for the first time in my life. 

My heart sank as the realization of the gravity of the situation began to hit me. When Oma dies, we might, too. IF, we are found. 

"S...so wha...what's the potion supposed to do then?" NOW she had my undivided attention and I was instantly invested in making as much of this stuff as possible.

"They may know where we are and that we exist, but they won't be able to find EXACTLY where we are when we use this to hide our scent!" Mom quickly explained as she poured some cooled liquid through a strainer and into a funnel filling what looked like a perfume bottle.

I nodded in full understanding and quickly got to work helping her continue to break down the herbs and roots to make more scent blocker. I clearly understood now; this potion meant life or death for us.

I didn't keep track of time after that. I was so focused on making as much scent blocker as I could; following my mother's strict guidance and direction to refine it. 

I finished another batch. As I screwed the last lid on the bottle, mom came back from checking on Oma, "It's time to pack a bag. Pack light. We need to be able to run fast if we have to leave."

I looked back at my mom like she had just killed my puppy. We were leaving? When was this decided? Oma hadn't died yet and here mom was planning to leave! I was too heartbroken to be angry, so I just nodded and left the kitchen to go pack a few necessities. 

As I sulked down the narrow hallway of the old, creaky cottage to my small bedroom, I thought about all the time I grew up here. My whole LIFE. I grew excited at the fact that I would FINALLY get to leave our pack borders eventually, but just as quickly as the excitement came, it died because I realized what that also meant and the sadness quickly reemerged. 

That night neither my mom nor I got any sleep. I said my goodbyes to Oma as she quietly drifted into the night and up to the Moon Goddess. It almost sounded like she said something with her last breath, but even with our sharp wolf hearing, we couldn’t make out anything.