CHAPTER 6

Gary awoke in darkness. It was still the middle of the night. He had dreamt about Rowena. He couldn't remember what happened exactly. His mind was just filled with images of her, from long ago with her soft smiles, her short bobbed hair, and youthful face to now with an overflowing aura of maturity and how graceful her long hair fell behind her shoulders. But her eyes were still the same warm blue ones that he loved looking into.

He sighed and got up, not wanting stay beside or look at the sleeping figure that was on his bed. He made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. The moon wasn't full but gave off enough light that peered in from the large glass windows.

After finishing his glass, he walked to the living room and sat on the sofa.

It had been about five days since that dinner with Rowena and he couldn't get her out of his head. They all parted ways on a good note. Rowena had only given Richard her contact information for the wedding. Gary was too shy to ask for her number, which was ridiculous considering what they've been through before. But there's no denying things are different now. They were hurt. She was hurt. A lot of rebuilding needed to be done.

Why do I want to? The thought danced around in Gary's mind, searching for an answer.

They've been broken up for so long and Gary liked to think he had moved on. Wouldn't reconnecting just undo the hard work he had done? But then again, they didn't technically break up. Rowena just ran away. Her letter that day five years ago suddenly flashed in his mind. He vividly remembered the pen scratches made over his name. A part of him wanted to believe that Rowena didn't want to hurt him at all, that something else drove her to do that, something much more hurtful to her than it was to them—to him. Gary had gotten his answer that dinner. But for some reason, it wasn't enough. Wasn't enough of an apology? Wasn't enough closure for everything? Gary sighed. Why wasn't it enough? What did he want from her? She seemed to have moved on from him, them, and everything. She had a family. She was getting married. But he couldn't find the strength to wholeheartedly be happy for her.

He wanted to see her.

Eventually, the thinking got a little bit too much for Gary and found himself slowing closing his eyes as he laid down on the sofa, with Rowena etched in his mind still.

Gary woke up with a jolt the second time around. He was feeling really anxious. Thinking about Rowena didn't exactly give him the best kind of sleep.

He still wanted to see her. Should he? Is it even a good idea? What would he say?

He shook his head and made his way to the kitchen. As he began to fix himself up a bowl of cereal for breakfast, Stacy Miller had come out of the bedroom. She yawned, her green eyes closing as she scrunched up her face. Her strawberry blond hair was wavier than usual due to her bedhead. She was wearing a dark green, silk tank top and shorts ensemble. Gary didn't even notice when they went to bed last night.

"Good morning," she greeted. She came up to Gary and gave him a kiss on the corner of his mouth, which made him feel glad.

"Good morning," Gary responded. "What will you have?"

Stacy made her way to the refrigerator and pulled out a bowl of celery sticks. "This," she simply said. She took a seat on one of the white stools by the white marble island counter.

As she crunched on her breakfast, she suddenly said, "it feels like I haven't seen you in a while..."

Gary choked on his cereal. But he quickly cleared his throat.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Oh, you know, we just haven't seen each other," she shrugged and continued eating her celery sticks. "It's okay. I've been busy with Mal and her bridesmaids anyway."

"Yeah? T-That's good—"

"Can you believe it, though? Mal getting married? She's my younger cousin but she bagged it up so early. Even before us?"

There was a slight hint of condescension in Stacy's voice that Gary has been recognizing recently. He licked his lips, unsure if he should say something.

"And her engagement was so fast. You know, they only dated for a few months."

Gary still didn't know how to react or respond. This tirade was getting tiresome.

"I mean, if there's anyone who should be getting engaged, it's us, right?"

There was a brief moment of silence. Gary sighed.

"Maybe," Stacy began, "she's pregnant? She doesn't look it, but what's with getting married all of a sudden? If that's the case... poor Mal"

"Poor Mal? What's that supposed to mean?" Gary blurted out. The words sounded colder than he intended. He hoped Stacy didn't notice.

Luckily, there was no hostility from her. "You know," She slightly cringed. "Kids."

"Again, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It just sounds so tedious! Pregnancy and kids! Not to mention it's so... inorganic that she's getting married just because she's pregnant... If she were, that is."

"Then if she were," Gary couldn't understand why he kept pursuing this. "you're saying she shouldn't get married?"

Stacy paused to think. "I'm not saying anything. I'm just wondering why she's getting married so fast. Like, you know, before us? So, maybe she's pregnant. And if she were, then that's just sad. It's bad enough if she were to marry for that reason, but you know, because of it—of being pregnant. Kids are such a burden."

She continued eating her celery sticks, no ounce of remorse or regret on her judgement. It astounded Gary how confident she was in her condescension.

"Are kids so terrible?" Gary didn't even want to know the answer.

Stacy suddenly rolled her eyes. "God forbid I get pregnant."

There was a moment of silence as Stacy just kept munching on her celery sticks.

"My friend," Gary suddenly found himself saying. He had his head bowed slightly. "Rowena... She's a mom now. But she and her partner aren't rushing to get married."

"O...kay?" Stacy tilted her head. "What's your point?"

"I-I don't know..." He scratched the back of his neck. "I guess I'm just saying, it's not so bad. She got pregnant and she had the kid. But she—they didn't find the need to get married. And she seems happy, you know?"

Stacy didn't say anything and just looked at him as if he was saying something weird.

"I mean... even if Mal were pregnant and she was rushing to get married... It doesn't matter? Pregnant or not, married or not... As long as they're happy..."

"This is such a weird conversation," Stacy just said and continued on eating.

"Babe, I'm just saying..." Gary began. But even he didn't know what point exactly he wanted to get across. He just didn't like Stacy sounding so negative on the whole pregnant thing and he was just so tired of the marriage talks.

"Never mind," he concluded.

"Okay," Stacy plainly said. "Also... who's Rowena?"

Rowena knelt in front of her closet and opened the bottom drawer to pull out a small, black, velvet box. She carefully brushed away some of the white lint that settled. With a click, the box opened and she came face to face with her mother's engagement ring. She took it out and slipped it on her ring finger. It looked quite big against her frail hand. The band was silver. A fairly large, colorless diamond was outlined by two squares studded with small diamonds. The design was very bold and eye-catching. Rowena definitely wasn't a fan of it, just as much as her mother was. But with one look, anyone could tell that the ring was convincing enough to pass as a symbol of betrothal, especially for an engagement that was supposedly long as hers.

She sighed. Was she really going to do this? Can she keep this up?

"Maybe just after Richard and Helga's wedding," Rowena said to herself. "After that... We won't have to see each other again..."

The peace she thought she had achieved was slipping from her hands. Running away seems to be the only solution. Again.

"Mama," Hope's voice startled Rowena. She turned to find her standing by the entryway of the walk-in closet. Hope was already dressed, which she had insisted to do on her own. But the buttons on her cardigan were mismatched.

Rowena gave her a gently smile. "Come here," she reached out her hand to the little girl.

Hope smiled back and approached her. Rowena began to fix her buttons.

I have to keep this up, Rowean thought. For Hope.

"Michael!" Rowena called out. She found him just as he was about to enter his classroom for first period. He was wearing a brown cardigan with a white, button-down shirt underneath, which he paired with some dark jeans and some loafers.

Michael turned and smiled at her. "What's up, buttercup?"

Rowena pulled him slightly to the side, away from the door.

"I have a favor to ask you..." She took a deep breath. "Can we be engaged?"

Michael tilted his head and gave her an inquisitive look. "Engaged? In what?"

"You know," Rowena rubbed her left arm, feeling quite awkward. She bit her lip and sighed. Then finally said, "Be married?"

There was a moment of silence as Michael stared at her, his eyes were wide as his mouth was slightly ajar. He then began blinking rapidly. Rowena started feeling irritated.

"I'm gay," Michael finally answered, squinting his eyes in disbelief, scrutinizing her.

"I know, I know!" Rowena waved her hands in defense.

"Then what—"

"This is only pretend. We'll only pretend to be engaged."

"Are you some sort of celebrity that needs to give a press release!?"

Michael placed a hand on his hip, clearly not amused.

"It's for... them," Rowena just said.

He stared at her once more, without a word. She rolled her eyes. "Stop that."

"What are you saying, Rowena? Why do we need to be engaged?" Michael flapped his arms slightly and stomped a foot.

"Because they think I am..."

"And you didn't tell them you're not?"

"No..." Rowena licked her lips. "Because... I kinda told them I was."

Michael scoffed and almost shouted, "but you're not!"

A few students looked at them. They waved them off and turned to each other once more. Michael had an irritated look on his face and he crossed his arms.

"They asked about Hope," she explained. "They just jumped to their own conclusions in a way. I just couldn't tell them the truth.

Michael tilted his head. He then recomposed himself to think for a moment. Eventually, he sighed, obviously trying to sympathize with her. He knew Rowena well enough to know that she always had her reasons.

"Okay," Michael said. "Fine. I'll just trust you know what you're doing."

Rowena gave out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you."

They embraced briefly, with Michael gently rubbing her back as a sign of reassurance.

"But," He suddenly said with a serious tone. "Let's get one thing straight. No kissing."

She chuckled, "Well, I'm not one for public displays of affection anyway."

Michael chucked along. But then said, "What about Hope? Are you going to tell her your little ruse?"

"I'm not sure yet," Rowena confessed. "I'll try to avoid them as much as I can. Our main show is really just a wedding. The questions would keep pouring in if I show up without a date and just full of excuses."

Michael looked at her seriously for one last time. The looked made her feel uneasy, in a way that she knew this dear friend of hers was yet again worrying and fussing about her in his head. She didn't want him to nag. But she honestly didn't know what else to do.

"Okay, Rowena," he said plainly. "If you say so..."