Chapter Four: "This is romantic.”

 (Chapter Songs:

Nevertheless by RIO

Heavy Heart by RIO)

SIMON POV

I leave my car and walk towards the front of the coffee shop for the second time this morning. The sun burns my skin, so I hurry towards the glass door. When I get inside, I immediately meet her two grey eyes while she’s serving a coffee to the woman in front of her.

I don’t make it to the line first, instead I just look for a table to sit down. When I find one to the very corner, which is next to an old man with his granddaughter, I guess, probably, aged between 8 and 10. She is looking at me with a weird stare on her face.

 Just good. Yeah. Just stare at me, kid.

 There are more people slipping into their seats but I’m glad there aren’t so much tables so it doesn’t get too crowded. 

I look away and fix my gaze to the streets a outside from my glass window.

“What can I get you?” As soon as I hear her soft sweet voice, I tear my eyes away from the streets.

Era hovers over me. She’s still wearing that wide sweet smile. I’m glad her yellow apron is distracting me, because I can’t look at her longer than ten seconds. Her being close to me makes me feel uncomfortable.

“Oh, ” I clear my throat. “I would like to get the same coffee I had this morning.” I demand her.

She clasps her hands behind her. “You’re actually supposed to give and take your order at the counter, Simon.” She says in a little airy laugh.

This is the first time after two years I hear her say my name.

After two years.  Two years. That is so long ago for me.

I stand to my feet to face her. “Sorry. What?” I ask her.

“You have to go to the counter to have your  order.” She says.

“Then why did ask me what you can get me in the first place? Because I assumed you’re giving me a service out from the rules.” She laughs a little at my response.

When it gets a little awkward, I let out a small laugh so she's not alone.

I love that we can laugh and enjoy this moment, which I am not sure what, after everything. I'd like to pretend that all the pain we ever felt before never happened at all.

It seems to me we’re just standing here with memories we are thankful for. Grateful for the friendship we had. And I guess, still have.

Era says, “I just want to say hi that’s all.” She folds her arms in front of her as if she suddenly gets cold.

“Are you allowed to do that while you work?” I ask, worried that she might get fired from her job.

She shakes her head. She turns her shoulder to look at her coworkers. “No, it will be quick. But yeah I have to go. It’s good to be back and to see you.” She avoided my eyes by looking at the streets.

I nod at her. “Same, Era.” I inhale. “Same. “ Then breath it out.

She attempts to walk away but she quickly throws her arms around me, leaving me in a shock. Everything happens so fast that I didn’t get to hug her back.

My mouth falls open as I watch her walk back to the counter. The last time someone gave me a hug isn’t clear to me who and when. But definitely it’s been so long.

I tear my gaze away from her when a text pops into my phone.  It’s from Markus.

 He texted: Tonight’s going to big. More people joining. You comin?

My gaze lands again on Era behind the counter. She just handed the order to a customer with a thank you on her lips.

I reply to Markus:  Nope. I have a date.

I hit send, then stand to my feet to go back to my car. I don’t know what I meant by my reply. It’s just that I am not in mood going tonight.

I decide to not get my coffee yet. I walk out of the coffee shop and head to the car.

As I get inside, I find a pen sitting on the console, so I grab a piece of paper from the backseat and commence in writing.

After an hour passed by—after of that satisfying of putting my heart down on maybe less than twenty rewrites on papers, it’s already, past 2:00 pm in the afternoon when I finished and crumpled the papers. It just became a habit. I admire the idea of not having other people read it but me.

I don’t think if Era ever noticed my car outside the whole time or looked for me after she gave me that out-of-nowhere hug, but I decided to stay in the car, maybe waiting for her.

I get out of the car and find myself walking to the entrance when at the same she opens the door. This time she’s not wearing her apron and cap anymore or her working accessories. She ceases from walking further when she sees me.

“Simon? I was looking for you.” Her first words are.

“You were?” I asked almost in a surprised sound of voice.

She looks away from me, looking regretful saying it, “No. I mean…right after I…you know…you we’re gone. I was curious.”

I laugh softly, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes finds its way back to me.

“Why would you be curious when I was gone?” I ask her.

“Because you were my friend and we haven’t seen each other for so long, but I realized maybe you went home, so it didn’t really bother me much.” She sounds like she can’t  properly breath at this moment.

“Oh, I was just in the car the whole time.” I point my thumb behind me, then drop it back to my side.

Her eyebrows meet, confused. “In your car? Why?” Her eyes moves around as if she’s actually looking for my car.

“I slept.” I simple say while I observe her. She looks good in a blue washed jeans right now and a white shirt on. Simple yet beautiful.

“Why didn’t you go home?” She lifts her purse bag to her shoulder.

I shake my head, “I was…I stayed up late last night.”

“Where’d you go?” She asks again. Why she asks a lot of question?

“Nowhere.” I lie. “I was at my friends’ hangin’ out.”

She turns her head to the left. “Okay. I have to head home. My shift is over and my dad needs me right now with cleaning the mess in the kitchen.” She laughs a little. “You?”

“I was  about to go and grab a coffee. Maybe I can drive you home if you want me to. ” I tell her hoping she doesn’t say yes… or maybe no. I can see that she never seems to be expecting me giving her a ride soon, but when she smiles and lift her eyebrows, I know she’s happy to hear it.

Okay, I want her to say yes.

“Alright. I’ll be here waiting.” She confirms.

I blister my way inside the coffee shop and come out within five minutes. Thankfully, the line is empty so it’s easy for me to grab my order.

 Era is typing on her phone when I come back outside. She moves her head towards me as I approach her. I notice she presses her thumb to turn her phone off.

She isn’t saying a word following me to my car. I assume maybe she’s wrapped in a silence because it’s been technically more than four years ever since the last time she’s in this car. Well I hope she doesn’t regret saying yes yet. I guess I wasn’t expecting I would be giving anyone a ride, let alone Era.

She chooses to sit on the front passenger seat. Her eyes scan the crumpled mess of papers from the backseat. There is an obvious grilling discomfort inside her eyes as she drag her attention to me, almost like she  want to stop and talk about.

“What’s with all the papers and the mess?” Her words curl up into the air with a soft throw on my way which is what I predicted.

How do I start explaining this to her?

“Lately, I’ve been into writing. I am still trying to navigate my way through all this mess. It’s not always easy for me to clean up.” I laugh awkwardly.

She joins me but hers is more of a me-too laugh. “Well, what is it that you write? Would you mind-” She tries to pick up a paper, but my hand catch her just in time before she touches and opens one.

We lock gazes. Her eyes drops to our hands holding and gliding on each other’s skin. “It’s very personal. Besides most of them are just rants, so don’t have to be curious about it.” My voice is firm.

She nods her head lightly and looks convinced immediately but there ‘s a pain on her face that punch me in my guts. I should have cleaned up before allowing her take a glimpse of how a mess I am.

I let go of her hand, but there’s a burn of her touch that ignites my skin. I can still feel her skin on mine.

“Rants? You write rants? You should post it on Twitter instead.” She bursts into a good laugh. I’m glad she’s not so bothered by what happened a few minutes ago because that could have ruined this moment.

I shake my head while taking a deep breathe. Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? “No, it’s different when you write it down and let no one knows about all the raging emotions you feel inside.” I tell her.

“I go somewhere whenever I feel the same. I don’t know, there’s something about going to places when I’m angry. It’s like a therapy to me.”

“Would you…” I hesitate for a second. “Would you go with me to this place if you trust me enough right now?”

“I can’t. My father is expecting me.” She says with a frown on her face.

“Please, just go with me to this place. We’ll be quick. I promise.” My voice is shaking saying this but hopefully she doesn’t take a hint of it. “Don’t worry. I will help you clean since we’re just neighbors and-”

“What?” Era asks in the middle of my pause.

“Nothing.” I shake my head.

Her eyes follow my hands, “Tell me.”

I shake my head again saying, “Nothing.”

I put my head on my hands. I gaze at her and say, “I just realized we are just neighbors and I thought you lived so far away that I had to offer a drive so you don’t have to wait for a bus or walk too far or something. Wow, why was I so worried you would get into trouble?” I put my head on the steering wheel to hide my embarrassment.

Era laughs in a nervous way as she places her hand on my head. “Hey, its okay. I mean I guess it’s just been so so long since the last time we saw each other, maybe that’s why. But I don’t want you to be worried at all.” Her hand softly caress my hair that causes me to close my eyes as I try to remember this kind of touch.

Turn my head to her direction, “I have been so worried about you, Era.” I pull myself back up and face her, “I never seen you in so long that I thought you’re disappearance will be forever.”

She shakes her head and continues caressing her hand down to my neck. “Simon, I just needed time away.” She purses her lips in a small smile. It is barely a smile—an unsure one.

I nod my head. I look to the shop.

“That’s why when I saw you this morning. I was a little distracted. But overall I am happy to see you. It just took me a long while to believe that.”

“I am happy to be back. And I really want you now to take me to that place you are talking g about, so my father won’t be worried if I come home late.” She adds in playful attitude, “And I think it would be a good idea to have some help in cleaning the house.” She says.

“You’ll see how much of a clean-freak I am.” I laugh.

“Says the one who has a bajillion crumpled papers in his car that aged more than half of his life.”

“Hey, this car is a true living legend for me. You can’t just make a huge age dispute when you’re almost as aged as me.”

“I am two days younger than you for your information.”

“Okay. Don’t have to argue who’s older than who. ” I give up. Her laughs fills the car and I have to control myself from staring at her too much.

I insert the key and drive away. Anyways, this beach site not too far from here. It’s only a ten-minute drive so it won’t have to take us long to get there.

Era stares out the window while the wind is waving through her hair. It’s almost sunset now so her skin glows in orange and yellow mixture of both calm and warmth. I look away from her before she catches me watching.

“So did you find your work interesting?” I ask.

She turns to me, “I enjoy my first day. It’s a lot of work but I enjoy it the most when people say thank you.” Herb hand pushes her hair away from her eyes, “Not everyone remembers to be grateful. It’s really gratifying when people appreciate your time and effort.” She ends up in a small smile paying on her lips.

I guess her work requires patience as well. It could be hard to do something when nobody truly see your job as something more than that.

“That’s why I want to to take you here because I know your shoulders are weighing heavy.” I turn the car to left and a view of pine trees and the ocean behind them appears immediately .

Era let’s out a wide gasp as the sunset adds onto the glorious scenery. By the time I park the car to the side of the road, she hastily opens her door and stride right to the shore.

“This looks so romantic.” Her voice comes out in a whisper but I can sense her happiness as her eyes escape to sky. Her words makes me flustered as she used the word romantic, because romantic is the last word I would describe this.

When she said that, it builds up a bit strange switch of emotions inside me.

“I know it’s beautiful.” I agree with her.

We stand close next to each other almost our shoulders touch. I don’t think she minds it because she’s way too focused on the sunset. The sky it’s just so attractive when it is in a soft pink shade with a smudge of orange and yellow blending in.

Era glances up at me. She’s a little short in height, but I think she grew a little taller.

“Stop giving me that look.” She says to me with soft annoyance in her voice.

“What?” I look away.

“You’re giving me that look, Simon.” She folds her hands in front of her.

“What look do you mean? I was just noticing how taller you become.” I try to hold my laughter.

“Oh, come on.” Her hands fly to the air as if she’s not happy with my response.

I turn her shoulders a little so she can face me. “What look? Tell me.” I speak softly.

I am suddenly marked by curiosity.

“That nostalgic look, Simon. “ She sighs. “But it’s more likely that you don’t know me at all. Like I’m some kind of stranger you brought here just to kill time. I don’t know why that look on your face gives me pain.” She states, avoiding my gaze once again.

I have no idea what to say.

It never occurred to me that it is something she would feel. I feel bad. “It’s not what I meant by it. I really thought you grew taller this time, Era. I swear.” I slowly say the words so she can hear them clearly.

She pouts in disappointment, “I don’t believe you.” She says.

I let out a deep sigh, “What do you want me to do to make you believe me?”

Her smile forms slowly on her eyes and lips, “Hold me.” Her words makes a drop of nervousness around my stomach.

I stop moving.

They are only two words but the second after that my heart skips a beat.

I know she is waiting for me to do something. The sun is almost disappearing.

The wind has just gotten colder. It both caress me soothingly  and makes me nervous. I move closer to Era in silence. She stands still as I put my hand around across her until I touch her shoulder while my other hand snakes around her waist. I feel her take a few deep breathes before she calms down and leans more towards me.

Does she feel comfortable with me holding her like this?

Perhaps I am doing it wrong and somehow right. I never hold someone like this before. I never did, but I have seen couples do this on movies so I hope I got it right for Era.

“Is this right?” I ask, my voice is low. I don’t know if I meant it with how I am holding her or if I was more referring to what we are doing in this moment we have together.

She nods her head while she holds on on my arm, “This is right.” I can hear a smile from her. “You think we need more minute?”

I can’t help but smile back as she says the words, “I am up for it.” I tighten my hold on her just a little bit so she still feels more comfortable.

We both laugh at something she says about when one of her co-workers flirts with a guy then finding out he’s gay because his boyfriend was waiting outside. Her co-worker was hiding in embarrassment. The customer wasn't even flirting back, which adds more of it.

Era has the wildest laugh when she finds something real funny but have the fakest one when she finds none from your story or jokes worth the good laugh. It’s just so easy for me to sense if she’s faking it or feeling it. At this moment, she’s feeling it.

“Era?” I whisper to her softly. 

She looks up to me with her lips part a little. She waits for me to say more, but I am stoned when my eyes lands on her lips. Maybe I want to kiss her. Or maybe she wants to kiss me. It's hard to do when it's hard to tell. 

She drops her head back to the scenery ahead. Maybe she doesn't want to kiss me at all.

I have mix of emotions. My head flies towards the future and then comes back feeling sad and lonely from the past. I think I haven’t recovered completely from what happened between us back then, but at the same time, having her in this moment, holding her, laughing with her, and breathing with her, feels like I am alive again.