4|Beneath the Maple Tree

Hang-fucking-over. I hate it.

I was never one to hate the world. In fact, I love mother earth, being under the scorching heat of the sun with sweat gliding down my skin. Even the snow on the mountains that would chase my breath away the higher I climb. I love every season but autumn is my favorite one. It turns the landscape into burning orange, red, and brown until all the greens are gone. 

Now, I hate the cold wind that’s passing through the slightly ajar balcony glass door. It’s so damn cold, freezing my broken heart that needs healing.

I also love being around people. I travel every now and then to meet people around the world and learn about their culture.

Now, I just want to be alone.

For once in Zia’s happy life, I wish to be a nomad, a vagabond. Maybe even disappear, get a new name and forget the old me.

So this is heartbreak.

It fucking sucks!

The swelling sensation around my eyes is a bitch. That cheating bastard doesn’t deserve my tears, but still, I am crying like a pig.

A knock on my door sounded, followed by my mother’s sweet voice. “Zia, honey?”

I pretended to be sleeping, hoping she would - for once - believe that I am still snoozing at six in the morning.

“I’m coming in.” The gentle tapping as she entered the code to my room, and the silenced wheezing of the door followed her announcement.

The soft padding sound of her running shoes on my Persian carpet made my heart sink deeper to pain-vile. She’s here, waking me up like she does every day. It means everything really happened last night. I was hoping it was just a dream, that Calvin remained loyal to me, to our engagement, but no. And it hurts so much.

I dreaded how to tell my parents that I will not go through with our wedding set nine days from now. Why? Oh, because I heard him fucking Ashley. Plus, I heard that slut called me a flat board, and he didn’t even bother to defend me. And oh, moreover, Xavier saw everything and God… I could go on and on. I thought a hangover should be the cause of temporary amnesia of things that happened the night before. Why am I remembering everything so vividly, like a sloppy movie playing over and over in my head?

“Honey?” Mom set her hands on my ankle, pressing gently. My limoncello scented duvet serves as my cocoon, hiding my hideous swollen face from my mother’s scrutinizing gaze. “I know you’re awake, Zia. We need to choose the cake for your wedding today.”

“Mom,” I croaked, still concealed by the duvet. “Can I skip today? I went to Calvin’s party last night, I don’t feel good.”

She gasped, probably shaking her head in disappointment. “Your father will hear about this.”

Honestly, his anger at me breaking the rules is the last of my concerns. I wonder how he’ll react to knowing that no wedding will happen anymore. They’ve already spent an entire fortune and most of all, the humiliation that will come after this. They have invited all their business associates to this wedding, even a few politicians will be there even if they don’t know who Calvin and I are.

I know my parents love me, but this must be the first time I’ll disappoint them. I just hope they’ll understand.

Mom sighed, “we need to meet Francine at ten, be ready by then, baby.” I hummed a yes as she patted my legs before leaving my room.

Tears drenched the white feather pillow where my face rests. I can’t control my tear ducts from spilling liquid out of my eyes. I don’t like it, but I allowed myself this little ease, hoping it would lessen this heaviness in my chest. It’s so hard to breathe, as if I’m drowning in air.

~~

Cake tasting was dreadful and to add to that, Francine invited us over for a luncheon at their manor.

I do believe I’m cursed.

The distance provided by the agarwood dining table is not enough to hide the anger I’m feeling for him. This pain his betrayal brought me, the pain of him being too gorgeous to be a liar, a cheater, is consuming all my restraints.

His eyes, so blue like the deepest part of the ocean, are my weakness. When he smiles, his dimples never fail to smitten my poor heart. I hope he can’t see the mist forming in my eyes while he talks business with Pier and my father. He’s so into it, as if he really wanted to become my husband.

He glanced at me, and boy did my heart turn into a puddle of melted wax, creating another version of my heart, a fuming heart. It solidifies to a new form, not the same one melted by his love, but the one molded by his betrayal.

‘Are you okay?’ he mouthed across from me, pulling his gaze away from his father who began talking about the pipelines in Mexico, a business venture that will start with my betrothal to his son.

My fork stabbed the rib eye steak. The sound startled my mother beside me, giving me a questioning gaze.

I smiled at Calvin, swallowing the steak which tasted like a spoiled egg, making my face scrunch. I swallowed everything - my pain, my pride, my tears - through the hour-long lunch. It was pure torture. Glad that my parents never deprived me of alcohol. It helped me survive staring into his soft curls, messy and sexy, a few strands falling on his forehead. The way his elegant fingers tucked the wayward locks behind his ears, as it glides along his skin.

I used to imagine how he manages to be that gorgeous without trying, how his cheeks brighten every time he sees me. But now, I wonder if it is me he’s thinking every time he kisses me with those full lips. Every time his hands would touch me.

I can’t take it anymore.

“Excuse me,” I announced. Our parents paid me no mind - glad for it - as they dive deeper into talking about business while sipping their wines.

My heels clicked into their exquisitely marbled floor, fast tapping that echoed through endless halls of paintings by Francine. All about her two sons that made her proud. Will she still be proud of Calvin if she learns of his betrayal?

I passed through the kitchen, heading directly to the garden. My lungs direly need fresh air because the sight of Calvin’s beautiful face is suffocating me.

Guards greeted me along the way. Some did a double-take on my appearance, but I gave no shit about them.

I want to cry.

I want to scream.

How could he do this to me?

I reached the pond, the one where we used to spend our afternoon every weekend. Everything about this mansion reminds me of our happy times together. Was any of those times even real?

My hands pressed on the rough bark of the maple tree, exactly where his name and mine are trapped within the carving of a heart.

I clearly remember that day when he carved this. A sunny day, yet it magically rained on us. The rain hid my tears while I sat on the wooden platform, sobbing like hell for missing Nadia. It was a month after she died and our parents told us we are meant to wed when I turn 21.

He promised to never leave me alone, that I’ll always have him. It was then that I fell in love with him, that I knew my parents’ decision was for the best because he is kind and caring, and gorgeous as hell.

Fuck this place.

I wiped the beads of moisture that formed on the side of my eyes, clearing my throat.

“Are you okay?” I stiffened at hearing his voice, the same voice who told me he loves and the same one who told Ashley he loves her.

His hands wounded around my waist, my back pressed perfectly against his front. The sensation of his lips raining gentle kisses on my bare skin, just right on the crook of my neck, made the tears that I’ve been suppressing flow.

“You look beautiful today, babydoll,” he mumbled. His nose glided along the path to the underside of my earlobes.

‘Babydoll.’

It’s the same endearment he called Ashley last night. He never calls me that, I have always been just ‘baby.’ Not ‘babydoll.’

“I was here last night,” I said, concealing the shudder of my voice. His mouth’s venture on my skin halted. The hands that trapped me against him tightened.

“You didn’t tell me.” I have to applaud him. He’s good, so fucking good.

“I was about to.” He pulled my hair, pushing it in a bunch to my front so he could have more access to the columns of my neck.

“Did you get caught?” He chuckled, planting open wet kisses on my skin.

I scoffed, realizing that he clearly knew less about me - my abilities.

“No.” I grabbed his hand, turning to face him. His blue eyes - those pretty blue eyes - stared into mine, widening. There’s no doubt that he can see my pain. I have no desire to hide it anymore, not from him. I want him to know how painful it is to be cheated on, how he broke my heart. There’s no fear in me even if he sees me crying. He deserves every ounce of my anger.

“Zia,” he tried to reach for me. The sound of my palms cracking against his cheek had enough strength to make him take a step back.

“How long have you been cheating on me, Calvin?”

His palms shoot up to his cheeks, red from the result of my violence. I’ve never been a violent person, but I hope heaven would forgive just this once.

“Zia, I’m sorry…”

He’s not even denying it. I don’t know if it’s good, but I’m damn mad, beyond pissed.

“Why, Cal?”

He lowered his eyes and then looked back at me with newfound fire and determination. “We can work things out.”

I scoffed, “are you serious?!”

He nodded. “Ashley is pregnant. I can’t just abandon her, I can’t break her heart because it’ll affect the baby.”

“A baby?”

This is madness.

Calvin nodded, “I don’t love her.” He reached for my hands, but I slapped his palms away, stepping back until my backside touched the tree. “It’s you I love, Zia.”

I laughed at his confession. Those words always make my heart flutter every time I hear them. Five years, we’ve been engaged since I was sixteen, dating since then, but now everything meant nothing. “Don’t think for a second that I will fall for your tricks.” His pleading gaze further deepened my anger. “No wedding will happen, I’ll give you the chance to create a lie - that’s what you’re good at anyway - to tell our parents about it.”

He raked his curls, pulling them from his scalp. “Come on, Zia. Dad will disown me!”

I scoffed, “that’s not my problem.” I skirted past him, wiping my tears, but his hand came around my wrist, stunning me. My back slammed on the tree, his body caging me.

I didn’t have time to mumble a protest. His mouth crashed against mine, needy and demanding. We’re far off from any guards making rounds throughout the manor.

Part of me longed for him to kiss me like this. Yes, we kissed, but it’s merely a smack on the lips all the time, apart from that day when he gave me this engagement ring. It felt so heavy. The weight of this relationship built around lies is getting heavier by the minute.

He tasted bitter and sweet, like his love, like my love for him. I can taste his desperation, the demand as his tongue forced its way inside my mouth, urging me to respond to each swirl and surge. His hands rise in tandem from my frozen wrist towards my shoulders until he’s clasping my neck, angling my face so he could get more access to my mouth.

My tears spilled like endless rain.

I never thought that the person I hold dearly in my heart could also be the reason for a heartache of this magnitude.

“Zia.” He rested his forehead against mine, heaving deeply. His thumb glided over my mouth, swollen and trembling. “Don’t do this, baby. I can’t lose you. You’re too valuable to me.”

‘Valuable?’

I smiled, laying my palms above his. “Fuck you.”

My knees collided with his balls, my dress riffed off with the force of my vicious act. But it was damn worth it. To see him in pain on the ground, curled like a ball of fur.

“Forget it. I’ll tell my parents tonight, you better deal with Francine and Pier on your own.”