4. Lost Memories

ALIZA

“I am fine except the pain and heaviness in my limbs. My family..” I started to say but froze suddenly when I realized I don’t remember a thing about myself.

My mind just felt empty. I don’t remember. I can’t remember anything about myself, my family or friends except my name.

A cold wave of panic washed over me. My heart raced as I struggled to steady my breath. Random flashes flickered through my mind.. voices, places, blurry faces but they slipped away the moment I tried to grasp onto them.

I stared at him, feeling lost. “I… I don’t remember anything. All I know that my name is Aliza.” My voice cracked as fear crept in and I started breathing heavily.

His demeanor shifted into something serious with concern shining in his dark eyes. He shifted closed to me, taking my arms gently in his hands. “Breathe Aliza.”

But I was unable to do so because the fear was choking me, tightening my chest and making it hard to breathe. He repeated, in a more commanding tone. "Breathe."

I didn’t even notice someone entering the room until another voice broke the tension: "She's having a panic attack, Alpha."

I turned my head slightly and saw a man in white, rush into the room, saying, "Her body's under immense stress from the toxins and now this."

The man put a hand on my wrist to check my pulse. "She needs to calm down or her heart rate could spike dangerously."

He responded, "I've got her," while maintaining a firm hold on my arms. He spoke to me once more, his tone softer this time. "Listen to me, Aliza. Everything is alright... just pay attention to my voice, okay?”

I tried, but the overwhelming fear of not knowing who I was overwhelmed me. I shook my head in no. His thumbs started tracing soothing circles on my trembling hands as his hands slid down to hold mine. His warm and tingling touch pulling me back from the abyss.

He leaned closer until his face was all I could see. "Aliza, trust me. Start taking a deep breath. Like this….”

He did it and I tried to follow his instructions slowly. I took a deep breath feeling the heaviness lift a little from my chest.

"That's it. One more." he encouraged, softening his tone.

I took another breath and stared into his dark eyes, the tightness in my chest started to loosen up.

"Good girl. See? You are okay. Just keep breathing like this." He said, his voice gentle and full of assurance.

Standing close by, the doctor watched in silence but didn’t interfere. My body continued to shake a little, but my breathing eventually evened out. Throughout he didn’t let go of my hands, making me feel warm and fuzzy.

"I..." I started but he shook his head.

“Don’t over think it, you’ve been through enough already. We’ll figure everything out, trust me. Rest now.” he said firmly and full of sincerity that I couldn’t help but nod in yes. I felt a small sliver of hope.

He let go of me and gestured to the doctor to check on me. After taking another look at my vitals and checking on me, the doctor said. “She is fine now, Alpha.” Then he turned to me, “I promise to do everything I can to help you. But we will have to take this one step at a time, alright?”

I nodded. The doctor grabbed a syringe and a tiny vial from his bag. He clarified, "This will help you relax and sleep better."

I would have tensed up seeing an injection but my eyes were focused on my knight. As it slid into my arm, I hardly noticed the prick. My eyelids grew heavy almost immediately, the exhaustion finally caught up with me.

…

CASPIAN

My heart ached at the condition of Aliza. She seemed so fragile, like a delicate doll that could shatter at any moment. Right now she is sleeping after Nolan gave her a sedative to relax and sleep peacefully. 

“How is she?” I asked him, my eyes never leaving her.

Nolan glanced at me with a thoughtful expression and said,“Her losing her memories may complicate things, Alpha. But I can’t say anything for sure until the test results are out.” He said.

I nodded slightly, letting out a sigh as Nolan packed his equipment and left the room. He was right, it did complicate things. Not just her condition but the emotions she seem to awaken inside me.

I let out another sigh, rubbing a hand over my face. She was a stranger, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. She even saved Ray, risking her life for someone she didn’t even know.

She earned my gratitude and respect for that. But this… the pull I felt toward her was different, awakening the emotions I hadn’t felt in years.

No. I shook my head. I couldn’t let her affect me like this. It wasn’t real. Guilt. Yes, I was just guilty because she was hurt saving one of my pack members. She is just my responsibility now, nothing more.

And yet, as I looked at her sleeping peacefully, the urge to touch her and be close her filled me once again.

“She’s just my responsibility,” I tried to convince myself, clenching my fists tightly to control myself.

…

Next day I was in my office dealing with pack business when Nolan mind linked me that Aliza had woken up and was crying uncontrollably.

I was trying so hard to ignore her but the thought of her crying gnawed at me and I found myself standing outside her room, the sound of her sobs piercing my heart like sharp needles.

Finally, I pushed the door open.

My breath hitched when I saw her. Tears were running down her face as she sat on the bed with her arms wrapped around her knees. Her blue eyes were swollen from her sobbing and stared ahead blankly.

I called her gently as I entered the room and walked toward her, "Aliza."

She looked at me as her eyes filled with relief. Then she hugged me, her voice cracked as she cried out, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I remember anything? Did I do something wrong?”

I didn’t know the answer but I know it will take some time for her to accept this.

…