CHAPTER 2

Nakaalis na si Auntie Imy. Pinuntahan lang niya muna ang tumawag sa kanya. Ako naman na naiwan muna dito habang napapaisip pa rin sa desisyon na hiningi ni Auntie Imy.

Ano ba talaga dapat kong gawin? 

Napaisip ako, habang nakatingin sa mga naglalakad. Nasa bahay lang kami. Pero may ilang bisita ang mga pinapunta nila Auntie Imy at Uncle Carl upang i-celebrate ang aking pagkapasa sa board exam. 

Matapos kasi nila malaman ang pagkapasa ko. Agad sila nagpaluto ng pagkain sa mga katulong at naghanda para sa simpleng pagsasalo. 

Nag-invite sila ng ilang bisita. 

Pero ang alam ko papaalis na rin ang mga ito. Subalit, oras na umalis na sila at matapos sa pag-asikaso sa mga bisita sila Auntie at Uncle.

Alam ko na rin ang mga susunod na mangyayari. 

Magpapatuloy ulit kami sa pag-uusap ni Auntie. 

Bubuksan ang napag-usapan namin kangina. At tiyak ko, mapipilitan na talaga ako na ibigay ang akin nabuong desisyon. 

Wala pa nga pala! I sighed.

I was thinking. Papayag na nga ba ako? 

Inumpisahan ko na naman ang pagtatanong sa sarili ko. I suddenly laughed. 

Pinagtatawanan ko lang naman ang sarili ko. Kangina ko pa kasi kinakausap ang sarili ko. Para na nga akong baliw na kinakausap ang sarili ko. I ask questions, but I also answer my questions. Nakakatawa talaga! I sighed.

Tulad ng napagkasunduan namin tatlo ni Auntie at Uncle. Papayag na ba ba talaga ako?

I confuse myself with what I have to decide. Napaka gulo ng utak ko. 

I bit my lip, preventing myself from letting out a loud laugh. And all the visitors here in the house were looking at me. Napansin pala nila.

Until now, Carlos has not been here at the house. So he doesn't know the good news that I passed my board exam. 

Anyway, even if he finds out that I passed my nursing board exam, he does not care.

He was not interested in knowing and hearing all that was happening in my life and even less interested in the achievements I was gaining while I was living in their house.

Lagi lang siyang nakasimangot at nakatingin ng masama. Oh, para akong bula na hindi niya nakikita at iniiwasan. 

Kadiri-diri ba ako? mukhang hindi naman. Pero bakit kaya ganun? Ewan!

If he doesn't even care about me, I care about him. Of course, he was the son of the people who adopted me. So, dapat lang naman. Para ko siyang nakatatanda na kapatid na! But yun nga lang. He never treated me like that.

Sometimes I'm really curious about why he treats me like that. I'm not a ghost in their house. He knew that I was alive, not a ghost. He knew that, but he treated me like a ghost. Sometimes I feel I am not welcome here because he treats me like a ghost that he will just pass by and sometimes not even look at. 

Sometimes I want to ask that. It's just that I'm scared, embarrassed, and it looks like I'll have a hard time asking him because of how he often looks. Nakakatakot talaga! Kinikilabutan nga ako. Kaya… Umiiwas agad ako.

“Lalaine!" tawag ni Uncle Carl sa akin. Napalingon ako. Nasa likuran ko pala siya. Hindi ko napansin ang bilis niyang nakalapit.

“Uncle, umalis na po ba ang mga bisita niyo?" takang tanong ko. Hindi ko na kasi makita ang kausap niya, kangina. Baka umalis na nga.

“Umalis na, kamusta na? Congrats, you do it well. Masaya akong nakapasa ka sa board exam." anito na hayag. Kinamayan ako ni Uncle. Niyakap niya pa ako. Para lang mga kumpare niya o kasama sa business world kung batiin niya.

“Salamat po! Pero kung hindi po sa inyo ni Auntie Imy, hindi ko naman po maabot ang pangarap ko. Baka hindi nga po ako nakatapos ng pag-aaral ko at d'on pa rin ako tiyak sa bahay ampunan. Naghihintay na mapansin ng mga poster parents na nais mag-ampon." Happy kong pagkasabi. Proud din! Kasi sila ang blessings na pinakamagandang natanggap ko. Maliban sa nakapasa ako sa nursing board exam.

All that I said to Uncle Carl was true. Because if they had not come to the orphanage on the day they decided to adopt, maybe I would have lost the chance to get out of the orphanage. Kaya ma-swerte talaga ako.

I felt totally blessed that day. I felt then that my long prayer had been fulfilled. I always pray that there will also be people who notice me and adopt me. And that happened the day Auntie Imy and Uncle Carl got lost in the orphanage. They promised to study me and they kept it. Kaya sobrang pasasalamat ko talaga. Nais ko makabalik sana sa kanila lahat. Pero sa hindi ganitong paraan.

Naisip ko na naman ang kasalanan...

I took a deep breath first. Habang nagsalita si Uncle. “Lalaine, until now, you haven't changed. Para ka pa rin ang batang Lalaine na nakuha namin at nakilala sa orphanage." pahayag na pagkakasabi ni Uncle Carl. Seryoso naman ito masyado. Kinakabahan tuloy ako. I sighed.

“Wehhh!" hiyang-hiya kong nasabi. 

I sighed again as I continued my speech while jokingly talking to Uncle. For me, it is not hard to talk to Uncle Carl. He's kind and funny too. He's nice to talk to, and you'll just really laugh at his frequent segway.

“But it was true." I said.

“Kung hindi po dahil talaga sa inyo at hindi niyo ako kinuha sa orphanage. Palagay niyo po ba? Nasaan ako ngayon? Baka nga nasa bahay ampunan pa rin ako habang naghihintay na may dumating na tulad niyo ni Auntie Imy." napalunok ako habang nangangatwiran kay Uncle Carl. 

He laughed. When he was still laughing, Auntie Imy turned to us and even the person she was talking to. In their looks, they seem to be wondering. I was surprised too. Maybe they’re thinking about what we’re talking about.

“Ikaw talaga na bata ka! I've never been a winner of your katwiran. In your opinion, you never give me a chance to win." natatawa na pahayag ni Uncle Carl. Habang inaartehan ang pagsasalita.

I sighed. Napailing nalang ako nahihiyang sobra— Sa mga matang napatingin sa aming dalawa para akong natutunaw the way they look at me and same to Uncle. 

“Look at them, Uncle. Nakakahiya, pagtitinginan na nila tayo. Please, hinaan lang natin yung boses. Ikaw kasi, why are you laughing like that? Napatingin tuloy sila sa atin." I said as I whispered to him. At the same time, I pointed my snout at those who were laughing and whispering. Auntie Imy and the guests she was talking to while they were looking at me and uncle Carl.

“Hayaan mo sila, Girls talk!" natatawa na usal ni Uncle.

“Ano naman matatawag sa usapan natin, uncle?" ibinalik kong tanong.

“Conversation between father and daughter!" tumawa na naman ito nang may kalakasan. 

My uncle laughs hysterically. When Auntie Imy turned around again and looked at us, the way she looked made me think she was wondering what Uncle and I were talking about.

“Don't look at them mas lalo lang sila titingin at papansinin ang pag-uusap nating dalawa." 

My uncle reminded me. He sighed softly while whispering those words. He's really funny. 

“You're always joking, Uncle Carl." My joke statement to Uncle Carl

I'm really lucky to have a father like him whom I can talk to seriously, jokingly, and sometimes even when I feel bad, I cry to him. He is really a very loving and caring father to me. They would be like real parents to me because they treated me well.

They were really very kind to me as my foster parents. They are the people I share my secrets with, which I cannot tell other people.

They are the two people who often listen to my stories. For others, it is very worthless. But for Uncle and Auntie, it was very important then.

They are always open to listening and giving me their shoulder whenever I am crying or disgusted. They are both like my boxes that I put everything in to hide everything that I don't want others to know about. They are also like my best friends, who are always there for me. They are always ready to be my real parents wherever I am. 

I sighed, and asked my uncle. “Uncle, maiba tayo. Pwede pa ba ako umatras sa usapan?" pabiro kong turan.

“Gusto mong malungkot ang Auntie Imy mo?" Umiling ako. 

“Syempre, ayaw ko." nakatawa kong sagot.

“Ayun naman pala!" bulas niyang tugon.

“Yes, Uncle. I have already promised. Maybe she might get mad at me if I back away." tawa kong pahayag. 

“Malamang!" anito niyang pahayag na pagsang-ayon. Sabay pa kami nagkatawanan na dalawa.

“Nangako ka! Kaya dapat tuparin mo 'yon!" My uncle added, as he reminded me again of my promise to them after we talked when they mentioned it to me. Their plan was to marry me to their son, Carlos. 

“But what about Carlos? Have you talked to him yet? Just in case, I will agree. What about the opinion of your only son? Maybe later he won't agree and oppose marrying me as you and Auntie plan." tanong ko.

“Wag mo na, intindihin iyon." pahayag ni Auntie Imy. It turned out that my aunt had approached us and the guests she was talking to had left.

“Wag po intindihin? Kayo talaga! Parang hindi niyo kabisado yung anak niyong 'yon." pahayag kong apila sa sinabi ni Auntie. Natawa nalang ako na ikinailing.

I sighed and told them. “Maybe both of you might get in trouble with Carlos. What am I against the decision made by both of you? You have been my family for several years. Can I still refuse? I laughed at their statement, which was the same as mine. There was no objection. But they both laugh.

“Sa 'kin wala na kayo problemahin. Gaya nang pangako ko, at hindi rin naman ako makalusot at makatatanggi gaya ng sinabi ko. Okay, I agree with your decision. But, please don't forget to ask Carlos before we proceed. Nasa sa kanya pa rin ang desisyon for the sake with our soon to be marriage." 

“Don't worry! I talked with him." sagot ni Auntie Imy. 

“Hindi naman niya kakayanin ang mawala ang lahat ng meron siya at tinatamasa. Mano lang ba yung paboran niya ang kagustuhan namin ng kanyang Daddy?" confident na pahayag na pagkakasabi ni Auntie.

Kinatawa ko ang mga pabula na sinabi ni Auntie. Even in what he said about what he would do to talk to Carlos, I got nervous.

I was nervous about Auntie's statements. It's not that easy to talk to Carlos. Carlos was very difficult to talk to. Especially if it goes home, not in his senses because he is so drunk. 

“Wag ka na mag-aalala pa. Gagawa kami ng paraan ng uncle mo to convince him." kabado pa rin ako sa pahayag ni Auntie Imy. Kabado man. Tumango nalang ako upang ipakita ang pagsang-ayon ko sa kanilang sinabi.

Huminga ako, habang nagpaalam nalang muna na umalis at tumungo sa kwarto ko. Gusto ko muna magpahinga habang hinihintay nila ang pagdating ni Carlos. Mamaya pa kasi ang uwi nito. At malamang na lasing na naman sa pagdating nito dito sa bahay. Hindi naman nagkaroon ng pagbabago sa kanya at talagang ganun na siya mula nang dito na ako tumira.

“Sige, po! Aalis na muna po ako. Dun muna po ako sa kwarto ko." muli kong pahayag at saka sinimulan ko ilakad ang dalawa kong paa. Hindi na ako lumingon pa sa kanila at dumiretso nalang ako nang aking paglalakad.