DENIAL AND BODY TALK

WILLA’S POV

Of all people, my fated mate had to be Gallahan Wick.

Was this a cruel trick? What did I do to deserve a man who, at eighteen, formed and led the Alpha King’s Culling Army to seize and loot human kingdoms, and capture, torture and subjugate innocent humans.

His hands were not only tainted. They were soaked with the blood of hundreds of people, both humans and werewolves, and I had let the very same hands hold me so intimately.

Guilt roared to life inside my chest all of a sudden, clawing at my lungs and heart. I felt like I had betrayed those who had entrusted the League of the Moon to fight the tyrannical regime of the Alpha King and his son.

I knew I already did when I turned my back on my comrades in the middle of battle. But this was a whole different story, a different kind of betrayal.

Gallahan was the real enemy. He wasn’t just a mere soldier of this war. Gallahan himself had led the crusade against humans, even fighting his own kind who couldn’t stomach his ideologies.

But…

But before there was Gallahan, there was Han.

Han who liked chocolates over ice cream.

Han who could be rough and gentle at the same time.

Han who was considerate.

Han who ran a bath for me and cooked a damn good stir fried noodles.

Han who smiled rakishly, eyes twinkling with playful salaciousness.

Han who instantly thought of building me a greenhouse in our future home as soon as he learned about my love for gardening.

How could such a man be the Gallahan who had wreaked havoc on human kingdoms and reigned with terror.

Gallahan who was prejudiced.

Gallahan who harmed innocent lives.

Gallahan who stole lands.

Gallahan who was completely  unrepentant, seeing no wrong in his deeds.

How could they be the same person?

My world seemed to fall apart as I continued to stare at Gallahan, unable to wrap my head around the fact just yet.

I had held hope, cradled it close to my chest, that somehow I could sway him to see how the Alpha King’s side was cruel and utterly wrong, and that their ways were abhorrent and should be ended no matter the cost.

I knew changing his twisted views would be a long and arduous process; I wasn’t naive to think it wouldn’t be. Still, I was willing to put in the work.

I wasn’t simply going to give up on my fated mate, but…

But Gallahan Wick, General of the Culling Army, was a different story.

He was vicious and heartless to others who weren't his own kind or to those who weren’t on his side of this war.

“Han,” I began to say, but my voice quivered under the heavy weight of my emotions. “I… I couldn’t…”

His eyes, which were no longer glowing gold but bluish gray, looked stormy and cold, so unlike the ones that had looked at me just moments ago.

It was without a doubt that he was putting walls around himself now. 

“You couldn’t betray your own people too,” he said, sounding a-matter-of-factly. “I know, Willa. I also know that you probably would have for the Han you knew a minute ago, but not for Gallahan. Not for the monster you now see me as.”

I shook my head. “Han, if… if only… I need you to understand that I am not just a soldier of this war. I am Willa Coraline Alfiero.”

Recognition flashed on his face for a fleeting moment.

“Yes, Han. I am the granddaughter of Greggory Alfiero, the leader and face of the resistance. I am also the second-in-command of the Peacemakers.”

I was sure that the weight of the information I just divulged was sinking into Gallahan’s mind. I was sure he had it figured out that I was also no ordinary soldier in this war, especially that the Peacemakers was the group within the League of the Moon that was formed to go head to head against the Culling Army.

“Yes, Han. The two of us aren’t mere pawns of this fight. We are also figureheads, and we…”

My chest constricted so painfully that I had to pause to take a long breath, and for a moment, Gallahan’s gaze softened once more. But it was gone all too soon, making me wonder if it was just a figment of my imagination. Perhaps it was nothing but a quick and little illusion, born from my longing that I could keep the Han that I had known first.

“We wouldn’t work. You wouldn’t bend for me, and I wouldn't bend for you. There is no common ground in a war, Willa. The least we can offer each other is understanding that-”

“There is nothing to understand, Gallahan. Your side is waging a war on defenseless humans!”

Gallahan snorted derisively in response. The sound was wrapped with so much coldness and hatred that it made my hackles rise and my body shiver.

This was the Gallahan I knew from the tales recounted by his victims.

Cold. Ruthless. Calculative. Unfeeling.

I gulped down the forming lump in my throat, then dared to say, “There is nothing to understand about your land grabbing and vicious killing. What you are doing is wrong, Gallahan, and it will be remembered in history as such.”

“Victors tell the stories of the past, Willa. You are boldly declaring to me that your side is going to win.”

“Maybe I am.”

Gallahan rose to his feet, dropping his chocolate on the bed, uncaring of leaving a stain on the sheets. He then began to pace around, his agitation evident in every step he took.

I watched him in silence, trying to get a read of what was running in his mind. But I didn’t have to do it for long.

Because he suddenly stopped his pacing, whirled around to face me, and said, “You are too hasty in your judgment, Willa. But then again, it seems to me that you see the world as black and white. Perhaps I shouldn’t burden you with the expectation to have the ability to think beyond how things appear. Because you are too judgmental! Just like your people. You and everyone on your side are too self-righteous, so up on your high horse that you fail to extend understanding, let alone compassion, for others who don’t share your views.”

“And you could?” I retorted icily, my grip on the pint of ice cream tightening in anger. “Oh, don’t make me laugh, Gallahan. You are the last person in this world who would know about compassion.”

Thick and heavy silence enveloped the entire room right after. One could’ve heard a pin drop with how deadly quiet we became as we glared at each other.

My chest was rising and falling in quick succession, my breath growing mildly labored. Whether it was due to my emotions running high or due to the second wave of my heat being a hair’s breadth away, I wasn’t entirely too sure. Perhaps it was both.

“I’m fucking leaving,” Gallahan declared suddenly, his long legs working quick to get him out of the room.

But I was swift on my feet too. After I hastily left the pint of ice cream on the bedside table, I was immediately on his trail, chasing after him with little to no care of how I was beginning to feel hot and sensitive as the second wave of my heat began in earnest.

“Where the hell are you going?” I asked, raising my voice slightly as Gallahan scurried to the kitchen without sparing me a single glance.

“Where do you think?”

I did not appreciate the sarcasm so I yelled impatiently, “Answer me properly!”

“Away from you,” he said, heading for the bed tray that still had our dirty dishes. It was clear he intended to make himself busy to avoid talking to me. “So just go back to the bedroom on your own.”

I was almost seething in anger as I slammed my hands on the island counter and asked scathingly, “And why the fuck would you leave me on my own when my heat is about to wreck me once more?”

He had brought the dishes, forks and glasses over to the sink. His back was now on me, and the island counter stood in between us. The square of his shoulders were tensed, and the thin fabric of his fitted shirt couldn’t hide how straight like an iron rod his spine was.

“Gallahan!”

“Because I don’t need you to spell it out for me, Willa. I already know.”

“Can you be straightforward with me? For fuck’s sake! Talk to me properly.”

“Because!” Gallahan bellowed, ceasing his vicious scrubbing of the faultless plate and dropping it harshly on the sink so he could turn around and face me. “You sure as hell no longer want me to be there for you, right?! I bet there is no way you want to be held by the hands you think are stained with the blood of your beloved humans. Right, Willa? Right?! You can't stomach me now that you know who I am.”

Gallahan was slightly red in the face, and a vein on his neck protruded during the entire stretch of his outburst that had completely taken me aback. It left me staring at him with wide eyes, my heart hammering wildly in my chest.

“Right? I do not need the rejection. I already know. So just go.”

His hands were clenched tightly, quivering in barely suppressed frustration and anger.

I didn’t know what took over me in the next moment. Maybe it was pity, or maybe it was my heat messing with my rational mind. Or perhaps it was because my soul and my inner wolf couldn’t bear the growing rift between Gallahan and I.

But whatever it was, it got me marching to Gallahan, rounding the island counter, so I could do what I wanted to do despite the insanity and wrongness of it all.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I muttered as I invaded his personal space. Then I pulled him by the collar of his shirt and pressed my lips on his.

A growl rumbled out of his throat, and next thing I knew, my mouth was being ravaged by his tongue and I was lifted and made to sit on the island counter. My legs spread to accommodate Gallahan, whose hands were already working on the tie of the dressing robe I was wearing.

“Han…” I murmured once his lips departed from mine and began to trail kisses down my neck. “Can we… Can we forget for a moment?”

“Just for a moment?”

I badly wanted to say, ‘for eternity,’ but we both knew that this thing between us could only last for as long as the world permitted.

But the fact was that our world, our reality, didn’t permit us even a moment.

Still , we would selfishly steal one anyway.

So I said, “Yes. Even just for a moment.”

Gallahan nodded, chastely kissing me on the forehead. “As you wish, sweetheart.”

And then his lips were back on mine.

Gallahan took his time with me, dragging every single second for as long as he could, finding eternities within the moment we had agreed on, until I was blabbering and begging for him to knot me.

But even with a mind that was hazy with the pleasure and my heat, I remained quite cognizant through it all. It was as if my brain unconsciously wanted me to savor each second I spent with Gallahan—all the searing touches he graced my body with, all the lingering kisses he was gifting on the patches of skin his lips could reach, and every slide of his cock inside of me.

Tears managed to escape my eyes, and I deeply hoped that as he kissed every salty drop, he took it as a sign of immense pleasure, instead of the heartache that was plaguing my chest despite the blissful heaven his cock was sending me to.

He knotted me once again, leaving me full of his seeds. Then, after nearly an hour since his knot subsided, I made my great escape while he remained deep asleep and oblivious of the betrayal that awaited him.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled just before slipping out of the room.

I just couldn’t bear to fight him anymore. Not when the two of us already chose to stand firm on our beliefs.

But more than that, he was right. I couldn’t stomach choosing him. I couldn’t even dare to imagine having a happy life with him, knowing that there were those whose lives he had cut short.

Despite this, I also couldn’t stomach rejecting him. I couldn’t stand to stay for any moment longer, afraid of getting even more addicted to his warm and safe presence. I couldn’t endure having to see his face fall or turn cold once we fought over our differences once again. And most of all, I couldn’t bear to say that I didn’t want him, because deep inside, in spite of the fact that he was the wicked Gallahan Wick, I still wanted him. 

So I took the easiest way out. Because as much as I could brave any battle of this war, I couldn’t actually brave the heartache of having to turn my back on my fated mate.

“Needs must,” I murmured as I thought hard about the cause I was fighting for. “Needs must.”

With that as my last mantra, I shifted into my wolf form and ran away.