Wishful Thinking

I spurred Burly and she started walking. She seemed to understand my pain, she was sad too. I pated her affectionately and she nickers in response.

“I Know girl… mama is sad today”

She neighed and walked across the vast meadow as i sat on her back in silence, swaying in motion of her movement. I looked around the landscape hoping all my pain disappears with the wind.

The universe doesn’t seem to align with me. Bay was right, I am such a bad luck. It’s been Ten years since my mom left, and there have not been any sign of her, not even a word.

When I was a child, my parents fights could suck the oxygen out of a room. My mother verbally lashed my father, broke jam jars, and made outlandish threats. Her outbursts froze me in my tracks. When my father fled to work, the garage, or the woods, I felt unprotected. There was no safe spot for me at home. I would often go somewhere else… either to Emily’s or work my ass off in the ranch to help clear my head.

Lately, Emily seem distanced. She has become very much occupied in her new relationship that she enjoyed spending time with Ted instead of me. Somehow I felt betrayed by my most trusted person. My love triangle was between us… I trusted her with that secret and she told it to Ted.

I adjusted in my saddle as Burly perked up her ears and walked quicker, almost throwing me off…“wow! Girl, what was that for?”… I said. Brushing her mane.

We reached the wooden gate framing a long driveway. There is a hanging sign that reads “SCHUYLER RANCH”. Burly leads out a grand entrance lined with wooden three rail-fence. On either side is a green pastureland dotted with cows. To the left is the huge red barn, where I spent my first night with Bay. Ahead on the left also, is a one story building rambler.

I sighted Emily scratching a little calf’s shaggy ears. I guided Burly up to the front of the rambler… Emily hurried to  help me climb down. I could see guilt written all over her face. Anger clouded my vision and I hop down before she could reach me and start to wade towards the woods.

She was calling out to me, her voice growing increasingly urgent as she ran after me. I forced myself to keep going, blinking back tears.“Hailey please wait… I am so sorry!” she kept apologizing as she runs after me.

She was closing up at me before I made it to a shore behind the woods. I climbed into a small wooden bolt and she jumped in too… pulling me into a tight hug, I shrugged to break free but her grip was so tight.

“ I am so sorry Hailey”… she said snuggling her face on my neck. I pulled away from her, jabbing her chest.

"Stay away from me"...The suffocating feeling I had been suppressing the past few days transformed into a burning rage.“what are you sorry about? Is it the part you weren’t there when I needed you, or that you now put your boyfriend first before me, or that you no longer make time for me, or that you now leave my hand in the crowd to take his, or the part you told my darkest secret to him? Emily, I trusted you!" I jabbed her on the shoulder again.

“for everything! I am sorry for everything. Please Hailey, I can’t bear seeing you mad at me… please forgive me”… she pleaded pulling me into a tighter hug. I leaned into her touch sniffling as I fought to button my cracked emotions.

She pulled away slowly and cleaned the tears trailing my cheek With her thumb. She cupped my face and pinned her forehead against mine…"I'm truly, truly.... Truly sorry"

"Why did you tell him?" I asked pulling away from her. "It was suppose to be between us, why did you tell him?

"There is no justification for what I did... No reason at all. It just leaked out. I promise, i will never repeat it again. Ever! Since I was gone all summer, Ted and I hung out alot. He was visiting his mother in Olivelane during the weekends. I am not trading you for him... Never!... I'd never do that to you Hailey. You are my bestfriend in the whole world and I hate to see you sad" 

I drew a deep breath and reluctantly hugged her.

“you look beautiful. Even more beautiful when you cry ” she teases

I burst into a slow lingering laughter, still sniffling.“why are you so silly”? 

“Hailey… you are my best friend in the whole world, and you mean so much to me. I hate to see you cry… even though you're prettier when you do”

We both laughed. Laughing into each other face as she cupped my face again. …. She gazed into my eyes as we both fell silent. Her gaze settled on my lips and I could swear that she'd kiss me. She leaned in closer and closer... My brain tried to send word to my mouth, but all that came out is… “bird”… I said breaking away.

“what bird?”… she asked as she jostled

Emily ran a hand over her face and laced her fingers on her hair to nervously brush it down. A glint of embarrassment rippled on her face.

We sat down on the ground, under a tree. I leaned my head on Emily’s shoulder snuggling close. A strong gust of wind rips through the woods spraying us with a light mist of leafs. For a moment, I forgot all my problems. Silence settled over the woods except the chirping sound of rodents, and the clapping of tree branches.

“you know… I think you should talk to him” Emily said. Breaking the awkward silence!

“who?”…

“Bay! Tell him how you truly feel about him…you never know, he might be feeling same”

I gave a small smile and smirked. I haven't told her yet what happened between Bay and I and I wasn't going to, I'd keep that a secret for now until I'm certain she'd never go bluffing to Ted again… “I can’t” I muttered under my breath

“why not?”

“because, it’s not that easy. Moreover, he has a girlfriend"

Emily scoffs “ what girlfriend?... That peacock? Oh, please”

There is a loud rumbling noise behind us and we jolted up, frantically looking around for whatever it is.

“what was that?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know, but I think someone else is here”…

We saw a figure hiding behind a tree before racing off with speed to a farther end. I couldn't figure if it is a human or an animal but something was definitely there and I'm more than determined to find it out.

“what is that thing?” I asked… my body shivering.

“I don’t know. We need to run”…

Emily and I started running towards the ranch beating bushes aside.

****