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Thirty
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2020-12-09 20:28:50c a t h e r i n e
“Sylvia, I said I don’t want to!” I cried helplessly.
The woman before me, Sylvia, looked as equally distressed as I am. Her wrinkled forehead scrunched up, making her desperation evident behind the well-blended make-up. She paced back and forth in the narrow room. Her hand kept landing on her wide hips back to her forehead, all in sync with her exasperated sighs.
Along with her pace was the bounce of her luscious mane that is now dyed dark blonde. She had the sexiness of a Latina woman which she had so often taken to her advantage. To my estimate, she’s in her fifties but nevertheless, displays the sophistication of a 30-year old. Only that her false youth seems to leave her sometimes, especially in stressful situations like this.
“Cariño.” In her mell
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Euphoria Thirty One
v e r n o n After helping her heal her self-harm wounds in the library, Catherine went back to giving me the cold shoulder. I don’t know what I did wrong. I didn’t even ask her about what triggered her panic attack or self-harm tendencies because I respected her boundaries. I only offered help. Yet after that, she became aloof again that I couldn’t help calculating my past actions. Our last conversation would so often ring in my ears. “I’ll ask for it if I need it.” She bid coldly before leaving me in the library. Since then, we never interacted again for almost a week. I have been skipping most of my classes, like usual. Most days I could not make it to class because I’m too stoned to function. B
Last Updated : 2020-12-10Euphoria Thirty Two
c a t h e r i n e “Where are you bringing me this time?” I yelled amid the blaring traffic before us. From the train station, we battled the bustling roads of the district and now, we’re still walking, headed somewhere uncertain. Early at 7 in the evening, the bigger part of Jung District, despite its small population, witnesses the usual buzz of a small city--the rush hour, the back and forth of the people, and the high level of dust in the air. “We’re already near.” For the first time, Vernon bothered to stop in his tracks and wait for me. The Spring air blew and the few cherry blossoms that lined up on the road showered their pink petals. Along with that was the rustle of the golden strands on Vernon’s forehead, giving me the ample view of
Last Updated : 2020-12-11Euphoria Thirty Three
v e r n o n I watched the momentarily shift of Catherine’s demeanor. She stood before me, completely struck and suddenly absent-minded. It seemed as though she didn’t know how to react to my stupid confession. I wanted to take that as a good thing but the lack of emotion from her now makes me think I should have not said anything. I could barely hear the traffic before us over the heartbeats banging in my chest. In my attempt to fight off the sudden awkwardness, I cleared my throat. “You were asking so—” My words were interrupted. “Yeah. I mean—” she paused awkwardly too. I was ready to talk again until she continued, completely rejecting whiche
Last Updated : 2020-12-12Euphoria Thirty Four
c a t h e r i n e The next weekend, I found myself in the same tight dress and voluminous fake scarlet hair. I stood in the chaotic beer and sweat-stained reek of the strip club. The strobe lights are glimmering in neon and dark red along with the deafening party music and cheers. As usual, weekends witness the biggest flock of customers. I may have slowly gotten accustomed to this environment the longer that I worked here but to my eyes, the varied customers that patronize the illegal prostitution in the club never fail to surprise me. You’d see them in different ages, colors, attires, and obviously different socio-economic statuses. It surprises every time high-class men would pay to watch a girl strip before them. The other night, a rich businessman came to hire an escort. The other, a local politician, paid a girl to t
Last Updated : 2020-12-13Euphoria Thirty Five
c a t h e r i n e The huge expanse of his chest occupied my vision. Had I not stopped abruptly, I would’ve clashed with him. My lips parted for a protest but his hand quickly landed on my forearm. His force was too strong. Before I could find the courage to look up at his face, he dragged me towards a far corner, leaving the busy tables behind. While panting from our sudden drift, I managed to glance at him. Vernon’s intense glare was immeasurable in the shadows. And although the club is noisy, I could feel the violence of his sporadic breaths. I felt too small under his gaze. I was frozen and tongue-tied, my head’s haywire and my heart a stone, I could not think nor feel anything. The humiliation, the fear, the regret-- all were too immense that I was left with numbness. “What are you d
Last Updated : 2020-12-14Euphoria Thirty Six
v e r n o n “Do you still like me?” Her question rang in my ears.I swallowed a bitter bile in my throat. How ironic is that, to ask me as if I’ve ever stopped. As I ever could.“No.” I said, staying eye to eye with the ceiling. My voice, deep and tremulous, almost revealed the unconcealable truth.No. I no longer like her. Like is too shallow a word compared to what I behold for her.“Oh, okay.” Catherine uttered too softly, unconcerned but almost dismayed.I took a sharp inhale. My chest’s a thousand-pound heavy. The atmosphere around is blanketed in intensity that I couldn’t gather my wits. Maybe it’s the sanguine luminescence in the red-dimmed room that is intended to be lusty but instead is waking all of my caged feelings for her. Red with her is not the color of lust nor danger or heat but of intense passion, and god knows how
Last Updated : 2020-12-15Euphoria Thirty Seven
v e r n o nWinter vacation in 11th grade, a common friend of mine, Junhoe, hosted a house party. The usual hype and chaos blared in his living room, his random guests were flooding in as the night loomed. It was cold and there was a warning of storm but it did not stop everyone’s thirst for booze, and perhaps some make out session. It’s the first day of vacation which explains everyone’s interest for a last get together.Junhoe was a senior who’s currently in 12th grade. He used to be Mark’s batch mate but since the former enjoyed being in 11th grade too much, he did not accelerate as him. It was also through Mark that we became friends.In his dimmed living room that was illumined by some Christmas lights, I stumbled upon Junhoe, automatically exchanging a fist bump.“Hey! Glad you’re here, Vernon. Beer?” He grabbed one from a nearby bucket which
Last Updated : 2020-12-16Euphoria Thirty Eight
c a t h e r i n eThe waiting shed was getting lonesome by the second.From the subway station, I walked my way to the nearby bus stop that leads to Jackson’s neighborhood. He said he’d pick me up here. But time is running fast, and the 5’o clock sun is vanishing, and a few people had passed by me; a few had left the waiting shed too, and now it’s all me—my patience getting smaller and my mind that’s beginning to wander in dangerous solace.From the bus that had stopped and left a new batch of strangers before my eyes, from the distant Daegu sun dying behind the mediocre establishments and the polluted city air passing with time, my eyes saw Vernon—and how he appeared earlier as he left me in the subway station.I couldn’t help but wonder what he meant by his words, under the spring trees before, his gaze of autumn held within them distant melanc
Last Updated : 2020-12-17
Latest chapter
Euphoria Sixty Two
catherineI have never ran so fast my entire life. Seconds felt like forever. My tears fell without a warning. Strangers began to look at me as I stood and waited on the crosswalks, my knees staggering as I paced in agitation. Upon the stop light, I bolted my way to the crossing lane. I ran to the emergency room of Jung Hospital and I immediately found my sister. Naeun hugged me. I wiped away my tears as I tried to calm her."Hey, hey, it's fine. Mom will be fine. Thank you for bringing her here," kneeling down, I cupped her cheeks and hushed her down.Naeun called 911 when mom lost fainting and consciousness. According to Naeun, she vomited blood before that which our neighbor thankfully cleaned while I was in school. My nine-year old sister could only handle so much. It's bad enough
Euphoria Sixty One
catherineI threw my head back laughing. Vernon suppressed his grin by biting his lower lip, leaning on his elbow, and tilting his head as he watched me. When all the laughing subsided, I found his eyes back, their honey-coated irises twinkling in amusement, and the lines on the side of his lips were rising."Is that really a thing?," my brows furrowed."Oh you can search it," he pursed his lips on my phone.I shook my head and laid beside him instead."I'm starting to think this is how you are as a boyfriend.""You mean?" He leaned his head on his palm. Now all that's left for me to see was his flexed
Euphoria Sixty
catherineWe collapsed beside each other, ending up entangled limbs and sweat-covered beings bundled in white sheets floating in a brief moment of ecstasy. I was still carried away in the bliss of the feeling but all of that dissipated when I heard Vernon mutter something."What?" I giggled upon hearing him say those words. As much as I wanted to sound unaffected, my feigned laughter turned too fake and nervous.I mean, that was too random and unexpected. I don't do boyfriends because I love them. I date because I like someone. And like is too shallow a feeling compared to love. With Jackson, I used to say I love yous but I don't think they were ever sincere. And they only came on the later pa
Euphoria Fifty Nine
catherineVernon stilled in astonishment, gaping as if he had just heard the best news of his life. That flattered me, sent my heart warm and made it clench so good in gratitude. He inhaled sharply, stepped another inch closer and brushed his hand on my cheek. He crouched so our gazes would level.In a low quivering whisper, he seeked assurance. "Are you serious?""Yes. Why? Don't you want--" My words died in my throat. In one ferociously tender action, he kissed my strawberry lips crude and raw.Our mouth crashed at each other like converging tectonic plates, colliding in one violent haste-filled motion. His tongue reached down my throat. With its every flick, a bit of me withered.
Euphoria Fifty Eight
catherineJB's house and his extravagant parties never fail to surprise me. The guy's a rich kid. Later that evening, I went there alone after declining Vernon's offer to pick me up.The familiar loud music filled my ears upon walking on to the door and my eyes were immediately overwhelmed for there was so much happening--one thing I never much liked about parties. The lights were dimmed, and some kids gathered in the living room, playing pool. On a corner, there was some girl twerking and the people around her cheering. By the sofa, a couple was dry humping, and on the near kitchen counter, a beer pong game was going on. The sight of it all was too chaotic but they seemed fun.I was greeted by a few girls, whose names I barely know. Some guys offered a high five and a beer but I poli
Euphoria Fifty Seven
catherineVernon pulled away with a startled look on his face. It's not like we haven't made out before, and I could not entirely say those were meaningless, because no matter how I deny it, they meant something to me. But we have been strictly friends since that drunken night at JB's, and after that particular night in the bar. We've bonded like friends, studying, sneaking out in the library, and eating out together.The kissing part has already been foreign to me, yet the taste of his lips no matter how brief it was, resurrected the butterflies in my stomach. I distanced myself from him, suddenly feeling awkward after seeing him taken aback. My cheeks flushed profusely after realizing what I have done. I was never a conservative girl and a peck is nothing to me, but doing it on Vernon made me as shy as a middle schooler.
Euphoria Fifty Six
catherine"What can I do to help you, Cath?" In his hoarse bedroom voice, Vernon asked.The blinds of the unused classroom where we hid were all closed; prohibiting the tiniest sunlight in. We basked in the dimness of the room, only seeing the outlines of our bodies amid the shadows.When I had recovered from weeping, I laid on Vernon's lap as he sat on the desk. I didn't even know why I broke down that unexpectedly. It was just that he was saying so much, and my heart overflowed, and I had a downpour. I am the frailest emotional wreck at the moment, a lay of the finger could break me.He offered me his handkerchief which smelled of mint and the fresh morning dew from the woods, and I dried the ocean of my tears with its soft fabric. He and his handkerchief was the safety of
Euphoria Fifty Five
vernonAfter a few convincing, I made Catherine agree to attend a support group. I found the pamphlet at Daeyeong's desk earlier. He offered it to me after seeing that I have been eyeing it.Obviously, that made him more concerned. He asked me to talk about my "feelings" with him anytime or to talk it out with people who are going through the same thing. We weren't able to discuss more because I got pissed when he mentioned my deceased parents. It's not something I would want to talk to with anyone. But at least, I got the pamphlet. Upon reading it, I thought of Catherine.So that was what I immediately offered to her. At first, she was hesitant but for some reason, she soon heard me out."Okay," she said with the slightest turn of lips.
Euphoria Fifty Four
catherineThe anxiety and depresssion, it has happened to me a lot of times before, even when I was young and there wasn't really much to be depressed about.The first time I thought of dying, or wanting to die, was when I was eleven years old. I remember that clearly. It was my eleventh birthday and I got in a fight with my mom because she wouldn't let me invite my friends over. Don't get me wrong. My mom isn't a toxic parent, she was very nice and apologetic when she told me we had no money to celebrate my birthday and that I could not invite anyone. I, being spoiled and envious of my other friends who had nice birthday parties, threw a fit.My mom scolded me, and I tried to call my dad but he wasn't answering. It seemed like he didn't even remember my birthday. The open door of our classs that day gives an ample vi
