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Chapter 34 - Left Alone
Huling Na-update:
2024-10-29 19:42:56Kaugnay na kabanata
Endless Soul Chapter 35 - Catching Light
Hinang-hina akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto habang hinahagilap ang cellphone ko. I called Cha and told her about what happened. kasama niya si Kaila, kaya sabay silang pumunta rito sa bahay.“Ang s-sakit…” I sobbed.Humarap sila sa akin, at dahil sa lubusang pagpikit ko habang umiiyak ay hindi ko na makita ng masyado ang itsura nilang dalawa.“Just cry it out, we’ll be there with you.” Kaila uttered before pulling me into a tight hug. Cha on the other hand sat beside me and caressing my bach while she was resting her head in my shoulder.Para akong batang pinapatahan nilang dalawa because I couldn’t stop crying. My body was shaking in pain and anger. Lahat ng mag sinabi ni Lexus sa akin kanina ay tumatak sa isipan ko, everything sank-in. and I never imagine that he will be the one who would break me totatlly.Gusto kong magpahinga pero iyong puso ay damang-dama pa rin ang kaninang pangyayari.“Shh…all things happened for a reason Tala, good or bad, trust me. But please know that we ar
Endless Soul Chapter 36 - You Have Done so Well
Lights…more lights…I never knew that a simple glimpse of light would give me hope.Namamanhid man ang buong katawan, ay sinikap kong mas mapalapit pa sa mga ilaw. Hanggang sa napalapit na nga ako rito. I see hope.May umilaw sa likod ko kaya mabilis akong tumingin doon kahit nanghihina at hindi na gaanong stable ang paghinga ko.“Tulungan n-niyo po a-ako…” halos mapaluhod na ako sa harap ng isang babae dahil sa pagod at hapdi sa lahat ng katawan ko. Mabilis naman akong dinaluhan ng ginang at inakay papasok ng sasakyan niya. I see no hesitation.Kahit puno ako dumi, he let me in. I was still shaking even after getting inside. Hindi pa rin kami umaalis, and it scared me baka abutin ako o kami.“Please l-let’s go, maaabutan niya ako, at s-siguradong p-papatayin niya a-ako, pagsasamantalahan niya a-ako.” I uttered. The woman gave me a scarf. Kahit taranta siya, she still managed to take care of me. Nang sabihin ko ulit sa pangalawang pagkakataon na umalis na kami ay nagmaneho siya ulit.
Endless Soul Chapter 37 - Shoot for the Moon
Conan made it all easy for me. I thought it’s going to be real hard, but it was actually a lot easier with him. And I like where is this thing is headed to. And for those days, I’ve learned how to like him as a man, but we aren’t really talking about that. Isa pa, hindi ko pa alam kung handa na ba akong magmahal muli sa pangalawang pagkakataon.Masyadong nasanay yata ako palagi sa presensya niya, lalo pa at lagi rin ako sa bahay nila dahil gustong-gusto lagi ni tita Cora na doon ako sa kanila. Gusto ko rin naman talaga pumunta dahil nakaka-relax tumambay sa garden nila.Kaya madalas kapag nandoon ako sa kanila ay naging bonding na namin ang magtanim sa garden nila. Conan’s family is very welcoming and kind. Parang naging instant ampon ako ng pamilya nila, kulang na lang ay papel.“Tita, nanawakin ko muna anak niyo buong araw bukas,” pagpapaalam ni Conan kay mama sa cellphone. “Okay lang po ba?” dagdag niya pa saka ako kinindatan.Napatawa na lang ako sa kanya habang umiiling.“Aba’y n
Endless Soul Chapter 38 - Destiny’s Way
On the month of February, exactly 7th day of the month – I passed the BAR exam. On the same day, Conan and I are officially a thing. I am happy of course, but I think my parents, nanay fely and tita Cora are happier as we announced them.I couldn’t be happier, imagine achieving your dreams steps by steps and having a man that supports you in all your doings, who understands your pain, who effortlessly makes me smile, and someone who loves me.I was achieving it one by one, though it was slow – I made sure it will be targeted anytime soon, and I just powerfully did.I had a great support system. I admit, it would be much difficult for me if it weren’t for their cheers and love, and I’ve made it all because they are with me in my battles. Indeed, I wasn’t all alone.After the tragedy, I thought people will just remember me as a girl in the scandal and will mock me always, or that any law firm here wouldn’t want to associate with me or accept me because of it.Pero may mga tao talaga na
Endless Soul Chapter 39 - Flexible
The sound of the crickets was oddly comforting as well as the cracking sound of the swing every time it moves. Napatatingin ako sa itaas ng langit at isinandal ang ulo sa kadena ng swing. There were full of stars again.I somehow learned to like this place as much as how Conan loves to go here. Sabagay, sino ba naman ang hindi magkakagusto sa lugar na tahimik.Nang ibaba ko iyong tingin ko, nakita ko na nakaluhod si Conan sa harapan ko. Him, kneeling down in front of me happened in such a short span of time. Ni hindi ko na napansin na hindi na pala siya naka-upo sa swing.“Anong…ginagawa mo?” I said.He was on his knee…holding a usual box of a ring.A ring…he had a ring, with his knees bended all for me.Napatakip ako ng bibig habang nakatingin sa kanya. Then he grinned at me habang pinaglalaruan niya ang box na hawak niya sa kanyang kamay. Kung ako, sobrang gulat ko sa bilis ng nangyari, his reaction was opposite of mine…he looked like he was really ready and made-up.The beating of
Endless Soul Chapter 40 - Something’s Feels Wrong
I’m happy, that’s what I know.I seldom visit my psychiatrist, not because I didn’t want to, but because I felt like I can do now completely the things I was holding back before. Sabi pa nga niyang nung time na sinabihan ko siyang ‘see you, doc’ ay tinirikan niya ako ng mata at sinabi niyang huwag na raw akong bumalik.Kasi hindi niya raw gusto na bumabalik ang mga naging pasyente niya sa kanya, and for the record ay wala pa nga talagang may bumabalik sa kanya, that means they were healed. I know hindi ko hawak ang mga susunod na mga araw, buwan, o taon na mangyayari sa buhay ko. But I know for sure na ayoko nan gang bumalik.Magaan ang buhay ko ngayon. Bukod kasi sa pagiging busy minsan sa firm, sa paminsan-minsang pag-organize ng symposium for people who experiences mental health, tumutulong din ako sa business na pinut-up nina Mama Cora at ng mama ko which is farming specifically ng mga vegetables kaya hindi kami nawawalan ng stocks lagi ng mga gulay sa bahay, sobrang tipid din ku
Endless Soul Chapter 41 - To Live Free from Past
Have you ever felt like even if you’re happy you felt like there still something missing? That something is weirdly felt?But in contrast, like that day…That day when he said those words directly to my face. “Let’s break-up,”Now that I saw him. It keeps on replaying. Tumatagos, dapang-dapa.But compared before, I’m a better person now.“Have you talked already with Kaila at Cha?” Conan asked me while we’re about the sleep.I heaved out a sigh before answering. “Not yet…” I said.Kinabig niya ako papalapit sa kanya at niyapos, kaya ang mukha ko ay nakakulong sa dibdib niya.“It’s okay. Take your time. Your feelings are valid, Kaila and Cha understand your part.”“If they understand why did they still do that? I mean, sana ipinaalam nila just so I could decide whether they’d continue or not.”“Do you trust your friends?” He asked anyway.“Oo naman, sobra.”“Then trust them when they say they did that because of you.”Buong gabi, hindi ako masyadong nakatulog. I kept silent about it d
Endless Soul Chapter 42 - Closure
We all do things in life that we may be regretful. We also do things in life that makes us proud because we have conquered something beautiful. But occasionally, we hope that we’d change the past because of regrets, though this would completely change who we are, or change the current situation.But this regrets…We all have gone through this in many series of our lives…I know that the past few years have been very trying for me. A lot of series of events had taken place, and sent me down a road I should never have gone down. The events themselves need not be spoken of; and the events that occurred that time are the focal point.I had become severely depressed, lost, and drowned.I could have cared less about what anyone thought of me or what would happen to me. I became very vigilant about how people would look at me, that’s why.My dreams suffered and were hold for a moment…My career were very vague and unseen…Which only led me to run away from it, to run away and hide…then be dr
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Endless Soul Chapter 51 -
Ang bilis lagi ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still in pain and was about to give-up. I felt like I experienced heart break all the time. But surprisingly though, I did what was necessary to move forward.Based sa experience, life would always hit you the hard way. Na parang feeling mo nalumpo ka not just physically but the whole aspect of your life? I do not want delays as much as possible kasi sayang sa oras, dahil sabi ko nga mabilis lang ang pagtakbo ng panahon. A day feels like just an hour, a month feels like a one or two weeks, and years now feels like few months. Ni hindi mo na nga mamalayan na magbabagong taon na naman o magbi-birthday ka.LEXUS: Sorry, can’t pick you up. Emergency meeting. I’ll send a cab instead. – a text from Lexus. Bihis na bihis na ako at naghihintay na lang ng text niya kung nasa labas na siya but this was the message I got from him.Nainis ako yes, but since he said it’s an emergency, I understand. Kasi minsan ganyan din ako, last minu
Endless Soul Chapter 50 - Sneaky Boy
The thing about of your ex is that, no matter how you both broke-up, the fact that he or she still have this effect on you, even if it’s not in a romantic way, it is still an effect.“W-what?” I said stuttering because he’s really fuming mad right now.“What are you doing?” iritadong bungad niya. Nakadugtong ang makapal niyang kilay at naghihintay ng isasagot ko.“Uhh, wala naman akong ginagawa…nakaupo lang naman kanina...” I sad nervously not wanting to add much information.“Really? Just seating there?”“Oo, tapos kausap lang si ano…” tanging nasabi ko at hindi ko na nadugtungan pa. “Anyway, bakit ka umalis doon eh mukhang hindi pa naman tapos iyong palaro?” I tried to change the topic.“Because I am mad,” agap niya. “Anong pinag-usapan n’yong dalawa?” sunod na tanong niya.“Just about life...and some stuffs.” I said. Ni hindi ko nga ma-imagine na first lang naman naming magkita pero nakapag-converse kaagad ng mga ganoong ganap sa life namin which is very unusual. Kasi kapag hindi n
Endless Soul Chapter 49 - Let’s Talk
All I could hear inside the car is the sound of his fingers tapping. First of all, ayokong magsalita dahil wala naman akong sasabihing importante. Pangalawa, just like what I said – I’m too embarrassed about what I did. Third, for some reason - I felt like, isang mali iyong pagkikita namin kahit coincidence lang naman ang lahat.I don’t like where this thing is heading to. Especially now that he knows what happened while he was away.“Thank you,” I said pagkatapos ko siyang intayin na makababa. And I regret waiting for him to get out of the car dahil malamig niya akong tiningnan at parang kanina pa pinipigilang magsalita.Isang beses siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Nanatiling ganoon ang ekspresyon niya habang nakalagay sa dalawang bulsa ng kanyang pantalong ang kanyang mga kamay. His eyes were becoming darker as it was, seems like mad, and pissed – a combination of those emotions.“You’re unbelievable…” he uttered, much more pissed right now.“What do you mean?” I said, getting
Endless Soul Chapter 48 - He Stand’s Out
At first, he was declining my kisses saying that I was just drunk and I didn’t know what I am doing, and that I will regret what will happen the next morning. But I never really cared about all the stuffs he said, I just focused myself in between my kisses to him.Despite him declining, I felt some of his responses, and I know he will never be able to resist my effect on him. He’ll never will.And at this moment. I just…wanted to feel him.I just wanted him to feel me. To fill, and make me whole. I don’t know if this is my desperate-self calling or I just want it for some reason, I just really don’t care anymore. I just want to own him this night.I stopped kissing him because I needed to breathe. And as I stopped, I saw his forehead creased and confused.“I just need air.” sabi ko sa kanya dahil alam ko na ang kinukunot ng noo nito.“Tss…” was all he could say. Lumayo siya sa akin, and for a moment I know there will be no kissing to happen. The distance he made was kind of a cue for
Endless Soul Chapter 47 - Years After Years
“Naiilang ka ba?” he suddenly asked me. Sina Kaila at Cha ay busy makipag-usap at magtawanan kina Nigel at Gian kaya hindi na nila napansin na kinausap ako ni Lexus.“Bakit mo naman natanong?” I asked back. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo niya at saka tuluyan nang itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. Grabe, namiss ko siya, namiss ko ‘yong law school life ko noon kasi study-budy talaga kaming dalawa sa Osiris.“You feel so awkward, lilipat na lang kami ng table kung hindi ka komportable.” He sincerely said. Seriously? He really thinks I am uncomfortable with him here? O ganoon ba ang sinasabi ng mga galaw ko?It’s just…it’s hard. I mean, we had a past. I know before we parted ways naging klaro na sa aming dalawa ang lahat. Our time talking about what happened isn’t ideal, it’s a small time but it catches a lot of gaps that it should be filled with before.Nahihiya akong sabihin sa kanya na after all ay kahit matino naman kaming nag-usap sa closure namin ay awkward p
Endless Soul Chapter 46 - Meeting him again
On the way home after a long day. “My love, if you’re out there send me a sign.” I said.I am a mix of contradictions: sad and entirely unhappy, alone, mourning, tired, drained, unmotivated, loss of will, and a wife with no husband. I feel loved by so many and yet no longer by one in particular.I am a woman whose husband has died. He is not late nor lost. He hasn’t passed. He is absent but not erased. I catch a glimpse of him in the curve of her mother’s jaw and the lilt of his laugh in the recorded video. He inhabits my dream world, making star appearances. I know him so well that, like a favourite character in a book, I can imagine him into any situation. But now he’s gone, I don’t know how to make the star appear again.Conan left me, but our relationship outlives him. I am grateful for the independent self that was fostered in our marriage as I carve a lone way forward through this surreal new world —although altered, I too am not late, passed or lost. But this independence has a
Endless Soul Chapter 45 - We are still we
“How are you?” Conan asked me after he wakes up. Tumulo agad ang luha ko dahil sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking him that question and not him, but for some reason I just couldn’t ask him. I just remained there, sitting while holding his hands.“You…scared me,” I said. I couldn’t stand watching him kaya tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya saka umiyak. My cries were silent with my hands on my mouth to prevent any sound to come-out. But it seems like, crying that way adds more pain in my heart.“I’m sorry…” was all he could say. And in a swift motion of mine, I walked towards him, and hugged him. The hug was the first time in my life that I felt no comfort, but only pain that in no time, he will leave this world with only memories of ours remain.The sad thing about life is that, one of your loved ones will eventually leave you. Bereavement as they say.I know that death is inevitable, it is a certainty of life that everyone will face. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag ikaw na iyong na
Endless Soul Chapter 44 - History
Marriage.It is something two people are committed to. Something more than physical touch, but more on growing into the years, and learns a lot of lessons in general.Growing up, many of us learned that true love involves princesses and guards, battles and happily ever after. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t always romantic as it is like how we seen in the movies. But love may be can cause pain, but never the fear.It was in a totally happy marriage, maybe an ideal one for some people. But marriage isn’t perfect, we sometimes argue about things, won’t dare to speak in each other, but we get back on to it and reflect what we did. Mayroon pa nga siyang special notebook kung saan isinusulat niya ang ilan sa mga sinasabi ko. He even makes me sign them so that the next time I clam I never said it, he can show me my own signed words. Ganoon siya.But nowadays are different, he looked sad – I could tell because I was sad too, and scared.“Are you like…going to be oka
Endless Soul Chapter 43 - Our Times, was…great
The one we tried to console with sometimes are distorted and vague that we sometimes struggle to comprehend things. Sometimes, we often closed our minds to accept truths, and refuse to ask.“Why did you left me that day and said those hurtful words? Why did you left me when I needed you the most?” malungkot na tanong ko.His eyes widened. His lips also parted…maybe because he didn’t expect that it will be directly a tough question to begin. He looked dumbfounded, shocked, and looks like didn’t know how to speak, seems like he lost words. But I waited for him to process my question, but minutes had passed and all I could get is silence.I smiled sadly, even after everything, he couldn’t still tell me things right on hand. “Minahal mo ba talaga ako?” I said. Halos hindi ko maitago ang dala ng pait ng boses ko, masyadong transparent kung gaano ko paulit-ulit na tinatanong sa sarili ko kung mahal ba niya talaga ako.Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod. “I loved you…” mahinang sagot niya. He loo
