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Chapter 29 - Hurtful
Huling Na-update:
2024-10-29 19:42:56Kaugnay na kabanata
Endless Soul Chapter 30 - Supposed to be reconciliation
Napagtanto ko na mahirap pala talaga pasukin ang mundo ng pag-ibig, hindi siya basta-basta lang na kapag gusto niyo ang isa’t isa ay okay na. It isn’t like that, because having a relationship with someone is accompanied by pain and problems.“Almost three weeks na sunod nang sunod si Lexus sayo, hindi mo ba kakausapin?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Cha sa akin. Si Kaila naman ay nakatanaw lang sa akin but I know she had a lot of questions.“Hindi niya naman deserve kausapin. And why would I talk to a cheater?”“Okay. Just know that we are here okay?” Dagdag pa niya. Ngumiti lang ko bilang tugon. Then after some time Kaila speak-up.“Communicate with him sis. I know it’s hard but that’s should be the first option, and real talk lang, you being like this like running away isn’t helping you. Kung nasaktan ka, iiyak mo, magalit ka and all, resent him, but hear his side first no matter what. Don’t pretend like it’s okay.”She’s right. Communicate and don’t run away like scaredy-cat.I run away.
Endless Soul Chapter 31 - Cruel Word
One of the things that drives me the craziest about our relationship is that beyond the insecurities, the fights and the ups and downs? It's that, no matter how long two people have known one another, how long both people shared times with each other, it can still be so intensely hard to keep one another, especially when you know things aren’t working out lately.In relationships, with friends, in family situations, at work, or just about everywhere. Being honest with another person, especially about your feelings and the things that bothers you the most, is terrifying. It's super hard actually.And by honest, I don't mean just saying whatever's on your mind, no matter how unpleasant or potentially hurtful it may be. But just as there's a difference between "full disclosure" and "honesty," there's also a difference between "I'm going to tell you what I think you want to hear because I'm afraid to hurt you or lose you in that way, that’s why" and "I need to be honest about my feelings,
Endless Soul Chapter 32 - How one picture breaks it all?
I wasn’t able to read the letter.No, maybe I will never be able to read that, because watching it from afar or even thinking about it makes me sick to death.Five days after my birthday, unregistered phone number just sent me a photo of me and Lexus doing some wonders.I was startled, my phone’s tempered got a cracked on the lower part because my grip to it loosen-up. Nakatakip din ang kaliwang kamay ko sa bibig ko.Paanong…paanong may ganoong lumabas na litrato? It looks like someone took the means to shot a picture. And it wasn’t just an ordinary photo. It was sensitive, intimate, and sensual. Kahit pa sabihin na medyo blurry, my face was clearly shown, people who knows me will recognize me for sure, there’s no doubt. Ako lang naman iyong kita doon sa picture.It leaves no door to choose for more options.“Let’s break up.”I could feel a pile of emotions after emotions inside me but I really tried my best to hold it all because I fucking knew that if one single tear comes out, I’d
Endless Soul Chapter 33 - All Enough
Kahit isang konting silaw lang ng liwanag ay hindi ko nakita.Maybe, I was destined to live in darkness. Baka kasi masyadong na-enjoy ko iyong pagiging masaya ko kaya kailangan manatili na ako sa madilim na parte ng buhay.I always knew this would happen anytime soonest. But shit…bakit naman masyadong mabilis iyong pagbawi sa akin? Bakit…bakit naman masyadong mabilis magpalit ng panahon ang mundo?“How do you feel?” Conan asked me. Hindi ako sumagot.“I don’t wanna live anymore,” I said. Not bothered answering his first question. I then heard him sighed.“There’s more to life than your pain Tala, trust me.” He said.I began crying. It scared myself. It scares me how I couldn’t recognize how beautiful life is. Because I know, at this moment, pain is covering my entire system. I just want to put an end to this. Kasi mas madali na lang kalimutan ang lahat kapag wala na ako sa mundo.“C-can I just e-end this q-quickly?” I said stuttering with every words I said. Nanginginig ang buong kata
Endless Soul Chapter 34 - Left Alone
The emotional damage of the issue for me was too big. I wasn’t getting any better each day that comes. It’s getting hard with people’s trashy look to me. Nakakapagod palagi iyong ganoong senaryo.Lumuwas nga ng manila sina Mama at Papa gaya ng sabi nila. They were a bit angry, lalo na si Papa, pero nangingibabaw pa rin sa kanila ang pag-aalala at pagmamahal sa akin.They were even pulling some strings for me para sampahan ng kaso ang nagpakalat, but it wasn’t enough. Eris father was a senator, and I know how manipulative politics can be, they have all the means and connections, kaya alam kong mababasura rin ang isinampa nina mama at papa.That’s how the system works. If you’re in the seat of power, you can have it all. That’s how cruel the world is.Pumapasok na rin ako, but the days weren’t the same as before. Nandoon pa rin ang pandidiri nila sa akin, but I choose to ignore it real hard, thinking that it will vanish soon. Hindi naman tumatagal ang isyu, makakalimutan din nila iyon.
Endless Soul Chapter 35 - Catching Light
Hinang-hina akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto habang hinahagilap ang cellphone ko. I called Cha and told her about what happened. kasama niya si Kaila, kaya sabay silang pumunta rito sa bahay.“Ang s-sakit…” I sobbed.Humarap sila sa akin, at dahil sa lubusang pagpikit ko habang umiiyak ay hindi ko na makita ng masyado ang itsura nilang dalawa.“Just cry it out, we’ll be there with you.” Kaila uttered before pulling me into a tight hug. Cha on the other hand sat beside me and caressing my bach while she was resting her head in my shoulder.Para akong batang pinapatahan nilang dalawa because I couldn’t stop crying. My body was shaking in pain and anger. Lahat ng mag sinabi ni Lexus sa akin kanina ay tumatak sa isipan ko, everything sank-in. and I never imagine that he will be the one who would break me totatlly.Gusto kong magpahinga pero iyong puso ay damang-dama pa rin ang kaninang pangyayari.“Shh…all things happened for a reason Tala, good or bad, trust me. But please know that we ar
Endless Soul Chapter 36 - You Have Done so Well
Lights…more lights…I never knew that a simple glimpse of light would give me hope.Namamanhid man ang buong katawan, ay sinikap kong mas mapalapit pa sa mga ilaw. Hanggang sa napalapit na nga ako rito. I see hope.May umilaw sa likod ko kaya mabilis akong tumingin doon kahit nanghihina at hindi na gaanong stable ang paghinga ko.“Tulungan n-niyo po a-ako…” halos mapaluhod na ako sa harap ng isang babae dahil sa pagod at hapdi sa lahat ng katawan ko. Mabilis naman akong dinaluhan ng ginang at inakay papasok ng sasakyan niya. I see no hesitation.Kahit puno ako dumi, he let me in. I was still shaking even after getting inside. Hindi pa rin kami umaalis, and it scared me baka abutin ako o kami.“Please l-let’s go, maaabutan niya ako, at s-siguradong p-papatayin niya a-ako, pagsasamantalahan niya a-ako.” I uttered. The woman gave me a scarf. Kahit taranta siya, she still managed to take care of me. Nang sabihin ko ulit sa pangalawang pagkakataon na umalis na kami ay nagmaneho siya ulit.
Endless Soul Chapter 37 - Shoot for the Moon
Conan made it all easy for me. I thought it’s going to be real hard, but it was actually a lot easier with him. And I like where is this thing is headed to. And for those days, I’ve learned how to like him as a man, but we aren’t really talking about that. Isa pa, hindi ko pa alam kung handa na ba akong magmahal muli sa pangalawang pagkakataon.Masyadong nasanay yata ako palagi sa presensya niya, lalo pa at lagi rin ako sa bahay nila dahil gustong-gusto lagi ni tita Cora na doon ako sa kanila. Gusto ko rin naman talaga pumunta dahil nakaka-relax tumambay sa garden nila.Kaya madalas kapag nandoon ako sa kanila ay naging bonding na namin ang magtanim sa garden nila. Conan’s family is very welcoming and kind. Parang naging instant ampon ako ng pamilya nila, kulang na lang ay papel.“Tita, nanawakin ko muna anak niyo buong araw bukas,” pagpapaalam ni Conan kay mama sa cellphone. “Okay lang po ba?” dagdag niya pa saka ako kinindatan.Napatawa na lang ako sa kanya habang umiiling.“Aba’y n
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Endless Soul Chapter 51 -
Ang bilis lagi ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still in pain and was about to give-up. I felt like I experienced heart break all the time. But surprisingly though, I did what was necessary to move forward.Based sa experience, life would always hit you the hard way. Na parang feeling mo nalumpo ka not just physically but the whole aspect of your life? I do not want delays as much as possible kasi sayang sa oras, dahil sabi ko nga mabilis lang ang pagtakbo ng panahon. A day feels like just an hour, a month feels like a one or two weeks, and years now feels like few months. Ni hindi mo na nga mamalayan na magbabagong taon na naman o magbi-birthday ka.LEXUS: Sorry, can’t pick you up. Emergency meeting. I’ll send a cab instead. – a text from Lexus. Bihis na bihis na ako at naghihintay na lang ng text niya kung nasa labas na siya but this was the message I got from him.Nainis ako yes, but since he said it’s an emergency, I understand. Kasi minsan ganyan din ako, last minu
Endless Soul Chapter 50 - Sneaky Boy
The thing about of your ex is that, no matter how you both broke-up, the fact that he or she still have this effect on you, even if it’s not in a romantic way, it is still an effect.“W-what?” I said stuttering because he’s really fuming mad right now.“What are you doing?” iritadong bungad niya. Nakadugtong ang makapal niyang kilay at naghihintay ng isasagot ko.“Uhh, wala naman akong ginagawa…nakaupo lang naman kanina...” I sad nervously not wanting to add much information.“Really? Just seating there?”“Oo, tapos kausap lang si ano…” tanging nasabi ko at hindi ko na nadugtungan pa. “Anyway, bakit ka umalis doon eh mukhang hindi pa naman tapos iyong palaro?” I tried to change the topic.“Because I am mad,” agap niya. “Anong pinag-usapan n’yong dalawa?” sunod na tanong niya.“Just about life...and some stuffs.” I said. Ni hindi ko nga ma-imagine na first lang naman naming magkita pero nakapag-converse kaagad ng mga ganoong ganap sa life namin which is very unusual. Kasi kapag hindi n
Endless Soul Chapter 49 - Let’s Talk
All I could hear inside the car is the sound of his fingers tapping. First of all, ayokong magsalita dahil wala naman akong sasabihing importante. Pangalawa, just like what I said – I’m too embarrassed about what I did. Third, for some reason - I felt like, isang mali iyong pagkikita namin kahit coincidence lang naman ang lahat.I don’t like where this thing is heading to. Especially now that he knows what happened while he was away.“Thank you,” I said pagkatapos ko siyang intayin na makababa. And I regret waiting for him to get out of the car dahil malamig niya akong tiningnan at parang kanina pa pinipigilang magsalita.Isang beses siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Nanatiling ganoon ang ekspresyon niya habang nakalagay sa dalawang bulsa ng kanyang pantalong ang kanyang mga kamay. His eyes were becoming darker as it was, seems like mad, and pissed – a combination of those emotions.“You’re unbelievable…” he uttered, much more pissed right now.“What do you mean?” I said, getting
Endless Soul Chapter 48 - He Stand’s Out
At first, he was declining my kisses saying that I was just drunk and I didn’t know what I am doing, and that I will regret what will happen the next morning. But I never really cared about all the stuffs he said, I just focused myself in between my kisses to him.Despite him declining, I felt some of his responses, and I know he will never be able to resist my effect on him. He’ll never will.And at this moment. I just…wanted to feel him.I just wanted him to feel me. To fill, and make me whole. I don’t know if this is my desperate-self calling or I just want it for some reason, I just really don’t care anymore. I just want to own him this night.I stopped kissing him because I needed to breathe. And as I stopped, I saw his forehead creased and confused.“I just need air.” sabi ko sa kanya dahil alam ko na ang kinukunot ng noo nito.“Tss…” was all he could say. Lumayo siya sa akin, and for a moment I know there will be no kissing to happen. The distance he made was kind of a cue for
Endless Soul Chapter 47 - Years After Years
“Naiilang ka ba?” he suddenly asked me. Sina Kaila at Cha ay busy makipag-usap at magtawanan kina Nigel at Gian kaya hindi na nila napansin na kinausap ako ni Lexus.“Bakit mo naman natanong?” I asked back. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo niya at saka tuluyan nang itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. Grabe, namiss ko siya, namiss ko ‘yong law school life ko noon kasi study-budy talaga kaming dalawa sa Osiris.“You feel so awkward, lilipat na lang kami ng table kung hindi ka komportable.” He sincerely said. Seriously? He really thinks I am uncomfortable with him here? O ganoon ba ang sinasabi ng mga galaw ko?It’s just…it’s hard. I mean, we had a past. I know before we parted ways naging klaro na sa aming dalawa ang lahat. Our time talking about what happened isn’t ideal, it’s a small time but it catches a lot of gaps that it should be filled with before.Nahihiya akong sabihin sa kanya na after all ay kahit matino naman kaming nag-usap sa closure namin ay awkward p
Endless Soul Chapter 46 - Meeting him again
On the way home after a long day. “My love, if you’re out there send me a sign.” I said.I am a mix of contradictions: sad and entirely unhappy, alone, mourning, tired, drained, unmotivated, loss of will, and a wife with no husband. I feel loved by so many and yet no longer by one in particular.I am a woman whose husband has died. He is not late nor lost. He hasn’t passed. He is absent but not erased. I catch a glimpse of him in the curve of her mother’s jaw and the lilt of his laugh in the recorded video. He inhabits my dream world, making star appearances. I know him so well that, like a favourite character in a book, I can imagine him into any situation. But now he’s gone, I don’t know how to make the star appear again.Conan left me, but our relationship outlives him. I am grateful for the independent self that was fostered in our marriage as I carve a lone way forward through this surreal new world —although altered, I too am not late, passed or lost. But this independence has a
Endless Soul Chapter 45 - We are still we
“How are you?” Conan asked me after he wakes up. Tumulo agad ang luha ko dahil sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking him that question and not him, but for some reason I just couldn’t ask him. I just remained there, sitting while holding his hands.“You…scared me,” I said. I couldn’t stand watching him kaya tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya saka umiyak. My cries were silent with my hands on my mouth to prevent any sound to come-out. But it seems like, crying that way adds more pain in my heart.“I’m sorry…” was all he could say. And in a swift motion of mine, I walked towards him, and hugged him. The hug was the first time in my life that I felt no comfort, but only pain that in no time, he will leave this world with only memories of ours remain.The sad thing about life is that, one of your loved ones will eventually leave you. Bereavement as they say.I know that death is inevitable, it is a certainty of life that everyone will face. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag ikaw na iyong na
Endless Soul Chapter 44 - History
Marriage.It is something two people are committed to. Something more than physical touch, but more on growing into the years, and learns a lot of lessons in general.Growing up, many of us learned that true love involves princesses and guards, battles and happily ever after. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t always romantic as it is like how we seen in the movies. But love may be can cause pain, but never the fear.It was in a totally happy marriage, maybe an ideal one for some people. But marriage isn’t perfect, we sometimes argue about things, won’t dare to speak in each other, but we get back on to it and reflect what we did. Mayroon pa nga siyang special notebook kung saan isinusulat niya ang ilan sa mga sinasabi ko. He even makes me sign them so that the next time I clam I never said it, he can show me my own signed words. Ganoon siya.But nowadays are different, he looked sad – I could tell because I was sad too, and scared.“Are you like…going to be oka
Endless Soul Chapter 43 - Our Times, was…great
The one we tried to console with sometimes are distorted and vague that we sometimes struggle to comprehend things. Sometimes, we often closed our minds to accept truths, and refuse to ask.“Why did you left me that day and said those hurtful words? Why did you left me when I needed you the most?” malungkot na tanong ko.His eyes widened. His lips also parted…maybe because he didn’t expect that it will be directly a tough question to begin. He looked dumbfounded, shocked, and looks like didn’t know how to speak, seems like he lost words. But I waited for him to process my question, but minutes had passed and all I could get is silence.I smiled sadly, even after everything, he couldn’t still tell me things right on hand. “Minahal mo ba talaga ako?” I said. Halos hindi ko maitago ang dala ng pait ng boses ko, masyadong transparent kung gaano ko paulit-ulit na tinatanong sa sarili ko kung mahal ba niya talaga ako.Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod. “I loved you…” mahinang sagot niya. He loo
