SIMULA

SIMULA

"Kajic baby,"  Ultear said to get her son’s attention. "Could you lend your arms to Mommy?"

Nakatayo ang anak sa harapan ng malaking salamin at patuloy na pinagmamasdan ang sarili habang sinusuklay ang buhok. Para bang sa bawat galaw na ikikilos ni Kajic ay maaaring makapagbigay ng kaguluhan sa kaniyang buhok.

His long and straight blonde hair was above his shoulder. Sometimes, the people he encountered come to mistaken him as a little girl, when they looked at his back, exclusively whether his hair loosed or tied up.

Ultear twitched her head, unbelievably. Alam niyang excited na ang anak na makita si Kylie at ipaalam sa kaibigan na siya ang pinakagwapong pamangkin nito.

When they're having a video call. Ang laging pambungad ng anak sa kaniyang kaibigan. "Hi, Tita Kylie, I'm your cutest and handsome pamangkin!"

Kaya hindi tuloy maiwasan na ma-open ni Kylie ang topic about his dad. She always mentioned an unfamiliar name on Kajic. The name of the man Ultear does not want to meet ever again. And she remarked as always. They had the same face, although the way they spoke and acted, was different.

Masaya pa rin naman siya na kahit papaano ay malayo ang ugali ng taong tinutukoy ng kaniyang kaibigan sa anak niya. Hindi mararanasan ng babaing magmamahal sa anak niya ang mga pangyayari na nangyari sa kaniyang buhay.

She slapped her head gently. She wanted to throw away all the things that played on her mind.

Ayaw niya nang ma-open pa, kahit na kailan ang topic tungkol sa lalaking nagbigay pasakit sa kaniya. Gusto niya na lang ibaon sa ataol at tuluyan nang makalimutan lahat ng memories na mayroon siya mula rito, maliban na lang sa anak 'niya'.

Ultear was tired of doing nonsense things. Ilang beses na siyang umiyak ng balde-balding luha na kulang na lang ay dugo na ang lumabas, dahil wala ng mailabas pa ang kaniyang mga mata.

"Will you get my phone?" she added, her pointed fingers pointed on the table.

Namatay ang tawag at sa ikalawang pagkakataon ay nag-ring muli ito. Lumingon ito sa kaniya habang mahaba ang ngusong nakatingin sa mga mata niya at nagsabi.

"I can’t, Mommy. Look at my hair. I don't have time to fix this," he answered. His finger pointed at his long hair as his lips pouted onward.

"I can’t get it because I'm pinning this tightly." Tukoy niya sa bagaheng nasa harapan niya.

She sighed. Hindi niya pa naman puwedeng iwanan ang baggage kung saan nakapaloob ang mga damit nilang dalawa na ngayon ay patuloy na dinadaganan niya. Dahil kung hindi niya iyon gagawin ay tuluyan na itong sasabog at muli niyang itong aayusin. Sobrang puno na ito at hindi niya pa naman alam kung masasara niya pa ba ito nang maayos.

Ayaw niya naman bawasan ang mga damit na nilagay ni Kajic dahil alam niyang siya lang din naman ang magiging talo sa kanilang dalawa sa huli.

She will get him sad, and the woman doesn't want to make it happen. Kajic smiley face gives her motivation to face all the problems she faced off.

Kajic puts all his clothes inside the luggage na akala siguro ng kaniyang anak ay ilang taon silang magtatagal sa Philippines. Ngunit ang totoo naman ay kulang-kulang isang buwan lang. Ultear has a lot of work to do next month kaya hindi sila puwedeng magtagal pa roon.

Honestly, ayaw niya rin naman talagang um-attend sa kasal ni Kylie. Kaya lang, that day was Kylie's biggest dream, and nakapangako na siya noon pa man na siya ang magiging maid of honor.

'Ugh!' sigaw ng isipan niya at hindi mapigilan ang sariling marahas na isara ang mga mata.

She just wanted to back out from what she had promised to her best friend. The person she would be expecting will attend on that day, for Vince. Vince is her best friends fiancé. 

She doesn't want to see Sting again for her sake and his sake as well.

She kept an eye on her son at every detail Kajic does. The confusion in her mind about Sting, her fucking first love, was not yet disappeared

Kasi kung magkikita pa sila o kahit ang anino man nito ay nasisiguro niyang babalik lahat ng sakit na binigay nito sa kaniya. Sting cruelty words, and cold stares. Ayaw niya na iyon muli pang marinig at makita.

Ayaw niya rin na magtagpo ang landas nito at ang kaniyang anak. Ayaw niyang maranasan ni Kajic kung gaano kasakit ang ipinaramdam at naranasan niya mula sa ama nito.

Ultear noticed the tears ruined her makeup while looking at Kajic with a teary eyes. It was too late. Kajic saw her already.

Nagbaba siya nang tingin. She did not want Kajic to witness her weakness spot.

Her phone continued to ring.

"I guess Ginno is calling," she said. She tried her voice to make it cheerful.

Sumilay ang maligayang ngiti sa labi ng anak. Nagtatakbo ito patungong mesa upang pulutin ang phone na patuloy na nag-ring. Ang tito daddy lang pala nito ang password para mautusan siya.

Hindi niya maiwasan na mapangiti at mapaisip sa idea na pumasok sa kaniyang isipan. Ano kaya ang mayroon sa dalawang iyon? She couldn’t analyze the closeness they had.

Ang inaasahan niya na iaabot nito sa kaniya ang phone at siya ang sasagot nang tawag ay nagkakamali siya. He answered it on his own habang nakatayo sa kaniyang harapan.

Uncle Daddy, where are you?

He stopped, and listened for the response of the person who called.

Are you picking us?" A brighter smile stretched on his lips. "I'm excited! Hurry, Uncle Daddy, fetch us!

He stopped again without cutting off the smile on his lips.

On Mommy? Okay.

Kajic hands over the phone.

"Hey!" she greeted.

Iniipit niya sa kaniyang balikat at taenga ang phone at pinagpatuloy ang kaniyang ginagawa na pagkasyahin ang mga damit sa luggage.

Hey! he greeted back. Have you noticed my Cowichan sweater out there? I did not see it here. I already searched my luggage.

Her visions glanced at the sweater hanging on the door.

I just left it there, Im sure.

Yeah. It was here, Ginnos black sweater. She gave it to Ginno when he was turning 23 years old. Ginno was 26 years old right now, pero mukhang bago pa rin. Hindi man ganoon kamahal ang niregalo niyang sweater pero nakikita niya naman kung paano iyon pahalagahan at ingatan ni Ginno.

"Can you bring it with you?"

"Sure, no problem."

"Thanks."

A smile stretch on Ultear’s lips. "It is not a big deal."

"I’m almost there. See you!"

"I am looking forward." She turned off the call at nilingon ang anak niya na nagbalik muli sa malaking salamin. "Baby, help Mommy to zip it off, and we are leaving. Do not let Uncle Daddy waits."

Kajic stepped went near her and helped her without any pressure. Nauna pa nga itong lumabas ng apartment at tinungo ang parking lot kung saan naghihintay na sa kanila si Ginno.

Ginno snuggled down in his car, crossed his arms, plus his eyes shut for imagining something. A pretty smile curved on his lips when he and Kajic saw each other. These two guys are both excited, indeed.

She gave her full attention to Ginno in every little of his movement.

Almost 6 years na rin nang magkita silang dalawa rito sa US. She was lonely, and she's crying everyday, but destiny made them meet. Ginno was a blessing given from heaven for her.

He was her knight and shining armor. And he made himself a pillow to cry on for  Ultear.

Ginno helped her a lot as the year she carried Kajic inside of her. Start from what she needed up to taking good care of her son until now.

Some people they encountered assumed that Ginno was the father of her child. These people said they were cute every time they were together. And that crazy jerk Ginno, he answered yes without hesitation. So that was the great reason why everyone believed it. She could not help but hit this man every time that was happening. However, Ginno just always laughed at her and shrugged it off.

Kaya iyon na rin siguro ang naging dahilan kung bakit ito pinaniwalaan ng lahat at hindi niya rin mapigilan ang kaniyang sarili na hampasin ang binata sa tuwing mangyayari iyon. Pero palagi lang siyang tinatawanan nito.

Ang laging pa nga na sinasabi ng mga taong nakakaharap nila ay bakit hindi pa raw sila magsama sa isang bubong at magpakasal. They will surely have a happy and perfect family.

Sa tuwing maririnig niya ang mga salitang ito ay nakakaramdam siya na parang may pumupokpok na isang malaking bato sa kaniyang ulo. At hindi lang iyon habang paulit-ulit niyang naririnig iyon sa iba't ibang uri ng tao ay malalo lang lumalaki ang batong humahampas sa kaniya. She always felt that thing— always.

Sometimes, iniisip niya na sana ito na lang nga ang taong nakabuntis sa kaniya at ang taong minahal niya. It's possible naman na tatanggapin ni Ginno ang magiging anak nila nang walang pag-aalinlangan. Ngayon pa lang na tanggap na nito ang kaniyang anak at tinuturing na niya na parang tunay na anak si Kajic.

Natauhan na lang siya sa kaniyang pag-iisip nang biglaan na lang may humawak sa kaniyang kamay at hinablot ang hawak niyang luggage.

It's Ginno, nakatayo na pala ito sa gilid niya habang buhat si Kajic na nakayakap sa leeg nito.

"Let’s go? We're already late," he said at inilagay na nito ang hawak sa compartment ng sasakyan.

Marahan rin ibinaba ni Ginno sa backseat si Kajic at hinalikan sa noo before he opened the door for her. How gentleman, right?

"Thanks," she thanked and entered.

Ginno was a real ideal man for those girls fancying a forever. Handsome, intelligent, thoughtful, and overall responsible. All in one! And Ultear dreams guy like him.

Mabilis lumipas ang oras at nakarating na rin sila sa airport. Tamang-tama lang ang oras nang pagdating nila dahil hindi na kinailangan na maghintay pa.

"So, what is your pretty plan?" Ginno opened a topic. Kajic head leaned on his body. He was played his fingers on her son’s hairs were now sounded catching some dream.

"A plan for what?" she is concerned, and her eyes fern at him. She does not have any ideas was running on his mind.

"Your birthday is coming next week. Do you have any plans?" Ginno asked again.

Ultear shook her head also looked at the two person near them. They looked happy because the baby inside of the woman's womb kicked. A bitter smiled drawn on her lips.

Malapit na nga ang kaniyang kaarawan ngunit wala siyang nararamdaman na kahit na anong excitement. Wala naman ipinagbago sa bagay na nararamdaman niya mula ng magising siya sa katotohanan hanggang ngayon. It's her birthday at ibig sabihin lang iyon na iyon din ang araw nang pagkamatay ng kaniyang ina.

I do not have, but I'm planning to make a simple celebrations like we always do. With just the important people in my life, she answered livelily.

Ginno did not try to speak after his head nodded. He was looking out and breathing heavenly from time to time.

Nilingon niya ang binata at pinagmasdan. Mayroon gustong sabihin si Ginno, isang bagay na ikakatakot nito ipahayag.

If there are something that is bothering you, you can tell me, she asked curiously. "My ear is always open to listen to you."

Ultear raised her brow to forced him to speak. Their eyes met before he had the guts to answered.

He sighed.

She didn't see Ginno like this. Nakikita man niya ngunit hindi ganito kaproblemado. At saka hindi na rin ito nagpapaligoy pa na sabihin sa kaniya kung ano man ang bagay na bumabagabag sa isipan niya.

Nagtagpo muna ang kanilang mga mata bago ito tuluyan na sumagot.

The day after your friends wedding as we go back here. I wanted you to promise me right now, right here... He stopped and looked at her eyes intently. P-Promise me. You will accept my love for you. Im not forcing you and hurrying you for your answer. I could wait any year longer, and Im willing to risk my heart. But I know, Sting still has a place in your heart, would you accept

Sting is not worthy of my love, Ginno, she cut him off. My love for him was burned and turned into ashes, long time ago.

He smiled and nodded because of what he heard. No words came out on his lips. Those words that came out through Ultears mouth were enough for him to lighten and satisfied himself.

"Gusto ko na lang nang closure mula sa kaniya," she added kahit na hindi sigurado sa bagay na kaniyang iniisip.

His smile was gone as his head puckered quickly. He did not know what he should say or ask. And Ultear caught up with his expressions

"Pagod na akong idala itong galit at sama ng loob na mayroon ako mula sa kaniya. Kahit ano ang gawin kong pagtalikod at pagkalimot sa nakaraan ay hindi pa rin ito naglalaho. I believe, maglalaho na lang ito if I face him and tell him I forgave him, and we have forgiven each other."

She sighed, heavenly.

Ito na rin ang naiisip niyang tamang panahon na magkita silang dalawa at mabura ang lahat ng sakit na hanggang ngayon ay nararamdaman niya pa rin. She wanted to forgive him para wala na siyang kahit na anong pasanin sa kaniyang likod at pagsisisihan sa huli. Total ito na rin naman ang huling beses na magbabalik siya sa bansa kung saan siya lumaki.

Ultear looked at his eyes again. But I do not need his help. Sting wont need to provide every inch of my sons needs. I can afford to give that. Im already doing it with all this years, and I can still do it with the rest of my life."

I can do that, as a father's responsibly.

Marahan niyang hinaplos ang pisngi ni Ginno. She smiled at him. "Thank you for always being there for me. I’m grateful because I have you."

Hinalikan ni Ginno ang kaniyang noo bago sabay nila na niyakap ang bata na nasa gitna nilang dalawa.

She doesn't have anymore thing to asked and prayed for. Once Ultear and Sting had settled the business between them. Ultear feels free to love again. She was waiting to make these things happened. Ang malaman nito na pinapatawad na niya ang binata, at mag-sorry sa lahat ng mga bagay na hindi niya dapat ginawa.

Hinihiling niya na lang na makatagpo ang kanilang mga landas at maisatinig niya ang mga salitang gusto niya pang sabihin para sa binata. The courage she had was enough to meet him.

Sana lang ay makahanap na ito ng babaing mamahalin nito at mamahalin din ito pabalik. Iyong hindi ito sasaktan tulad nang ginawa ng taong una nito minahal. Dahil siya ay nakahanap na ng tunay na pag-ibig at sa mga bisig iyon ni Ginno. She wish him luck!

Ginno, Ultear, and her son going back to the US and live a happy and peaceful life. She dreamt of a happy family when she was a kid.

Napangiwi siya sa mga bagay na naisip.

Sting was the person in her dream and fulfilled that cloud castle. Maybe they were right. The dreams we had won't ever come true, instead it was the opposite that awaits us.