Chapter 05: The Fall

Colleen was just silently trailing me from behind like some dog who just got scolded by its owner. I thought she will finally remain silent but the moment we got out of the library, she started talking again.  

“What the hell was that for?! Why are you being so grumpy? Now, we can’t visit the library for about a week. What’s with you?!” 

I didn’t answer and just continued walking. I know I’m at fault so I’m not saying anything about the librarian. Normally, I would have badmouthed her just now. 

Colleen went in front of me and spread both of her arms to stop me from walking. I glared at her but she glared back so I rolled my eyes and shook my head out of irritation. 

“Seriously, what happened?” She started to sound worried. 

“It’s nothing, I’m just not in the mood. Just get on with what you want to say.” 

She looked down first and pointed both of her index fingers together like a child and I just looked at her, waiting impatiently. 

“Okay, listen carefully and please don’t react until I’m finished.” I raised a brow, telling her to continue. “So, I have this friend who is currently looking for a v-vocalist for their b-band.” She looked at me to see my reaction but my expression remained blank. “And--”

“And?” I cut her off. 

I don't like where this is going. I saw her swallowed first before continuing. 

“And... I told them that I know someone. And I told them your name.”  

She said the last part so fast. Good thing I was still able to catch it. She covered her face with both of her hands, scared of how I may react.  

When she didn’t hear anything from me, she slowly peeked through the gap of her fingers to look at me. 

I just stared at her blankly, hiding the irritation building up inside me and composing myself so I won't shout at her again. 

"Hey,” she poked my left cheek. "You’re spacing out.” She poked my cheek again. 

I inhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes again for a few seconds to calm my nerves. 

 “Why did you do that?” 

“Because... they asked if I know someone and I really do know someone so I told them your name.” She even emphasized the word ‘do’ like anyone in her place would also do it. She’s making me lose my mind even more. 

"You know that I would never join such a thing." I bluntly said. 

She obviously looks dejected because of what I said. Why did she have to do that? That’s just adding up to my already countless problems. 

"Ven, I know how much you love singing," I rolled my eyes as I know what she'll say next. I'm done with this stuff already. I'm old enough to know what I need and should do. 

“I know that you don’t want to join because you don’t want to interact with other people. But isn't it time for you to open up already? It's been a long time since I last saw you doing something you love.”  

I think she’s about to cry. Why is she more emotional when I’m the who has a fucked up life? 

“You don’t notice it but you’ve been closed for a long time already. And as your best friend, it pains me to see you this way. Loosen up a bit. With all the walls you’ve been building, are you even happy?” 

That question struck me like lightning. Why does she have to ask that question? 

Am I happy? Indeed, a very difficult question. I don't know how to answer it, or afraid to answer it as it’s not the right time to do so. Not now. I have no time to think about that. 

I want explanations, because I will never be happy if I can’t understand anything. It will always keep bugging me. Do you think a person will be happy if she thinks her life is the epitome of the word chaos itself? 

I want to solve this first before I think of anything else. 

I looked at her eyes again and smiled softly. My usual smile of assurance. 

"I will think about it. Give me time to sort out my thoughts. I have a lot of things to take care of, Colleen." 

"Like what?" She asked worriedly. "Care to tell?" 

I shook my head but my smile remained to at least show that my decision is final. 

"I will tell you someday. Now isn’t the right time because even I can’t seem to understand everything,” I said. 

She suddenly hugged me tight. She always does that whenever she feels like I'm not stable. I like that side of hers.  

"It's time for my class. I need to go,” I let go from the hug, “See you later.” 

"Heavenly! I'll text you later!"  

I just nodded without bothering to look back. I’m not even in the mood to scold her about using my full name. 

While I was walking, I suddenly stopped to face the crowd of people in front of me. Colleen’s words hit me again. And once again, I felt it. I'm in the middle of a crowd where people are walking in every direction. Some are hurrying to where they are heading to. It’s like they are so sure about the path they are currently taking in life. 

They know what to do in their life. I envy those kinds of people, because me? Here I am, in the middle of those people, feeling always out of place, not sure what to do. 

What am I even doing here? Why am I alive? I have no exact direction in life. I'm a person who doesn't even know the answer to the question, ’Are you happy?’ 

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I checked the my wrist watch, it’s already seven o'clock in the evening. My last subject just finished. There are days where I go usually go home this late so it’s not that big deal anymore.  

I checked my phone and saw one unread message. It was from Colleen. I opened and read it. She said she can’t wait for me anymore because her father was early to pick her up. It's fine though. It’s not like we actually go home together. 

I replied to her message first before going out of the room. 

I’m currently heading to my condo. Walking in the middle of the night makes some people scared but for me, it's actually comforting. Especially when there are few people around. 

I can’t help but to notice even the smallest details of the things around me; the fading light from the lamp post, the cool breeze of the wind and the sound of bugs from the little garden of the houses beside me. Peaceful is the right word. 

I was about to turn at the nearby corner when something big fell in front of me. The impact made me tumble hard on the ground. 

Panic instantly enveloped my system. I was having a hard time to sit straight from falling hard on the ground. I used my hands to shield my eyes from the rampaging wind. Based from what my eyes see, there are smoke coming from the thing that suddenly fell from the sky.  

I can’t see it clearly because of the thick smoke mixed with dusts covering the surroundings. It's blocking my view. The fall is just inches away from where I am currently sitting. 

Slowly, the smoke began to fade away and I can faintly see what’s behind the thick smoke. I can now see what fell in front of me. 

It’s him. 

The guy with emerald eyes. He’s bent over, one knee on the ground, his other hand is resting on his other knee. He's obviously catching his breath like there’s not enough oxygen surrounding the place. The ground where he fell, sunk and there are cracks all over the cement. It looks like it will about to break any minute now.  

He slowly lifted his head to meet my gaze. I'm still sitting on the ground, unable to get a grasp of what's happening. My lips are slightly parted while looking straight into his eyes.  

The right side of his face was dripping with fresh blood. Some parts of his clothes are also soaked with his own blood. 

"H-Heavenly..." He called weakly. I can somehow feel his pain from his hoarse voice. "Finally, I was able to pass through." 

Pass through what? 

He looked at his hand that is also tainted in blood. And then he touched the right side of his face where the fresh blood is still dripping.  

Slowly and weakly, his eyes started to close. Until he finally lost consciousness in the middle of the street.