Prologue

Exelle/Xiellenna

My skin, once radiant, now bears the haunting marks of my suffering—bruises marring its pale surface. I stand before the mirror, a sorrowful weight pressing upon my heart. As I gaze at my reflection, the red and swollen eyes that stare back at me mirror the anguish within. My lips, wounded and adorned with dried blood in the corners, remain tightly pursed, withholding the words that long to be spoken.

Regret weighs heavily upon me as I trace the bruises with trembling fingers, each touch met with a sharp sting that resonates through my battered body. I cannot deny the truth any longer. I should have known better, anticipated the worsening of my situation. What began as being a mere punching bag for my husband, Hans, has escalated to a perilous point where my life hangs in the balance. And yet, even as he inflicts pain upon me, my body finds ways to numb itself, a self-preservation mechanism that shields me from the full extent of my suffering.

To Hans, I am nothing more than a worthless object, a pathetic slut, and a good-for-nothing. He has forsaken the sacred vows of marriage, failing to fulfill the duties of a true husband. But despite the torment he subjects me to, I cling to my love for him with unwavering determination. In my distorted reality, he means everything to me, and I hold onto the hope that one day he will reciprocate that love.

I love him, despite his inhumane treatment, as if I were some lowly creature. I love him, even when he dismisses my presence with callous disregard, treating me as an invisible specter. I love him, even as he unleashes his anger upon me, using me as a vessel to vent his frustrations, whether or not they are related to me.

None of it matters. In the eyes of the outside world, I may be deemed crazy, a martyr to my own suffering. But the truth remains—I am willing to sacrifice my very life for a man who continuously inflicts pain upon me. In my distorted perception, pain and love have become entwined, inseparable forces that define my existence.

Yet, amidst the darkness of my world, a voice breaks through—the voice of my friend, Samara. Her words hold a mixture of concern, frustration, and desperation, cutting through the air and penetrating the depths of my wounded soul. She implores me to leave Hans, to break free from the chains of abuse and reclaim my worth. Samara knows that true love does not subject someone to cruelty and harm. Her words strike a chord within me, stirring the embers of self-awareness that lie dormant.

But I hesitate, entangled in my own web of foolishness, questioning my sanity and wondering if I am destined to be a foolish woman devoted to a husband who has promised to love me for a lifetime. Am I truly so blind as to allow my husband to continue hurting me?

Tears seep into Samara's voice, painting a picture of heartbreak—a friend witnessing the self-destruction of someone she deeply cares for. I attempt to find my own words, to defend my choices, but my voice fails me, leaving me silent and vulnerable, hanging on to every word that escapes Samara's lips.

Once again, her voice pierces the silence, filled with raw intensity, shaking the very foundation of my being. She pleads with me to open my eyes, to realize that Hans does not deserve the love I give him, nor do I deserve the pain he inflicts upon me. Her words echo like thunder, shattering the illusions that have clouded my judgment.

And in that moment, a flicker of realization ignites within my shattered heart. It is

 a fragile flame, wavering and uncertain, yet it carries with it the promise of a future where love and pain are no longer intertwined. It is an opportunity to find solace, to reclaim my identity, and to break free from the chains that bind me to a love that only brings suffering.

With a voice trembling with newfound determination, I cut through Samara's words, my own plea for assistance, for liberation.

"Then help me, Sam. Help me change. Help me escape and forget him."

In those words lies the glimmer of hope that I have longed for—a plea for support and guidance on this treacherous journey toward freedom. It is a testament to my willingness to take the first step, to embrace the unknown, and to finally release the grip of a toxic love that has consumed me for far too long.