I Forgive You

So… I don’t know if anyone would want to know what happens with Nathan… but, I believe his character needs a little peace, although not a total closure but peace between the two brothers… I really feel bad for him throughout this book… *sigh* xx

This happened six months after the wedding

~~

~Evan~

I love my wife. By now it’s clear that I’d do anything for her… just not this... she asked me to come and visit Nathan in prison.

He was sentenced to five years’ imprisonment for attempted rape and conspiracy. It was damn easy for him. And now Cali is asking me to do the impossible.

There’s no denying that his father had something to do with the trial. He’s a damn powerful man, but when Klaus and I went to have that chat with him, all I saw was a man who longed to have his son. For Nathan to recognize him. I do not know if he told Nathan the truth, not that I give a shit about him. He can die in prison for all I care. He deserves to suffer for what he did to Cali.

And I don’t get why my wife is asking me this.

“I cannot forgive him for what he did to you,” I firmly argued. Our traditional Irish dinner, which I prepared for hours, tasted as if it was garbage. She loved what Mamaí prepared for her and every night, when we didn’t want to go out, she’d ask me to cook those for her. “You still wake up drenched in sweat at night, Cali. It hurts to think how helpless you are in your sleep, and I can’t fucking do anything to help you… Do you realize how hard that is? Everything happened because of him.”

She reached out for me, setting her soft hands above mine. “I’m not asking you to forgive him right away, Evan, but at some point, we have to let go of our past. He’s still your brother, blood or not.”

I shook my head with persistence, turning my palms so I could intertwine our hands together. “What he did to you is unforgivable, please don’t ask me that right now.”

She nodded, standing up from her chair, and sauntered towards me, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. “Alright. I just want you to let go of your anger, Evan..”

~~

Six months into our marriage, and what Cali asked for is about to happen. She’s damn persistent when she wants something. Our marriage is proof of that. If not for her stubbornness, I would’ve waited five years to ask her into marrying me.

In return for this dreaded meeting, Cali will start seeing a therapist. That’s the only condition I saw for her to agree to seek help. She wouldn’t talk to me about her nightmares, so we ended up agreeing to face our fears.

As I follow officer Guevarra through a sequence of prison bars, each unlocking and locking sound is echoing like it’s a death trap.

My heart is beating wildly inside the chambers of my chest. Not because of excitement, but the opposite of it. I can think of better things to do, pleasant places to be than being in this state prison - than to see his face.

I stayed in my car for about 30 minutes before I gathered enough courage to walk into this building, dwelling on how I’ll be able to control myself at the sight of him.

The things I’d do for her. I sighed as Officer Guevarra gestured for me to enter a room with a series of empty metal tables and chairs.

“Wait here,” the officer said, and I remained standing in silence while he disappeared to another prison bar, across from where we entered.

I tucked my hands inside my jeans pocket, wishing I was able to sneak in my phone so that I could call Klaus in case I’ll be incriminated for killing an inmate named Nathan Rogers. He’s mad at me for not getting Cali pregnant before the wedding, but we’re family now, whether that moron likes it or not.

Happy thoughts, I forced my mind to think of Cali’s smile… my throat seemed to have a mass of air blocking it as the sound of prison bars thuds got louder and louder.

The officer appeared where he exited, a man wearing a bright orange suit and cuffs behind him, restrained by two other officers.

I could barely recognize him, but his eyes remained the same, gazing at me with the same anger he held on to for years. His hair is longer now. I wonder if it was his choice because I knew he hated having hair longer than two inches, much less this kind of style. His once olive skin, like Olivia’s, is paler, but the purple bruises and cuts on his face are something that I ever expected to see.

The two officers guided him to sit on the metal chair while officer Guevarra motioned for me to sit across from him.

Our eyes locked, seizing each other while the officers dispersed around the room, unmoving like poles, watching us.

I couldn’t utter a word because I know if I open my mouth, all I’m going to spew is resentment and anger.

“I will never apologize,” Nathan spoke first, his voice as cold as ice, filled with determination, and his eyes backed up his statement.

I scoffed, leaning on my fisted hands above the table. “Being here is the last thing on my mind. I’m here because my wife asked me to, don’t fucking think for a second that I give a shit about you.”

This is bullshit. I knew nothing good would come out of this trip. I stood up with brewing anger ready to erupt. I better leave this place while I’m still in control of my fury.

I’m already in front of officer Guevarra when he spoke again. “I-I don’t deserve to be forgiven,” Nathan mumbled, almost in a whisper. If not for the dead silence in this place, I swear I would’ve missed it.

I remained frozen on where I was, feet cemented on the floor. That was something I didn’t expect to hear, but it made me spin around, needing to see if he’s speaking to me or if it’s just my imagination.

Nathan wasn’t looking at me. His eyes remained locked on the cuffs in his wrist, head bowed down. And I saw someone I haven’t seen before.

“Olivia visited me yesterday,” he began. “She told me who my father was and everything that Jacob did.” he chuckled, as if there was something funny in his twined hands. “He came to me like a fucking hell sent angel when I was wasted as fuck after seeing Cali in the hospital. He told me he can help me if I need it, and I grabbed that chance to make your life as miserable as mine. You always had everything, Evan… even now, you have everything while I have no one.”

“You’re fucking hopeless.” How can someone as intelligent as him can only look at the negativity of life?

He lifted his gaze, and what I witnessed in his eyes stunned me - regret. “I know… I didn’t see it, that what I have is more… until I lost it.”

I sighed, compassion overpowering the anger I had for this man. He’s broken, I knew that. But this version of Nathan is a vision of helplessness.

Did Cali foresee that this was going to happen?

“I forgive you, Nathan,” I mumbled, feeling the weight of the anger I’ve been carrying around since we were younger being lifted off of my shoulders. It’s easier to breathe, the clog on my throat is not there anymore. “You don’t deserve it. You fucking don’t. Olivia loved you more than anything in this world, even my wife cared for you… she still does, that’s why I’m here. Do whatever you want it - ignore it, throw it in the ditch, but living in anger is not the way to free yourself from this shit hole you dug yourself into. No one can help you out of it, every hand that reaches for you, you smacked them away.”

He lowered his head once more, repentance evident on his face.

“But once you get out of that shit hole, keep in mind… our home is open for you,” I sighed, bidding goodbye to my anger for good.