Chapter 4

“At 5:00 a.m.?” the girl exclaimed in disbelief.

“People do that sometimes, you know,” I said, showing him my towel and soap.

“Strange people do that,” the girl replied, shaking her head. “I’m Lyra.” She extended her hand toward me. She was going to say my name, but I knew she’d never pronounce it correctly.

“Anna.” I shook her hand.

“What's with your accent?” the boy frowned.

“Leave her alone, Flynn.” Lyra smiled at me before focusing on him again. “Before he—” Lyra pulled him by the hair and kissed him passionately. I looked away uncomfortably.

A few seconds later, Flynn was climbing out the window. He took one last look at us and blew a kiss to Lyra.

“See you tomorrow at the bonfire,” Flynn whispered and disappeared into the shadows.

“Bonfire?” I asked. Lyra looked at me for a second as if she were hesitant to tell me.

“Yes, it's a secret celebration. You know boys and girls can't mix in this crazy place, so we have a midnight bonfire once a month where boys and girls can get together and chat.”

This place never ceased to amaze me. My grandparents had explained to me that it was an experimental institute, but security was definitely not their thing.

“All...the boys and the girls?”

“No, obviously only some of us on the first floor who have more freedom.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Do you want to go?” Lyra asked.

I shook my head shyly.

“I haven't been invited.”

“I’m inviting you, silly.” She pulled her sweater over her head, and that’s when I noticed the cut scars on her wrists. I stared at them shamelessly. Lyra followed my gaze.

“There are many, right?”

“I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to—”

“Relax, you don't have to apologize,” she gave me a smile. “We all have our shit in this place, so relax.”

So, I asked the stupidest question in the world.

“Are you OK?”

Lyra took off her pants.

“According to my psychiatrist, I'm stable; that's as close to well as I can be.” That made me realize that I had never seen her before.

“I've never seen you in group therapy,” I commented.

“Ah, that's because I never go.”

“Oh…”

“Okay, curious girl, let's take a shower and get out of here.” She took off the rest of her clothes and got into one of the shower stalls.

After undressing and getting into a shower, the hot water began to fall on me, relaxing me.

“Hey, Anna,” her voice resonated among the sound of the water and the echo of the showers.

“Yes?” I replied, rubbing the soap all over my body.

“What are you doing awake so early?”

“I could not sleep.”

“Insomnia?”

“Not really, I just...I…” I paused, not knowing what to say.

“Have you had nightmares?”

“How do you know?”

“Sometimes vivid dreams can be a side effect of antidepressants. Believe me, I know that,” she sighed. “I’ve tried many.”

“They will go?”

“Huh?”

“The nightmares, will they ever go away?”

“It depends on your body; I had them for a few months.”

After wrapping ourselves in towels, Lyra looked at me and gestured for me to open the door. I took a deep breath, and we headed over to her. We both walked out and started walking back to our dorms. The guard saw us and stood up immediately.

“What are you doing in the showers so early? You are not allowed to leave your room from 7:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. The schedule is clear.”

“We're sorry,” Lyra said, looking down.

“And you,” the guard pointed at me. “I didn't report you last night when I found you on the roof, but I'm afraid I can't let you pass this time.”

“We're deeply sorry,” Lyra repeated with puppy eyes. “It's not going to happen again.”

“I have to report it; I'm sorry,” the guard said and turned to walk away.

“Did you enjoy your nap?” I asked. The guard paused, tensing slightly. “If you report us, they'll wonder how we got to the showers without being stopped by you. But of course, you didn't see us pass by, because you were sleeping. Do you think the director would like to know that?” I hadn't meant to sound mean, but I didn't want to go to the second floor.

“Are you blackmailing me?” She turned to us once more. Lyra backed away in fear. “Don't you dare think about it. I'll deny it; who will they believe? Me? Or a couple of crazy teenagers like you?”

“Obviously, they'll believe you,” the guard smiled. “But there are cameras in this institution, aren't there?” Her smile faded. “I wonder what would happen if they were forced to review all those nights when you slept so much.”

“Ah,” she muttered helplessly. “Okay, go to your rooms now before someone sees you.” She sounded annoyed, but I didn't care; Lyra and I walked quickly down the hall.

“That was great,” Lyra said, smiling at me.

“Thanks.” I stopped in front of my door. “Well, this is my room.”

“It was nice meeting you, Anna.” She started walking again.

“Hey,” I called in a whisper. “What about the bonfire?”

“I'll pick you up tomorrow night; be ready at 10 p.m.”

“Okay.”

“And, Anna?”

“Huh?”

“Whatever you tried last night,” she paused, noticing my discomfort. “I'm glad the guard stopped you. Good night.”

She didn't wait for my answer and disappeared into the hallway. What was I doing? Since when was I interested in attending social events? I realized that it was the adrenaline produced by the risk of being discovered that was motivating me. Ever since I had arrived at the psychiatric hospital, I had been so perfect and well-behaved; everything had been so gray. Maybe it was time to do bad things.

The thought of ending my existence still lingered in my mind, but I was becoming more and more interested in life again; perhaps it was the antidepressants kicking in.