Chapter:- 4

At three in the morning, Samantha sits alone at a table. The lights above her head had been dimmed, the rest of the house remains dark. Beside her, a long way away, the TV plays an old show, flashing black and white graphics with the volume low, almost unheard.

She picks at her shirt sleeves in her lap, staring straight ahead at the untouched dinner plate on the other end of the table. She had set it all up quite a few hours ago, the time being closer to six. It was a recipe Emily's mother had given her a few months ago, excitement rushing through him at the chance to share her recipes, and Samantha had been excited to try it out, too. 

She doesn't understand why she make this dish; isn't she should cry after knowing her husband plans? Her husband already hands her a divorce paper and he even purpose her sister before Samantha can sign.

But now she is pregnant?

Picking up her phone, Samantha sent a quick text to Emily, getting an almost immediate response. Emily was always happy to help, although a little curious and more than a little worried about Samantha's phrasing, but Samnatha knows she need to share everything to her friend. It's not about her now, it's about her unborn child too.

"So, Sammy," Emily said as she took a seat on the couch, patting the spot beside her with a gentle smile. "What's up? Did you talk to Alexander? What he said?"

"No, I didn't... I try but..." Samantha starts, and really after that, it's hard to stop. "She is back, Jazz is back. And I got to know that Alexander is actually with her all this time... I though this child can help me to get my happiness back. I-I know it sounds selfish, but I deserve to be happy Jazz; I need Alexander to love me. I haven't actually known what affection is actually means. I just—it feels stupid and useless, and I don't know what to do about it."

Samantha didn't like saying all of this out loud, vocalizing her doubt, but she couldn't lie and say that a small weight hadn't been lifted off her shoulders. 

 "Well...when he comes home, did you talk to him about your step-sister? You really need to have a proper conversation with him. It's not about you anymore Sammy. You are now pregnant, with his child." Jazz asks.

Samantha gives a half-hearted shrug, locking her fingers together and cracking them against her knee. "Him being late, he says many times how he doesn't want to be come back home as he need to see my face. Then, just last night, when I call him and try to tell him about good news..." Samantha swallowed around a newfound lump in her throat, hating having to look to the conversation. "I got to know that he already proposes Jazz, and he even tell other that he is going to divorce me..."

 "Does he talk to you about divorce?"

 "He handed me divorce paper some days ago."

Emily nodded and tried to catch Samnatha's eyes, but her friends didn't let her, averting her gaze to her best friend shoulders.

"How do you and Adom do it?"

A layered question, sure, but she knew Emily would be able to make her answer simple, maybe give Samnatha some insight in the process. 

 "I know Adom loves me," says Emily looking so sure about her boyfriend. "Even with his long hours, he makes time for me. Ady is able to separate work and his personal life, shutting off his phone for the better parts of the day when he gets the day off and only going back in if necessary. But Samantha, we are dating each other from last five years, and we are friends, but you and Alexander. It's really different."

"And most important both Alexander and Adom are different," she continues, shifting on the couch so that she could better face Samantha.

"We both know the past Sammy; we both know how much you suffer after you lose your mother. You want to know my opinion?" It's a rhetorical question, and Emily pauses for effect. "You'll never be able to ger Alexander, not with Jazz who keep messing with your life. And most important Alexander love her, not you, for last two months you are trying to save your marriage but its' not working. You need to stop chasing people and start living your own life for your own happiness."

 Tears spring to Samantha's eyes, making her sniffle quietly and turn her cheek to her best friend. She was tense, broken, and sad. Being told your biggest relationship fear is the worst thing Samanatha could possibly think of, and now everything was out in the open, no more private thoughts and doubts anymore. Emily had been able to lay it open on the table, all by answering Samanatha's pitiful question.

 Samanatha can't say if she's thankful or not.

 "I guess you just have to ask yourself one question." Emily dips her head and catches Samantha's gaze. "Are you happy?"

How does one answer that? Realistically, Samantha had not much to not be happy about: she was married (failing or not), now she is pregnant, doesn't have a job but she got a roof over her head and food on her table every day. 

 Realistically, Samantha was happy.

Samantha didn't answer, the words stuck in her throat, so Emily takes the lead again.

"Sammy," she says, waiting until her best friend turns to give her full attention. "I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that Alexander ever makes you happy."

And so, Samantha looks her best friend in the eyes, holds her gaze and all she can do is think about every single night she has stayed up waiting for Alexander, the mornings where she's alone inside the big house, those days that she has to explain to herself why her husband hasn't been home in days. She thinks of everything, of crying herself to sleep on those nights when Alexander doesn't step foot in their house. She thinks about how angry she's been, how sad and lonely she must look. 

Samantha opens her mouth, but all that comes out is a sob. 

Her body sags forward and Emily catches her on instinct. Emily's petting her hair, whispering soothing things in her ear that Samantha couldn't understand but she appreciated. She hadn't been held in so long and she feels as though she was broken in two, being mended by a hug that was by someone who is with her all her life. 

 They stayed like that for a while.

Emily doesn't want to pull away, she wants to comfort her friend in a trying time for as long as she could, but she knew Adom would be home early today and that meant she had to get things ready for dinner.

 A little regretfully, Emily peels Samantha off of her, giving her best friend a tender smile. "Would you like to stay for dinner? I'm sure Adom won't mind. It's been long since you meet him."

Two days' later, Samantha sits at the dining table and waits. There's nothing set in front of her, no cold dinner plates or burning candles. She had hoped today would be different, but as the clocked ticked by the seconds. Perhaps she had simply lost hope when she had a conversation with Adom that day.

'You need to leave him; we will help you. You can restart your education I will help you. Think about yourself Sammy, think about your child, you know how hard it is to survive inside the family without loving father.'  

Perhaps Samantha had woken up with a stranger's mind because it did not think the same things she always thought. 

So now she waits for a few hours more, feeling no traces of sleep even when the clock struck six and the door opened. Instead, she felt a surge of defiance, of certainty, but then a wave of sadness washed over her and drowned out his certainty. This is her life, she can't just so this anymore. She needs to be strong for herself and for her unborn child.

She gets up and go to her room. The divorce paper was there, maybe mocking her for her failure attempt to save her marriage.

'I'm tired Alexander, I don't want to trap you or myself in this marriage anymore. I will move out of the house today.'