New YearIt was the end of December, the end of the year, and I was waiting for Elliot outside for a couple of minutes. I had on a jacket and a scar and I was still cold standing outside feeling a bit bothered that Elliot wanted to go to the beach to see the fireworks show for the new years countdown. I got in the car right away when he pulled up and sighed feeling it warm inside.“Cold?” He asked.“Yes. I can’t stand this winter cold.” I tell him.“Well, the heater is on so warm up before we go back outside.” He said as he started driving.“You know it’s colder out there? It’s dark, we’re going to be by the ocean, and it’ll be pack.” I tell him or whining.He smiled, “I have a blanket. It’ll be fine.” He replied back.I shivered a bit as I looked outside. “So how was Christmas?” I asked him.
Chapter 1For the past two years, every Thursday, I would see my psychiatrist Doctor Brown; today, I am sitting across from her. We’ve been discussing my college courses for almost an hour and my frequent visits to my dad’s house. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that my anxiety has worsened, and it’s been challenging to overcome it than usual. We talked as if we were close friends and built a bond after my first appointment. I had a psychiatrist four years ago while in the process of living with my mom after my suicide attempt, but I’ve never felt as open as I have been with Doctor Brown and I hope I can continue these sessions a little longer.“So, what are you going to do this weekend?” She asked me after we changed topics.“I don’t think I’ll be doing anything aside from seeing my friends from high school this evening, and Elliot won’t be able to join me, but he should be here right now. He wanted to take me home, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He had classes ear
Compared to each other, Elliot is taller and is far more athletically built, but I love seeing the dimple on his cheek when he smiles. There is always this awe feeling that I can have someone like him as my boyfriend and I never thought I could connect with a person after my previous relationship. We still have a lot to build between us and our relationship has been going on for two years.Elliot walked over to me, reaching out to hold my hand, and we began to make our way out towards the parking lot. “How did it go?” He asked me.“Nothing more than the usual. We went over a few things that have been bothering me,” I said, stepping inside his car after we approached it and putting on my seat belt. “Talked about the school, my anxiety, and my family. I don’t think those topics have changed over the years.”“What about school?” He asked me.Knowing I hadn’t talked about these things with him, I looked down and paused for a second before explaining. “I need to pick a major before the end
It took me a moment to get out of the car, wanting to stay a little longer, but I knew that he didn’t have enough time to hang around and I waved to him before stepping inside my house. I walked over to my room and buried my face on my pillow as I laid down. I let out a heavy sigh and noticed the silence in the house, the only sound that I could hear were the cars passing by outside. My mom and I haven’t been spending time together because I’ve been in my room studying preparing for midterms while she has her full-time work that keeps her away during the day. Having my mom away at work is something I’ve been used to, and even when I was young when my dad was occupied with his work, I’ve always been left alone for various hours. I was close to dozing off when my cell phone started ringing, and I reached into my pocket to take my phone out to answer.“Hello?” I answered.“Hey, where are you?” Luis asked, his voice full of energy. “I’m assuming you are done with your therapy session.”“Y
I sighed, a little confused about how the conversation started and was glad to drop the topic. “I’m going to change the subject. So, our anniversary is coming up, and I was thinking about asking Elliot if he wants to go on a trip together during the summer… He would say yes, but he’s been so busy lately that I’m not sure if that is a good idea.” “You went out of town with him before, right?” Brian asked. “Yeah, but with my mom and we slept in separate beds. It’ll be my first trip going somewhere alone with him, and we were supposed to do it last year after my graduation, but he was too busy working and he’s busy looking for an apartment now. Would that be too much to ask him?” I expressed, feeling a little shy about my idea. “Well, ask him, and I’m sure he’ll make time for you. There’s no shame to want to spend private time with your boyfriend,” Luis commented. “I did that with a girl I went out with, but it was for a whole weekend get-away, and she enjoyed it,” Fernando said.
Chapter 2 “Mom, you don’t have to take me today,” I said, grabbing my backpack from the couch. “I’m going to take the bus.” “But that is a very long ride.” She said, watching me. “I can just take you in my car.” “You're already late to work and I’m not in a rush. Besides, I’m going to the library first before my class.” I said, checking my wallet for change then took a deep breath turning to her. “Doctor Brown always said that I need to get adjusted to doing things myself, and I’m trying to do that. I haven’t been on the bus this whole month and I need to get back to doing that again.” “I know.” She said, reaching out to hug me. “I forget that you're not a little kid anymore.” “Mom,” I whined and hugged her back. She lets me go, trying to give me a supporting smile. “Alright. Just text me if you need me to pick you up later. Your last class ends at six, right?” I nod, making my way to the front door. “I’ll let you know once I’m out.” “Be careful crossing the streets.” “Bye, M
“I’ve been feeling like that because school has been stressful for me and I try to not get depressed by how I feel. I’ve tried explaining it to Elliot, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying and he wants to give me these solutions that aren’t the point of why I’m feeling like this.”Luis watched me before pushing his notebook to the side, “So then you tell me. Let me hear about it and I can tell you how I view it.”I looked back at him before sitting up straight and finding any words to explain it to him. “Well, when I applied I put myself as undecided for my major so now the counselor wants me to pick before the end of the semester and my credit could be reflected if I want to transfer or have trouble selecting next semester's courses. But Elliot said that I don’t have to worry about it and if I can’t decide on a major then I can take a year off.” I explained to him.“Taking a year off is risky,” Luis commented. “With your anxiety, I’m sure it’ll be harder to
Chapter 3 My week went by fast after I had my test on Wednesday and when Saturday arrived I was sitting in my room waiting for Elliot to pick me up. I looked over the notebook that I used to write in under Doctor Brown's instructions, but it’s been a few months now since I’ve written an entry and I wondered if I should continue it. It wasn’t necessary for me to continue, but it honestly helped ground myself and I remember the nights I’d spend writing when I couldn’t sleep. The reason I stopped writing was that the first semester was stressful and took most of my energy trying to focus. Doctor Brown has asked me to bring in my journal and feels like it was fine to get back to it when it’s needed. I brushed my fingers over the pages when I heard my phone ring and I set the book to the side. “Hey,” I answered after seeing Elliot’s name on the caller ID. "I'm here." He tells me. "I had to park inside the driveway. There was nowhere else for me to park. I hope your mom is okay taking he