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Chapter 91
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2021-10-11 20:04:46I took a deep breath as I rested my head against his shoulders as I just followed his footsteps and listened to the music trying to feel everything while forgetting about everything so I can focus on us. As I’m listening to the music, I can only feel the warmth of Elliot’s arms around me and kept my eyes closed as I imagined us dancing in a grand ballroom like in Cinderella. I smiled at my imagination as I pulled away once the music ended. Elliot didn’t let go of me and I looked at him immediately seeing his expression. I laughed at his hesitation as I wrapped my arms around him again and leaned forwards giving him a kiss that he was waiting for. Was this how prom will be like for me next year?
Elliot didn’t mind that I didn’t want to dance again and the only time he pulled me to dance again was when they played the last song for the night. I was enjoying the time I had with him until all this is over; until summer starts and everything will change. I leaned my head against
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I was leaning against Elliot while we were sitting on my bed and I’ve spent the last ten minutes looking at the black gown that I bought at school earlier today. I’m trying to let the thoughts sink in that I will finally be graduating high school within a few days and will be starting college in a few months. Elliot has his arm wrapped around my shoulder as he’s watching me and it seems like he’s trying to read my expression. He’s been home since last week after finishing exams and has been visiting me at my home after school. Elliot put a hand over mine to pull me away from my thoughts and softly kissed the side of my cheeks. I closed my eyes as I remind myself to take a deep breath and lean against his warmth.“Are you okay? Can you tell me what you're thinking?” He asked me.“I’m going to graduate,” I tell him like I’m stating a fact that is unheard of.“You are,” He agreed.I let out a heavy sigh and shifted to face him. “I’m going to graduate,” I repeated.Elliot looked back at hi
Last Updated : 2021-10-19Don't Touch Special Bonus Chapter
New YearIt was the end of December, the end of the year, and I was waiting for Elliot outside for a couple of minutes. I had on a jacket and a scar and I was still cold standing outside feeling a bit bothered that Elliot wanted to go to the beach to see the fireworks show for the new years countdown. I got in the car right away when he pulled up and sighed feeling it warm inside.“Cold?” He asked.“Yes. I can’t stand this winter cold.” I tell him.“Well, the heater is on so warm up before we go back outside.” He said as he started driving.“You know it’s colder out there? It’s dark, we’re going to be by the ocean, and it’ll be pack.” I tell him or whining.He smiled, “I have a blanket. It’ll be fine.” He replied back.I shivered a bit as I looked outside. “So how was Christmas?” I asked him.
Last Updated : 2021-11-06Don't Touch Letting Go Chapter 1 [1-4]
Chapter 1For the past two years, every Thursday, I would see my psychiatrist Doctor Brown; today, I am sitting across from her. We’ve been discussing my college courses for almost an hour and my frequent visits to my dad’s house. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that my anxiety has worsened, and it’s been challenging to overcome it than usual. We talked as if we were close friends and built a bond after my first appointment. I had a psychiatrist four years ago while in the process of living with my mom after my suicide attempt, but I’ve never felt as open as I have been with Doctor Brown and I hope I can continue these sessions a little longer.“So, what are you going to do this weekend?” She asked me after we changed topics.“I don’t think I’ll be doing anything aside from seeing my friends from high school this evening, and Elliot won’t be able to join me, but he should be here right now. He wanted to take me home, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He had classes ear
Last Updated : 2022-10-04Don't Touch Chapter 1 [2-4]
Compared to each other, Elliot is taller and is far more athletically built, but I love seeing the dimple on his cheek when he smiles. There is always this awe feeling that I can have someone like him as my boyfriend and I never thought I could connect with a person after my previous relationship. We still have a lot to build between us and our relationship has been going on for two years.Elliot walked over to me, reaching out to hold my hand, and we began to make our way out towards the parking lot. “How did it go?” He asked me.“Nothing more than the usual. We went over a few things that have been bothering me,” I said, stepping inside his car after we approached it and putting on my seat belt. “Talked about the school, my anxiety, and my family. I don’t think those topics have changed over the years.”“What about school?” He asked me.Knowing I hadn’t talked about these things with him, I looked down and paused for a second before explaining. “I need to pick a major before the end
Last Updated : 2022-10-12Don't Touch Chapter 1 [3-4]
It took me a moment to get out of the car, wanting to stay a little longer, but I knew that he didn’t have enough time to hang around and I waved to him before stepping inside my house. I walked over to my room and buried my face on my pillow as I laid down. I let out a heavy sigh and noticed the silence in the house, the only sound that I could hear were the cars passing by outside. My mom and I haven’t been spending time together because I’ve been in my room studying preparing for midterms while she has her full-time work that keeps her away during the day. Having my mom away at work is something I’ve been used to, and even when I was young when my dad was occupied with his work, I’ve always been left alone for various hours. I was close to dozing off when my cell phone started ringing, and I reached into my pocket to take my phone out to answer.“Hello?” I answered.“Hey, where are you?” Luis asked, his voice full of energy. “I’m assuming you are done with your therapy session.”“Y
Last Updated : 2022-10-21Don't Touch Chapter 1 [4-4]
I sighed, a little confused about how the conversation started and was glad to drop the topic. “I’m going to change the subject. So, our anniversary is coming up, and I was thinking about asking Elliot if he wants to go on a trip together during the summer… He would say yes, but he’s been so busy lately that I’m not sure if that is a good idea.” “You went out of town with him before, right?” Brian asked. “Yeah, but with my mom and we slept in separate beds. It’ll be my first trip going somewhere alone with him, and we were supposed to do it last year after my graduation, but he was too busy working and he’s busy looking for an apartment now. Would that be too much to ask him?” I expressed, feeling a little shy about my idea. “Well, ask him, and I’m sure he’ll make time for you. There’s no shame to want to spend private time with your boyfriend,” Luis commented. “I did that with a girl I went out with, but it was for a whole weekend get-away, and she enjoyed it,” Fernando said.
Last Updated : 2022-10-26Don't Touch Chapter 2 [1-2]
Chapter 2 “Mom, you don’t have to take me today,” I said, grabbing my backpack from the couch. “I’m going to take the bus.” “But that is a very long ride.” She said, watching me. “I can just take you in my car.” “You're already late to work and I’m not in a rush. Besides, I’m going to the library first before my class.” I said, checking my wallet for change then took a deep breath turning to her. “Doctor Brown always said that I need to get adjusted to doing things myself, and I’m trying to do that. I haven’t been on the bus this whole month and I need to get back to doing that again.” “I know.” She said, reaching out to hug me. “I forget that you're not a little kid anymore.” “Mom,” I whined and hugged her back. She lets me go, trying to give me a supporting smile. “Alright. Just text me if you need me to pick you up later. Your last class ends at six, right?” I nod, making my way to the front door. “I’ll let you know once I’m out.” “Be careful crossing the streets.” “Bye, M
Last Updated : 2022-11-08Don't Touch Chapter 2 [2-2]
“I’ve been feeling like that because school has been stressful for me and I try to not get depressed by how I feel. I’ve tried explaining it to Elliot, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t understand what I’m saying and he wants to give me these solutions that aren’t the point of why I’m feeling like this.”Luis watched me before pushing his notebook to the side, “So then you tell me. Let me hear about it and I can tell you how I view it.”I looked back at him before sitting up straight and finding any words to explain it to him. “Well, when I applied I put myself as undecided for my major so now the counselor wants me to pick before the end of the semester and my credit could be reflected if I want to transfer or have trouble selecting next semester's courses. But Elliot said that I don’t have to worry about it and if I can’t decide on a major then I can take a year off.” I explained to him.“Taking a year off is risky,” Luis commented. “With your anxiety, I’m sure it’ll be harder to
Last Updated : 2022-11-16
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We spent some time holding onto each other until it started to feel cold now that the sun was going down and the wind got a little stronger. I put on my shoes and then helped Elliot clean the blanket before making our way to the car. Elliot was asking what I would be interested in eating, maybe trying to help me be in the mood to have something filling, but I wasn’t too sure how much I could intake. I agreed with something as simple as pizza and we took it home, where my mom was waiting for us. There was this awkward silence around the table; I felt like Elliot wanted to talk with my mom and report about our day, always privately counseling her. I was barely able to finish two slices before putting my plate in the sink and I gave them their time as I excused myself to change my clothes. I washed my feet since it was dirty from stepping on the wet sand and when I came back to my room, Elliot was lying down on my bed. I didn't say anything as I grabbed a new pair of socks and moved to
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“Michael?” Elliot asked, wanting me to reply to his statement.“I’m listening,” I whispered, turning to look at him and thinking more about his words.“I don’t want you to be upset with yourself or to have any guilty conscience. It was just… I’m trying to inform you that this is also substance abuse or could even lead to it and you’ve used both alcohol and drugs in the past. This is aside from the fact that your friends pressured you to drink, if they continue with this, then you will blindly harm yourself in the long run. I’m actually surprised that you didn’t have that thought and it’s concerning.” Elliot tells me and it felt me speechless.I looked up at the sky and noticed the sun was beginning to set. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” I asked him.“I’m only telling you from the way I view it and I care about you. I don’t know how much you’ve explained to Doctor Brown about the situation, but with your reaction, it seemed like this is something that you haven’t made yourself a
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We both didn’t say anything as Elliot kept his focus on the road and I kept my eyes out the window seeing the view change. I always enjoy seeing the beach view and maybe being out would be a nice breather like he suggested. It took a bit of time for Elliot to find parking and we made our way over to an area that was less crowded. Now that we’re near summer, it was a nice day to be at the beach and it wasn’t so hot that I had to take off my sweater. As always, Elliot took out a blanket from the trunk of his car like he’s always prepared and we laid it out after we found a nice spot away from the pier. It felt like we were the only people on the beach, giving me this secure feeling.“Are you sure that you’re not hungry?” Elliot asked after noticing the time. “I’ll eat after we are done here,” I said while looking over the ocean view and seeing the water shining from the sunlight.“But you like to stay here for hours,” Elliot retorts and tilts his head to look at me closer.I shrugged m
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I sat up suddenly and felt my hands shaking, knowing I’d woken up from another nightmare. Why was this one real compared to the other one I had? Why did I remember something from the past that I was able to forget? No, I’m going to forget about it again like it never happened. I don’t want more memories from the past to resurface and affect me like before. It took me a moment to remember that I was in my bedroom and I reached a hand out to the spot beside me. I didn’t feel Elliot's hand and looked over to see his side of the bed empty. I tried to stay calm as I looked around my room trying to figure out if he had left while I was sleeping, but that wouldn’t be something that Elliot would do. “Elliot?” I called out in a small voice. Did he go home? No, he said that he was going to stay for a while and wasn’t going to leave without telling me. I tried not to feel overwhelmed as I pulled the covers off and checked the restroom, hoping he was in there. I stepped out to the hallway, hear
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For a second, I wondered if we shouldn’t be holding each other like this, but does this mean that he still cares for me, or is he only being kind? If we had been like this before I fell asleep, I might not have had that dream. The thought about the dream had me shivering as I recall Chris’s face and I moved a bit away from Elliot, but he still had me in his arms. He must have noticed my discomfort and I felt his hands patting my back, trying to comfort me. I’m starting to feel a bit of pain in the pit of my stomach and I know it’s all the stress from having the panic attacks to the night terror. “I’m tired,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted again. “You’re going to be tired the whole day if you don’t rest,” Elliot replied. “I know… I’m already getting a stomach ache,” I said, then sighed, feeling a little pain. “And I was feeling that earlier at my dad’s house.” “Do you need some medicine?” He asked me. “I think so,” I said, sitting up. “Stay here. I’ll get it for
Don't Touch Chapter 17 [2-3]
I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable, and it felt easier to fall asleep with Elliot beside me. At least I know he is here supportively and he chose to stay the night because he wanted to; not just to watch over me out of spite. Even if he was here to comfort me and nothing more, I’m thankful he let me lean on him, even if it’s only for tonight. I opened my eyes, wanting a little peek, and he looked like he was already sound asleep; maybe he was already tired before coming to pick me up. There was something I wanted to ask him about our relationship, but I was also afraid to hear the answer, or I was only hoping for an answer that I wanted to hear. I turned over, away from him, and closed my eyes, knowing I was only trying to distract myself from sleeping. For a while, I could hear the soft breathing coming from Elliot, and hearing him was a nice reminder that I wasn’t alone. A sudden flashing light disturbed me and I raised a hand trying to block it; maybe I left the blinds op
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Chapter 17When we entered the house, I went to the kitchen and decided I needed my anxiety pill. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked him.“Water is fine,” He answered.I grabbed two bottles of water and handed them to him as we moved to sit on the couch. “You really don’t mind staying?” I asked him.Elliot took the bottle of water and had a small sip, “I don’t mind.”I moved to lean against the armrest and face him as we sat on the long couch. “Before I called you, I was in the guest room trying to relax but I was going through both panic attacks and anxiety,” I told him while looking down at the bottle of water. “All those feelings came to me that I began to doubt myself... Every time I see Chris, alarm bells go off in my head and my body yells that I need to leave. Runaway, hide, or find a way to disappear.”Elliot reached out to hold my wrist and the touch grabbed my attention, “And now your home, far away from him. Remember that he’s not going to hurt you here.”“Come on, E
Don't Touch Chapter 16 [4-4]
I looked into the living room, and I saw Ally on the ground playing with her toys while Caesar sat beside her, looking down at his phone. “When did she wake up?” I asked.He looked up and put his phone away, “About ten minutes ago… You look worse.”I moved to sit on the floor with them and Ally crawled over to me. “I called Elliot and he’s going to come by,” I told him and put Ally on my lap with her stuffed bear. “Is it okay if you wait until he gets here?”“Yeah,” He nodded as he reached into his pocket and handed me a paper. “They want you to call this number and you can tell them what happened. It’s Chris’s probation officer and they said that he will get a fine after breaking his restraining order.”I looked down at the paper, “A fine? That’s it?” I asked him.“Since he didn’t do anything, there isn’t much they can do besides that, and if he had done something, they could have him in jail for over six months,” Caesar said, leaning back to rest against the couch.“But that sounds
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It was quiet on the walk back to my house and Caesar laid Ally down on her crib after I showed him the way to the bedroom. I was able to calm down a bit, but my hands were still shakey and I knew that this anxious feeling wouldn’t go away. I watched as Caesar closed the door behind him and rubbed my arm nervously, taking the lead back downstairs. I led him to the kitchen to grab a cup of water and took a small sip while Caesar stood behind me, leaning against the counter. It's my fault for being careless and going out when I’ve already been warned that he’s back in town. What would have happened if I was alone or if Caesar didn’t show up at the right time?“Thanks for helping me,” I whispered.“Well, it wasn’t like he could do much without having to put himself in jail and I’m not sure how you would have been if he stayed longer.” He said and looked me over like he was being cautious with his words. “You should be careful having these panic attacks while holding your sister… It looked
