I wasn’t able to pick myself up easily even after half an hour they left. I was hyperventilating. I cried my heart out as I try to release the pain I had been trying to keep deep inside my chest. My eyes had turned red and sunken by the time my tears subsided so I still couldn’t go to the hospital. To kill time, I went to my art gallery, and read emails from my clients to review their offers.
“Are we going to push through with the auction to be held tomorrow night? I have received feedback from the announcement and invitations we sent, but we could delay it for a week. I’m sure they will understand if they hear your reason—”
I shook my head, and cut off Alicia. “They do not need to know about Elon’s condition, Alicia. I cannot disappoint my guests either. We will push through with the auction. Is everything ready?”
Alicia nodded. “Yes, Mrs. Alistair…”
Mrs. Alistair…
“I suggest you start calling me by my name and not by my husband’s…” I pushed back my body and looked at Alicia. “How is my father’s candidacy going?”
The auction that I will conduct was for a fundraiser to support my father’s charity organization. It was to assist my father in his candidacy, and to further strengthen his positive image and thus win over the hearts of people. He was running for Mayor, for the second time.
“There is no doubt that your father will win again, despite having solid competitors, Mrs— Ma’am Eleanor.”
“Just Eleanor, Alicia.” I corrected her. “You’ve been my secretary for five years now and we have grown closer to the point that you know my husband’s affair. You can drop the formality.”
Alicia’s brows met. Her lips curved, as if wanting to say more, but she suppressed herself. “Are you sure, Ma’am?”
I nodded, and then smiled, before I stood up. “Yes.”
Alicia then nod her head. “Both the benchmark poll and survey results shows that your father is certain to win, so rest assured. I’m sure your father’s secretary already know this as well.”
“That’s good to hear…” I responded, but my eyes couldn’t really vouch for my remark. “I’m going to the hospital now, so you can stay here to take over. You can call me when something happens.”
“I will…. Eleanor.”
I left the gallery. I headed to the hospital with my car and informed Damian beforehand. It wasn’t really because I wanted to update him, but I more likely wanted to know if my parents were still there. But as expected, I received no reply from Damian.
I could just hope they were no longer there.
On the elevator, I put out my foundation and mirror to retouch my make-up. My eyes looked better now but I was sure Damian and Elon could still notice it, so I added a layer around my eyes, and put a brighter lipstick to make it subtle. It was a good thing I finished before it opened.
“Eleanor?”
“Mike?”
Clad in a formal polo shirt, tie, and white coat, was a man I knew a few years back. A friend from college, along with his other co-doctors.
“Hey!” He greeted with a smile as they stepped inside. “Eleanor, you sure look a lot better. How are you?”
Mike was a close friend of mine. We were actually in a circle of friends. Me, Abby and Mike. But he flew for California after we graduated and I never really heard of him since then so I was kind of shock to see him here.
But seeing how he’s wearing a doctor’s uniform must have mean he’s working here. But how come I only get to see him now?
“Mike! I didn’t know you’re back…”
“I came back six months ago,” he responded, looking at me with awe. “I heard you’re married to Damian now. Guess first love worked out for you, huh.”
Not at all, Mike.
I gave him a smile as a response. “How about you? I lost contact with you after you flew to California. How are you doing?”
“I studied again after I flew and only get to work recently so I was quite busy. It was a shame, I would’ve pursued you if you were single.” He joked and chuckled. “Are you free now? How about a lunch? My treat.”
“I would love to, Mike. But I am only about to visit my son. So, maybe later?”
I left the hospital yesterday. By now, Elon must be starting to look for me.
“Your son? What happened to him?” Mike’s brows creased.
I figured it might not be the best setting to talk about it. Fortunately, the elevator stopped and open as it reached the floor I was going to.
“Let’s catch up later, I’ll meet you at the lobby.”
“Or I can come with you right now…” I heard him say as I stepped out.
When I looked over him, he was already behind me. The elevator also closed so I didn’t feel like I could still refuse him. Wherefore I let him go with me.
“Mommy!” Elon’s cheerful voice filled my ears when I opened the door. He was eating an apple with Damian by his side. I immediately fasten my steps to greet him with a kiss.
Thankfully, my parents were no longer there.
“I’m sorry I was late. Mommy had some things to do,” I smiled, before I looked back to his visitor. “Elon, this is my friend Mike. He wanted to see you so I brough him.”
“Hi there, buddy.” Mike waved his hand to Elon and smiled.
“You’re a doctor?”
Mike nodded. “Yup. I work around here.”
“Cool.” Elon commented. “Do you want apples?”
“You sure have a good son, Eleanor. He takes after you.” Mike whispered, before he winked at me. I just smiled, before my eyes went to Damian, whose face looked stoic.
“Are you not going to introduce me, Elle?”
I shifted my gaze to Mike. “Mike, it’s Damian. You know about him, right?”
I couldn’t think of a better way to introduce him. He wanted a divorce. But then again, introducing him that way didn’t seem like he was fine with it either, seeing as his eyes turned more… dark.
“Damian… the husband, right?” Mike eyed Damian, giving him a nice smile. “I heard about you a lot from our friends. Nice to finally meet you,” he said before walking towards Damian to offer a hand.That sure calmed Damian’s expression. He turned to Mike, stood up, and then shake his hand with a very little and unfriendly smile on his lips. I shifted my gaze to my son, Elon then.“Likewise, Mike.” I heard Damian say.I sat beside Elon. I snaked my right arm around his body to touch his small hand. It was there I noticed a black bracelet I’ve never seen before. Must have been from his dad… or my parents.“That’s a beautiful bracelet..” I softly commented when I traced it with my fingers. “Is this hand-made?”“Yeah.” Elon turned to me with a bright look on his face. “Aunt Elizabeth gave it to me.”Hearing Elizabeth’s name rather than my husband’s, I was a little perplexed. Elizabeth was never close to Damian. She wasn’t even interested in him. That fact alone made it hard for me to maint
On my way to our agreed location, I was clouded with thoughts. What would happen from hereon, how we would tell Elon about our separation, how he would react. What will my father say? If news spread about Damian and Elizabeth, it would ruin his name. It would affect his candidacy.Everything would be out of my control and somehow… although I knew I did what I could to not let it uncover the ugliest way, it was still troubling.Unwittingly, my right hand moved towards left to touch the cold ring sitting on my fourth finger. I traced the stones on the side, before I looked down on it like I was meeting its significance eye to eye. My heart thundered. I have worn this ring so long, it now feels like a part of my skin.It was a testament of our love… that has turned to a material about to lose its purpose.That being said, it hasn’t. So, I let it stay there, and walked out the elevator.One taxi ride and I arrived at Retro Roastery. Mike was already there, looking over his watch when I ca
I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. Just imagining that I'll have the unfortunate opportunity to see both of them together, live— not just in my head like I used to the past two years, was enough to make me feel suffocated.“A plus-one…” I mumbled, masking the pain with ignorance. “I did not invite Elizabeth.”“Your father did.” Alicia handed me the pad, where the list of the guests, special attendees, hosts, and organizers were listed. Elizabeth and Damian’s names were highlighted yellow— an indication that they were invited from my father’s end.Seeing it in my own two eyes, I was speechless. Nagging what-ifs filled my mind, and I could only draw a deep breath as I tried not to show how I felt. There was a big lump in my throat, and I was a ball of trepidation as I handed the pad back to Alicia.Agitation colored my eyes. My heart ached in despair. The event hadn't even started, but my energy was already drained.“Let’s put your dress on, Mrs. Alistair.” My stylist spoke, nudging me
“Elon..”My legs weakened. I propped my hand at the sink for support, and drew a deep breath as I tried to compose myself. “Elon is my son,” I countered, a bit firmly, meeting her scornful gaze. “I did not say anything about your relationship with Damian, but do not think you can take my son away from me.”For twenty years, my goals revolved around achieving the same things Elizabeth did. I respected her a lot, envied her, made her my role model, even tried to follow her footsteps, except it wasn't very hard because she naturally had that star quality, and a mere imitation like me wouldn't be able to copy that. It wasn't until I was twenty-one that I realized our differences; appreciated who I grew up to be.I started to feel less inferior. I began to have friends who thought I was amazing, and they made me believe I didn't have to be as good as anyone, because I had a great talent and other traits I should be more proud of. Maybe that was the starting point of this huge wall between
"What is it to you, Damian?"I felt an invisible rope around my neck as I looked at Damian with my emotions naked in his eyes. The same moment, I felt like I asked the wrong thing. But I also wasn't sure. Had I asked him about that one thing I have been curious about, would I have been ready for his answer?What is it to him? That was the only question I could throw right now. Why was he here inside my car asking me about a man I have been friends with since college? Those accusing eyes— what made him finally come to me without an emergency?Does being with Mike bother him? Did it pierce his heart, make his knees weak, send shivers down his spine? Did it hurt him as much as it did to me when I went through two whole years pretending I didn’t know about his affair with my sister?I wish. Because none of them have any idea how I managed to get through their betrayal every day. You absolutely have no idea, Damian. How many times I slept on the couch waiting for him to get home, how ofte
We did it many times. But Damian wasn't satisfied just doing it inside the cramped car. We went to the nearest hotel, and I lost track of how many times he claimed my body. His every movement was intense, passionate, hungry.Gone was the gentle Damian who would let me rest after a round or two back when we were still a happy couple. He showed me another side of him that I hadn't seen before; perhaps one that Elizabeth built. But I wouldn't say I hate it. I couldn't bring myself to.I longed for it. As stupid as it may sound, I hoped it would change something between us.I hoped. Because the next day, when I woke up, and tried to reach for the other side of the bed, he was no longer with me. Not even a trace of him was there, and I had to repeatedly force myself to believe it wasn't a dream.It was too vivid to be a dream. So, I got myself ready to see him at the hospital."Mommy!" Elon's cheerful voice was what welcomed me the moment I entered the room— before my eyes fell to his two
I bawled my eyes out.The moment he turned his back on me, I quickly ran in the opposite direction to relieve the pain. I cried in one of the cubicles in the comfort room, covered my mouth so I wouldn't be heard. I ran out of tissues but still, the stinging pain didn't disappear, and I just stood behind the door, waiting for the afflicting woe to dry out.Damian's words echoed in my mind countless times as I feebly hung fire— none of it were clear enough for me to digest. I couldn't understand how he could care for Elizabeth's feelings, and not mine. Above all, I wasn't sure I could put my mind to rest knowing that I still didn't hear the reason he kissed me on the car; the reason he was so mad about Mike.He can't just tell me those were a spur of the moment because it wasn't. His emotions were raw... why? what for?I took a deep breath. I removed my glasses, then rested my back on the swivel chair. I had just finished answering queries from potential clients. Apparently, Alicia was
"Agreed..."The smile on my face collapsed. Just like that, the conversation was interrupted, and the good ambiance circling around was disturbed. Standing up to face him was my initial reaction. Had I not been more careful, I would've voiced out the question that popped in my head as soon as our eyes met.What was he doing here?"I didn't know you're invited." Abby expressed herself the most profound way."This is also my house. I didn't need to be invited." Damian made it clear, raising a brow."I was talking about our conversation, but thanks for reminding me, Damian." Abby answered sarcastically.I returned my gaze to Abby to refrain her from engaging in a discord with Damian. "I'm sorry. I didn't give him a heads-up because I thought he was going to look after Elon."I gently pulled Damian by his arm to take him away from the dining table."That was rude, Damian." I had to say, my face full of discontent. "Why did you come? Elon's going to be all alone.""Elizabeth was there." He
Was I really thankful? I probably only said that to fake composure— so he’d know that even if it affected me, it wouldn’t be enough to break me down which would be quite a stretch to comprehend considering I had been playing dumb for two whole years just so Damian wouldn’t leave me, and my family could keep being my family.Now, when I thought of that, it always reminded me how much of a big decision confronting them was. Yet, even if I turn back time, I knew with certainty that I would done the same. Not just because of Elon, but because of the personal growth, lesson, and courage I earned along the way. I had to stand up for myself, and making that choice helped me alter my course from a more heart-wrenching dilemma. I just knew it would be more worse as time went by and it would probably keep going until nothing was left of me. Not even Elon.After that talk, I buried myself in work. I forced to kept my mind occupied with something more valuable, something that I knew didn't have
I felt like I was standing on a crumbling ground, like the floor beneath me was beginning to give me way and I was free-falling into something dark and endless. It wade my knees weak. “This apology probably wouldn’t mean a single thing to you now. It’s late and I’d understand if you won’t take it…” Damian continued, his voice careful, struggling. “But I thought it was about time we talk about it. So when Elon gets better, and we divorce… everything will be—”“You thought you’ll be able to start with a clean slate if you apologize now?” I asked, breathless. “Eleanor..” He heaved a deep breath. “We’re eventually going to go our separate ways, and it would be better if we could move forward without this issue holding us back.”I wanted to scoffed. Goddamn, if the pain inside me wasn’t stronger than hatred, disappointment, rage and everything else— I definitely would have mop the fact that I wouldn’t move on just because he apologized to me on his face.It wasn’t that easy— and hearing
My fingers curled around the doorknob—and I chastised myself upon giving away seconds of hesitation. Really… After saying that I had enough, that one statement was all it would took for me to swoon and reconsider talking to him?“Okay..” I breathed, not taking my eyes off him. “Let’s hear it.”Let’s talk about it. This will prove my weak resolve when it comes to him, but I wouldn’t pretend to be unbothered and uncurious. He wanted to talk about it suddenly like he owe it to me? Okay. Afterall, I had been dying to hear the answers from him. Why did he cheat on me with Elizabeth? Was it truly because I wasn’t enough?Agreeing to hear him out was pure stupidity. But I didn’t care.“Elizabeth and I started even before you find out. Even before the two years you know…” His throat bobbed as he swallowed, his hands clenching at his sides. I kind of saw that coming. Of course. Elon’s turning eight now. I knew they had been a thing probably after she gave birth, or maybe even before. I expec
“I’m sorry..”Sorry? He was sorry about it?What he said barely registered at first. It felt implausible that I actually thought I was hearing things, but I heard him sigh and take a few steps, which rattled me.So, when I turned, and saw Damian standing a few meters away from me, I intently meet his gaze to try and weight down the emotions lingering there.He was sorry? Was I hearing it right? Damian apologized to me… just as I thought he’d avoid me as I did?I couldn’t do anything when it repeatedly echoed in my mind, clattering something loose in my chest. After all these years, I went through all the pain, all the betrayal, and not once did I ever hear him apologize to me— not even an explanation, or even a reason why he did that. Why now?I struggled to breath. I couldn’t continue walking even if my mind wanted to. I should have walked straight. I should have gone straight to Elon’s room like I intended, ignore him like I planned—like he deserved. But instead, my feet double cro
Chapter 41: Big DecisionI walked down the hall, my fingers tracing the details of my ring on my fourth finger as I moved. My steps were small, making little to no sound. I was afraid Elon would hear me and he’d come to ask me down to continue the small talk we were having before Damian arrived.That, I can’t do right now.I headed to my room— the guest room sitting just beside Elon. Walls painted cream and dark brown, with three of my paintings back when I was college hanging in the wall. It was where I had been staying.And Damian hadn’t said anything about it— just as expected. Surely, he wouldn’t think we’d still share a bed together even after all that. Except the room felt quiet draining when entered. The space felt foreign— or was it the feeling, after letting it all out like a mad woman?I sat in the bed and stared at the floor— then to my right hand where my ring was on. Looking at it pained me, which was strange, because I had always hold on to it because it gave me so much
“I can’t believe this…”My voice trembled despite my best efforts to keep it steady. My hands were shaky. I have given up on saving my composure. The calm and collected facade just dropped and I knew I would have to unknow everything for me to keep a straight face and continue giving that low tone.At this point, I wasn’t even surprise anymore. Not even this powerful, heart-wrenching pain could hold a candle against my building anger. Everything kept pushing me to my edge and I felt so done bein trampled on.No. They couldn’t do that over and over and expect me to apologize even when I was on the wrong."You know what, Damian? It doesn’t even matter anymore. Do whatever you want. Let her move in. Make her feel comfortable.” I breathed hard, trying to end this conversation once and for all. “Do what will help you sleep at night, but just know that you’ll lose your right to Elon.”His brows furrowed. "Eleanor, it’s not—"I angrily shook my head. I wasn’t and didn’t want to give him a ch
Chapter 39: Emerging AngerMy heart was in discord, thrumming with a mixture of uneasiness, and concern. I didn’t really had a choice when he spoke to me looking like that. He sounded impatient, and I definitely didn’t want to throw the good atmosphere in the living room so I stood up and followed, with hesitant movement.We walked upstairs, and went into the master bedroom. I was the one who shut the heavy wooden door behind me, and I felt the tension rightafter.If this was about me not telling him beforehand that we left with Mike, then I could apologize. But why did he look so bothered?“Damian, you weren’t answering my calls, so—”He turned to me with his jaw tauted and his gaze dark with something unreadable. That made me stop— and threatened.I held my breath.I was wrong. This wasn’t just because of that. There was something else and I feel that I could guess what it was.Elizabeth.“What happened this morning, Eleanor?” he finally asked, his voice now low but firm.I let out a
I hesitated. Looking at the new message I was about to send, seconds stretched with anticipation. Was apologizing the right thing? He was late. He wasn’t answering my calls.Would this sound like I was pleasing him too much?My phone buzzed again, disrupting my thoughts. Damian’s name flashed on the screen, and I once again contemplated if I would answer it.But I was sure as hell he’d be mad if I didn’t.I inhaled sharply before swiping towards left. "Hey.""Eleanor," his voice was firm, and edged with somethingI could call displease. "Where are you?"I swallowed. "I just texted you. Mike dropped us off. I—" I hesitated. "I meant to text you earlier, but it slipped my mind. I'm sorry."It must have been when Abby called me on our way home, I didn’t have the chance to inform him.There was a pause on the other end. Not that long, but enough to make my pulse beat fast."You should have," he finally said with his tone neutral. Disappointment was evident, so was irritation. But I didn’t
Mike left. That was our cue to get inside. Elon walked beside me, his small hand in mine. He talked about the cars parked outside, the flowers lining in the pathway—but I could I barely registered his words. My mind was busy pondering over what happened.I wasn’t planning to think about it— but looking at the house made me feel the same tension I felt this morning. I hated to, but it felt like a ghostly scene that I couldn’t get rid of. “Dad didn’t bring his black car. I always thought it’s his best out of his three. It’s super cool!” Elon tugged at my fingers, trying to pull me into his excitement.I forced a small smile. I looked down to him and squeezed his hand lightly. “Yeah. I know, baby. You always tell me that.” I breathed. “Do you want me to borrow your dad’s keys so we could try driving it?”His grin was wide. “Can we?”I nodded. As we reached the entrance, I noticed the doors were already open. Mathilde and Anikka were there, waiting. And they had always been attentive,