Carter: His Turn

I hear Ryan take a deep breath and sit up.  I’m trying hard not to think of her laying on her bed while I talk to her.  It will not help me focus on the conversation.

“Go for it,” Ryan says.

“Ok, question 1: Why do you like me?” I smile knowing that I'm throwing her question back at her.

“Jugular, huh?” she says, wryly.

“Yup,” I reply, smiling wider.

“Well, you know that I’ve liked you for a while.  I was initially attracted to your looks.”

“You think I’m hot?” I tease.

“Cute."

“Cute!” I say, laughing, trying to sound offended

“Cute,” she affirms, the smile evident in her voice.  “But, since I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve found that you have an excellent sense of humor, you are very sweet and caring, and you don’t seem to care about popularity.”

“That’s true.  It doesn’t really matter to me."

“Ok, what’s next?”

I chuckle.  I didn’t know that she could be so forceful.  I like it.

“Ok, why don’t I ever see you at any parties?  I know you’ve been invited.”

“Um…” she hesitates.  I hear her shifting on her bed.  “I don’t really feel comfortable at parties.  I don’t like the pressure to have fun and that there are certain expectations, especially for couples.”

I’m puzzled.  What is she talking about - expectations? “What do you mean?”

“Is that your next question?”

“No.  Just getting clarification.”

“In my experience, guys often expect specific things to happen sexually at parties, whether you're ready or not.”  Her voice is quiet.

“Ryan, I don’t know who you’ve gone to parties with, but that should never be the expectation,” I say, a little forcefully.

“I know that, now.” Her voice is still quiet and I can tell there is something I don't know behind those words.

     I’m about to ask more about that, but she clears her throat.  “Ok, next?”

Ok.  I need to back off right now.  She’s not ready to talk about that with me.  Let’s lighten it up a bit.  “Question 3: What do you do with your friends instead of partying?”

I immediately hear her tone lighten and I’m glad that I changed up my questioning.  “Well, we do whatever people typically do: go out to eat, movies, shopping, hang out, sleepover.  The usual.”

     There is a brief pause in the conversation before she teasingly says, “Come on, Carter.  I know there are harder questions you must have.”

“Ok,” I laugh.  “Why are you so cold and sarcastic to me sometimes?”

She takes a deep breath.  “Well, with the way that Patrick tormented me for years and other things that have happened, I thought it would be better not to get too close to you.”

“I get that.  I don’t like it, but I get it.”

She sighs.  “I’ll try to get better at that.”

“Well, thank you,” I joke.

“You're welcome,” she laughs.  I can’t help but smile at the sound.  “Alright, last question.  Make it a good one.”

“Well, there is something that I want to know about last year.” 

I hear her go completely still and know that I've probably stepped over the line again.  “Nevermind.  I can think of another question.” I say quickly.

“No.  No.  You’re going to have to find out sooner or later.  Might as well talk about it.  You want to know where I went during the fall of last year.”

“Yeah,” I say, hesitantly.  “You just kind of disappeared for a while and when you came back, you were...different.”

“Yeah,” she breathes out.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this?  You sound really upset.”

      “Yes.” I can hear her mentally preparing herself.  “Yes, I do.”

-------

Ryan

This is it.  This is what I’ve talked with Lisa about for months. I’m ready.  I am about to tell someone other than my family and my three best friends.  I can do it.  I’ve gotta do it if anything is going to happen between Carter and me.  I steel myself and start.

“Ok, you remember the guy that I was dating when I exploded at Patrick?” I say.

“Yeah, that Tommy kid, right?” Carter says.

“Yeah, Tommy Jones.”  I exhale and forge ahead.  “So Tommy and I had dated for a while, about four months, actually.  I thought that we were in love.  So, things had been advancing...physically, but I wasn’t quite ready for sex.  I was a virgin and I...just wasn’t ready.”

“I mean, who doesn’t feel that their first time?”

“Well, Tommy didn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Carter's voice hardens.

“He had been wanting to have sex since we first got together.  He’d pushed me to do...things that I wasn’t ready for, but I had held off having sex.  But, that changed the night of the party on the last day of freshman year…”

--------

Flashback

Ryan: WARNING: Depictions of graphic violence and rape

It was the Friday night after our last day of school and Tommy had picked me up at my house.  We were heading to the local Lions Club for the annual end of the year party they held for high schoolers.  Local parents had agreed years ago that it was better to know where their kids were and provide them with a party instead of kids going who knows where unsupervised.  Obviously alcohol was forbidden, but that didn’t stop kids from bringing vodka in water bottles, mixing blue drinks into mini Listerine bottles, or just drinking out in the parking lot.  Tommy has an unopened flask in the cup holder beside him and I nervously look at it out of the corner of my eye.  He wasn’t always the most pleasant drunk.

Tommy was my first high school boyfriend.  Things started off great, but Tommy was really sexually aggressive.  I was a virgin in nearly every sense of the word.  Tommy was only the second guy that I had kissed and I had never gone beyond that.  He kept pushing for more than I was really ready for, but I did it because I thought that we were in love.  Apparently the blow jobs, fingering, and painful anal sex weren’t enough for Tommy, though.  He wanted everything and I just really wasn’t ready.

I’d managed to hold him off, but the last time was too close.  He’d even left my arms bruised from holding me to the bed.  I don’t know if it was my tears or my screaming that stopped him, but he eventually got off of me and took me home.

That was last week.  We really hadn’t talked since then, but I had agreed to come to this party with him, so here we are.

“I thought I told you to dress sexy,” Tommy says.  This is the first thing that he’s said to me since he picked me up.

I look down at my outfit.  Despite the heat, I was wearing a long sleeved shirt to cover the bruises that still decorated my forearms.  The shirt didn’t show a lot of skin, but it was tight and a mellowed orange color to highlight the copper in my hair.  I wore a short, jean skirt, and wedge heels.  I thought I looked good, all things considered.

“I did,” I say.

“You’re all covered up.  I can’t see your tits.  And why are you wearing long sleeves?”

Starting to get pissed, I hotly reply, “Well, if you hadn’t bruised my arms, I’d be able to wear something more revealing.”  I cross my arms over my chest and look at him.

I expect him to wince or apologize.  Anything to show remorse.  But his gaze doesn’t waver from the road.  It was like I hadn’t even spoken.  For the rest of the short ride, we are silent.

                                                                 

Once in the parking lot, Tommy pulls his flask out of the cupholder and starts drinking.  “Go on in,” he says.  “I’ll be there in a bit.”

Great.  Now he’s gonna get wasted and I’ll have to find another way home.  

“Whatever."  I jump out of the car and slam the door.

There are A LOT of kids in the building, but I easily spot Ayo, Lucy, and Jess.

“Hey, Ryan,” Ayo calls, giddily waving her hand for me to come over when I’m five feet from her.

“Hello, Ayo,” I smirk.  “Someone has obviously started the party early.” I turn to Jess and Lucy.

“She insisted on making sure that the alcohol was still good.” Jess pulls me into a hug.

“Does alcohol go bad?” I ask, standing next to Lucy and putting my head on her shoulder.  She immediately starts brushing my hair back from my face and smiles down at me.

“I don’t think that was the point,” Lucy says.  “Where’s Tommy?”

I sigh, “In the car, getting wasted.”

           “Want some?” Jess holds out a water bottle filled with what looks like orange juice.  Screwdriver, obviously.  

“Not tonight,” I say.  “I just want to hang with you guys and have some fun.”

“More for me,” Ayo grabs the water bottle from Jess and guzzles half of it in one swig.

“Shit, Ayo!  Save some for the rest of us,” Jess says, taking the bottle back.

       

“Nooooo, it’s bad for you,” Ayo slurs, hanging over Jess’s shoulder and reaching for the bottle.   “I’ll dispose of it for you.” She giggles.

       

“Girl, you are gonna have the worst hangover tomorrow!” Jess exclaims, handing the water bottle to Lucy.  She steers Ayo towards the refreshment table.  “Let’s get you some water and help sober you up.”

       

“Sure thing, jefe. Lead the way!” Ayo dissolves into giggles and throws her arm around Jess.

       

Lucy sighs and stuffs the bottle into her bag. “She always goes overboard.  You would think that she would learn to pace herself.” Zipping her bag, Lucy grabs my hand and starts pulling me towards the dance floor.  “Come on, let’s dance.”

       

I smile and let her lead me onto the floor. J. Lo’s "Waiting for Tonight" is playing.  The constant beat and sensual music flows into my body.  Lucy and I wrap our arms around each other and start dancing together.  This is something that we do when we dance at clubs or parties.  Though it tends to be interpreted the wrong way by guys, it also keeps them away from us. 

       

After about 30 minutes of dancing, Jess and Ayo join us. Ayo is noticeably steadier on her feet, but still feeling the party.  We all dance together for a few songs when I feel two strong hands grip my waist.  They pull me away from Ayo and into a solid, muscular chest. The smell of Tommy’s cologne is mixed with the reek of alcohol on his breath.

       

“Are you trying to tease me?” he whispers in my ear, his tone a mix of need and anger.

       

“No, Tommy!  We’re just dancing,” I attempt to pull away, but he holds me fast.  I can feel his erection on my ass and shiver from the thought of what will likely happen next.

        

Mistaking my repulsion for excitement, Tommy bites my ear and pulls me towards the door.  “Let’s go.”

        

“Where?” I ask, turning back towards the girls.  I give them a weak smile and a thumbs up in response to their worried faces.

        

“Chris’s. He said we could use his room.”

         

Shit!  Just when I was starting to relax.

         

Luckily, Chris’s house is two streets down from the Lion’s Club, so we can walk. I so don’t want to get in a car with Tommy just now.

         

Tommy pulls me into the house and up the stairs. Once there, he lunges for my face and bombards me with his mouth. His hands are everywhere and I can feel his erection against my hip.  Don’t get me wrong, Tommy gets me hot. I usually end up not minding the things we do, but he is just so damn aggressive.  I try to push him off to at least get some air, but he slams my back against the door.  I slam my head on the door and see stars for a second.  He pushes his body into me harder, pinning me there.

         

I groan into his mouth, which he takes as encouragement.  He reaches for my skirt and pushes it off my hips. His hands knife into my underwear and he pushes his fingers into me. No prep, nothing.  Just dives right in and it HURTS.  I bite his lip, causing him to pull back in pain.

         

He stares at me for a second while I wince in pain and attempt to cover myself. I’ve got my eyes closed when I feel my left cheek explode. My hands jump to my face and I look up at Tommy. His hand is still hanging in the air and the look in his eye is filled with what I can only call malice.

        

“You- you just hit me,” I stutter out weakly.

         

He says nothing, just grabs my arm and throws me onto the bed.  I scream, but he covers my mouth with his hand and starts pulling off my underwear.  “I will fuck you tonight! You’re little lame ass excuses and crying won’t get you out of it this time!” he growls into my face.  The smell of alcohol is everywhere.  My stomach clenches in fear.

         

I try to scream, deny, call for help, but his hand still covers my mouth.  I attempt to get up, to push him away, but he closes his fist and punches me in the face.  Agony blooms again on the left side of my face. From my mouth up to my eye feels as if it is on fire.  I can’t see what is happening through my tears and a sob boils up from my chest.

         

I can’t see, but I can feel.  Tommy literally rips the shirt from my body and pulls my bra down.  He roughly grabs one of my breasts and bites the other. I scream and writhe in pain and he backhands me.

        

“Shut the fuck up,” he says.  His eyes are bright red.  He reaches down and starts pinching and twisting my clit painfully.  I struggle to keep quiet as tears roll down my face. His fingers enter me, shoving in and out of my body.

        

“Please, Tommy!  Stop!   Please!   It hurts so much!” I whisper.

        

“Then why are you getting wet?” he growls.  I hear clothing falling to the floor.  His shirt, I assume. Then I hear his zipper and more clothes falling.

         

God, no! He’s going to rape me.  I feel renewed strength rush into my limbs and I sit up. I see him staring between my legs, his hand jerking his cock as he hovers above me.

         

“No, Tommy.  Stop!  I don’t want this,” I shout, scooting further on the bed away from him.

         

“Get back here!” he shouts.  He grabs my leg and pulls me back toward him.

          

I completely panic. I scream like a banshee and start hitting and kicking Tommy with all my might.  I manage to kick him hard in the gut. He doubles over, holding his stomach.  I take that moment to run.

          

But I only make it to the door.  He had locked it and I didn’t realize it.  I’m fumbling to unlock the door when he grabs me by the hair and yanks me back to the bed.

          

“Where do you think you’re going?” He yells.  He tosses me back onto the bed.  He climbs on top of me, straddles my body, pinning my arms with his knees.  He pulls back a fist and hits me.  Once.  Twice.  Three times.  That’s the last thing I remember before blackness covers everything.