Chapter 44

Day 6

Their time together would soon come to an end. He suggested her to finish the flower painting today, so she was sitting on the stool and applying color to the outlined petals. Something had changed significantly between them since yesterday. She was completely at ease with him now she dared to ask the question that rouse her curiosity so far.

"I know gentlemen practicing swordplay for exercise. My father practices boxing and fencing frequently as well, but I'm sure he cannot do what you did."

He watched her for a short while and replied bluntly.

"You mean, killing people."

She swallowed, trying to find a tactful choice of words.

"I mean... you are very well trained in... fighting art, armed and unarmed. Does your family have a military background?"

He returned his focus on the canvas.

"My grandparents were killed in a robbery while traveling, along with some servants. As the only person survived in the incident, my uncle was obsessed with fighting arts ever since. He learned from some of the best fighters in Europe, and he determined to make it a culture in our family. He trained both of us from a very young age."

She remembered how skillful Magnus was when practicing swordplay with the captain. She recalled Magnus once said that he never killed anyone, and he could never do that. She trusted Magnus would never be able to do such horrible things. But this one, from her recollection of what happened some time ago, surely it wasn't the first time for him. She asked carefully.

"Were you trained to... to kill your enemies?"

"It's not the purpose, but it's part of the training. We are not supposed to do it unless necessary."

"You said it's part of the training, what does that mean?"

"Forget it. It's nothing fit for your ear."

"I saw you killing the villains before my very eyes. I heard their scream and the bone-cracking sound. It couldn't be more dreadful than that."

"If you insist," He considered it for a while.

"My uncle brought us some captured villains once. Murderers and rapists, the worst kind of villains. We are ordered to terminate them all."

"What happened then?"

"The task was well performed. We were ordered to perform the task occasionally since then. My uncle believed that we had to be trained mentally as well as physically."

Suddenly she was feeling ill. Imagining defenseless people being slaughtered, they must have begged for mercy, they must have been in great terror. What kind of man Magnus' father was? He made slaying a part of the training for two young men. They were no more than boys at the time. They were probably underage. She blurted the question before she had the chance to consider it.

"He said he never killed anyone. Did he..."

She couldn't finish the sentence.

"No." He answered as if her mind could speak right to his.

"I did his part. Always. His father didn't know until now."

His cousin could never do such a thing. Magnus couldn't even see him completing the job, let alone doing it himself. He would leave the job to him, he always asked him to do it as quick and silent as he possibly could, so he didn't have to hear any scream of death.

"How did you feel about... about the task. It wasn't you who initiated it at the first place. Was it a burden to you?"

Or if he still had any conscience, is it a burden to him? It wasn't something one did and then forgot after some time.

"It doesn't matter. Like it or not, somebody has to do it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Somebody has to protect the weak and innocent. It's the purpose of what we do. If  we released those villains, what do you think would have happened then? Endless repetition of murder and rape to innocent people."

"Killing for self-defense or protecting the innocent is acceptable but killing the defenseless for a sort of training is horrible. Did you ever regret what you did?"

He remembered the terrible feeling of compunction that haunted him the first time he did it. He had battled with his conscience ever since.

"It was proven to be useful and necessary." He echoed the words of reassurance he used to put his mind at rest anytime a guilty conscience hit him.

"A couple of years ago, a group of mercenary soldiers invaded this land. This is one of the wealthiest district of the country. This whole region was occupied. They attacked the civils and took some of the women. As you know, this is not London when you can rely on the Royal Army as soon as the assault takes place. We could call for help but it would took at least two days for the help to come. Can you imagine how much damage and death would have happened during the wait?"

She had been living in a peaceful sheltered life in all her twenty years, she never imagined such dreadful things could happen in a quiet village.

"It was horrible. What happened next?"

"My uncle sent me, along with my cousin and a handful of men in a surprise attack on the legion in the middle of the night. Our mission succeeded with no victim on our side."

"Was there anyone left from the other side?"

"No. It would risk a deadly revenge in the future."

She shuddered at the image of the bloody night.

"Was he coming as well?"

"Yes."

"Did he participate in the..." She couldn't find a delicate word to say slaughter or massacre.

"He helped us to beat those men, but he left it to me and the other men to do the rest."

She almost expelled a sigh of relief. Absolutely grateful that her man wasn't a ruthless assassin like this one. However, it wasn't all his fault to be that savage and inhuman. The absence of his parents in his younger days had left him under total domination of his uncle. He was initiated into such outrageous acts at an early age. His uncle had transformed him into the savage brute he was now. How Magnus could remain pure and untainted was truly a miracle. Thanks to him for doing his part.

She watched the man before her in a mixture of pity and dread. He wasn't lovable, he was capable of monstrous acts of violence. How he could live with that, she had no idea. How he could still eat, how he could still sleep at night. It wasn't all his fault but he had been incorrigibly damaged.

As if he could hear her thoughts, he said quietly.

"I didn't take pleasure in killing. I didn't enjoy that. I did it because I had to." Ironically, he never hunted animals, he hate the idea of killing for enjoyment.

"I believe I served a bigger purpose by doing it, to protect the innocent from harm. I know I did it for the right reasons. But somehow it didn't feel right. Sometimes I feel one day I will get my punishment for playing God."

He blurted the long existing feeling that always haunted him in the darkest hour of the nights. He never expressed it to anyone.

"Somehow I know I will suffer my death in a painful and untimely way."

Strangely she was terribly horrified by the very idea.

"No! Don't say such things. It would never happen to you."

She felt a strong urge to purge him of the unwanted feelings.

"You are not the same with the villains, you saved many lives by... by eliminating them. It took a great deal of courage to do that."

Despite her condemnation of the slaying, she was saying reassuring words to ease his conscience.

"Think about how many women you saved from the worst thing could ever happen to them, how many children you saved from losing their parents. You did the right thing."

He was mute now, and she wasn't certain if he was feeling better or not. She never imagined she would ever see him somewhat tortured and vulnerable, compassion flamed in her bowels for him.

"People like me live their life everyday, going to work, doing their thing, not really knowing that there are some people stand somewhere to guard them, to defend them, to make sure everything goes well. We make our lives everyday in the security you provide."

No matter how dreadful and monstrous it might look, the bloodshed saved lives. She had learned it by firsthand experience. She might prefer a merciful, compassionate man for herself, but the world was full with threats and dangers, and it took people like him to deal with that. And ironically she felt grateful for his existence that Magnus didn't have to make his hands bloodstained. Magnus didn't have to be troubled and tortured and damaged.

"I'm sorry for being judgmental and unfair. We sleep peacefully when you fight for us and stain your hands with blood. Not everyone could do it. You have a greater responsibility than I can imagine. This world needs someone who will fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. Someone like you."

Someone who was tough enough to battle his troubled conscience and sacrifice his own peace for others' welfare.