Chapter 45

"You don't need to carry the burden forever. Anytime you feel the pain, just remember the many lives you saved, and not only in the present time. By saving them now, you also saved their future."

He had battled irrepressible guilt and uncertainty all along. He had hidden it beneath the cold surface. He never heard the opinion from another's perspective. It might not take the burden but somehow it lessened the weight. He turned his head towards her and found her watching him with a compassionate look in her eyes.

She was pure and genuine, she had never experienced such ugliness in her life. She was the bright morning sunshine and he was the black sky in the darkest hour of the night. His endless darkness would only steal her light. He had shed too much blood, his soul can never be purified. Even if they were in the same social standing, he would never fit her. She deserved a much better man.

"You still miss him, don't you?"

The question astonished her. She held her tongue, dared not to answer it. The next words stunned her even more.

"I wish I could let you see him again, but I can't..."

He halted several seconds.

"I can't betray his father. I owe him everything."

"Your uncle... Has he been kind to you all along?" She asked carefully.

"He has taken care of everything since... my father was away, before and after his death, and when I was too young to carry out the duty. He was the caretaker of this land and our family, and he did it selflessly, knowing the title, the power, the wealth went to someone else. Without him, this dukedom would have fallen apart during the hard times."

Surely he felt very indebted to his uncle, but she didn't find any expression of affection in his statement.

"He is almost like a father to you, isn't he?"

"He is like a father to me and much more, I can never pay him back. He is the most important person to me."

She could see that there was no emotional attachment, but he had unswerving loyalty to the older man. And such loyalty had the power to drive a person just as much.

She was contemplating him when he glanced at her, and she returned her focus on the canvas, seemed a little bit nervous. He had never been kind to her, he never knew he would hear kind words and reassurance from her. He felt sorry for her unfortunate relationship with his cousin. He wished he could take away the pain.

Again, a strand of hair fell over her eyes, impeding the view. She was just about to lift her hand to her face when he pushed her hand away gently. She looked up at him instantly, slightly taken aback by the lightness of his movement. He had never been gentle to her.

"You will make your face dirty." he said quietly.

His fingertips brushed her cheek lightly as he removed her hair so slowly, and she caught her breath with a sudden leap of heart. She looked straight into his eyes, the deep, glittering pool of blue, her heart beating rapidly in anticipation for... nothing. He tucked the hair back behind her ear, then he withdrew slowly and looked away, focusing on the canvas again. The faint trace of his fingers lingered on her skin like a warm caress. She breathed in relief it was not like what she had imagined. To her dismay, she also felt slightly disappointed. A sudden thought dreaded her. If truth be told, did she expect it to happen indeed?

It was because his extreme good looks, it was because his damnable charm, his nearness thrilled her like... like it would thrill any other girl. It was a natural attraction. She remembered years ago, father took her and Delilah to the theater, and they met the actor in the backstage. Delilah said she almost fainted when the actor greeted her and kissed her hand. Delilah said only hearing him say her name made her heart beat faster and her knees weakened. It was exactly like that. It was nothing like love. Not a chance, not at all. But still, she never felt like this before, just because of a simple gesture. She never felt this way for any man, until now.

Her mind was occupied with alarming questions as she walked home afterward. A carriage moved past her and slowed down, stopping right before her.

"Ava, dear. Where are you going?" A cheerful, familiar voice reached her, Lady Byrne's plump face appeared from the carriage window.

"Come in! I'll ride you home."

"That's very kind of you, my lady, but ..."

Lady Byrne waved her hand to stop the unnecessary politeness.

"We haven't seen each other these days, come on, let's have some talk."

She climbed into the carriage and found Mrs. Puck, the lady's old friend. They exchanged polite greetings and had a pleasant conversation.

"Ava dear, are you in a hurry? Do you need to go home very soon?"

"No, milady."

"Good, you have to go with us shopping. Find yourself some new dresses, darling. I'll pay for the purchases."

"What? You don't need to..."

Lady Byrne waved her hand again and cut her in.

"No big deal, actually it's me who's going to need your help, darling. My companion is taking a leave for a full month to take care of her sick mother and I have nobody to help carrying my things and escorting me anywhere. I probably will need some help from you within the time, but we'll talk about it later, after we're done with the shopping. I can't wait to see Marguerite's new collections..."

Ava couldn't quite fathom what the lady wanted from her. Soon they were strolling around the largest street in the town with dozens of the finest shops in both sides. Lady Byrne picked up this and that in almost every shop they passed by. The lady bought Ava some fine dresses too, and no matter how hard she tried to refuse, the lady fixed her with unshakable persistence. Ava watched in amazement of the heap of boxes in her hands, mostly the lady's purchases, but some of them were gifts for her.

They stopped at a little cafe in the corner of the street and had some muffins and tea. Ava was thinking about what was behind the lady's excessive generosity when suddenly the lady sprang up and dragged her from the table.

"We better get away from here! Quick! Betty, hurry, now!" The lady scurried down the street.

"My lady! What a pleasant surprise!"

A feminine voice called out from behind them. Lady Byrne halted at once.

"Drat..." The lady muttered quietly in the most unladylike manner. She spun on her heels very, very slowly. Ava turned to the same direction and saw a woman walking toward them.

The woman had a beautiful face, though not in classic English sort of way. She had a pair of provocative eyes, flirtatious and confident, along with a luscious mouth that seemed to smile mockingly most of the time. Her waist-length red hair flaming under the sun. Though she wasn't tall, she had a sultry body, deliciously curved the length of her in all the right places.

"Amanda..." Lady Byrne nodded primly and returned her greeting properly.

"It's been a long time."

"I sure didn't expect to see you here. Hello, Mrs. Puck." She glanced shortly to the lady's friend.

"You certainly may not leave now, we should have some talk." Amanda took the lady's hand, then she noticed Ava was standing next to the lady. Amanda stopped and stared at her, her eyes brushing her from head to toe, then back to her face.

"Your new maid?" She asked Lady Byrne, her eyes still lingering on her.

"Quite charming. Is she French?"

"Miss Ava Banks is a friend of mine, and she is a true-born Englishwoman. Ava dear, this is Amanda Bailey."

"It was, now I'm Mrs. Amanda Chapman." She corrected smugly, not bothering to nod or make a polite gesture toward her. Ava noticed quickly Amanda didn't care a bit of the introduction. She dragged the reluctant Lady Byrne back to the cafe.

The next minute, they were listening to Amanda talking about her spectacular honeymoon around Venice, France and Italy. From the conversation, Ava figured out that Amanda was born and raised in this town. She got married to a rich merchant about a year ago and moved with her husband to another town. Now she was visiting her parents.

"This county looks just the same as the last time I was here. Tell me, is there a new gossip, news, everything? Who's courting who? Who's marrying who?"

"The most anticipated event would be the duke's wedding."

Mrs. Puck replied enthusiastically.

"Do you know His Grace is going to marry the king's niece in a few months?"

"The king's niece? Wow, that's great! What a lucky lady."

"She is a very elegant lady. I've never seen anyone quite like her." said Mrs. Puck.

"I'll tell you a story if you promise me to keep it a secret." said Amanda, a mischievous smile touched her lips.

"The duke and I were lovers, and I'm his first woman."