Chapter 43

Day 5

When she arrived this morning, he was standing before the lake, staring at the distance as though he was deep in thoughts. She pointedly ignored him and headed to the door, not bothering to make a polite greeting. She swore she would not say a word to him ever again. She entered the studio and changed her clothes quickly. When she was walking to the settee, something caught her eye.

A picture of a beautiful woman put on an easel next to the painting collection. Deeply fascinated, she moved closer, staring thoroughly at the painting. Although the woman in the painting held a little resemblance with him, she knew immediately who she was. She had a tender looking pair of hazel eyes. Unlike him, her whole expression was kind and gentle.

"You're right."

His voice startled her all in a sudden. She turned her head instantly and saw him standing beside her. He was staring at the picture.

"She wanted me to remember her."

"How did you know?"

All the intention for absolute reticence during the hours slipped away, unintentionally forgotten in his presence.

"I found a letter from her."

"A long lost letter?"

"It wasn't lost. Actually I have abandoned it for years."

He made a short pause, as if he was scared his voice would crack and tremble.

"I left the last gift from her unopened in over a decade, until last night."

There was something about him that so sad and forlorn, and an unexpected tenderness roused inside her.

"It's not supposed to be easy, isn't it? To go through such experience at an early age. Not many who can undergo a situation like yours."

He turned his head to meet her eyes and said softly.

"I have to thank you. If not for you, I would never find it."

Her cheeks crested with embarrassment, and she said something to divert his attention.

"It must be a heartfelt gift."

His eyes darted down at something in his hand.

"She gave me this, along with the letter."

In an unconscious ease, she approached him to have a look at the necklace in his hand. Contrasting to the size of his hand, the beautifully engraved locket looked tiny and delicate. He opened the locket in his palm carefully, the portrait inside stared back at her. Knowing that he shared something meaningful from his past with her evoked a queer feeling, mixed with a slight wistfulness.

"It's a very thoughtful gift. Why don't you wear it?"

He considered her question for several seconds.

"I don't wear jewelry."

"I think she gave you a necklace with her portrait inside with a purpose. She wanted you to hold her next to your heartbeat."

"Really? How did you know?"

"I read it in some book."

She knew some people wore a tiny painting of their beloved as a bracelet close to the pulsing vein or a pendant close to the beating heart. She always thought the idea was so romantic.

"Do you think she would want me to wear this?"

She nodded, smiling at him sincerely.

"Close to you is where she truly belong. I'm sure there's nowhere she'd rather be."

He lifted his gaze to hers and looked straight into her eyes. He looked mesmerized as if she just cast a spell on him, but his eyes had their charm too, they held her spellbound. For a moment, they just stood and stared into each other's eyes. Something shifted and stirred in the air around them. Suddenly she got aware of the peculiar sensation, the curious atmosphere that always surrounding her in some certain moments with him. She stepped back, as though she wanted to step out from the invisible mystic fog.

He blinked, and the magic dispersed as if the spell had been broken. He looked away several seconds before looking down on the necklace in his hand again. He put it in his pocket. Close to his throbbing heart, as she said, he couldn't remember her words precisely, but she meant something like that. She was terribly romantic, and she had her way of touching his heart.

With each passing day, he found that she wasn't a cunning woman like he imagined at first. He recalled his mockery and cruelty to her in the past, and felt a sudden strong feeling of remorse, imagining how bad he had hurt her. She didn't deserve all the pain and suffering he had caused her. He cast his eyes down on the glossed black leather of his boot, his mouth slightly opened as he struggled to utter a word. He took a breath in a quiet sigh instead, before finally said.

"I should apologize for the misery I caused you."

She was dazed, couldn't believe what she heard. She stared at him with rounded eyed surprise. To hear kind words from him was unimaginable, but to hear an apology from him was a miracle. At least it was for her.

"I'm sorry I stand in your way. It must be hell for you."

He struggled to choke the words out, and the way he delivered it with pain in his voice, made her heart squeezed.

Since it was simply unexpected, it took a while for her to reply.

"Never mind that now. His parents would have done it if you didn't. He and I, we're simply a mismatch. If I knew right from the start he was of nobility, I would be reasonable to never let myself get in any kind of entanglement with him."

"It's a shame you couldn't have been made more decent."

She watched his expression carefully, wondered if he was being sarcastic, but she saw true remorse in his eyes.

"I wish I got to know you earlier..." he said.

'so I can claim your heart first.' whispered his inner voice.

"... so I wouldn't have treated you so bad."

It moved her heart knowing that he meant it. Strangely, she felt a curious need to soothe him.

"It's all right. It's probably for the best. It would not end well between me and him."

He answered with silence as words failed him. What did he suppose to say about it? In another life, she might have a happy ending with any man she loved, but for now, unfortunately she was simply doomed to be unmarriageable.

"The hour grows late already, shall we start?" she said, desperate to break the long, awkward silence. They started and everything went just like the days before.

"How did you know me when we first met?" she asked him after some time. She had always been curious about it from the first time.

"I saw you in Lady Godwin's evening soiree." He replied without moving his gaze from the canvas.

"Really?" Her brows drawn as she tried to remember that night.

"I only stayed for a couple of minutes because... my betrothed had to attend another event, and I had never been introduced to you."

"Everybody knew you. You were the talk of the town at the time."

She felt slightly embarrassed, recalling how she stirred a commotion everywhere she went at the time. Men stopped to stare and women whispered to each other behind their fans.

"We were leaving shortly after my betrothed greeted the host. You surely just had a short glimpse of me. How could you still remember my face?"

"How could I not?"

What was the meaning behind his answer? It was like he was saying her face was not easy to forget.

"I guess nothing escapes your eagle eye. I was styled and dressed to perfection in London, it's curious how you could still recognize me when I looked so plain and poorly dressed."

"That didn't eclipse you."

It was just short, simple words, but she was flattered. Was it her imagination or was he flirting subtly with her right now? It roused her curiosity. He made ambiguous remarks that sounded almost like a compliment. And it became harder to interpret since he said it casually, without a teasing glance or a playful smile. He was unpredictable. One moment he was callous, next he was indeed toned with softness. He was anything but a man of her dream, but he seemingly had a mysterious way to charm her. Much to her surprise, the hours flew by so fast today. It didn't feel long and torturing like the days before. It rather felt quite comfortable, she thought she could be used to it. The thought startled her. How could she think of something like that? There must be something wrong with her.

As she made her way home, walking down the street in relentless disturbance, she saw three village girls starring in fascination as a young handsome lad walked past them. The man was really good looking indeed, though not as stunning as the duke. No man could be as mesmerizingly handsome as he was. The man smiled flirtatiously to the girls and they blushed and giggled in excitement.

"Don't hope too much, Emma, or it's going to break your heart." One of the girl said between giggles.

"Don't be ridiculous." The girl beside her replied playfully.

"It's just a silly crush, not like I'm going to fall hopelessly in love with him."

That was right. It was just something like that. An attraction that sparked in a situation where she was trapped alone with him within hours. In addition, his sad story had tugged at her heartstrings, it made her develop a tender feeling for him. She didn't need to trouble herself with worry and guilt. It took times for a simple attraction to grow into something more, and their time together would soon come to an end. Henceforth, this delicate feeling would soon fade away with the passage of time.

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